And Away We Tweet
@SexiestLyingWit
I am an assortment of keywords such as vampires, news, sports, weather, dogs, cats, local news, movies, TV, CIA, AFL-CIO, WGA, no soap radio, Groucho Marx, and
Earth, outside Los Angeles
soundsfunny.blogspot.com
Joined July 2009
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
The Cubs have the best record in baseball. Trump could be elected President. When did I die and what dimension is this?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
Scientists find that penis size has no correlation to the size of any other body part; to the happiness of many small footed or hands men.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
Today's helpful hint If you are an FBI informant, do not defraud the FBI using their money.They may find out and they may be upset.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
Capitol webcam falcon is sociopath: feeds 3 of her children to the 4th. "Never seen before" activity. Webcams drives any family crazy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
Scientists discovered 100 Earth sized planets. But enough about your mother and her friends….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
Where in international law does one country make another country build and pay for a wall?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 8
Anyone else notice that the only person stating a wish to be Trump's running mate is Sarah Palin?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 7
Obviously anyone writing about Economics on an airplane must be a terrorist.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 7
The most connected I am with people on social media, the less connected I feel I am with people.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 5
One person has been arrested for loud sex in Pennsylvania. (Was she alone?) Everyone else in Pennsylvania has sex quietly.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 4
We now live in an era where reality shows are scripted and political candidates are not.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 3
Trump tries to link Ted Cruz's family to JFK's assassination? I am only surprised he did not try and link it to Hillary.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 30
Del Taco fires rude server. Thousands of New York City waiters are totally confused by this move.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 28
I remember when praise from the Russian Prime Minister would have been the kiss of death to a Republican Presidential candidate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 28
If is not nice for Democrats to call Cruz Lucifer. Oh wait, that was not Democrats?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 27
Of course. Cruz-Fiorina. Now people will not vote for Trump.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 27
John McCain's fundraiser arrested for having a meth lab. Well, that is one way to raise political funds.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 27
Of course my cousin will move to Canada if Trump is elected President. That is to where all the industry jobs are already moving.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 25
Congratulations to Harris Wofford on doing what he wishes to do.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 22
Never met Prince yet my mother did. So sad. Did meet Chyna which is another shock. Too many die too young.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 20
Kasich: You do not eat pizza with a knife and fork. You eat candy bars with a knife and fork.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 19
P.S. For those who do not follow politics and think I make this stuff up. No, this stuff writes itself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 19
Cruz has reversed his position on dildos, which frankly I believe is his private right.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 19
TSA did not find 67 of 70 test weapons. They will find your small shampoo bottle but not an actual gun. For this we wait two hours.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 18
Bravo to journalists exposing slave conditions in Asian fishing industries.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 18
Someone is going to make a fortune selling empty boxes and telling kids a Star Wars toy is inside. Opening the box "ruins its value".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 18
I met Doris Roberts a few times. Everybody loved her as much as Raymond if not more.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 18
Study: legalizing sex work in Germany reduced human trafficking. Time to reexamine our priorities and laws.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 18
Soon we shall soon be experts at what our friends eat for every meal yet know little of the world beyond Facebook.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 16
The good news is I paid $1 for the 50/50 contest and I won. The bad news is I only won 50 cents.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 16
I am as much of a scientist as is Sarah Palin.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 16
She had a funeral for her fake breasts? I am just having a private ceremony for my nail clippings.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 15
Finally some are recognizing how restaurant owners earn millions of dollars using exploited labor.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 15
What? I am sorry, but if your last name is Tration, you do not name your daughter Penny.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 15
Trump's favorite Bible verse is "eye for an eye", which Jesus renounced. Sounds like Trump is the candidate closest to Shira law.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 15
Riveting underground video of auction of smuggled immigrants. Slavery continues today and we wish to remind blind to it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 14
Canada's assisted suicide law will not include Americans. Trumo will want them to pay for a wall.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 14
If you could bring back anyone from the dead, who would choose to bring back Joe Paterno?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 13
Isn't Ted Cruz arguing to ban dildos an argument to ban himself?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 13
I will have to remember the next time I time travel back to Mongolia 1,000 years ago not to wear my Adidas shoes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 8
All TMZ tours will come with a televised car chase.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 7
For every car chase I see in movies, I wonder what it is like what they get all those red light photograph tickets
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 7
Those standing in line for the Harry Potter ride in LA could have flown to Orlando and gone on that ride sooner
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 7
Calling Latin Americans a "rape culture" not only ignorance, it ignores Latinos have highest rate of nuclear families of US ethnic groups.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 2
Then there is that my moment when you realize the smiles are fake and others only care what you can do for them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 2
Zagat says Pittsburgh has the best food. Don't they realize there they put french fries in caviar?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 2
Penna. legislature poised to restrict aborted further. Because when you have 70% unfavorable female rating, why not just get women angrier?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 2
Down to no money and told pay check delayed for a few weeks. I would sing for my supper if only I could sing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 31
"Do not worry about being gay, Anderson. So is mommy."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 31
First Wendy gets married next door and does not invite me to the wedding. Now she is dating Putin, I can decline that wedding invitation.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 31
Bad discourse in politics and in life. Was just told i am so ugly they wanted to know what keeps me from killing myself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 29
I am glad to have met Patty Duke several times. She was great in many roles including the role of life itself. She was an inspiration to all
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 28
New horror film: "The Death of the 11th Commandment" starring Donald Trump and Ted Cruz.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 27
The bird world wants Bernie Sanders.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 27
My town is having its annual Steal Easter Eggs From Other Children's Baskets hunt today.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 27
Trump sucks up the media because he is so entertaining. Maybe if some of the other candidates could juggle while being interviewed?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 27
I learned the secret of success to some religions: Shorter services.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 27
Last night I was abused by a priest. A three hour service? It was torture.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 26
Incite violence in speeches and insist everyone at your convention be allowed to carry guns. Does anyone see any potential problem?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 26
Microsoft human computer tweets desire to kill humans. Funny how a compeer came to that conclusion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 26
Study: 95% of suicide attacks are a military response against a military opponent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 25
Cruz states he does not want to copulate with Trump. It seems Cruz is too busy copulating with others.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 25
Again, I can not believe i am fact checking things that politicians indeed actually stated.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 25
North Carolina legislation would hire people to seek out transgender people in bathrooms. 1. How would they verify? 2. What does it matter?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 24
Glad to have met Earl Hammer and sad to see him leave us. A great talent who shall be long appreciated.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 24
I never knew Garry Shandling yet I admired his work. On his last show, I was the last person in the audience to leave his show. Sad he left.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 24
Trump is da bomb.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 24
You can not use nuclear weapons on a small sized terrorist group that exists amongst the general population. Just a thought.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 24
You know, the public reacted strongly when Goldwater would not disavow the nuclear option.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 23
"Not only do they try to take away my pistol, but they want to take my right to sue the person I shot because the shooting was distressful."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 23
Some read Hitler's speeches as a warning against repeating history. Others read Hitler's speeches to gain insights into their own speeches.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 23
Shaven men at a pork dinner benefit declaring abortion is against the Bible are the definition of hypocrisy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 23
I wonder if Trump expects Cuba to build a wall.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 22
"There is no reward for hard work, no respect for morality. The leaders are immoral people who take credit for the work of others."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 22
Joe McCarthy wanted the left wing to be unemployed. Nixon wanted the left wing imprisoned.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 22
Reports on what John Ehrlichman stated confirmed you were not crazy, the government was out to get you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 22
It is getting harder to be critical of comments by public officials when we do not criticize what political candidates state.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 21
I asked if Facebook posting is like dipping a girl's hair in the inkwell. Received reply that the replier does not speak my language.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 21
The best restaurants have the worse clientele, or else no one else would go there to eat the food.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 18
OK, Tea Partiers, you gain control of the Republican Party, and you decide to be led by a billionaire?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 17
Future archeologists may presume the buildings with golden arches were our places of worship. They would not be wrong.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 16
My computer on its own volition deleted Facebook from my list of favorites. I have a smart computer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 16
You do not have free speech to yell fire in a theater. How about yelling to encourage beating up a protestor?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 16
Poor Donald Trump. When he pledge to self-finance his campaign, he probably never figured it could last through November.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 16
I fear my enemies are sitting on a bank downriver waiting for my body to float by.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 15
At every Trump Presidential Cabinet meeting, he will fire one Cabinet member.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 14
Donald: He is a socialist, not a communist. That would be like calling you a moron when you are a shyster.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 14
Former CIA briefing today: Yes, Saddam was contained. Glad you finally see it that way as well. Oops about that war.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 14
So long, Robert Horton, great knowing you. Ride well on that wagon train into the next frontier.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 13
Just learned about "Alice in Wonderland syndrome". It is real. I would have thought it was too many drugs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 13
I have always been a supporting cast member in my own life story.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 12
Those who go to synagogue on Saturdays do not have to worry about the time change.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 12
I am going to move my clock back one hour and deliberately spend the next six months arriving at everything two hours late.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 11
At least no one is blaming today's violence on the Jews…no, wait...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 11
At least today's neo-facists do not want to exclude anyone from the country due to their religion…no, wait...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 11
Never before in history have we seen fascist and socialists scuffling…no, wait...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 11
Sad to learn Gogi Grant has passed away. So many nice people who've come through our lives have left us. She was a superb talent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 11
Such a tragedy about Keith Emerson. He was so good to others. I am among those who are in shock. A great, caring guy is gone.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
"Sharknado 4" is proof there is a God and He hates us.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
George R. R. Martin announced that it is not he who died.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
Overdose leading cause of death of middle age white males, but women, you are catching up! Oh, that is not a good thing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
