My Sweetie Tweeties
Do you know how many people cannot afford to dye their underarm hair?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · 14m 14 minutes ago
Star Wars land to replace Toon Town. Walt's head is now rolling in its freezer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · 6h 6 hours ago
Remember, you may choke someone to death, but you are not allowed to film someone choking someone to death.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 2
Cosby joked in 1969 about slipping drugs into women's drinks. And people laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 2
The search for Richard III is over. Sadly, he was found dead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 2
The 2014 New York Giants highlights reel will consist of one catch, and then end.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 2
Memo backstage at rock concert: "Do not say "Raise your hands." The police may start firing."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 1
Hackers hit Sony. In unrelated news, the McCarthys and the Goldbergs all become followers of Charles Manson.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 1
My condolences to friends and family of Kirk Douglas whose death was erroneously reported.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
I saw the article that naked yoga leads to a better sex life. Wonder if the author realizes that most guys would be fine with naked anything
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
Yeah! Barbie is now a computer engineer. Next, maybe Waldo will finally find himself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
There is a shock treatment that allows men to feel the pain of childbirth. Well, that may be the best birth control ever.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
Dear Bill Cosby: I did as you asked. I fact checked. Did you realize more and more people are coming forth with allegations?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
Every time Sarah Palin speaks, I have to fact check to determine that she really stated something that stupid.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
Catch a football with one hand and you are a hero. Catch a bullet and you are a paragraph in the newspaper.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
"So, your article defending censorship was censured. You called that one right."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 23
I had an uncomfortable evening with Bill Cosby. I saw him perform and the seats were really uncomfortable.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 23
John Downey suffered greatly then went on to achieve much. His courage will be missed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 23
The problem with the woman's attempt to arrest Ted Cruz for being an "egotistical asshole" is she is engaging in selective prosecution.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 23
Who even makes a thousand dollar pen? When it runs out of ink, do you throw it away?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 22
I wonder why Congress is pushing for a pipeline to reach the Koch Brothers oil in Canada. Anyone have an idea? Anyone? Anyone?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 22
I hate it every time a naked man crashes through the ceiling and starts biting people,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 22
"You can not screw me over and then expect me to send you flowers."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 21
#ff @thebobbieoliver
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 21
Never date a method actor who is portraying a serial killer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 21
Who presume a cartoon character's sexuality? Was there a sex video posted? #WinnieThePooh
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 21
If a weird old man asks if you want a pudding pop, do not accept it,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 21
At least the President can now do what he wants without caring what Congress or the public thinks. Especially since many of them don't think
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 20
I have friends who can not spell. Someone actually posted that "Billy Graham" came out gay today. You can imagine my surprise. #BillyGilman
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 20
"You know, on second thought, maybe my finger did not drop off."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 20
"See, I am not gay. My girlfriend was only born a man."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 18
I wonder if Squeaky Fromme would marry me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 18
Cold Spring, Pa. has had no elected official working since 1961 .Same as most other local governments throughout the nation.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 17
Someday I could actually meet Charlie Manson's widow's second husband.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 17
When did the mainstream media begin reporting news as accurately as does the National Inquirer?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 16
The US is almost a socialist country. About 90% of Americans have relatively the same wealth.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 16
48% of US live in states with Republican Governors and legislatures. Wave good bye to unions and easily accessible abortions,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 16
Love how the KKK now admits Blacks. I once wrote that in a script. I can foretell the future.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 15
Some times when you argue with yourself you just have to shut up and listen to yourself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 15
"Excuse me, sir, is this your finger?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 15
Time is banning the word "feminist". I am so old I remember when being a feminist was a good thing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 15
"I see your bid and I raise you one finger" Jose Canseco remarked.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 15
Insert joke here. #MoviesAboutMyFirstTime Laugh at joke.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
"Brooke Shields details her virginity." How does one detail something where nothing happened?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
What? The Hollywood Film Awards is a fake awards show created for CBS broadcasting? Wow, that is pure evil genius.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
A woman walked around Manhattan not wearing pants and no one noticed. Of course, if she was wearing @StellaMcCartney people would notice.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
96% of members of an institution with an 11% approval rate were reelected. This also explains television network programming,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
Why do so many people lie to get to a place where truth is tantamount to success?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
Give advice to be helpful. Never take advice unless you wish to. Consider options. Do what you wish. Unless you are General Custard.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
I seem to be one of 677 people who won a Best of Oakland prize. I will pass on going to their virus infected people to see what I won.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
Today's young:"The guy who made "Citizen Kane' obviously knew nothing about making films. But "Citizen Kane" is so bad it actually is good."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
A cat cafe opened in Oakland? Since when is it a treat to duplicate having tea with your unmarried weird aunt and her crawling cats?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
"You're in us?" I liked it better when it was pronounced "your anus".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
