Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: July 2011

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Smell My Tweet

Atheist organization looking for a "pitch person". I pray to God I get the job.
about 20 hours ago via web
Delete . @lindahamilton What? Even you won't go to the prom with me?
Thursday, July 21, 2011 11:06:04 AM via web
Delete . I wonder how Rupert Murdoch would react if the press reported he engaged in a Nazi themed gay sex orgy.
Thursday, July 21, 2011 9:13:41 AM via web
Delete . To the guy texting while bicycling in vehicle traffic: how you tried the suicide prevention hotline instead?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011 8:57:54 AM via web
Delete . Sherwood Schwartz funeral is today at 3. It will be repeated at 5, 6:30, and 8.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011 10:37:03 AM via web
Delete . My condolenses to family and friends of Charlie Sheen's, whose death was incorrectly reported earlier today,
Wednesday, July 13, 2011 9:04:59 AM via web
Delete . I am sorry to hear Sarah Palin state she can be elected President. Before, I never realized that she was delusional
Tuesday, July 12, 2011 10:29:18 AM via web
Delete . The good part of the News Corp hacking scandal is it shows they didn't just make up these stories afterall.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011 10:19:23 AM via web
Delete . @MilaKunis Wait, you're going to the prom afterall, after you told me you weren't going?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011 10:10:09 AM via web
Delete . Everyone stand for the playing of the "Star Spangled Banner." #ifwoodstockweretoday
Monday, July 11, 2011 4:33:39 PM via web
Delete . "This next song is dedicated to Ronald Reagan, who was a great President." #ifwoodstockweretoday
Monday, July 11, 2011 9:36:41 AM via web
Delete . "Avoid the green ecstacy." #ifwoodstockweretoday
Monday, July 11, 2011 9:36:02 AM via web
Delete . "Give me a k, what's that spell? Anyone? Anyone?" #ifwoodstockweretoday
Monday, July 11, 2011 9:35:04 AM via web
Delete . If marriage was good enough for Jesus, it should be good enough for everyone.
Sunday, July 10, 2011 10:44:35 AM via web
Delete . @Molly23 Actually, the correct term is "intellectually disabled" as in "Lindsay and Paris disabled their intellectual abilities".
Friday, July 08, 2011 3:04:08 PM via web in reply to Molly23

Delete . Rick Perry supported Gore for Pres; Romney supported gvrnmnt health care; Pawlenty believed in climate change. Hey, right wing, being duped?
Friday, July 08, 2011 2:18:38 PM via web
Delete . Yeah, who thinks the report that bombs may be planted in implants was a story created by a horny TSA employee?
Thursday, July 07, 2011 5:25:34 PM via web
Delete . Before, nerds did not know how to speak with women. Now with social media, no one knows how to speak with women.
Thursday, July 07, 2011 8:58:38 AM via web
Delete . Do you have advice for people who procrastinate and submit questions after the event? #AskObama
Wednesday, July 06, 2011 4:56:42 PM via web
Delete . How can the Mormon Church be against gay marriage? They traditionally supported the right of two or more women to marry.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011 9:50:48 AM via web
Delete . Facebook announces its users are 52% female and 44% male. Which must mean that 4% have confused sexuality.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011 8:43:07 AM via web
Delete . Casey Anthony will devote the rest of her life to finding the real killers.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011 8:27:31 AM via web
Delete . John Hagee meets and encourages Rick Perry to run for President. In 2008, McCain rejected Hagee's endorsement. My, how times change.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011 3:32:10 PM via web
Delete . I wonder if Disney filmed one of those "I'm going to Disney World" commercials with Casey Anthony.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011 2:41:30 PM via web
Delete . @SethMacFarlane You know, Casey Anthony could fill the role of Stewie's new girlfriend.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011 2:29:48 PM via web
Delete . @SethMacFarlane Have you considered hiring poor Casey Anthony, a media personality who clearly needs new work?