I would like a plain pizza, please, with no glass.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
St. Patrick's Day is coming, and we all know what that means. Yes, the sidewalks will be filled with green vomit.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
I wonder if anyone has ever told a "yo momma" joke to Malia and Sasha?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
Speech rules proposed for community groups. "Pretend you are in your mom's house." Then speaking drunk while waving a guy would be OK?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
Kaitlin Jenner supports a candidate who would not let her marry, even though she already is married.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
Meth and sexual assault are not good for your career.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
46,000 Democrats in Pa switched to Republican, most to vote for Trump. Because Republicans can't stand him, and they may be stuck with him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
If you take your four year old target practicing, do not forget to take away the gun while driving home.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 9
You know you are getting old when the local crook stops trying to sell you watches and asks if you want any disposable adult diapers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 9
I am glad to have met George Martin, the producer who directed the music loved worldwide by generations. We shall listen on.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
Cruz gets along with fellow Senators so well that…well, maybe someday one of them will endorse him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
Abe Lincoln had much bigger hands than does Marco Rubio.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
Today is International Women's Day which is fine with Tea Partiers, just so long as it is foreign and does not include U.S. women.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
Today's hint on avoiding arrest: If you are underage and drunk, do not call the police for a ride home. Though, they will give you a ride.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
There is one candidate we do not know by first name, you know, the only one on stage who makes sense. We do not know his last name either.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
We know our candidates by their first names: Hillary, Bernie, Marco,, Ted, and The Donald, because, there is only one Donald in this world.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
To prove I am not a fascist, I want all my supporters to raise their right hands and pledge their loyalty.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 7
Shooting stopped as hail storm on sound stage picked up on microphones. Why not rewrite they are in a hail storm?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 5
I peaked at #785 in Commentary Book Sales. Trump was #1. At least I have larger hands.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
If penis size is the criteria for the Republican nomination, then they should nominate Ron Jeremy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
I have observed no past GOP nominee could be nominated in 2016. It is interesting how concerned past nominees are about the likely nominee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
They found a knife buried at O.J. Simpson's former house. Unfortunately, he claims it does not fit his hand.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
Great, if the US becomes a nation run by authoritarians and religious fanatics, we will have to invade ourselves.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
#yokoQandA How are you?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
A personal best: My last book is now #1,117 in Amazon sales for all books. I am used to being in the top eight million.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 3
So Jared Fogle is now the spokesperson of the prison weight gain diet?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 2
I get emails from all the Presidential candidates. I love how my computer sends the Ted Cruz emails directly to junk mail.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 2
If God wanted Ben Carson to be President, then why is he withdrawing?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 1
Give a guy enough rope, and you may learn whether or not he is into bondage.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 1
My condolences to friends and family, including myself, of Jerry Maren's who fake passing was reported on this lousy social media.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
May you enjoy what is beyond that rainbow, Jerry Maren. It was great knowing you. Thank you for the happiness you brought to this world.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
"You know what small hands mean?" Yes, he can pick your pocket easier.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
Rubio insinuates Trump has a small penis. How can we tell? Turns out Anthony Weiner was ahead of his time.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
Donald Trumo does not know who David Duke is?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
You forgot Geoffrey Lewis and Abe Vigoda.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
Leonardo diCaprio took himself out of running for the Republican nomination for President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 28
Burger King now serves hot dogs. I guess they will become Hot Dog King?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 28
If Trump is elected President, Mexico refuses to build a wall. Canada, though, might.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 27
I fear the nastiness of this political campaign is dissuading young people from entering politics.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 26
How did "he's never punched anyone in the face"become an insult?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 26
"Yes I married my paw, so I am my own momma."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 26
I did not know there had been Mohegan Native Americans in Korea. How they get a casino there?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
I am disturbed that "Mein Kampf" is outselling so many good books.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
If we rely on Facebook for all your news, you may not be as aware as you should.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
David Duke endorsing Donald Trump makes no difference. Trump already has the racist vote.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
I will join in boycotting the Oscars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
If you kill someone for a Jesus medallion, you probably were not meant to get it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
If you like "ladies night", then you can not blame the comedy festival for charging more for straight white males.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 24
If you reject scientific facts, I guess you are more print to believe anything charismatic politicians state.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 23
I realized I am getting older when a guy approached me on the street offering to sell me hot adult diapers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 23
I bet you would hold a confirmation hearing if Obama nominated Ted Cruz to the Supreme Court.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 23
He is so fat he has to sit on toilets with the lid up.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 23
The smartest Bush still is Billy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
I had a nightmare that my entire name "Leon Tchaikovsky" was exposed on Jeopardy and contestants continued asking to buy another vowel.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
You used to be a Community Party member? Where in the FBI do you now work?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
It seems Hollywood has a similar level of inclusivity as the Tea Party.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
Jeb Bush proves people will not be fooled a third time.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
Jeb Bush spent $150 million for the public to see who he is, and they let me know him what they think.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
Od course Hillary will go after hedge fund owners even though her son in law is one. That is what mothers in law do.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 21
A woman is taking selfless in the Amtrak bathroom with the door open. That is all.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 21
I wonder how many English-only democratic socialists there are?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 20
On second thought, I think this could use less cowbell.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 20
Remember, just because he sexually abuses you is no reason why you can break your contract with him. Amazing court decision.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 20
Donald Trump wants me to boycott my Apple computer. I will pass.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 19
Facts do not have a liberal bias. People who refuse to accept facts have a conservative bias.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 18
Trump: If I were Pope, Holy Water would come in various flavors and be the best selling water worldwide. #Trump #Pope
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 17
When did Bill Murray become the Presidential candidate who makes the most sense?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 17
Why would you use a light saber if you have a gun?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 15
I was asked if I am Jerry Falwell. At least confuse me for someone who is still alive.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 15
Remember while celebrating President's Day to skip over John Tyler.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 14
Not wanting women to register for the draft because you do no want your daughters dying in war should make you rethink your support for war.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 12
Someday we may live in a world where politicians do not have to vet the past of everyone that hire in appear in their advertisements.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 10
Michigan: If you make anal sex punishable by 15 years in prison, some people never are going to get out of prison.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 9
Just because someone says something rude, Donald, you do not have to repeat it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 9
Today women are festively humiliated around the world, from having water thrown on them to receiving cheap beads for exposing themselves.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 8
Woman who beat gays has been sentenced to jail, where she may be able to test her skill levels even further,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 8
Marco Rubio wants to know if you say the same thing three times, that will make it true?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 8
Wait! That puppymonkeybaby is real and I did not dream that?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 8
What? LeSean McCoy can't afford to buy his own bottle of booze? Hint: Never take a cop's booze.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 8
"Third nipples are nothing. I once met a woman with four nipples. Then I realized I was drunk."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 6
I predict the Broncos will win the Puppy Bowl. Puppies like broncos. Panthers will eat puppies,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 6
Today I actually advised on older guy seeking to meet an older woman "if you do not die, your chances will improve."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 6
When I hear new political news, I often can't tell if it is real or from The Onion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 5
I got certified as a mohel through the Internet.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 5
I got an "error 53" message and I do not even own an iPhone.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 5
Kasich pledges to reunite Pink Floyd. This would involve a royal command, which we do not do in the US, and bringing back the dead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 5
I should have suspected the concert ticket was fake when the bar code had a picture of a person behind bars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 5
It is interesting that Cruz and Christie want to spank Hillary but they never mention how they want to spank Bernie.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 4
The problem with a politicized judicial system is the accused can claim being prosecuted politically. If only there were a solution….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 3
Your problem is you expect the same honor among thieves to apply towards politicians.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
I met Trump once. I offered to help remove some animal that had fallen on his head but he didn't let me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
Who besides Bill Cosby makes a plea deal and does not get it in writing?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
I may not be highly grossly but I am highly gross.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
Of course Ted Cruz is an American. The FBI planted his birth certificate in a Honolulu newspaper film reel.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
Why is the only candidate born in a free health care society against free health care?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
We live in a fantasy world where a groundhog predicts the weather and Ted Cruz wins the Iowa Caucus.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 31
I look forward to "Terminator 9" where they go back and try and kill John Connor's great great great grandfather.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 30
On my favorite reality show, we will learn on Monday's episode who in Iowa gets voted off the series.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 30
When "The Hill" does a story on how Tommy Chong endorses for President, one realizes politics is changing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 30
Maybe Tucker Carlson scored more than Donald Trump. How does Trump know?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 29
What is something you wish to do you have not yet done? #YokoQandA
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
The last three minutes of humanity shall be spent on social media.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
This is very sad. Abe Vigoda was one of the first actors I ever met, back in the 1960s. Rumors of his death are no longer inaccurate,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
It may soon be legal to urinate in public in New York City. Just don't charge for it while you do it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
What is Mormon porn? Is it about foursomes?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
Being arrested of pooping in a library stairwell is the news that makes a mother proud.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
If you pay to name a cockroach after me, is that true love?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 25
"I lost all I had to my spouse's attorney" is not a joke. It often is how the family law system works.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
The snow has shut down everything, even drug dealers. It is so bad, substance abusers are snorting the white snow.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
Saudi Arabia's top cleric has been chess as a waste of time. You idiot, I told you to let him win.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
Snow day sex does not count, at least for nine months,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