A Disney cartoon will have gay characters. Walt's head is rolling in its chamber.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 13
"61 involved is 10 % of the 751 employees" wrote the journalist who did not do well in Math.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 12
On a comet somewhere, there is mass panic as an alien spacecraft lands on it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 11
Maybe Megyn Kelly likes to f a bee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 10
So a book published 500 years after Jesus (of whom few records during his time remain) died claims he had 2 kids. Well, that proves it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 10
Movement that non-violent women should do alternative sentencing and never imprisoned is good idea. Maybe men, too?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 8
We wish to warn you the increased seismic activity in Nevada should serve as a warning: Prepare for an ebola attack.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 8
I understand the corner crack dealer states a portion of his proceeds will go towards rain forest preservation.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 8
Andy Dick has been arrested for grand theft. His career has been so low he thought no one would recognize him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 8
So, you do not believe in flu shots, yet you are certain you will get Ebola?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 8
The man being eaten by the snake from New Jersey. So he already knows what it is like to have his surroundings suck the life out of him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 7
Charles Barkley has gone on a hunger strike until the Lakers win a game. Well, he's dead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 6
When I saw Ann Rice today, all the blood drained right out of my face.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 6
How does a Governor accidentally sign the wrong law into effect? I guess no one proofreads anymore.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 6
There is a Right to be Forgotten in the European Union? Does that mean I have a right to first become known?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 5
Republicans made Obama the issue, Democrats refused to defend him, thus playing right into GOP strategy, Game to Republicans.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 5
There have not been this many Republicans in Congress since Herbert Hoover was President. And that turned out so well.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
Obama agenda: Veto Obamacare repeal. Veto abortion rights repeal. Veto gay marriage repeal. Defend not working with Congress.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
I knew D.C. approved legal pot.I could smell it in the air.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
Legislative ineffectiveness drives Congress to 9% approval. Voters respond by electing more who favor greater legislative inaction.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
"OK, we sent helicopters, K9 patrols, gallons with cameras looking for the guy, but it never occurred to us to look at his computer use."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
Any press conference where you are denying urinating in the snow on live TV is never going to go well.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
The previous tweet was for my American followers. If you live in another county and it is not your election day, it will be silly to go vote
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
Please vote today. Please educate yourself on the candidates prior to voting.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 3
"Does Amtrak offer a zero mile club?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 3
Why do you not panic when scientists tell you climate change will kill you but you panic when scientists tell you ebola will not?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 3
"Governor Corbett says unemployment is up because so many unemployed smoke dope. Dude, you weren't supposed to tell anyone."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 3
I am for Citizens United Against Citizens United.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 2
I wish people would stop offering to help me die with dignity. I am not sick. I just look this way naturally
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 2
Who brings and keeps a screaming baby on the Amtrak quiet car? And then yells at it constantly to be quiet because it's the quiet car.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 31
I was so looking forward to my Virgin space flight.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 31
Please elect me in November. #ScaryStoriesIn5Words
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
I thought Disney on Ice would be a good idea until they brought out Walt's head.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
"What? White men harass women on the street as well. But the video only shows…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
Even as a kid, a woman would yell at me for following her around. I'd reply "but, mom…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
"We are so tired of government not doing anything that we are not going to vote anymore."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
I would suppose the way to improve male only clubs would be to force them to admit women.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
Lindsey Graham says white males in male only clubs will do great if he is President. Shh, all white men, don't tell the women and non-whites
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
Baseball officials took away Bumgarner's win last night. Oh, and they took away the Giants win as well.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
I would like to see the plays "Cats" performed on a hot tin roof.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 29
When did it become "cheating" to let more people to legally vote?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 29
I hope everyone is enjoying the current Christmas season.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 29
84 people were arrested at a Pumpkin Festial riot. When will pro-pumpkin and anti-pumpkin activists learn to get along?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 28
"I've voted straight party my entire life", she said proudly, and ignorantly.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 28
"You are more apt to shoot off your middle finger with your gun then you are to ever defend yourself with it. Oh, and don't do steroids."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 28
"As we learned in Prohibition, if you ban something lots of people do, they will immediately stop doing it and obey the law."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 28
"Ghost Hunters" are filming nearby. I understand why since so many ghosts here vote.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 27
I believe sending me ads for J-Date is part of an Islamic conspiracy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 27
"It was not that she ran into chimney that surprised us, but how she got the car on the roof."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 26
Marcia Strassman was a great talent and encouraged many. Her loss will be deeply felt.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 26
So, ah, I presume they still haven't found that missing Malaysian Airlines plane?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 25
"No, it was not mistaken identity. I really thought Mindy Kaling won a Nobel Prize."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 25
Baserunner on second stealing catcher's signs: Fair play or dirty play? Is it effective doing so, or not? #AskSwoboda
