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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: January 2012

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I Am The Sexiest Lying Twit

Leon Tchaikovsky
I never amounted to much. I was a door to door Wikipedia salesman.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Actors will record a vocal soundtrack to be played while showing "The Artist". Not true, but that makes a great rumor.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Between the earthquake aftershock and Wikipedia disappearing, I fear the Mayans were right.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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People demanding refunds for "The Artist" because its silent? Movie companies owe us money for lots of movie where actors spoke
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Leon Tchaikovsky
If God wanted Tim Tebow to be a success, the God must really, really favor the New York Giants.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Hey, conspiracy theorists. Check out Wikipedia. I hear the United Nations black helicopters took it out today.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
If you dislike guys who know you from Wikipedia, and Wikipedia is dark today, today is your day to find a guy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I want to date Taylor Swift and break her heart just to hear what song she'd write about how horrible I am.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Remember to check all movie bathrooms for dead bodies at least once every four days.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Why should we elect a man President who takes 3 months to release tax information he has in front on him? He is not running on efficiency.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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P.S. Just kidding. I believe you would have to make the currency unrecognizable. Besides, Giants are going to win.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I have your books and want the Giants to win. Although your offer may violate Title 18, sect 333, USCode, you rebel you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
OK, so the person who placed hamburgers between donuts announces she has diabetes. Why is everyone so surprised by this?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Your Aunt Edna is so disappointed to hear you prefer the Internet to her. What was it, her chopped liver?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
No, the way to protest blackout day is to black out your photo, NOT paint your face black.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Somewhere, a stoner with a term paper due tomorrow believed he could find all his last minute research on Wikipedia.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Wow, this is the most accuracy I have ever found in Wikipedia.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I tried eating with my eyes. There are some people in white jackets here to take me to a safe place.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
The Mayans were right: In 2012, Wikipedia will go blank.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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This is the most important Wikipedia page, the only "Monica Hess" reference: :
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Leon Tchaikovsky
A dog humped Rick Santorum's leg. Santorum broke down and cried, realizing he now is gay.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
If Will Rogers were on Facebook, he would refuse to Friend me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Abortion: It Is Just for Hypocrites. To everyone else, it is a sin.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
When will the first Twitter debates occur? Explain public policies in 140 spaces.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Jon Huntsman, the tribe has spoken.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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If consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative, then imaginative inaccurate quotes are the refuge of the inconsistent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Hey, I care DEEPLY abour Super PACs. Nah, on second thought, I really don't.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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If you need a counselor to discuss this death trauma, let me know. Or read "How to Be Death" which seems to be prophetic.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Paterno didn't know men could be raped. Santorum thinks gay sex and bestiality are the same. Conclusion:They have the worse sex ed in Penna.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
North Korea announces even bears mourn Kim Jung Il. It is so sad seeing all those crying overweight Korean men.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I nominated Eleanor Roosevelt appearing on "Prospects of Mankind". Why that was cancelled, I'll never know.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I hate Trends. I keep wondering if someone trending just died, got arrested, or just appeared on some talk show?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I have formed an exploratory committee to find consider whether I should announce whether or not I am considering announcing for President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Blue Ivy Carter, at 5 days old, youngest person on the music charts. Beyounce . Beyonce's next child to release a double album as a fetus.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
New TV reality show in development: Kim Jung Il lying in state. Focus groups in North Korea love it, elsewhere it seems not as popular.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Romney to clarify: He did not mean he likes firing people, he meant he likes firing up doobies with people.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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If Chris Cillizza endorses Ron Swanson, I am voting for Ron Swanson.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I always vote how Jeb Bush tells me to vote. I figure the Florida Elections Bureau will count my vote that way, anyway.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Bought "Drones" to keep forever. How did you get the actors to mimic my workplace so accurately?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I would love to see the Kardashians discuss current events on "Face the Nation".