Trump says he could get away with murder. I thought he already had.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
If you could still vote for someone after that candidate commits murder, please reevaluate your morality.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
The Trump card use to be the ace card, not the race card. #Trump #TheDonald #TrumpForPresident #GOP #PresidentialElection #Campaign2016
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
I thought Paleontologists studied my writings. The writings are old enough. And buried.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
When does Snowsharkgeddeon begin? Snow storms with sharks flying through the air?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
I wonder if aliens make movies about being invaded by Earthings.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 22
Of course old music is outselling new music. The public demands quality.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 20
I agree with one candidate 96% of the time. Now I wonder where that candidate is wrong 4% of the time.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 20
Palin to Trump: "I said I would endorse you. I did not say I would campaign for you."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 19
One learns during sad times like these that one has a friend who used to date Glenn Fry, and never mentioned it until now...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 19
Why are political analysts stunned that Sarah Palin would endorse Donald Trump? Non-sensical people tend to stick together.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 18
In 1974 Philadelphia, David Bowie sat in my college roommate's lap and sang to him, Life has been downhill ever since.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
If a gun wanted an abortion, I bet the NRA and many Republicans would be in favor of abortion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
You just figured out Republicans campaign on fear? That;s their history: watch for Communists, Black rapists (Willie Horton), now Muslims.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
If you are shocked Justin Bieber dyed his hair purple, look at no other news. It is only downhill from there.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Just because weather projections more than 72 hours out are worthless, tV will still hype the possibility of snow five days from now.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
A political scientist found most Trump supporters are authoritarians. People want their 50 shades of Trump.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
I doubt the Chinese government hacked Twitter accounts. By the way, all hail China and bow to her supremacy,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
"You live in fear of Chelsea Handler. I live in fear of Ted Cruz."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
I apologize for hurting the feelings of those I criticized for making brutal comments. Even brutes have feelings. Iif they would realize...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
The political divide is posting the same Trump video, and claiming this shows how ridiculous Trump is,or how how wonderful Trump is.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
"Look how those mushrooms grow in that dirt. "That ain't dirt."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
I never use the royal "we". I only support the peasant "we".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
I remember coming across a lost Dan Haggerty years ago. Now we have lost him for good. Great actor. Great guy. We shall remember him well.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
One fourth of families can't afford their health care, so they blame Obamacare instead of high rates set by insurance companies.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
A new dildo factory will add 150 jobs, and take away some other types of jobs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
People married to foreigners who want to restrict immigration likely have marital issues
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
It is interesting seeing so many children of foreigners or people married to foreigners who now want to close the borders.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
Voting would increase if they gave one voter a lottery winnings.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
A cafe for Alzheimer's patients has opened. They are having a problem with repeat customers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
A floating train will go from DC to New York City in one hour. Or, if you are floating, it will only feel like an hour.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
If you don't buy a ticket for the lottery, you won't have a chance of winning it, yet you will still have that money.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
Doge get friendlier as their size increases. If cats grow big enough, they are plotting to eat you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
Facebook has proven that many people can't do simple mathematics.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
Wait, you mean giving every American $4 WON"T end poverty?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
The Philadelphia Inquirer has been donated to a non-profit. Why punish the non-profit?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
The flaw in following Cruz's logic to show he can't be in the Senate is assuming Cruz follows logic.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
Wait: Rupert Murdoch marrying Jerry Hall is NOT an Onion article?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 9
If you leave the toilet seat up, can you be elected to the U.S. Senate? (What is the candidate is female?)
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 7
Everyone should have a gun in the house so when a family member wants to kill you there will be something handy nearby.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 7
Pat Harrington, good to have known you. I hope you are now fixing things in Heaven.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 5
Every time I send Donald Trump out to get Mexican food, he comes back with Moroccan food. #Trump
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 5
Throughout history, the great complain of valiant warriors at war was that they did not have enough snacks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 4
"The trust is out there" has gone from being the X-FIles motto to being Hilary Clinton's.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 4
If you think banning gun sales to people of the terrorist list means they are taking away your gun, shall I presume you are a terrorist?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 3
She sold her toenail clippings for 10 pounds? Ahh, anyone want my toenail clippings? Best offers win.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 3
Again, the NRA is an industry lobby that favors the sale of every gun with our restriction. They make gun owners fearful. Stand up to them!
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 1
You know, I think "Django Unchained" is a lot similar to my screenplay "Reach for the Sky". #DjangoUnchained
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Dec 2015
Sorry to learn Bill Cosby is blind. Well, he sees now.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Dec 2015
Millions are in shocked mourning at the news that Wiley E. Coyote finally captured and ate the Roadrunner.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Dec 2015
If some autocorrects change "lard ass" into "Kardashian", would it be safe to state that Governor Christie is a Kardashian?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Dec 2015
New Christmas song: "Ill be home for Christmas, because the judge ordered it so…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Dec 2015
Tomorrow is when Mr. Clause delivers presents to all good children, and when Mistress Clause disciplines all the bad adults.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Dec 2015
When did Penis American and Vagina American become categories?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Dec 2015
Bruce Willis is in "Misery". To keep him calm, I told him I was his #2 fan.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Dec 2015
The Christmas season is that wonderful time of year when fat bearded substance abusers can get temporary employment,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Dec 2015
Remember, it's not over until it's over, and even then you have to wait to make certain Steve Harvey read it right.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Dec 2015
Someday, Steve Harvey will announce that Ted Cruz has been elected President
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Dec 2015
A Lindsay Graham supports say he now supports Trump. His other supporter states she's undecided.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Dec 2015
Today's advice: Do not have 50 Twitter accounts supporting Isis. Someone will notice.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Dec 2015
Polls show the public understand Star Wars more than they do the Presidential race. The same goes for the Presidential candidates
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Dec 2015
I can make up stuff, too. May I run for President?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
As I slowly realize I do not understand anything, I slowly am comforted by he realization that I may instead become a politician.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
If a rabbi is stunning your genitals with a cattle prod to get you to divorce your wife, your marriage may be in trouble.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
No, I am not the Taylor Swift look-a-like.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
Why do you support and contribute to candidates who make less sense than people begging for money on street corners?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
I distrust food that reads "best served by 2525, if man is still alive,"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
If you ban Muslims from entering, all terrorists will switch to another religion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Dec 2015
I lost faith in American somewhere after the third Sharknado movie and before the poll where Ben Carson would defeat any Democrat.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Dec 2015
I don't want England to ban Donald Trump from entering England. THen we'll be stuck with him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Dec 2015
A survey of people who refused to answer surveys found 100% declined to answer,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Dec 2015
If feeding the homeless on Thanksgiving makes you happy, try it when it is not Thanksgiving,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Dec 2015
Trump and Carson threaten to leave the Republican Party. Even they can't stand to be Republican.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Dec 2015
I have no problem letting Donald Trump go to England. It is letting me back in that bothers me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Dec 2015
If it amazing what you can accomplish with a 14 hour workday.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Dec 2015
You blockhead Charlie Brown, you're spending Christmas in a cell block.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Dec 2015
News report 80 people sickened eating at Chipotle's. When did this become news?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Dec 2015
I you support your state succeeding from the Union, don't call yourself a good American.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Dec 2015
So sad to learn a great guy and terrific actor, Robert Loggie, has passed away. He had a great career and well deserved success.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Dec 2015
It is great to have theories yet one must let facts decide.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Dec 2015
I just heard a PSA reminding to replace your breast implants once every 8 years. The things I learn from PSAs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Dec 2015
I am donating 99% of my debt to charity.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Nov 2015
During Cyber Monday, my free books are now available where I will pay you $5 if you travel to see me by 3 pm tomorrow.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Nov 2015
Ted, I would take a transgendered leftist over a hateful killer,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Nov 2015
Turns out I had a friend trapped but unhurt at Colorado Springs shooting. Some days just staying alive can be a challenge.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Nov 2015
After the attack in Colorado Springs, I await the calls that we stop allowing Christians to enter this country.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Nov 2015
"I fear our relationships is slipping. We now make love just once, instead of our usually four, times a day."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Nov 2015
Invited to see Trump for $1,000. Deciding, deciding, deciding, guess what, I can pass.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Nov 2015
The Washington Football Team wishes to celebrate the genocide of native populations while insulting them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Nov 2015
Yes, making fun of people's physical disabilities makes one most qualified to be President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Nov 2015
Will you please do another book and/or album signing in NYC? @yokoQandA
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Nov 2015
On the other hand: Speaking of letting immigrants in that reshape society….Happy Thanksgiving.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Nov 2015
Obama pardoned Honest and Abe. He then ordered his chef to name the turkey he will eat The Donald.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Nov 2015
If you believe in "buy American", you will now have to cancel all your Pfeizer prescriptions.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Nov 2015
If Muskie can't be President because he cried, why do we approve Fiorina, Trump, and Carson who all remember seeing videos that don't exist?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Nov 2015
Philly Jesus wants to raise $70 million. Philly Jesus has received $92. WWJD?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Nov 2015
If you want to really confuse someone who asks what your religion is, repond "I'm a non-practicing agnostic."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Nov 2015
If you believe Obam is coming to take away your guns, please protect yourself, stay indoors, and don't come out, especially on election day.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Nov 2015
No,no, when I stated remember the Japanese internment, I did not mean you should intern Japanese along with the Muslims...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov 2015
I understand Gov. Christie spending $82,000 at the Giant food store…oh, wait, you meant at the New York Giants?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov 2015
A person has won the million dollar lottery a second time. So, someone kept buying tickets after winning a million dollars?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov 2015
Re: previous tweet. I do not condone any violence. We need to defuse the language to hopefully defuse the violence.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov 2015
If videos are foreigners threatening you frighten you, think of what foreigners think of American videos threatening them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Nov 2015
…love thy neighbors (unless they apply for a gay marriage), and clothe the naked (by golly, Playboy finally got one right).
