We E't Tweets

I thought the last stage in Secret Service training for White House duty was "learn to lock the door."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  4h 4 hours ago
It turns out Edward Frein was not hiding at all. He was appearing on a new NBC sitcom. That's why no one could find him.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  16h 16 hours ago
You have to admit, the Nationals and the Giants together have a far better bullpen that the Tigers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  16h 16 hours ago
Wait, the story about Prince Charles dating Barbra Streisand is real and not a fake comedy story? Now, that's funny.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 4
There were lessons learned in Korea forgotten in Vietnam, lessons learned in Vietnam forgotten in Iraq, lessons learned in Iraq….
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 3
You know, I haven't been feeling well since my vacation in Liberia. I think a stroll around Times Square will help.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"This candidate is lower than the heels of some Jimmy Choos." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"This candidate is so dirty, she was a virgin at her wedding and still couldn't wear a white wedding dress." #fPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"This candidate has changed views more than there are shades of lipstick." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"The candidate has been bought by special interests so often, you can find him in a Goodwill discount bin." #PoliticsWentLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"If these candidates were Black Friday, they wouldn't have to open stores until Saturday." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"These candidates are so similar together they could form a pair of stilettos." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"This candidate has been unsuccessful so long this candidate has gone from the top floor to Macy's basement." #IfPoliticsWereLikeShopping
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"Vote for the new chiffon dress candidate. The opponent is only a used polyester blouse."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
Although, since so many people use sports analogies when describing elections, maybe it is time to also use dress buying analogies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
I like the Tom Corbett ad that choosing who to vote for is like buying a wedding dress, because so many male voters will relate.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"Why, yes, the Senator agrees that ebola is a CDC plot to turn all Red Party members into zombies."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
Big business does best when a Republican is President. The national economy does best when a Democrat is President. Might be a connection?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 2
"Atlanta? The Atlanta Braves? When did the Braves move out of Boston?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
You fix a prostitute problem and then someone leaves a door unlocked. You just can not think of everything."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
I feel bad the head of the Secret Service has to be the fall person, Would we all be happier had they killed the deranged intruder?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
The head of the Secret Service will turn in her badge, as soon as she remembers where she put the badge.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
So, who else is all excited that Alex Rodriguez returns next season?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
"Yes, Obama created ebola to declare martial law and seize power. You also believe elves bake cookies in trees, don't you?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
Teacher defends bullied student, mother of bully complains, school fires teacher. Arizona, still stuck in the 20th century.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Oct 1
Inmate enters unlocked room, rapes typist, she sues, state claims rape was her fault. Pennsylvania, still stuck in the 20th century.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 30
Who is Nashville thought Predators is a good name for a hockey team? What was the runner-up choice, the Peeping Toms?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 29
I have yet to find out how good my memory is. I can never remember to take the memory test.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 23
Liberals and conservations smell different? No wonder Secret Service assumes I'm a dangerous radical.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 23
Today I rode a cab with video news for passengers. It announced "Joan Rivers has a life threatening illness."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 18
Breaking news: Richard the Third died from being hacked to death. Eventually forensics will get to the backlog of modern crime analysis.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 18
"I know my limit. I always stop after 14 glasses of wine."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky retweeted
 Bobbie Oliver @thebobbieoliver  ·  Sep 18
PLEASE RETWEET if you think @Support @twitter should do more (i.e. anything)  about harassment and threats made on its site
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 18
"Hey, man, like anyone notice ever since they legalized pot in Denver that, like, we're selling much more pizza?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 16
Wow, Penn is both the best college to get and education and the best party school. You gotta party hard to learn.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 15
I still think Robin Thicke is one of the greatest songwriters ever.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 15
Django may be unchained, but Daniele Watts wasn't.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 15
The Yankees, Mets, and Giants may all stink, but when it comes to Miss America contests, New York knows how to win.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 15
"Your column is off today. Were you not drunk when you wrote it?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 15
I never got the results back from my memory test because I keep forgetting to take the test.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 14
"Young lady, you are not wearing that Columbian cycling uniform to school."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 13
What would a car chase on the 405 even look like? I presume, of course, the driver and police are all on foot.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 12
Well, we learned that amphetamines do not help batting averages.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 12
RIP Denny Miller, a great guy and wonderful actor. A great talent has been lost.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 11
Please visit Philadelphia. They need to make up the $210,000 embezzled from Visit Philadelphia.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 11
A pet alligator has been rescued at a food store. Who takes their pet alligator with them when shopping?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 11
Why am I just now learning that you are supposed to tip 20 per cent and NOT 20 cents? #LeSeanMcCoy
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
RIP Richard Kiel, another great friend and talent who shall be remembered well.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
New York Times prints correction that Dick Cheney was President. No, NYT, you were right, he served as President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
A Tom Wolf for Governor actor appeared in a horror film. Ronald Reagan appeared with a chimp. What does it matter?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
We did it. Our petition to get Sarah Silverman to host SNL is the only reason why they picked her to host, honest. #SarahSilverman
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Hey, like, welcome to Colorado. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Welcome to Virginia, where oral sex is illegal. Keep driving, you perverts. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Welcome to Ct. Yeah, we can't spell the full name either. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Welcome to New York. The smell is New Jersey. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 8
It is good you signed Patty Duke but why didn't you also sign the woman who played her identical cousin?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 8
Yeah! My alma mater was named "Best College 2015". Of course, when I went there it was consider the dredge of society.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 8
Stephen Hawking has figured out how to destroy the entire universe. Great, now some elementary school science nerd will probably do it.