Tuesday, July 05, 2011 2:28:38 PM via web
Delete . I am confused. So, using chloroform on your child is good parenting?
Tuesday, July 05, 2011 2:26:04 PM via web
Delete . The Casey Anthony verdict is due. Florida courts are slow: they will announce their decision either for Bush or for Gore.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011 1:58:52 PM via web
Delete . I hope Casey Anthony is found innocent and set free. I would like to ask her out.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011 12:29:17 PM via web
Delete . Hacked Fox News tweets claim Obama is a, wait, those are the real tweets.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011 10:27:08 AM via web
Delete . If Mark Halperin had said Anthony Weiner is a dick, most would have agreed and he would still be on the air.
Monday, July 04, 2011 1:15:55 PM via web
Delete . Why do you need to clean that closet? Maybe you wish to keep what is in it? #yokoQandA
Monday, July 04, 2011 1:01:08 PM via web
Delete . Mark Halperin should just have used the word "weiner" instead. Anthony has made that word perfectly acceptable.
Thursday, June 30, 2011 5:28:18 PM via web
Delete . When Denise Richards announced she had adopted a child, I thought they meant she was back with Charlie Sheen.
Thursday, June 30, 2011 5:14:34 PM via web
Delete . I will not make jokes about people with mental deficiencies, so, no Tracy Morgan jokes here.
Thursday, June 30, 2011 11:17:29 AM via web
Delete . LulzSec here. We were going to mess up this account, but it is messed up enough already.
Thursday, June 30, 2011 10:52:42 AM via web
Delete . Both my parents are African American. Being white, I am beginning to suspect my mother cheated on my father,
Thursday, June 30, 2011 10:14:10 AM via web
Delete . Although, if I could marry a gay---Anne Heche, what do you think of an old dude?
Thursday, June 30, 2011 10:13:26 AM via web
Delete . If you don't like gay marriage, then don't marry a gay. What do you care what others do? If it bothers you, it's your issue, not theirs.
Thursday, June 30, 2011 10:11:38 AM via web
Delete . Gays from outside NY can marry but still have no rights when they return. Sort of like what most men married to women already find.
Thursday, June 30, 2011 10:10:37 AM via web
Delete . Charlie Sheen admits using steroids while filming "Major League". Yeah, like that's the worst thing he's done.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011 8:47:53 PM via web
Delete . News Corporation is relinquishing MySpace. I wonder how much they will pay someone to take it over?
Tuesday, June 28, 2011 1:38:26 PM via web
Delete . I think the odds of a UFO flying here to appear over BBC are about the same as a UFO flying here to appear over Universal Studios.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011 8:39:15 AM via web
Delete . It just hit me: has anyone seen Joe Biden's birth certificate?
Monday, June 27, 2011 6:14:16 PM via web
Delete . Caution: Cigarette smoking may cloud your judgement and cause you to tweet photos of your genitals to the press.
Sunday, June 26, 2011 2:20:27 PM via web
Delete . 35,000 died today of lack of food and proper health care. Meanwhile, in America, a woman is getting her buttocks x-rayed. News reports soon.
Saturday, June 25, 2011 11:44:56 AM via web
Delete . I hate everytime I buy a dress for four million dollars, I bring it home, and it is the wrong size.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011 8:36:51 AM via web
Delete . Although we have never met, I love you. Shouldn't we all love more people we've never met? #yokoQandA
Monday, June 20, 2011 9:41:23 AM via web
Delete . I love the Sheriff quoted in the press stating "we don't get many people killed by flying bears".
Friday, June 17, 2011 2:23:58 PM via web
Delete . No rioting for you, eh, Miami?
Thursday, June 16, 2011 8:39:11 AM via web
Delete . @Vancouver No, no, you only riot when your team wins. Read the rules book.
Thursday, June 16, 2011 8:38:44 AM via web
Delete . @geneweingarten How often do you need to feed a pet llama? Dalai.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011 5:54:22 PM via web in reply to geneweingarten

Delete . There was a brothel on White House grounds as the White House was constructed. It was finally closed by Hillary.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011 5:46:00 PM via web
Delete . The Eastern Mountain Lion, declared extinct last year, is not extinct after all...oops, never mind.