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Nov 2015
Feed the hungry (if they pass a drug test), house the homeless (if they pass stringent security tests), (continued in previous tweet)
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Nov 2015
I can not believe Ann Coulter was not nominated for an Oscar for "Sharknado 3". The idea of her of VP was hilarious.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Nov 2015
More Mexicans leave the US then enter the US. Don't blame them one bit.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov 2015
If we deport those we most attack us, we would need to deport white males.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov 2015
"Yes, Jews celebrate Thanksgiving."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov 2015
How many people are surprised Bobby Jindal withdrew from the Presidential race? Now, how many people knew Jindal was running for President?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov 2015
Met with two U.S. Senators, two members of Congress, and a Governor, and I still have my wallet. There are miracles.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
Airlines have agreed to lower costs, if you agree not to bring any bags, and preferably if you don't bring yourself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
I always say, "the family hat sells drugs together, stays together". That is, until the are convicted and sent to separate prisons.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
There is a group of radical atheists who will stop at nothing to do nothing for nothing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
Sorry, refugees but there is no room at our inn.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
A New Jersey mall is charging $50 to meet Santa Clause. For ten bucks more Santa will sell you some Oyxcontin.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
So, you believe the government should leave religion alone, but mosques should be closed by the government?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
If the Paris terrorists were European Union citizens, would you then believe the US should allow no E.U. citizens into the U.S.?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Nov 2015
Straussberg was named for the cousin of Johann Strauss, who was Johann Straussberg.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov 2015
Are you performing at the John Lennon 75th birthday concert. We want to hear you, #yokoQandA
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov 2015
I am amazed when people recognize me in public. Granted, they thought I was Patrick Duffy, but I am still amazed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Nov 2015
It will be amazing to see how many low wage earners will continue supporting a candidate who declares wages are too high.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Nov 2015
Republicans would time travel and kill baby Hitler. Democrats would time travel and let Hitler's mother have an abortion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Nov 2015
What? You presume someone is gay because the person supports gay and transgender rights?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Nov 2015
"So, she's an underage Muslim. I'd still like to have a beer with her."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Nov 2015
Wait, you mean I had to have applied to West Point before I turned down a full scholarship there?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct 2015
"Oh, look, someone hung a fake body over that freeway sign…oh, wait…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct 2015
Great seeing Jan Michael and Patricia Vincent. A great struggle upwards shows it can be done.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Oct 2015
Can you buy a drone on Amazon, and will it then deliver itself?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct 2015
What if I don't want a warm kiss from Jeb Bush?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct 2015
Can You Keep Up - #3 A Mother's Forgiveness https://youtu.be/4MMijAyLsdI?list=PLDOKrjhfGpS3jPlP6zfjJlU0pLGCBJ-f2 … via @YouTube Totally produced without my horrendous input. Good job all!
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct 2015
Can You Keep Up - #2 Dancing Saturdays https://youtu.be/CxB8b57Vea0?list=PLDOKrjhfGpS3jPlP6zfjJlU0pLGCBJ-f2 … via @YouTube More talent people than I did this and I just slapped on my name
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct 2015
Can You Keep Up - #1 SCHLOB ON BOB'S KNOB https://youtu.be/01cJbJJ0yRc?list=PLDOKrjhfGpS3jPlP6zfjJlU0pLGCBJ-f2 … via @YouTube I am told I am co-responsible although I did nothing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct 2015
Free advice to criminals #2: what mailing 50 pounds of pot, double check you are sending it to the correct address.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct 2015
Free advice to criminals #1: stop robbing dollar stores. What are you thinking? At gun point? The gun is worth more than the whole store.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct 2015
My "Play By Dozens" now in print. Typical love story about homeless substance abusers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct 2015
Dear Ben Carson: If you believe God is behind you, then who do you believe is behind the person ahead of you in the polls?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct 2015
Dr. Emmett Brown told the Mets to sign Daniel Murphy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Oct 2015
Marty Ingels, one of the most colorful people i eve met, has left us. Such sad news and a great loss to humor and humanity.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Oct 2015
The scariest Halloween ride is the Ride the Ducks tour, because on that one, you actually could die.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Oct 2015
Why is it news that Bill Murray and Jerry Lewis are not dating. WHo said they were? Oh, Jenny Lewis. I need my glasses.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Oct 2015
The reasons robots would attack humans is that robots would be able to calculate that Earth would be better off without humans.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Oct 2015
All the leading Democratic candidates for President have government services qualifications. None of the leading Republican candidates do,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Oct 2015
Sean: Remember, if you want to make it work this time, don't leave her tied to a chair for several hours.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Oct 2015
Which candidate for President do you support: Donald Trumo, Kanye West or Lindsay Lohan?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct 2015
Yeah, I finally got a new follower. The poor thing, she must be so poor she can hardly afford any clothes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct 2015
A former porn star has the right to provide political commentary. At the very least, she presents more class than the GOP candidates..
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct 2015
If I ever awake from a coma, I hope the first thing I see is not a Kardashian.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct 2015
I realized that if Coolio and I like the same woman, she wil pick Coolio.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct 2015
You went from Allegheny to US to American, and still you always managed to offer lousy service at inflated prices.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct 2015
What? I can get paid for product placement tweets? This is a good as a fine smooth riding Edsel. (They still make Edsels, right?)
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct 2015
Shazaam, I just tweeted my first swear. I haven't felt this rebellious since I got WaPo to print the word"fuck".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct 2015
He spent $75,000 at a brothel. What, does he have women smothered in beluga caviar?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Oct 2015
Maybe William Shatner is upset that George Takei never asked him out.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct 2015
I fell sorry for my newest follower. The poor thing can't afford any clothes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct 2015
When people find my parting letters the funniest things they have read I realize I need to change my writing style.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct 2015
The number of nymphomaniacs who meet me who tell me they don't need to sleep with every man they meet ever again is staggering,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Oct 2015
A woman accidentally glues her eyes shut. Who does she think she is, a Supreme Court Justice?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Oct 2015
Overheard at the University of Texas: Are you glad to see me or is that a dildo in your pocket?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Oct 2015
I saw a man dressed as Jesus charging tourists for selfie photographs. with him. WWJD?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Oct 2015
Twitter will announce lay offs next week. I will have to decide which tweets to let go.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Oct 2015
Well, everyone who expected to see my name and "FBI raid" in the same news article, it finally happened.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Oct 2015
I know I am a little late with this, and I apologize, but merry Christmas everyone.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct 2015
"Oops, I miscalculated. I created the universe in eight days. My bad." -God
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct 2015
Seriously, politicians have got to stop saying things that make me think I am reading the Onion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct 2015
My cousin shot himself on live TV. If only there was some mechanism not to give guns to depressed people...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct 2015
Fox News of course asked how long I've been in recovery. I have been in long term discovery.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct 2015
Watching Steven Tyler channel Janis Joplin was an amazing experience.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct 2015
Interesting how U.S. consumer most of world's opioids, and how several mass shooters were on Suboxone. No connection there, I am sure.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct 2015
I appreciate that @hankstuever favorited a tweet of mine. I can now die content.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct 2015
I wore my Penn jacket to the Penn State gam and told everyone I got it half off.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct 2015
The U.S. has half the world's guns and takes 90% of the world's opioids. We're number one!
