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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: October 2014

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Sunday, October 05, 2014

We E't Tweets


I thought the last stage in Secret Service training for White House duty was "learn to lock the door."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  4h 4 hours ago
It turns out Edward Frein was not hiding at all. He was appearing on a new NBC sitcom. That's why no one could find him.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  16h 16 hours ago
You have to admit, the Nationals and the Giants together have a far better bullpen that the Tigers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  16h 16 hours ago
Wait, the story about Prince Charles dating Barbra Streisand is real and not a fake comedy story? Now, that's funny.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 4
There were lessons learned in Korea forgotten in Vietnam, lessons learned in Vietnam forgotten in Iraq, lessons learned in Iraq….
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 3
You know, I haven't been feeling well since my vacation in Liberia. I think a stroll around Times Square will help.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"This candidate is lower than the heels of some Jimmy Choos." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"This candidate is so dirty, she was a virgin at her wedding and still couldn't wear a white wedding dress." #fPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"This candidate has changed views more than there are shades of lipstick." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"The candidate has been bought by special interests so often, you can find him in a Goodwill discount bin." #PoliticsWentLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"If these candidates were Black Friday, they wouldn't have to open stores until Saturday." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"These candidates are so similar together they could form a pair of stilettos." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"This candidate has been unsuccessful so long this candidate has gone from the top floor to Macy's basement." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"Vote for the new chiffon dress candidate. The opponent is only a used polyester blouse."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
Although, since so many people use sports analogies when describing elections, maybe it is time to also use dress buying analogies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
I like the Tom Corbett ad that choosing who to vote for is like buying a wedding dress, because so many male voters will relate.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"Why, yes, the Senator agrees that ebola is a CDC plot to turn all Red Party members into zombies."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
Big business does best when a Republican is President. The national economy does best when a Democrat is President. Might be a connection?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"Atlanta? The Atlanta Braves? When did the Braves move out of Boston?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
You fix a prostitute problem and then someone leaves a door unlocked. You just can not think of everything."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
I feel bad the head of the Secret Service has to be the fall person, Would we all be happier had they killed the deranged intruder?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
The head of the Secret Service will turn in her badge, as soon as she remembers where she put the badge.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
So, who else is all excited that Alex Rodriguez returns next season?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
"Yes, Obama created ebola to declare martial law and seize power. You also believe elves bake cookies in trees, don't you?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
Teacher defends bullied student, mother of bully complains, school fires teacher. Arizona, still stuck in the 20th century.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
Inmate enters unlocked room, rapes typist, she sues, state claims rape was her fault. Pennsylvania, still stuck in the 20th century.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 30
Who is Nashville thought Predators is a good name for a hockey team? What was the runner-up choice, the Peeping Toms?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 29
I have yet to find out how good my memory is. I can never remember to take the memory test.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 23
Liberals and conservations smell different? No wonder Secret Service assumes I'm a dangerous radical.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 23
Today I rode a cab with video news for passengers. It announced "Joan Rivers has a life threatening illness."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 18
Breaking news: Richard the Third died from being hacked to death. Eventually forensics will get to the backlog of modern crime analysis.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 18
"I know my limit. I always stop after 14 glasses of wine."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky retweeted
 Bobbie Oliver @thebobbieoliver  ·  Sep 18
PLEASE RETWEET if you think @Support @twitter should do more (i.e. anything)  about harassment and threats made on its site
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 18
"Hey, man, like anyone notice ever since they legalized pot in Denver that, like, we're selling much more pizza?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 16
Wow, Penn is both the best college to get and education and the best party school. You gotta party hard to learn.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 15
I still think Robin Thicke is one of the greatest songwriters ever.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 15
Django may be unchained, but Daniele Watts wasn't.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 15
The Yankees, Mets, and Giants may all stink, but when it comes to Miss America contests, New York knows how to win.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 15
"Your column is off today. Were you not drunk when you wrote it?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 15
I never got the results back from my memory test because I keep forgetting to take the test.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 14
"Young lady, you are not wearing that Columbian cycling uniform to school."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 13
What would a car chase on the 405 even look like? I presume, of course, the driver and police are all on foot.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 12
Well, we learned that amphetamines do not help batting averages.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 12
RIP Denny Miller, a great guy and wonderful actor. A great talent has been lost.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 11
Please visit Philadelphia. They need to make up the $210,000 embezzled from Visit Philadelphia.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 11
A pet alligator has been rescued at a food store. Who takes their pet alligator with them when shopping?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 11
Why am I just now learning that you are supposed to tip 20 per cent and NOT 20 cents? #LeSeanMcCoy
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
RIP Richard Kiel, another great friend and talent who shall be remembered well.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
New York Times prints correction that Dick Cheney was President. No, NYT, you were right, he served as President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
A Tom Wolf for Governor actor appeared in a horror film. Ronald Reagan appeared with a chimp. What does it matter?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
We did it. Our petition to get Sarah Silverman to host SNL is the only reason why they picked her to host, honest. #SarahSilverman
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Hey, like, welcome to Colorado. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Welcome to Virginia, where oral sex is illegal. Keep driving, you perverts. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Welcome to Ct. Yeah, we can't spell the full name either. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Welcome to New York. The smell is New Jersey. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 8
It is good you signed Patty Duke but why didn't you also sign the woman who played her identical cousin?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 8
Yeah! My alma mater was named "Best College 2015". Of course, when I went there it was consider the dredge of society.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 8
Stephen Hawking has figured out how to destroy the entire universe. Great, now some elementary school science nerd will probably do it.

 
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