Sunday, June 12, 2011 5:07:49 PM via web
Delete . June 21, 5-8 am, Central Park. I will come from out of state to be there. One note by voice. Anything else I need to know? #yokoQandA
Friday, June 10, 2011 12:25:33 PM via web
Delete . Of course Alex Baldwin lives in New York City and may run for Mayor. Everyone knows he lives at 30 Rockefeller Plaza.
Friday, June 10, 2011 12:21:51 PM via web
Delete . Foursquare alert: having early lunch with buds Angelina and Brad at the McDonald's on 17th Street.
Wednesday, June 08, 2011 10:59:10 AM via web
Delete . Merkel gives Hillary photo of their midsections. Hillary returns favor with photo of midsection of Anthony Weiner.
Wednesday, June 08, 2011 8:59:31 AM via web
Delete . All hail the midnight ride of the man who warned Boston that Sarah Palin was arriving.
Monday, June 06, 2011 3:07:58 PM via web
Delete . I hate when I can't remember if I sent out the Twitter photos of my weiner or if a hacker did.
Thursday, June 02, 2011 8:02:44 AM via web
Delete . @RickSantorum I don't want to marry my goldfish. We will just remain friends.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011 10:58:51 AM via web
Delete . Nixon asked to get pizza after filming the fake moon landing. #11wordsdeletedfromPentagonPapers
Monday, May 30, 2011 11:32:19 AM via web
Delete . Why is it that William Rogers can't score any decent pot? #11wordsdeletedfromPentagonPapers
Sunday, May 29, 2011 3:55:44 PM via web
Delete . That Texas Rep. George Bush sure has one disturbingly psychotic son. #11wordsdeletedfromPentagonPapers
Sunday, May 29, 2011 3:53:28 PM via web
Delete . It's a good thing no one noticed Humphrey actually won the election. #11wordsdeletedfromPentagonPapers
Sunday, May 29, 2011 3:51:06 PM via web
Delete . Daniel Ellsberg is going a superb job. He should be promoted. #11wordsdeletedfromPentagonPapers
Sunday, May 29, 2011 3:49:41 PM via web
Delete . Rose Mary Woods keeps asking where to file the deleted transcripts. #11wordsdeletedfromPentagonPapers
Sunday, May 29, 2011 3:47:52 PM via web
Delete . Oops. Kissenger said "let's get bombed," not let's start some bombing. #11wordsdeletedfromPentagonPapers
Sunday, May 29, 2011 3:45:58 PM via web
Delete . Nixon upset over Lennon deportation. Turns out Nixon's huge Beatles fan. #11wordsdeletedfromPentagonPaper
Sunday, May 29, 2011 3:42:10 PM via web
Delete . FBI Director Hoover asked if this dress makes him look fat. #11wordsdeletedfromPentagonPapers
Sunday, May 29, 2011 3:37:39 PM via web
Delete . "The Bible" to be a TV miniseries. In this version, Jesus blasts the Romans with ray guns and escapes.
Friday, May 27, 2011 10:22:34 AM via web
Delete . Often when someone is placed on house arrest, I ask, why punish the poor house?
Thursday, May 26, 2011 5:01:58 PM via web
Delete . Must be a generational thing: If I am sitting on a porch when a tornado hits, my first thought is NOT to grab a camera and post to You Tube.
Monday, May 23, 2011 2:38:20 PM via web
Delete . The world is end is ending after all: No more Oprah.
Monday, May 23, 2011 2:11:46 PM via web
Delete . I was raptured, yet due to a processing error, I was sent back.
Sunday, May 22, 2011 11:48:57 AM via web
Delete . I voted today. Now I feel like an enabler.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011 2:56:49 PM via web
Delete . Memo to Lindsay Lohan: remember, your car is NOT one of those cars that can drive itself.