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 25
If baseball players peak in their late 20s, how dangerous is it to offer long term contracts to players in their 30s? #AskSwoboda
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 25
Who were the best pitchers you faced? #AskSwoboda
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 25
All the twitters a world.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 24
"You are overqualified" is the legal way to say "you are too old".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 24
There used to be a time when you can wear only meat for clothing and people would think you were weird,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 24
I once posted "Help". No one replied, I believe that explains all.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 23
Hey, for those of you drinking to forget, it turns out alcohol improves the memory. You're doomed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 23
"My name is Vladislav Leonid Rupinovska, but you may call me by my Anglicized name "Bubba"'
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 22
If you see a 1950s scene where police read Miranda rights, it is not a 1950s scene.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 22
If you hear anyone say they had a platinum album this year, know they are lying.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"No, meat isn't murder. It often is, in fact, a tortuous death."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"I swear, the 40,000 voter registration forms of Blacks and Hispanics were right on top of my desk, and now, I just can't find them."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
Ben Bradlee was a giant among giants who made this a better world, #RIPBenBradlee
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
San Francisco Giants? When did they leave New York?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"Tonight in elections: The right of free expression on sexuality versus the creation of environments free from unwanted sexual expression."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"How old do must I be when you'll tell me who my real father is?" "You'll be old enough once I'm dead."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"It''s Jurassic Park meets SharkNado."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"I after r and not e" is a Google-nope.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
My condolences to frienda and family of Betty White who's false death is being reported on the Internet. #RIPBettyWhite
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
Hong Kong leader is against elections because it gives poor people a say, You know, that is kind of the point.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"When my broker speaks, people listen." Of course, they are FBI agents listing to their wiretaps.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 19
What are some of the songs you have most recently written about? #AskPaul
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 19
Bono admits to wearing sunglasses due to glaucoma. Oh, and that explains why his pockets have so much pot.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 18
If Twitter were to viciously and unfairly target me for one day, how would they differ from any other day?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 18
"Yes, if there is an Ebola crisis, the government will come and take away your guns. And then make you marry a gay."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 17
Over 4,000 Americans in Liberia preventing its spread, and none of them have contracted the disease. And yet you are certain you will get it
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 17
Penis sizes have not changed in over a century. And you thought men today were bigger dicks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 17
Yes, I do believe a Judge would be interesting in learning how he signed a subpoena that he was not aware he signed. Just a guess.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 17
Political Science Theory: If you have a photoshop a Black person into your audience, you probably do not have any real Black supporters.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 14
Chris Christie states he would rather die than be Senator, thus causing the start of the Christie for Senator movement.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 14
Hey, Phillies owner, stop spending money on campaign contributions and spend it on getting good players.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
An Atlantic City mall that cost $200 million to build just sold for $2.8 million. Somewhere I bet there are unhappy investors
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
"I am sorry, when you state you have giant turkey legs, do you mean you have them to eat, or are you describing yourself?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
No postal service today, but liquor stores are open. So get drunk and curse out that your check did not arrive today.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
"No, Reverend, forcing a woman to have an abortion is not better than stopping her from having one. It should be her choice."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
The woman who stole the prosthetic leg wore an Eagles shier. The singer was an Eagles shirt. Only in Philly do they hate the home town fans.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
Street singer in Philadelphia gets his prosthetic leg stolen. And you thought performing in L.A. was tough.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
Happy Columbus Day. How did a city in Ohio get its own holiday?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
I believe there is no God. I also belief God will punish me for that belief.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 12
They found Alexander the Great's father. He's dead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 12
Ebola border closings mean less trade for chocolate. Do your patriotic duty and eat more vanilla.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 12
Every time someone un-follows me, a terrorist is born.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 12
…and I no longer have more followers than people I follow.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 11
For the first time in my life, I have more followers than I follow. This will probably last at most an hour or two.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 11
I don;t pay attention to family reunions. I just learned Lena Dunham is my cousin. Now I have to go out and see who she is.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 11
So perfume is whale vomit. Let a whale attend a party. Gets too drunk, at least the room will smell nice.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 11
My embarrassment over hackers releasing my private photos is how many of my photos are really blurry.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 11
"We North Koreans pledge our loyalty to our leader, as soon as we find out who that is."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 10
There have been more reports of Andy Kaufman alive than reports of Kim Jong-Un alive. #KimJongUn
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 10
How would you most like people to celebrate John Lennon's birthday? #yokoQandA
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 9
So, Republicans want to kill people with Ebola yet not fund preventing it. Conspiracy theorists, do your worse….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 9
NC Republican Executive Director says people with Ebola should be immediately executed. Republicans: the party of compassionate?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 9