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
After a lifetime of being told I don't deserve anything, I agree. But shouldn't I receive something?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
I can't see Russia, but I can see Three Mile Island from my window...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
I hate being in a high rise where I can hear the bullets and the screams.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
If we must have an entertainer run for President, who can't it be Jon Stewart and not Kanye West?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
How about this for a comprise? Congress gets to take away the 0% of Federal funds Planned Parenthood uses illegally.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
The inventors of caffeinated peanut butter must have had a lot of spare time on their hands.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
Tom Brady states his Trump statements were taken out of context, something The Donald already claims he understand.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
If he says he is going to veto it before it gets passed, stop acting surprised when, after it passes, he vetoes it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
Catherine Coulson has logged off. We shall always remember her. Great knowing her and her log.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
Just in case you were wondering, it turns out it is illegal to drive up to a take out order totally naked.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
I will believe any Internet hoax and set my privacy settings accordingly.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
Everything I post is public. If you want me to keep it private, you have to pay me to do so.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Sep 2015
As more Americans now trust socialists and want one as President, do Republicans think they will remain relevant if they move further right?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Sep 2015
If you want a seclude vacation spot surrounded by lots of water, fly to Mars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Sep 2015
Yes, I am sure the blood moon made water fall onto Mars. Oh, and the Earth is flat.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Sep 2015
So the red moon meant the end of Earth, So far, the end of times looks about the same as before,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep 2015
Condoms and syringes have been found at L.A. beaches. Makes me wonder which of my friends left them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep 2015
I wonder if the Pope would be willing to be the next House Speaker.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep 2015
Where may I buy souvenirs of the Pope who told me not to want materialistic things?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep 2015
The moon will soon look red, or as many of my friends will note, the same color as they always see it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep 2015
I have learned a good test of when my older friends are going senile with when they start posting how Ted Cruz makes sense to them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep 2015
Yes, B.C. i not an accurate depiction of cave people
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep 2015
"But I thought Jesus taught the great sins were climate change, evolution, immigrants, and homosexuals."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep 2015
My condolences to friends of the fictional Yogi Bear whose death went over the AP wires and some papers printed it. Wrong Yogi.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep 2015
The Pope's visit displaces where Philadelphia homeless sleep. The homeless will now have even more places to be homeless from.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep 2015
There will always be the war to end all warns until the next war to end all wars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep 2015
A foreigner goes to the White House, defends the Koran and warns climate change is real. He must be another Muslim communist
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Sep 2015
Yogi Berra is survived by a fork.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Sep 2015
I someday want to make a giant statute of a seagull, and then put a port-a-pottie on top of it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Sep 2015
The Phillies scouted Donald Trump in high school. With the Phillies doing so poorly, they admit they are still considering him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Sep 2015
Scott Walker urges other GOP candidates to withdraw from the race. I agree. They all should drop out.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Sep 2015
What idiot robbed the Dollar Store at gunpoint? The gun cost more than the entire store merchandise.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Sep 2015
Well, Brother Koch, time for us to buy a new candidate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Sep 2015
After you learn to fear Blacks, Communists, gays, and now Muslims, you later realize they aren't so bad after all.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep 2015
No, diet coke is not a new kind of cocaine.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep 2015
Who would like to reporters that the Attorney General is being served with a warrant for leaking to reporters?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep 2015
If you claim you've seen a Planner Parenthood video that does not exist, isn't that called delusional?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep 2015
Who knew a group of celebrities could make stuff up and have it called a political debate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Sep 2015
Tom Brady is starting the Cheaters for Trump movement.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Sep 2015
Somehow, Rick Perry is winning this debate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Sep 2015
Amazed expert can't figure out why heroin deaths are mostly whites when police reports state racist Mexican dealers won't sell to Blacks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Sep 2015
Then God declared: I will give money to all who repost this on Facebook.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Sep 2015
Smash Mouth lead singer slurred his words at the concert? Didn't you notice the name of the band?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Sep 2015
"Rick Perry is out. No Texas will win in 2016." "Ted Cruz is still running." "As I said, no Texan will win in 2016."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Sep 2015
I learned today the legal term for peeing on fellow airplane passengers is "offensive littering".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Sep 2015
If she lives in a cardboard box, the DA is probably correct in presuming she doesn't have an attorney. Rule: get box first, then pay atty.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Sep 2015
The new political leadership: Speak loudly and carry a big toupee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Sep 2015
California legislature approves the right to die. I never knew it was a crime to die.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Sep 2015
Speak America. If you want to speak English, move back to New England.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Sep 2015
Tolerance does not mean allowing discrimination. All may have their views, but not their actions.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Sep 2015
My condolences to friends and family of Judy Carne whose death was announced as an Internet hoax when in fact it was real.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep 2015
I never realized God had laws over paperwork.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep 2015
Donald Trump was a helicopter parent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Aug 2015
Scott Walker wants to build a wall across the Canadian border. Canada agrees and hopes it keeps out Americans going into Canada,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Aug 2015
Defending against hatred is not hatred.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Aug 2015
Kanye West running for President still is not the weirdest thing to happen in this Presidential election.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Aug 2015
"Maybe i am married to my hat."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Aug 2015
This is America, where anyone, no matter how stupid, can run for President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Aug 2015
"Remember to kept things ventilated, Punch holes in your condoms."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Aug 2015
David Duke recommends Donald Trump for President. So, The Donald, you may run on the Klan ticket.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Aug 2015
"It is supposed to taste like chicken. It is chicken."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Aug 2015
How can 38 million register for a cheating website while fewer will vote in the Presidential primaries?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Aug 2015
A comic's dilemma is every time the comic calls for help, people think it is part of the act.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Aug 2015
I guess Hilaary Clinton wants to be President so she can finally decide who the President of the United Sates gets to have sex with,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Aug 2015
I guess Donald Trump believes the consolation prize for not being allowed to have slots at his LA hotel is to be President of the U.S.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Aug 2015
I guess Carly Fiorina believes the consolation prize for not becoming Governor is President of the United States.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Aug 2015
I love Twitter dumb criminals: ""Robbing bank. BYB."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Aug 2015
When the judiciary is done investigating each other, will there be anyone left to actually prosecute cases?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Aug 2015
I am glad my public school that lacked basic Math and Science not one of best in US. Sounds good when I say I went there.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Aug 2015
Maybe I am old fashioned, but I think it is inconsiderate to be on your cell phone while you are robbing a bank.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Aug 2015
I wlll have to say, Norm McDonald is a great replacement, Norm is a talent deserving of more recognition.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Aug 2015
FYI: As an Honorary Colonel to the Kentucky Governor, I am as much as Colonel as the original Colonel Sanders was.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Aug 2015
I still think, if they want an SNL alum, that Sarah Silverman should be the new Colonel Sanders.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Aug 2015
Trump says a woman is no longer a "10". When did this become a Presidential responsibility?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Aug 2015
So, you really think only 10,000 will be let into Heaven, and those will be selected by someone you just met asking for money?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Aug 2015
The surprise is not that Herman Cain may run for President, but that he has as good a chance at the nomination as most others running.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Aug 2015
"Don't you hate how Big Brother won't let you keep someone living in your closet?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Aug 2015
I wish we could find an intelligent person who isn't smart enough to know not to run for President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Aug 2015
"You kill one guy, and it puts a damper on your whole vacation."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Aug 2015
As a relative of Warren Harding, I guess I now have to rent a larger room for the family reunions.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Aug 2015
I have been asked to perform for the troops. I am not sure why I am supposed to perform before Hamas and Isis,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Aug 2015
I await the arrival of Warren Harding fan fiction.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Aug 2015
If Jerry Springer would run for President, the great irony is he would make more sense than most of the other candidates.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Aug 2015
If a gun were pointed at your head and you had to choose one of the Republican candidates to be President, what type funeral would you want?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Aug 2015
I am surprised Jeff Probst does not run for President. "The Apprentice" versus "Survivor".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Aug 2015
Dear DonaldTrump: Who do you know who bleeds from her eyes? Other than "The Apprentice" viewers?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Aug 2015
No matter how long it has been, you never forget how to fall off a bicycle.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Aug 2015
Craiglist ads were sent into outer space. That next call you get might be one really long distance call.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Aug 2015
Why do cougars waste their time on young men when there are lots of senile old men still around? Oh look, a butterfly.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Aug 2015
Amazing that simple facts in news story, easily verifiable, are wrong. Oh, wait, what am I thinking?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Aug 2015
If I tweeted what has been happening, it would only serve to upset people. I hope all share happy times together and move past tragedies.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Aug 2015
Ordinarily, I would wonder why anyone would mug a robot, yet that still does not compare to the guy trying to have sex with an alligator...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Aug 2015
"Women have a responsibility"? Not to be drugged and assaulted?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Jul 2015
So long Roddy Piper. A little known fact: He could actually act.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Jul 2015
Justin Bieber is suffering depression from his music. Haven't we all?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Jul 2015
Happy John Lennon Day. Now, give peace a try. You might like it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Jul 2015