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Leon Tchaikovsky
And God then spoke "I shall grant victory to theathletic team who prays the most to me before and during the game."
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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had Romney 40, Paul 23,and Huntsman 17 percent, but I messed up giving Stewart Greenleaf the rest.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Either Governor Barbour is never going to run for President, or he totally misunderstood the advice given him by Mike Dukakis.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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This won't be the first time a Georgian used a scorch earth policy against a Massachusettsian invading South Carolina.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Now trending: 'sChoiceAwards
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Now trending: Seriously, one should reach for so much more...
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Seriously, the joke, as I am sure others have confirmed, worked. Keep up your good work.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Hey, great to see another Harrisburgian on Twitter. So, what have you been doing since leaving the Burg?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I presume "you are an unadulterate comic genius" is the response you seek?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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You dare question the Great Leader? Oh, sorry, you mean Ron Paul. I thougth you meant Kim Il Eun.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Half of all people born last 2,000 years now alive. Only one past life per person in last 2,000 years. That's the Math.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Mine past life experience read "Error. Expired." I am sure I made lots of mistakes and of course I died in a previous life.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I don't know why Stephen Colbert is considering a Presidential run. No matter what, he won't be the funniest candidate this year.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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For those supporting assassinating scientists, would you want ours killed in retaliation? (Film students, don't answer.)
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Absolutely. The killing of civilians is against international law and should be. Youngsters, rent "Judgement at Nuremberg".
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Leon Tchaikovsky
New reality show: Dog the bounty hunter tracks down Teen Mom fugitives.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I had a Vice President named Hubert Horatio.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Kim Jung Il can't hold a candle to Lenin. No, seriously, because he's dead and he can'thold anything.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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There are parts where mouse fermented Mountain Dew moonshine would sell. Now for a business plan....
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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So, then that jelly in my Moutain Dew is full of protein and edible?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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"You have lips like a Twinkie, eyes like a Zinger, and our love will last as long as the expiration date on a Ding Dong."
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Wow, so that jelly in my Mountain Dew used to be a mouse?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Congratulations to Senator Greenleaf on finishing 21st in the New Hampshire Primary. Next time: break into the top 20.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Bernie Saunders endorses Romney as a fellow traveler.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Delonte West was invited to the White House afterall. It seems his invitation accidentally went to the Salahis.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Courts strike down sharia law. Any Judge using sharia law will be buried in sand and be stoned to death.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Yes, you may borrow my jokes. There is no copyright on jokes. Just return them when you are done with them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Should we be concerned that Supreme Court Justices don't recognize bare buttocks when they see them?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Riots emerge from panics of people hoarding Twinkies.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Did you know there are no food substances in a Twinkie? They will never go away, as long as there are chemicals and rocks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Now trending: . Which, by the way, I would argue against. My friend Charlie Sheen agrees.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Yo, we in Philly demand Tina Fey and Questlove get along, or we'll tape them both to William Penn's hat.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Rick Perry got 1% of the New Hampshire Primary vote. We are the 99.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
There is a Fountain Pen Hopsital in New York City. More writing utensils than homeless people have insurance.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Jon Hamm confirms "Mad Men" will return. Of course, by that, he is referring to the South Carolina Primary.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I like how Sununu described "crock of crap" as a technical term. It should be included in all future Poli Sci textbooks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
What do you think of a woman who takes her own toilet paper to the symphony?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Paul nibbling at Romney's heels? Hearing that, Santorum is appalled.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Huntsman going from "Ticket to Ride" to "Nowhere Man", soon to become "The Fool on the Hill".