For those of you panicked over Ebola, please note that it is a Republican Senator holding up the funds to fight it. Who loves you? Not him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 9
Half females assaulted won't admit it to themselves. U. Washington study: half of women are assaulted. This is the real "Silent Majority".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 9
A female Ghostbusters won't be similar to the original until the women are paid what they paid the men.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
The study showing conspiracy theorists are the most sane people is part of a government conspiracy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
Godzilla is headed toward Japan. #Vongfong
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
"No, I didn't go to Penn, I went to Colgate." #DatableAlumniRankings
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
I just moved from the world's largest economy to the world's second largest economy, and I did not have to move at all.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
Does chugging five beers at once increase athletic performance? #Bumgarner
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
Governor, trailing polls, signs execution order, because nothing says you deserve reelection more than killing someone.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
The words "penis transplant" is why I am now questioning remaining an organ donor.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
RTE says people in "my region" are not allowed to see #Connected I guess because we just aren't ready to see reality.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
I wonder what part of Africa this movie was filmed. It is amazing to see that part of Africa has trees found only in North America.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
One of the world's first gynecologists, Soranus, realized he had no future in proctology.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
No fair. A huge Giant versus an itty, bitty Nat?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
The "Seventh Heaven" show must be cursed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
"But the Orioles deserve better food than do the Seahawks" replied the Delta employee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
"My last girl friend was a real cow", so said the Pennsylvania high school coach arrested because that is against the law.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
RIP Andy Kaufman, whose fake life is hitting the Internet as the latest hoax.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Stephen Hawking recording with Pink Floyd is perhaps the best news the world has received lately.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Earliest known daring of Jesus shows him beardless. Surprisingly, he was also drawn with a tramp stamp tattoo.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Bless der hearts, dem pointy headed intellectuals tolds me I have a "New England" accent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
"You got the tattoo to be different, yet you waited until everyone else had one?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Why is it conservatives who profess they love America more than others who speak the most of civil war and states succession?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Bill striking state marriage court decisions would end gay marriage. Also would end interracial marriage. "Wow, 2 for the price of 1!"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Farewell, Skip E. Lowe. You are great and you will be missed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 6
The mail carrier just brought me my Alex Henery Fan Club membership card.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 6
Kids today will look back at the fond memories they spent of their childhoods shopping at WalMart.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 5
If you are in the ocean in a bubble and you need to ask directions, you should not be in a bubble in the ocean.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 5
I thought the last stage in Secret Service training for White House duty was "learn to lock the door."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 5
It turns out Edward Frein was not hiding at all. He was appearing on a new NBC sitcom. That's why no one could find him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 4
You have to admit, the Nationals and the Giants together have a far better bullpen that the Tigers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 4
Wait, the story about Prince Charles dating Barbra Streisand is real and not a fake comedy story? Now, that's funny.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 4
There were lessons learned in Korea forgotten in Vietnam, lessons learned in Vietnam forgotten in Iraq, lessons learned in Iraq….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 3
You know, I haven't been feeling well since my vacation in Liberia. I think a stroll around Times Square will help.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"This candidate is lower than the heels of some Jimmy Choos." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"This candidate is so dirty, she was a virgin at her wedding and still couldn't wear a white wedding dress." #fPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"This candidate has changed views more than there are shades of lipstick." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"The candidate has been bought by special interests so often, you can find him in a Goodwill discount bin." #PoliticsWentLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"If these candidates were Black Friday, they wouldn't have to open stores until Saturday." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"These candidates are so similar together they could form a pair of stilettos." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"This candidate has been unsuccessful so long this candidate has gone from the top floor to Macy's basement." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"Vote for the new chiffon dress candidate. The opponent is only a used polyester blouse."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
Although, since so many people use sports analogies when describing elections, maybe it is time to also use dress buying analogies.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
I like the Tom Corbett ad that choosing who to vote for is like buying a wedding dress, because so many male voters will relate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"Why, yes, the Senator agrees that ebola is a CDC plot to turn all Red Party members into zombies."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
Big business does best when a Republican is President. The national economy does best when a Democrat is President. Might be a connection?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"Atlanta? The Atlanta Braves? When did the Braves move out of Boston?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 1
You fix a prostitute problem and then someone leaves a door unlocked. You just can not think of everything."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 1
I feel bad the head of the Secret Service has to be the fall person, Would we all be happier had they killed the deranged intruder?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 1
The head of the Secret Service will turn in her badge, as soon as she remembers where she put the badge.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 1
So, who else is all excited that Alex Rodriguez returns next season?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 1
"Yes, Obama created ebola to declare martial law and seize power. You also believe elves bake cookies in trees, don't you?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · 14m 14 minutes ago