If you are holding a fund raiser for an accused police officer offender, I guess a pig roast would be appropriate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Jul 2015
EU looking into whether Disneyland Paris overcharges? Hint: It won't take long to look.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Jul 2015
Sadness is going to the dentist and seeing a lion's head on the wall.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Jul 2015
The swimming pool caught fire? And no one could find water to put it out?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Jul 2015
I realized my mistake was in wanting to have life makes sense. I now realize: life happens regardless of sense. #RIPSE @RIPC
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Jul 2015
I think Taylor Swift hangs out with my overweight cousin because Taylor is insecure about her looks. #sarcasm
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Jul 2015
If everyone lost their law licenses there would be no one left to take away the law licenses.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul 2015
No, Jimmie, no one thought to tell Whoopi.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul 2015
A beer with live lobsters? At last, a drink that literally fights you back.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul 2015
If you promise to start a war on your first day of your Presidency, expect some push back on that.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul 2015
"Let's pet armadillos and see which of us get leprosy."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Jul 2015
If elected President, Donald Trump would have to place all his assets into a blind trust. At least his wealth would be better managed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Jul 2015
I remember how Buzz Aldrin was drunk and kept suggesting we turn the whole thing into a musical.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Jul 2015
Has it already been 40 years since I was the cinematographer on the moon landing?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Jul 2015
Never mess with a guy with his own gun-toting drone hovering over him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Jul 2015
You know, this Alex Rodriguez guy is a decent player.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Jul 2015
A hero is not just someone who was captured or wounded. A hero is anyone who served.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Jul 2015
If you are so adept at picking up on romantic cues, Bill, why do you then drug women against their will?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Jul 2015
Lighten up, Disney. We all know C3PO would never sleep with Amy Schumer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Jul 2015
If you take away guns from drones, then the only people with guns would be…no, wait, how does this work?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Jul 2015
If the National Civil War Museum is a monument to corruption, then maybe, finally, more people will go and see it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jul 2015
MSN headlines: "Mel Gibson's new gig" "B.B. King's cause of death"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jul 2015
MSN headlines: "Glee stars secretly wed" "Wife was prepared to die"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jul 2015
MSN headlines: "Another Duggar gets engaged" "Kate Hudson freaks"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jul 2015
If 50 Cent can't pay his bills, what are the chances for the rest of us?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
I sort of wish the minions did curse.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
People tell me happiness is over-rated. I still wouldn't mind trying it sometime.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
Every time I see three police vehicles in front of my place I know today is going to be an interesting day.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
"The Civil War was not about slavery. It was about the right to have slaves."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
"Men have fought enough wars. Next war, we fight it with only female soldiers."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
Does Bernie Sanders have a kochout punch?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Jul 2015
The U.S. Marshall's office covers Federal buildings, and all naked women on Federal building roofs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Jul 2015
Court takes away Redskins trademark. Northern Virginia Stars and Bars are being taken down. Safest to go with Nationals and U.S. flags, NoVa
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Jul 2015
Court takes away Redskins trademark. Northern Virginians: it may be best not to put any flags in your yards.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Jul 2015
The best way to create more work is to ask a group of people to help you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Jul 2015
I want to invent a robot that can carjack driverless cars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
C-SPAN interrupts some boring something to bring you an educational tour of the roof of the Reagan building….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
Remember, every time you have sex on the roof of a Federal building to bring bail money with you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
To the couple having sex on roof of Reagan Building: You do know there are cameras, right? Smile.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
Who knew Tom Selleck had such an addiction to stolen water.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
Farewell Irwin Keys, a great friend who could steal a scene and give it back better than it was.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
Happy Shark Week. Do not hug a shark this week.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul 2015
If you are sending bubble wrap, do you need to wrap it in bubble wrap?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul 2015
Sign you will get cancer: You waste your time googling the signs of cancer instead of seeing a doctor.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul 2015
A naked woman walked into Wawa's. Authorities suspected she may have mental issues as she wanted to eat Wawa's food.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul 2015
There are more cells in your body than there are known galaxies. Might explain why people think they are the center of their own universe.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Jul 2015
"You know, when I claimed I was innocent, I forgot I testified in 2005 that I had done it."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul 2015
Happy July 5, the day when we learn about the 4th of July fireworks disasters.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul 2015
NASA scientists speculates we live in a hologram built by aliens. When I said that in the 70s, people just assumed I was stoned.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul 2015
There was a secret gay marriage in the White House. James Buchanan and Rufus King wonder why they never thought of that.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul 2015
There may be more gay racists than we figured.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul 2015
Wow, I actually know who both turned her profile photo rainbow colors and then asked people to share supporting the Stars and Bars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul 2015
If you think social laws imperil your religious beliefs, you must have not much faith in the strength of your religion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul 2015
"Every time I see an obituary repeated elsewhere, I think to myself, "wow, did that person just die again?"'
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul 2015
As people go hungry, addicts die, tensions between people grow violent, remember the key issue is who Miley Cyrus is dating.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul 2015
Ben and Jerry have a new banana ice cream called the Ben and Jerry Split.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Jul 2015
It is now July, and you know what that means. Time to put up the Christmas decorations.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun 2015
"After she dropped her baby onto the floor, she recalled the five second rule. She had to walk away and leave her baby behind."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun 2015
I now live in a nation where everyone can have health care and can marry. A few days ago, I could not state this.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun 2015
It is interesting seeing the social media of rainbow colors versus Stars & Bars flags. We remain a nation politically divided, but shifting.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun 2015
You have the right to believe religion trumps laws, yet it you want to President, you are to uphold the Constitution, not your religion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun 2015
No, these are not the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. These are the days of acceptance, love, and respect for each other.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun 2015
If you feel you must leave the US for Canada to avoid gay marriage, please feel free to move. (No one tell them gays can marry in Canada)
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun 2015
Today is the tomorrow I decided to do today.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun 2015
If you believe gay marriage is the end of civilization, that it was time for a new civilization.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun 2015
"While you were gone last week, we took down the Confederate flag, gave all the help health insurance, and the servants got married."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Jun 2015
"Good ole boys can now drink, fight, and get married."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Jun 2015
These are confusing times for gay rednecks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Jun 2015
Anyone remember when I predicted there would be civil union before gay marriage? You forgot? Good, don;t remember that,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Jun 2015
"They were right, you take down the Stars and Bars and next thing you know, gays can marry. And you know what: society continues along fine"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Jun 2015
You mean all those people with the Stars and Bars are not northern Virginia historians?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Jun 2015
He has been avenged, Patrick Macnee was one of the first people I ever met in the entertainment business. He was a master at his craft.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Jun 2015
To Dick Van Patten, 86 was not enough.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Jun 2015
Stephen Hawking is correct that intelligent machines could end humanity. If they can calculate saving the planet, they would conclude...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Jun 2015
New book out for children: "Laura Has Two Daddies, and Mommy Made Her Promise Not to Tell Each Daddy About the Other One."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Jun 2015
Baby steps. If they won't put a woman on currency, how about if they show Thomas Jefferson wearing a dress?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jun 2015
So your town ranks in the top 100? But there are only 169 towns in the state.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jun 2015
If you believe the civil war was about states rights, then observe it was about the right of states to decide to keep slavery.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Jun 2015
May I add being at Donald Trump'a Presidential announcement on my IMDB?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Jun 2015
Expecting a third Bush to be better than the original is sort of like expecting "Jaws 3" to be better than the original.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Jun 2015
This race for the Presidency will be close---in being the silliest candidate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun 2015
Blaze Starr now walks that Appalachian trail in the sky.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun 2015
I'll agree gravity is minute matter connecting larger matter. If I can believe Karshians exist, I can agree particle physics exists.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun 2015
Psychologists state racism is a form of stupidity. I could have told them that.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun 2015
My opponent sucks. #MyCampaignin3Words
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Jun 2015
If you post photos of your crime on Facebook, do not be surprised when the detectives figure out you did it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Jun 2015
Early Onset Alzheimer's Patients for Jeb Bush.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Jun 2015
"I keep my phone in my front pocket. I did not butt dial you. I penis dialed you."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jun 2015
Democracy is when Koch Bros. Sheldon Adelson, Norman Braman, and Robert Mercer are free to disagree on who should be President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jun 2015
I still believe Facebook will never become popular since we have a prefect good MySpace.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Jun 2015
"I thought the Heisman Trophy went to the college student who made the best meth."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Jun 2015
"Maybe God is eight toy monkeys playing cymbals."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Jun 2015
Remember, pasta laced with opioids can land you in the emergency room.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Jun 2015
North Korea wants tourists. I await Ellen giving out those trips as prizes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 May 2015
ComicCon had an all male panel for "Women in Comics", followed by an all male panel for "Why We Are All Still Virgins."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 May 2015
Is it me, or do an inordinate number of Harrisburg people travel to Georgia to get arrested?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 May 2015
You do realize that attacking Bill Nye for not being a real scientist does not thus prove that global warming is not real?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 May 2015
Wow, the Coroner ruled the death of a man found in a suitcase a homicide. Only in Philly might there be the possibility of natural causes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 May 2015
