Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: October 2008

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

A Theory of the Texting Class

A disaster has happened in Manhattan. It seems an entire generation of people texting each other has become so engrossed in their texting that they have all collided into each other and are unable to move. Unfortunately, they are too busy texting each other to realize they have clogged all the sidewalks and street traffic on the island. The entire borough of people are unable to move and are feared to be in danger of starvation. Airlifted food is being dropped onto the population below, yet it is believe they still are too busy texting to observe the food falling on them. A disaster of serious proportions is feared.

I recently saw the movie “The Theory of the Leisure Class”. It is a superb movie I recommend readers to see. Tuesday Knight is excellent in the lead role and the supporting cast is all terrific, a rarity amongst movies. The movie also reminded me of the joke I once told to the smallest audience that could appreciate it. I once stated that I wanted to be the first person to provide an English translation to the works of Thorstein Veblen. A few economists and sociologists would laugh because they were aware that Veblen actually wrote in English, but his writing style was such that very few people could ever make any sense out of what he was writing. He was often held as the example of someone who, if you make it sound like you knew what you were saying, people assumed you were actually saying something. Indeed, he may have been saying something, as he is credited for the first explorations into such topic of conspicuous consumption and conspicuous leisure where people tend to buy things they don’t need and attempt to avoid work under the theory they believe they are too important. You know, like most of southern California. Anyway, I see Amber Benson and Gabriel Bologna have beaten me to the first English translation of “The Theory of the Leisure Class” with an excellent script, which, according to my reading , is an exact word for word translation of the original book. (That was a joke, for those not familiar with the movie and the book. This will be one of the few cases people will walk away stating “the movie was much better”.)

It was also good to see Amber Benson turning out such a good script. We didn’t do a movie together years ago. I believe I am listed as a Third Assistant Deputy Associate to the Honorary Producer on the movie “Hollywood, Pa.” which starred Amber Benson. The movie was never released. I warned them: if they had made me the Second Assistant Deputy Associate to the Honorary Producer, then the movie would have been released.

Knock knock.
Where’s there?
The Who?
Why yes, it is Roger Daltry and Pete Townsend.

For some time, I had a license plate listed on my MySpace page. Unfortunately, someone thought it was obscene, objected, and had MySpace take it down. Of course, I realize that not everyone has heard the story, so let me please repeat this to explain why I had a license plate on my profile page.

My great grandfather was one of the earlier people in Connecticut to purchase an automobile. When Connecticut began issuing license plates, they issued them as A1, A2, A3, etc. When they ran out of Z license plates, they began issuing AA plates, AB plates, etc.
My great grandfather received license plate "FU 2".
So, this was our true license plate, issued by the State of Connecticut. I am sorry if it offended anyone, but, you can't fight City Hall. If they insist we be "FU 2", that's who we had to be.
So, to the person who had MySpace take down my license plate, all I can is: "Read my license plate."

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Maybe It Will Be a Dodgers - Angels Traffic Jam Series

My luck is improving. I won two lotteries for postseason baseball tickets, for the first time ever. Yes, I won lotteries for both Yankees and Mets tickets.

I have decided I want McCain to lose because I want Sarah Palin to be added to the cast of “Saturday Night Live”. She would make a terrific comedian, and they need someone to replace Tina Fey, who won’t be needed after McCain is defeated.

My cousin has never been to a restaurant before. He was really disappointed. He told me unlike the fresh meat he can get on his farm, the restaurant served him meat that was at least a day old. Then they tried to hide the fact it was old meat by putting another taste over it, something called Hollandaise sauce and caviar. Fortunately, he was able to scrape most of the sauce off and he put the caviar in his pocket to use later as bait. He then noticed something else on the plate. It was something called broccoli. He wasn’t sure if it was a vegetable or if it was decoration. He bit into it and spit it out. Must have been decoration after all. He also learned not to point at a painting of cats they had on the wall and ask if that was what they were serving.

Of course, my dining experiences aren’t much better. I went to a recently opened restaurant operated by a foreigner who doesn’t quite understand our culture. I went to wash my hands, and the owners kept yelling at me that only employees are allowed to wash their hands. The government even made him put up a sign.

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