Star Wars land to replace Toon Town. Walt's head is now rolling in its freezer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · 6h 6 hours ago
Remember, you may choke someone to death, but you are not allowed to film someone choking someone to death.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 2
Cosby joked in 1969 about slipping drugs into women's drinks. And people laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 2
The search for Richard III is over. Sadly, he was found dead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 2
The 2014 New York Giants highlights reel will consist of one catch, and then end.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 2
Memo backstage at rock concert: "Do not say "Raise your hands." The police may start firing."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 1
Hackers hit Sony. In unrelated news, the McCarthys and the Goldbergs all become followers of Charles Manson.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Dec 1
My condolences to friends and family of Kirk Douglas whose death was erroneously reported.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
I saw the article that naked yoga leads to a better sex life. Wonder if the author realizes that most guys would be fine with naked anything
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
Yeah! Barbie is now a computer engineer. Next, maybe Waldo will finally find himself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
There is a shock treatment that allows men to feel the pain of childbirth. Well, that may be the best birth control ever.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
Dear Bill Cosby: I did as you asked. I fact checked. Did you realize more and more people are coming forth with allegations?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
Every time Sarah Palin speaks, I have to fact check to determine that she really stated something that stupid.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
Catch a football with one hand and you are a hero. Catch a bullet and you are a paragraph in the newspaper.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 24
"So, your article defending censorship was censured. You called that one right."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 23
I had an uncomfortable evening with Bill Cosby. I saw him perform and the seats were really uncomfortable.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 23
John Downey suffered greatly then went on to achieve much. His courage will be missed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 23
The problem with the woman's attempt to arrest Ted Cruz for being an "egotistical asshole" is she is engaging in selective prosecution.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 23
Who even makes a thousand dollar pen? When it runs out of ink, do you throw it away?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 22
I wonder why Congress is pushing for a pipeline to reach the Koch Brothers oil in Canada. Anyone have an idea? Anyone? Anyone?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 22
I hate it every time a naked man crashes through the ceiling and starts biting people,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 22
"You can not screw me over and then expect me to send you flowers."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 21
#ff @thebobbieoliver
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 21
Never date a method actor who is portraying a serial killer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 21
Who presume a cartoon character's sexuality? Was there a sex video posted? #WinnieThePooh
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 21
If a weird old man asks if you want a pudding pop, do not accept it,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 21
At least the President can now do what he wants without caring what Congress or the public thinks. Especially since many of them don't think
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 20
I have friends who can not spell. Someone actually posted that "Billy Graham" came out gay today. You can imagine my surprise. #BillyGilman
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 20
"You know, on second thought, maybe my finger did not drop off."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 20
"See, I am not gay. My girlfriend was only born a man."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 18
I wonder if Squeaky Fromme would marry me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 18
Cold Spring, Pa. has had no elected official working since 1961 .Same as most other local governments throughout the nation.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 17
Someday I could actually meet Charlie Manson's widow's second husband.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 17
When did the mainstream media begin reporting news as accurately as does the National Inquirer?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 16
The US is almost a socialist country. About 90% of Americans have relatively the same wealth.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 16
48% of US live in states with Republican Governors and legislatures. Wave good bye to unions and easily accessible abortions,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 16
Love how the KKK now admits Blacks. I once wrote that in a script. I can foretell the future.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 15
Some times when you argue with yourself you just have to shut up and listen to yourself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 15
"Excuse me, sir, is this your finger?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 15
Time is banning the word "feminist". I am so old I remember when being a feminist was a good thing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 15
"I see your bid and I raise you one finger" Jose Canseco remarked.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 15
Insert joke here. #MoviesAboutMyFirstTime Laugh at joke.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
"Brooke Shields details her virginity." How does one detail something where nothing happened?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
What? The Hollywood Film Awards is a fake awards show created for CBS broadcasting? Wow, that is pure evil genius.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
A woman walked around Manhattan not wearing pants and no one noticed. Of course, if she was wearing @StellaMcCartney people would notice.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
96% of members of an institution with an 11% approval rate were reelected. This also explains television network programming,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
Why do so many people lie to get to a place where truth is tantamount to success?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
Give advice to be helpful. Never take advice unless you wish to. Consider options. Do what you wish. Unless you are General Custard.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
I seem to be one of 677 people who won a Best of Oakland prize. I will pass on going to their virus infected people to see what I won.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
Today's young:"The guy who made "Citizen Kane' obviously knew nothing about making films. But "Citizen Kane" is so bad it actually is good."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
A cat cafe opened in Oakland? Since when is it a treat to duplicate having tea with your unmarried weird aunt and her crawling cats?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
"You're in us?" I liked it better when it was pronounced "your anus".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 14
A Disney cartoon will have gay characters. Walt's head is rolling in its chamber.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 13