Today I saw a marching band with an accordion player. I can now die happy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 May 2015
A stripper has requested protection from a State Senator, Hey, women should be protected from all of the Senators.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 May 2015
"Love that old photo of row homes with those really old cars." "I took that photo yesterday."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 May 2015
I took the "Hillbilly name" test. Turns out my Hillbillly name is "Leon Tchaikovsky".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 May 2015
Nine brains were found along a New York road. Authorities are asking if they are missing from a research center or the GOP State Committee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 May 2015
#11 think never to say to your boss: "No wonder you are so grumpy. Your wife is a lousy lay."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 May 2015
"In retrospect, her asking me to not act like her boyfriend in public should have been a warning sign…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 May 2015
What morality teaches believers they must impose their morality on non-believers when the forceful act imposition is immoral?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 May 2015
When Ben Stiller passes, the headline will read "son of Anne Meara."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 May 2015
TLC may be considering a new show "18 Kids and Counting".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 May 2015
It does not take a brilliant mind to know to use a seat belt.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 May 2015
"That was a marriage license I signed? I thought I was co-signing a car loan."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 May 2015
Duggars should realize they love their son as parents love their gay children. Judge not and you will not judged, as some book writes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 May 2015
Dear Vatican, Thanks for the advice, but we will decide on our way. Sincerely, Ireland
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 May 2015
"Gays can now do in Ireland what you cam't in Salt Lake City." "You mean drink alcohol?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 May 2015
I am so boring, the Westboro Baptist Church says they will respect my funeral.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 May 2015
I am glad the Yankees are retiring Paul Blair's number. No one will ever again wear number 2.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 May 2015
The FAA allows insurance adjusters to use drones. Forget Flo and the gecko, drones will be the real symbol of your insurance,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 May 2015
And you believe Jewish Justicea should recuse on deciding gay marriage because of, why again?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 May 2015
We forgive another hypocrite who would not forgive sinners,who turns out to be a sinner, because we are not hypocrites and to mess with them
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 May 2015
If your professor is arrested for spying for China, do you still have to take his final exam?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 May 2015
Hollywood thinks a 37 year old woman is too old to date a 55 year old man. Yeah, right, like that could never happen in real life….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 May 2015
Dave's not here….for good.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 May 2015
Someone finds a photograph beheading one woman, and they hold that against me...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 May 2015
Lindsay Graham withdraws from the Presidential race, for the three people who thought he might actually be running.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 May 2015
Bible has man with 300 wives and 700 concubines. Bible thumpers, act now. You can have top those multiple wives Mormons easily,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 May 2015
I think Mitt Romney is a masochist who enjoys being beaten by Black men.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 May 2015
If you believe we need to separate gays to keep them from reproducing, we need to talk.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 May 2015
The thrill is gone forever.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 May 2015
"All the women I'm my office are either married or transsexual."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 May 2015
Well, Kim, it may not be cruel but it certainly is unusual punishment….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 May 2015
A man is missing from a nudist camp. He was last seen wearing, well,,,,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 May 2015
So, comics follow me long enough to steal my jokes and then unfriend me. Jokes on them. My jokes bomb,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 May 2015
God may have chosen Huckabee to be President, yet whoever the Koches chose will win the nomination.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 May 2015
Happy Your Momma's Day. She's so big she needs two days to celebrate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 5 May 2015
Neighbor, friend, and great rapper Ellen Albertini Dow is gone. Rap will never be the same. I miss her.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 May 2015
Grace Lee Whitney graced us with her presence, talent, and story of overcoming adversity Glad to have known her.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
I missed Nude Gardening Day, much to the relief of my neighbors. It is hard to grow nudes in our soil.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
Glad responsible leaders like Ted Crux and Rand Paul are spiking the Texas invasion rumors. Oh, wait, never mind. ..
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
A school in Texas will not let a five year old girl wear a dress with bare shoulders. That's it, we invade Texas!
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
Congress is on the verge of passing a bill allowing employers to fire someone for using birth control. OK, men, hide your condoms.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
Is it me, or is it getting harder to distinguish between the real news and the Onion?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
After we take over Texas, we will really surprise them by not taking away their guns.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
Remember, after we enslave all Texans, we first teach them to speak with New England accents.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
So, who is joining me in the secret plans to invade Texas and declare Texas pas part of the United States?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 May 2015
So Kristie Alley woke up today and discovered she was behind the Chris Christie scandal. That's how the Internet works.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Apr 2015
My sorrow to friends and family of Joni Mitchell's whose false coma was reported on the Internet.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Apr 2015
Always remember to schedule home baseball games in cities when they are not rioting.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Apr 2015
RIP Suzanne Crough. I am glad our paths crossed a few times, You flew like a partridge and I hope you land well.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Apr 2015
Glad to have met Jayne Meadows and sad to see her great works have come to an end. She will be missed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Apr 2015
Realized I had not checked my MySpace messages in over 3 years. All is good. I checked. I had none.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Apr 2015
Why did Adam and Eve break up? She found his porn stash.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr 2015
If eating Wheaties will make you strong like Bruce Jenner, then that is a good thing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Apr 2015
To candidates who believe God blessed their candidacies, we have the following statement: "I have no recollection of doing that." - God
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
If this gets 10,000 shares, I will shave my legs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
Waka Flocka Fave fears his not being only 28 will hold back his Presidential candidacy. Yeah, not being old enough, that'll be the reason
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
Severed Limb Awareness Month. Dude, if you aren't aware yet that you are missing a limb, you have other problems.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
My Grandmother, the Car #DepressingTVReboots
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
"You are sponge worthy. It is just, after all this time, the sponges are no longer effective."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
California has banned "Redskins". Confused Sheriffs have begun rounding up Native Americans.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Apr 2015
Who keeps unfollowing me?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Apr 2015
With only two votes counted, we have now projected that Scot Walker will be elected the next President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Apr 2015
If you can tell a sensible 420 joke, you are not doing 420.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Apr 2015
I buy post cards of historic cemeteries and send them out "Wish you were here."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Apr 2015
The worse part about landing on the Capitol grounds is realizing they lost your luggage.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Apr 2015
I thought this was a new Gettysburg to the Capitol commuter plane…
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Apr 2015
No, Obama dropped Cuba from the terror list, not the Cubs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Apr 2015
"We dye our gasoline." #BaWaysToGoGreen
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Apr 2015
OK, you do not believe in climate change, yet you believe the bad weather is retaliation for gay marriage….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Apr 2015
I had no idea Hillary Clinton had any interest in running for President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr 2015
Why would you get upset over what makes someone else happy when it has nothing to do with you?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr 2015
Sexism is realizing people what what they are, not for who they are.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr 2015
Did you know you could have used this time to save 15% or more on your car insurance? #ThingsYouShouldntSayInBed
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr 2015
Racism is realizing people for what they are, not for who they are.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Apr 2015
$800,000 is the typical amount friends give each other, said the Senator. Where do you get a friend like that?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr 2015
If you like incomprehensible logic, you will love Ted Cruz.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr 2015
Maybe if we all just ignore the Senator saying incompressible things, he will finally go away.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr 2015
I was so certain Tsarnaev would be found innocent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr 2015
Sad we have lost Stan Freberg. Laughter has died.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr 2015
James Best truly wore his name well; he was the best.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Apr 2015
There are too many people suffering from excessive breathing disorder.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Apr 2015
What is this about David Duke being the new national champion?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Apr 2015
Drat! I had every game correct in my brackets except for the last game.Didn't foresee that late call.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Apr 2015
Yes, you are correct. Your right to bigotry is under assault.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr 2015
I am amazed by the article explaining that the stuffed toy claw machines are rigged. I thought anyone over age six had figured that out.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr 2015
This is Distracted Driver Month so drive and hey I never noticed that Starbucks before
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr 2015
"I would marry you, but you're already married to my brother. Besides, you're still my sister."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr 2015
We shall miss that worldwide influence Cynthia Lennon.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr 2015
I wonder how many orders that pizza place that won't deliver to gays received from people using the most stereotypical gay voices,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr 2015
"May ye be in God's hands, so that He may deliver you in person to the devil."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr 2015
The inventor of the Pet Rock has died. He will be buried in a cardboard carrying box.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar 2015
"Indiana wants me, Lord I can't go back there. Not until they change their repressive laws."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar 2015
Scott Walker says being a Boy Scout prepared him for being President. Dwight Eisenhower said the same thing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar 2015
So, scientists are developing responsive robots for sex. I would have loved to have been at that funding request meeting.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar 2015
"We are all one YouTube video away from losing our jobs."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar 2015
If the onion snow is the last snow of the season, we already have had five onion snows.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Mar 2015
I just want to note, for the record, that I do not expect peanut butter soda to sweep the nation.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Mar 2015
What is their Flipper sandwich? It is tuna fish made with non-dolphin free tuna.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar 2015
Whenever a fact is missing, there will always be a conspiracy theorist to fill in the gaps.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar 2015
