A Sign of Trouble for the Bush Administration
Today's news reports that the Optimist Club is closing.
What is our country coming to when the optimists no longer wish to exist?
Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.
Today's news reports that the Optimist Club is closing.
As we enter the holiday season, let me share what my mother gave me last year:
Several counties in Florida have reported that as many as one in seven senior citizens is infected with HIV. The National Institute of Health calls this a serious health problem, and President Bush calls this his solution to the social security problem.
There is a relaxation method--what kind I don't know, I was to busy to pay attention--where one finds peace through finding your center. I never realized how important it is to find your center until this weekend. Donovan McNabb should have followed this technique: Find your center.
Some great but sick signs:
One of my favorite childhood memories was of a school teacher who wore a beehive hairdo. In retrospect, I think schools should automatically conduct thorough background searches on any applicant a for school position who wears a beehive hairdo. Yet, when we were young, we didn't think anything at all about the fact that our teacher wore a beehive hairdo, except for the fact that, being children, our thoughts run along the lines such as "look at that psycho with the strange hairdo."
I always wondered about researchers who get grants to spend several years watching an animal in the animal's natural habitat. I always figured, if it were me, I would win an award to study some rare albino animal and how to adapts to its surroundings, I would be provided two years of substance, and after settling in the depths of the wildnerness with my cameras and blank journals, on my first day of following the albino animal, it’ll get eaten by another animal.
Even though I have met three people who were in "Poseidon Adventure", I never saw the movie until last night.
I have always wondered what it is that causes two people to connect. Personally, I have found I connect with three types of women: those who agree to go out with me and then cancel before the date, those who agree to go out with me and don't cancel but then don't show up, and those very few who do show up and after a wonderful evening tell me that, although they have successfully hidden their sex addictions, being with me has shown them they don't have to have sex with every man they meet.
Cairo is under seige from locust. Press reports stated the locust are "of Biblical proportions". Now, if I ever saw a locust the size of a Bible, I'd leave the place.
Several years ago, when I was a little over 30 years old, an intern and college student named Keith and I were traveling when Keith wanted to run into McDonald's. It was there that I received the realization of how teenagers view anyone over age 30. Keith put in his order and I stated all I wanted was a coffee. The teenager behind the counter repeated the order back to us by restating Keith's order, and then added, as to my order, "and one senior citizen coffee".
The initial test of the NASA X-43A jet that is designed to travel at a speed of 7,000 miles per hour was delayed due to disagreement within the scientists who created the NASA X43A jet. According to one anonymous scientist, "Last thing I remember is, I gave the keys to Joe." In response, another anonymous delcared "I gave the keys back. I have no idea what Ralph did with them afterwards."
I never know how to tip or what to tip. Part of the problem is: no one will tell you what is expected. We're always told to "tip what you think is appropriate." No, what I want to know is, "what amount of money are you expecting from me so that the next time I ever see you don't do something disguisting to whatever service it is you provide me." I want to see a price list in writing.
I saw Deana Martin, the woman whose father Dean could never remember how to spell her name (Dean, Deana: it is hard to figure out how to get from one name to the other). She told how her father sang "Noel" on his television show and (pretended to, I hope) read a mistake on the cue cards and sang "Leon", instead. She thought it was funny. I told her, as my name is Leon, how students came into school the next day and sang "Leon". Her father was a great influence.
One humorous incident I recall was when I was once reading a friend's publication. His writings included lists of many technical things that probably very people read. If fact, he suspected no one read it, except for this one woman who we suspected was plagaraizing his writings.
A funny thing happened to me once when I was in New Orleans. Keep in mind, this was in New Orleans, which is a city known for its tolerance of various unique kinds of behavior.
A woman said yesterday that her pregnant friend would probably have an early birth because she is so big. Everyone in the room had the same thought, but no one dared say it: No, your friend was big to begin with. Her being big now has only marginally to be with being pregnant.
i n t r a n e t --- 2 0 0 4
The Bush Administration is ushering in a new morality. The acting President they have put in power in Iraq, Ghazi al-Yawa, has three wives (although there are some doubts over the legality of one of the three marriages. It may have been one of the Britney Spears type things where we're not certain if the marriage took.) Well, I am glad the Moral Majority appreciate the insistence upon morality in our actions. I believe selecting Ghazi al-Yawa may have helped Bush with public support in parts of Utah.
I should have realized I was in for trouble when we went to a new restaurant where the sign read "All You Eat for $10". We thought maybe it was run by people who had a poor command of English. No, it was a restaurant of one serving of small portions and a waiter who proclaims, "for ten dollars, that's all you eat."
Yesterday, the press wrongly announced that Yassar Arafat had died. It appears that the announcement was based on inaccurate exit pollings. As ballots from physicians at the hospital were actually counted, the results began showing different results. NBC was the first network to project that Yassar Arafat was in fact still alive. Fox News reported that not only had Arafat died but that he was risen from the dead. CBS meanwhile reported they had information that Arafat never served in Viet Nam. No one was watching ABC to learn what they were broadcasting. When reached for comment, Chevy Chase responded by confirming that Francisco Franco was still dead.
I overheard some people pointing in my direction once and whispering to each other. One person said "Is that Russell Crowe?" The other person replied "Yes, I think that is Russell Crowe." My momentary delight at having people think I look like Russell Crowe was quickly dashed when I overheard one of them then state "boy, Russell Crowe has really let himself go."
Someone asked me if a pair of twins had reached their 21st birthday yet. I asked one if she was 21. She responded "I am, but I'm not certain if my sister is."
You are reading the ONLY blog that lists "William Shatner" as one of the blogger's favorite singers. I feel honored. Seriously, I think William Shatner is doing a great job on "Boston Legal". Someone asked if I am a Trekkie. You mean William Shatner was on "Star Trek"? I learn something every day.
Yesterday was election day. I received a recorded phone message from my good friend Bill Clinton. As I listened, I wondered if the people sending these calls out ever bothered to listen to this message. The recording had Bill Clinton mentioning to people getting the calls on election day that TOMORROW, the day after the election day, was election day and telling people to vote TOMORROW.
Trajedy always saddens me. I hate to read about airplane crashes. Yet, each time I read about parachutists perishing in a plane crash, I always wonder: why didn't they just jump?
Osama Bin Laden has had steadier employment in the past four years than most Pennsylvanians. The fact Bush did not pay attention to capturing Bin Laden, and the fact that Bush did not pay attention to the large job losses in Pennsylvania means one thing tomorrow: Kerry will carry Pennsylvania.
The economy may make a difference in this election after all. The winner of the election tomorrow will be determined by turn out: whose voters are more apt to make it to the polls and stand in the long lines and cast their ballots. With two million more unemployed since Bush took office, that means there are two million more voters that don't have to worry about getting to work while standing in line. Guess which candidate they're voting for.
I do not believe in curses. I believe sporting events are determined by ability and desire. To claim the Red Sox won baseball's World Championship this year because a curse has been liften diminishes the great athletic ability and determination of the fine Red Sox players.
Yesterday, I received a recorded phone message of Spike Lee telling me to vote Democratic. The message was fine. What I found amusing was after Spike Lee was finished telling me to vote Democratic, a disclaimer followed stating the call was paid for by a nonpartisan group that supports neither candidate nor either political party.