"61 involved is 10 % of the 751 employees" wrote the journalist who did not do well in Math.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 12
On a comet somewhere, there is mass panic as an alien spacecraft lands on it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 11
Maybe Megyn Kelly likes to f a bee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 10
So a book published 500 years after Jesus (of whom few records during his time remain) died claims he had 2 kids. Well, that proves it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 10
Movement that non-violent women should do alternative sentencing and never imprisoned is good idea. Maybe men, too?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 8
We wish to warn you the increased seismic activity in Nevada should serve as a warning: Prepare for an ebola attack.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 8
I understand the corner crack dealer states a portion of his proceeds will go towards rain forest preservation.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 8
Andy Dick has been arrested for grand theft. His career has been so low he thought no one would recognize him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 8
So, you do not believe in flu shots, yet you are certain you will get Ebola?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 8
The man being eaten by the snake from New Jersey. So he already knows what it is like to have his surroundings suck the life out of him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 7
Charles Barkley has gone on a hunger strike until the Lakers win a game. Well, he's dead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 6
When I saw Ann Rice today, all the blood drained right out of my face.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 6
How does a Governor accidentally sign the wrong law into effect? I guess no one proofreads anymore.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 6
There is a Right to be Forgotten in the European Union? Does that mean I have a right to first become known?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 5
Republicans made Obama the issue, Democrats refused to defend him, thus playing right into GOP strategy, Game to Republicans.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 5
There have not been this many Republicans in Congress since Herbert Hoover was President. And that turned out so well.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
Obama agenda: Veto Obamacare repeal. Veto abortion rights repeal. Veto gay marriage repeal. Defend not working with Congress.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
I knew D.C. approved legal pot.I could smell it in the air.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
Legislative ineffectiveness drives Congress to 9% approval. Voters respond by electing more who favor greater legislative inaction.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
"OK, we sent helicopters, K9 patrols, gallons with cameras looking for the guy, but it never occurred to us to look at his computer use."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
Any press conference where you are denying urinating in the snow on live TV is never going to go well.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
The previous tweet was for my American followers. If you live in another county and it is not your election day, it will be silly to go vote
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 4
Please vote today. Please educate yourself on the candidates prior to voting.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 3
"Does Amtrak offer a zero mile club?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 3
Why do you not panic when scientists tell you climate change will kill you but you panic when scientists tell you ebola will not?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 3
"Governor Corbett says unemployment is up because so many unemployed smoke dope. Dude, you weren't supposed to tell anyone."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 3
I am for Citizens United Against Citizens United.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 2
I wish people would stop offering to help me die with dignity. I am not sick. I just look this way naturally
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Nov 2
Who brings and keeps a screaming baby on the Amtrak quiet car? And then yells at it constantly to be quiet because it's the quiet car.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 31
I was so looking forward to my Virgin space flight.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 31
Please elect me in November. #ScaryStoriesIn5Words
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
I thought Disney on Ice would be a good idea until they brought out Walt's head.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
"What? White men harass women on the street as well. But the video only shows…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
Even as a kid, a woman would yell at me for following her around. I'd reply "but, mom…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
"We are so tired of government not doing anything that we are not going to vote anymore."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
I would suppose the way to improve male only clubs would be to force them to admit women.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
Lindsey Graham says white males in male only clubs will do great if he is President. Shh, all white men, don't tell the women and non-whites
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
Baseball officials took away Bumgarner's win last night. Oh, and they took away the Giants win as well.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 30
I would like to see the plays "Cats" performed on a hot tin roof.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 29
When did it become "cheating" to let more people to legally vote?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 29
I hope everyone is enjoying the current Christmas season.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 29
84 people were arrested at a Pumpkin Festial riot. When will pro-pumpkin and anti-pumpkin activists learn to get along?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 28
"I've voted straight party my entire life", she said proudly, and ignorantly.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 28
"You are more apt to shoot off your middle finger with your gun then you are to ever defend yourself with it. Oh, and don't do steroids."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 28
"As we learned in Prohibition, if you ban something lots of people do, they will immediately stop doing it and obey the law."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 28
"Ghost Hunters" are filming nearby. I understand why since so many ghosts here vote.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 27
I believe sending me ads for J-Date is part of an Islamic conspiracy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 27
"It was not that she ran into chimney that surprised us, but how she got the car on the roof."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 26
Marcia Strassman was a great talent and encouraged many. Her loss will be deeply felt.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 26
So, ah, I presume they still haven't found that missing Malaysian Airlines plane?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 25
"No, it was not mistaken identity. I really thought Mindy Kaling won a Nobel Prize."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 25
Baserunner on second stealing catcher's signs: Fair play or dirty play? Is it effective doing so, or not? #AskSwoboda
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 25