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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If Romney has fire in the belly, make certain he is not the new drummer for Spinal Tap.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I just ousted Jon Huntsman as Mayor of Bob's Corner Store in Laconia, New Hampshire on foursquare.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Did you see Arlen Specter's twist on replacing the Democratic ticke?. He'd run Hillary Clinton instead, but still keep Biden.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Memo to candidate: Do not build addition to mansion if you don't believe you won't be living there until 2017 or 2021.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I believe renewing "New Girl" for another reason moved the Doomsday Clock.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Since corporations are people, they deserve national health care.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Picks Donald Trump as his running mate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Announces his birth certificate shows he was born in Canada.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Announces he was brainwashed in Vietnam.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Confesses all 2002 Winter Olympic competitions were staged scripted events.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
During next debate, proposes marriage to the Huntsman daughters.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
During next debate, proposes marriage to Calista Gingrich.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Romney creates a thoughtful detailed moderate platform on all major issues.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Announces his first act as President will be to fire every Federal employee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Gets drunk with Rick Perry and applies for a gay marriage certificate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Equates man on dog sex to Santorum and Mrs. Santorum.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Dick Cheney claims Romney will continue his legacy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
George W. Bush endorses Romney.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Tweets photos of him in his magic underwear to female followers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Major breaking news: Poll shows Stephen Colbert would beat Jon Huntsman in South Carolina.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I don't know what happened. All I know if I want to follow you and not some imitation. I want pure Gene. (well, not too pure
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Conclusion: Early returns show Rick Perry leading Buddy Roemer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I thought FITN was a new TV code for Fantasy Inaccurate Television News.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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They should remake "Hackers", with Angelina Jolie reprising her role.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I believe you are perfectly fine. You have the ability to empathy what your wife feels and you wish to feel it. Go for it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Expectations game:Stewart Greenleaf hopes to get more votes inthe primary today than Terry Mulholland received in the Hall of Fame voting.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Shipping Wars: May you force it into the truck to fit to be with you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
If you are paying $49 million on experts to figure out why you are $300 million in debt, I can give you a clue.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I never achieve Dyson Airblade presence. People usually look at me and associate me with Old Yeller in the final scene.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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OK, which reporter is going to ask Governor Christie what went down last night?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I am shocked. If role models like Snoop Dogg use pot, what does this say to kids who idolize him?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
If Pennsylvania State Police are prevented from urinating on suspects, than all anarchy will arise.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Romney says he feared a pink slip. He prefers when his wife wears white slips.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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If Bill Daley announces he wants to be Mayor of Chicago, someone better test the White House drinking water.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Relationships aren't as difficult when communication works well both ways. Of course, it also helps that you like each other.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Huntsman also borrowed a slogan from another candidate, which explains why signs at his rally read "Nixon's The One"
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Bill Daley is resigning as White House Chief of Staff. I always liked him on "I Dream of Jeannie".
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Contraception should be legal, but may only be purchased after six Republican men explain to you the moral consequences of them
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I didn't mind the "Birds and the Bees" parental Talk. It is the dog and man Santorum Talk that upsets me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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In a sports bet where you offer what I already have and we both want the same team to win, this better not lead to a duel.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Charles Addams brother Paul was Lerch and Paul's wife was Mortica. The Addams lived in College Hall at the Univ. of Penna.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Breaking news: Bristol Palin quits Hollywood. This may be the most devastating news since Johnny Carson retired.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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You know how politics works. The results are not official until the Supreme Court decides Romney won the Iowa Caucus.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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So, would you name a child Rasputin DuPont?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop is innocent until proven guilty. Insanity may also be an option.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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In an old Penn State article, Santorum once asked a Prof whether he should run as a D or R. Prof. recommended he run as an R.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Shhhh, if you don't tell anyone Santorum really won Iowa, I won't tell. It'll be our secret.
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Before Savannah Smiles, they rejected Augusta Chokes. I support a tie in Girl Scouts with TV, i.e. Grimms Big Bad Wolf Em Down
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I don't advocate pot; it makes dumb people dumber. Yet, there is research in Phila. it may help brain cancer. Lung cancer?
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Serious question: What is your reaction the study that pot smokers have lower lung cancer than non-smokers?

 
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