Monday, May 16, 2011 9:07:20 AM via web
Delete . I guess cars that drive themselves don't even need anyone to be in them. Bummer, they can't use the commuter lanes.
Monday, May 16, 2011 9:06:09 AM via web
Delete . Cars that drive themselves are being tested on California roads. Now if they can just get them to wave middle fingers at other drivers.
Monday, May 16, 2011 9:05:29 AM via web
Delete . @geneweingarten Google says you did, in your May 21, 2001 chat. No idea what this is all about, but I hope this helps, sorry if it does not.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 1:52:11 PM via web in reply to geneweingarten

Delete . "Hey, Osama, it's me, Dave." #whatledtotheend
Saturday, May 07, 2011 2:06:42 PM via web
Delete . What are some of the best Mothers Day gifts you ever received? #yokoQandA
Saturday, May 07, 2011 12:45:12 PM via web
Delete . I hope Laura Silverman records my answering message so people will be deluded into thinking I can actually speak to women.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011 4:54:23 PM via web
Delete .GoodniteBurbank Pls RT: Want @LauraJSilverman to voice your message on your answering machine? Competition! Details here:
Wednesday, May 04, 2011 1:54:45 PM via web
Retweeted by you and 6 others
Reply Retweeted (Undo) . How many Fiume residents does it take to change a lightbulb? Who knows, there are none left.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011 10:49:03 AM via web
Delete . Why did the person cross the road in Fiume? To get from one side of the nation to the other.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011 10:48:00 AM via web
Delete . My ancestors came from Konigsberg, Russia and the nation of Fiume. Any Fiume Americans out there? Anyone? Anyone?
Wednesday, May 04, 2011 10:47:22 AM via web
Delete . There are two groups demonstrating, one for Tourette's funding and the other for Teamsters rights. I can't tell which group is which.
Monday, May 02, 2011 3:48:18 PM via web
Delete . My uncle does not know who Bin Laden was, but he sends his sympathies to his familiy and friends.
Monday, May 02, 2011 3:47:21 PM via web
Delete . Blog states show I have 2 readers in North Korea. Now I am upset their government does not consider me worth blocking.
Thursday, April 28, 2011 1:16:33 PM via web
Delete . So Barack Obama's mother was named Stanley. At least we now understand why he hid his birth certificate all these years.
Thursday, April 28, 2011 11:11:12 AM via web
Delete . I am wondering: How Barack Obama ever produced a marriage certificate with Michelle?
Thursday, April 28, 2011 10:29:45 AM via web
Delete . I have taken myself out of the running to replace Steve Carell. I want to keep my options open. James Spader needs the work.
Thursday, April 28, 2011 9:39:27 AM via web
Delete . Hollywood's new buddy stars: Mark Wahlberg and Justin Bieber. (The previous is NOT a joke.)
Thursday, April 28, 2011 9:36:13 AM via web
Delete . Weather today: April showers are drowning May flowers and sweeping them downstream.
Thursday, April 28, 2011 9:33:08 AM via web
Delete . I have an idea that can't fail: Mayan 2013 calendars.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011 10:07:40 AM via web
Delete . New Birther Conspiracy: Where is Arnold Schwarzenegger's birth certificate? I bet he was born in Brooklyn and that accent is fake.
Monday, April 25, 2011 9:20:03 AM via web
Delete . I love your song "Mrs. Lennon". It has been with me for decades. What were some of the inspirations for writing the song? #yokoQandA
Sunday, April 24, 2011 2:27:44 PM via web
Delete . The Mets are losing because they don't want to pay Charlie Sheen royalties for winning.
Sunday, April 24, 2011 2:15:13 PM via web
Delete . How does Frank McCourt spend $150,000 a year on haircuts? Is that all he does all day is get his hair cut?
Friday, April 22, 2011 12:52:22 PM via web
Delete . Charlie Sheen dated Jennifer Grey. That shows baby can be cornered after all.

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