If baseball players peak in their late 20s, how dangerous is it to offer long term contracts to players in their 30s? #AskSwoboda
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 25
Who were the best pitchers you faced? #AskSwoboda
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 25
All the twitters a world.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 24
"You are overqualified" is the legal way to say "you are too old".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 24
There used to be a time when you can wear only meat for clothing and people would think you were weird,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 24
I once posted "Help". No one replied, I believe that explains all.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 23
Hey, for those of you drinking to forget, it turns out alcohol improves the memory. You're doomed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 23
"My name is Vladislav Leonid Rupinovska, but you may call me by my Anglicized name "Bubba"'
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 22
If you see a 1950s scene where police read Miranda rights, it is not a 1950s scene.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 22
If you hear anyone say they had a platinum album this year, know they are lying.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"No, meat isn't murder. It often is, in fact, a tortuous death."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"I swear, the 40,000 voter registration forms of Blacks and Hispanics were right on top of my desk, and now, I just can't find them."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
Ben Bradlee was a giant among giants who made this a better world, #RIPBenBradlee
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
San Francisco Giants? When did they leave New York?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"Tonight in elections: The right of free expression on sexuality versus the creation of environments free from unwanted sexual expression."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"How old do must I be when you'll tell me who my real father is?" "You'll be old enough once I'm dead."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"It''s Jurassic Park meets SharkNado."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"I after r and not e" is a Google-nope.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
My condolences to frienda and family of Betty White who's false death is being reported on the Internet. #RIPBettyWhite
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
Hong Kong leader is against elections because it gives poor people a say, You know, that is kind of the point.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 21
"When my broker speaks, people listen." Of course, they are FBI agents listing to their wiretaps.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 19
What are some of the songs you have most recently written about? #AskPaul
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 19
Bono admits to wearing sunglasses due to glaucoma. Oh, and that explains why his pockets have so much pot.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 18
If Twitter were to viciously and unfairly target me for one day, how would they differ from any other day?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 18
"Yes, if there is an Ebola crisis, the government will come and take away your guns. And then make you marry a gay."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 17
Over 4,000 Americans in Liberia preventing its spread, and none of them have contracted the disease. And yet you are certain you will get it
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 17
Penis sizes have not changed in over a century. And you thought men today were bigger dicks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 17
Yes, I do believe a Judge would be interesting in learning how he signed a subpoena that he was not aware he signed. Just a guess.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 17
Political Science Theory: If you have a photoshop a Black person into your audience, you probably do not have any real Black supporters.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 14
Chris Christie states he would rather die than be Senator, thus causing the start of the Christie for Senator movement.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 14
Hey, Phillies owner, stop spending money on campaign contributions and spend it on getting good players.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
An Atlantic City mall that cost $200 million to build just sold for $2.8 million. Somewhere I bet there are unhappy investors
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
"I am sorry, when you state you have giant turkey legs, do you mean you have them to eat, or are you describing yourself?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
No postal service today, but liquor stores are open. So get drunk and curse out that your check did not arrive today.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
"No, Reverend, forcing a woman to have an abortion is not better than stopping her from having one. It should be her choice."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
The woman who stole the prosthetic leg wore an Eagles shier. The singer was an Eagles shirt. Only in Philly do they hate the home town fans.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
Street singer in Philadelphia gets his prosthetic leg stolen. And you thought performing in L.A. was tough.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
Happy Columbus Day. How did a city in Ohio get its own holiday?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 13
I believe there is no God. I also belief God will punish me for that belief.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 12
They found Alexander the Great's father. He's dead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 12
Ebola border closings mean less trade for chocolate. Do your patriotic duty and eat more vanilla.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 12
Every time someone un-follows me, a terrorist is born.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 12
…and I no longer have more followers than people I follow.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 11
For the first time in my life, I have more followers than I follow. This will probably last at most an hour or two.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 11
I don;t pay attention to family reunions. I just learned Lena Dunham is my cousin. Now I have to go out and see who she is.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 11
So perfume is whale vomit. Let a whale attend a party. Gets too drunk, at least the room will smell nice.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 11
My embarrassment over hackers releasing my private photos is how many of my photos are really blurry.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 11
"We North Koreans pledge our loyalty to our leader, as soon as we find out who that is."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 10
There have been more reports of Andy Kaufman alive than reports of Kim Jong-Un alive. #KimJongUn
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 10
How would you most like people to celebrate John Lennon's birthday? #yokoQandA
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 9
So, Republicans want to kill people with Ebola yet not fund preventing it. Conspiracy theorists, do your worse….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 9
NC Republican Executive Director says people with Ebola should be immediately executed. Republicans: the party of compassionate?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 9
For those of you panicked over Ebola, please note that it is a Republican Senator holding up the funds to fight it. Who loves you? Not him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 9
Half females assaulted won't admit it to themselves. U. Washington study: half of women are assaulted. This is the real "Silent Majority".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 9
A female Ghostbusters won't be similar to the original until the women are paid what they paid the men.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
The study showing conspiracy theorists are the most sane people is part of a government conspiracy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
Godzilla is headed toward Japan. #Vongfong
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
"No, I didn't go to Penn, I went to Colgate." #DatableAlumniRankings
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
I just moved from the world's largest economy to the world's second largest economy, and I did not have to move at all.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
Does chugging five beers at once increase athletic performance? #Bumgarner
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
Governor, trailing polls, signs execution order, because nothing says you deserve reelection more than killing someone.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
The words "penis transplant" is why I am now questioning remaining an organ donor.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
RTE says people in "my region" are not allowed to see #Connected I guess because we just aren't ready to see reality.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
I wonder what part of Africa this movie was filmed. It is amazing to see that part of Africa has trees found only in North America.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
One of the world's first gynecologists, Soranus, realized he had no future in proctology.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 8
No fair. A huge Giant versus an itty, bitty Nat?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
The "Seventh Heaven" show must be cursed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
"But the Orioles deserve better food than do the Seahawks" replied the Delta employee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
"My last girl friend was a real cow", so said the Pennsylvania high school coach arrested because that is against the law.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
RIP Andy Kaufman, whose fake life is hitting the Internet as the latest hoax.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Stephen Hawking recording with Pink Floyd is perhaps the best news the world has received lately.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Earliest known daring of Jesus shows him beardless. Surprisingly, he was also drawn with a tramp stamp tattoo.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Bless der hearts, dem pointy headed intellectuals tolds me I have a "New England" accent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
"You got the tattoo to be different, yet you waited until everyone else had one?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Why is it conservatives who profess they love America more than others who speak the most of civil war and states succession?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Bill striking state marriage court decisions would end gay marriage. Also would end interracial marriage. "Wow, 2 for the price of 1!"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 7
Farewell, Skip E. Lowe. You are great and you will be missed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 6
The mail carrier just brought me my Alex Henery Fan Club membership card.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 6
Kids today will look back at the fond memories they spent of their childhoods shopping at WalMart.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 5
If you are in the ocean in a bubble and you need to ask directions, you should not be in a bubble in the ocean.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 5
I thought the last stage in Secret Service training for White House duty was "learn to lock the door."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 5
It turns out Edward Frein was not hiding at all. He was appearing on a new NBC sitcom. That's why no one could find him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 4
You have to admit, the Nationals and the Giants together have a far better bullpen that the Tigers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 4
Wait, the story about Prince Charles dating Barbra Streisand is real and not a fake comedy story? Now, that's funny.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 4
There were lessons learned in Korea forgotten in Vietnam, lessons learned in Vietnam forgotten in Iraq, lessons learned in Iraq….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 3
You know, I haven't been feeling well since my vacation in Liberia. I think a stroll around Times Square will help.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"This candidate is lower than the heels of some Jimmy Choos." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"This candidate is so dirty, she was a virgin at her wedding and still couldn't wear a white wedding dress." #fPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"This candidate has changed views more than there are shades of lipstick." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"The candidate has been bought by special interests so often, you can find him in a Goodwill discount bin." #PoliticsWentLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"If these candidates were Black Friday, they wouldn't have to open stores until Saturday." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"These candidates are so similar together they could form a pair of stilettos." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"This candidate has been unsuccessful so long this candidate has gone from the top floor to Macy's basement." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"Vote for the new chiffon dress candidate. The opponent is only a used polyester blouse."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
Although, since so many people use sports analogies when describing elections, maybe it is time to also use dress buying analogies.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
I like the Tom Corbett ad that choosing who to vote for is like buying a wedding dress, because so many male voters will relate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"Why, yes, the Senator agrees that ebola is a CDC plot to turn all Red Party members into zombies."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
Big business does best when a Republican is President. The national economy does best when a Democrat is President. Might be a connection?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 2
"Atlanta? The Atlanta Braves? When did the Braves move out of Boston?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 1
You fix a prostitute problem and then someone leaves a door unlocked. You just can not think of everything."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 1
I feel bad the head of the Secret Service has to be the fall person, Would we all be happier had they killed the deranged intruder?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 1
The head of the Secret Service will turn in her badge, as soon as she remembers where she put the badge.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 1
So, who else is all excited that Alex Rodriguez returns next season?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit · Oct 1
"Yes, Obama created ebola to declare martial law and seize power. You also believe elves bake cookies in trees, don't you?"
posted by Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny at 2:42 PM
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