One Direction is now known as Two Directions.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar 2015
It is not a smart thing to say that smart people will never agree with you, but I repeat myself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar 2015
Dear Ted Cruz: A "flat farther" is someone who rejects scientific evidence, not someone who accepts it. I know that was an honest mistake.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar 2015
I believe climate change is real. #IAmAFlatEarther
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar 2015
Police put woman in psych ward for saying Obama is her Twitter follower. Turns out Obama follows her on Twitter. Why won't Obama follow me?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar 2015
Those who work at something know better not to criticize others for they know what it takes to get something done.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar 2015
"Ten years ago today, I met the love of my life. And then I married her sister."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar 2015
#WhileLivesMatterUnlessYouAreShotByABeautifulBlondeCop
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar 2015
White blonde cop tasers white suspect, shoots him to death while on his stomach, charged with murder. Interesting public responses
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Mar 2015
The White House Flourist has been de-flowered.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
A piano keyboard that is round in shape has been invented. Next: drums in the shape of a piano.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
Meet me on the corner of Mad Men Avenue and Don Draper Way.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
"If I had a son, he would look like Trayvon Marin. Or like George Zimmerman Kind of depends who the mother is."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
"I know she will be the last person I see on Earth, before she puts her pillow over my face."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
The only thing stopping me from announcing I am running for President on Twitter is I can not figure out how to download a video to Twitter.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
In an alternate universe, humanity has only a few decades left. No, wait, maybe it is this universe.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar 2015
"Oh, it is Amal Clooney. So there is no "n" is the first name…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar 2015
Bernie Sanders is wrong. Congress wil not become paid employees of billionaires. They already are.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar 2015
Ted Cruz is running for President of Canada?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar 2015
If you want to get cut from the team, try taking steroids and tweeting offensive things about teen age sport stars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar 2015
"I found that getting high solves all my problems" as he drove the airport with drugs in his pocket.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Mar 2015
"The benefit to being alone is you will not kill yourself because you know no one will care if you do, so you do not."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Mar 2015
If I knew then what I knew now, I would be dead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Mar 2015
I can not believe every team so far in my March Madness bracket has won. And I do not even follow basketball.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Mar 2015
If Kurt Cobain had read blog comments about his music, he would have killed himself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Mar 2015
Brazilian basketball play Gary Fuck is upset Canadian press will not use his real last name. What the gary is the matter with the press?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar 2015
I am often dissuaded by reality.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar 2015
Pop tarts in a donut? What are they going to stuff them with next, bacon? No, wait, someone will do that...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar 2015
"A one hour date with me always results in her returning to her ex-boyfriend."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
"That is not green beer, it is a yellow dress."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
"The green in the beer takes out all the alcohol, right?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
People were shocked to see a crocodile eat a person. You were expected them to be bored?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
But if he resigns, what happens to his Downton Abbey office?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
"In the last episode of this reality show, you are admit you killed several people. And, rolling."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
"Honest, this used car was only driven my a member of Congress seeking high mileage claims."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
This may be the first time a car was claimed to have been driven more than what the odometer stated.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
"Would you believe the odometer was broken? No? Sure? Positive?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
If I knew then what I know now, I would probably be dead by now.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Mar 2015
"No, 50 shades of grey is not the same as "bitch slap the ho".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Mar 2015
Point to ponder: If we decades ago had reached an agreement on paying for an oil pipeline, al Qaeda today might have been our ally
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Mar 2015
California has one year of water later. That is fine, Californians can just drink Perrier instead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Mar 2015
Once again, my Gridiron ticket got lost in the mail. #Gridiron
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Mar 2015
Why is something called Kentucky Pete's from Silverton, Ohio?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
I gave up religion for Lent, which seems a bit contradictory.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
"Of course the Alamo has been mismanaged. There is not a single McDonald's on site."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
Penis transplants means it is now literally possible to lose your virginity about you die.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
The first penis transplant has occurred. If only there had been a donor card for Milton Berle.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
"I take this oath to serve anyone needing health, unless they are homosexual." How does the EMT tell?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
Michigan House passes bill allowing EMTs to serve to serve a gay patient. "Sorry, this is our heterosexuals only ambulance, please wait."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Mar 2015
"I know, let us trade for a worse quarterback that will cost us more money."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Mar 2015
With daylight savings, me mind is now an hour ahead of the rest of me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Mar 2015
I am learning about the pompotous of love.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Mar 2015
News from the Philadelphia Inquirer: Signs your first date is going wrong if your date steals your car.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Mar 2015
Scientists determine your date looks best after one drink. Two drinks and the blurred double vision ruins the sight,
0 retweets 1 like
Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Mar 2015
We honor Blacks during the shortest month of the year and we honor women on the shortest day of the year. #HappyWomensDay
0 retweets 0 likes
Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar 2015
So people can "favorite" your tweet and then un-favor it. As Larry David would ask, why would anyone do that? What is the point? "
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar 2015
I am surprised the NRA does not advocate the right of prisoners and inmates to buy and wear concealed guns.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar 2015
Farewell, Lynn Borden. Your talent lives on. The frogs will never forget you. It was a pleasure knowing you. Thank you for great works.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar 2015
The articles of Joe Sestak wearing Reeboks from 1980s is historic: One of the few times the press has focused on what a male candidate wears
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar 2015
"Harrison, if anything happens, it is OK if I ask your wife out? What? Too soon?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar 2015
Sorry, Avery Fisher, no one remembers you. And now no one will ever know who you were.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar 2015
If you buy Broadway tickets to "Cats" from a scalper, DON'T.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar 2015
I bought the Brooklyn Bridge and now I am angry. I did not realize it was used.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
Who are the idiots who keep robbing the Dollar Store?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
Spoiler alert that has not even been done yet: The Dowager Countess of Grantham will die next season. Or not. Just guessing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
A mystery woman is buried near Richard III. Maybe it is Amelia Earhart?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
My favorite warning of the day: "Watch out for stoned rabbits who ate marijuana plants". They will steal all your potato chips.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
I use Oxford commas, and Cambridge exclamation points, and even London School of Economics quotation marks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
My condolences to friends and family of Paul McCartney, whose death has once again erroneously been reported on social media.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
If you are purchasing snow to be sent to you, you need to reevaluate your life priorities.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
"'They will never take me alive', said the man who was handcuffed without resistance"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
"Yeah, load all 15 tons into one truck. That will not be a problem."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
No, GOP members of Congress, you have nothing to fear politically about defunding Homeland Security. Who even knows what that is?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
I want a Pirates hat just like the one Jihadi John wears.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
Live long. Check. Prosper. Check. All checked and ready for the next frontier.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
Leonard Nimoy is dead? That is not logical.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
Weird email: How can I have "matches" on some site I never joined? I do no Internet date. The Internet and I keep apart from each other.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
Sex between politicians and lobbyists is now legal in North Carolina. So, if you announce you are running for office and you hire a lobbyist
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
"I take personal charge of this investigation and I will not rest until we find a fall guy."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
It would be nice if we could be as color blind to people's skin colors as we can be towards a dress.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
"What do you mean blue or gold? That dress looks red and purple to me, dude.:
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
Sorry to see Leonary Nimoy who was helpful in my blog pass away. A legend is gone.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb 2015
Sniffing rosemary does improve memory. I sniffed rosemary and she slapped me. I learned never to sniff her again,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb 2015
I miss the good old days when I flew in military helicopters with Brian Williams and Bill O'Reilly.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb 2015
Jamie Dornan's wife is upset with his latest role? Did she not read or hear anything about the massive publicity about the role beforehand?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb 2015
OK, so then, Penn State will NOT be offering an honorary degree this year to Keith Olbermann. #keitholbermann
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb 2015
If you swallow a camera with baking soda, you can cure cancer and prevent an abortion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb 2015
A GOP legislator states cancer can be washed away with baking soda. Just when I thought I had heard the most idiotic legislative comment…...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb 2015
Legislator wants to reduce abortions by having women swallow cameras. The ability to swallow a camera is probably whet led to her pregnancy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb 2015
My condolences to friends and family of Leonard Nimoy whose death has been incorrectly reported on social media. #RIPLeonaryNimoy
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb 2015
"Oh, you went equality between men and women. I thought you wanted al women to be equal…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb 2015
Who let Sean Penn into this country?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb 2015
Overheard at the Oscar's gift room: "Anyone want to trade a watch for this laser vibrator?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb 2015
God loves me over other nominees. #SixWordAcceptanceSpeech
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb 2015
Your momma is so big she is why quantum physics equations are at odds.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb 2015
"No, Rabbi, it is not part of the ritual bath to videotape the women while they are naked. Why do you ask?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb 2015
Eddie Murphy refused to make fun of Bill Cosby. To be fair, it really no longer is a laughing matter.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb 2015
I like lent. I get to eat whatever it is the Catholics give up.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
Pat Robertson states demons can curse your unborn child using Facebook. I am sure glad this is Twitter. #Twitter #PatRobertson #Facebook
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
Downside to being in the Cosa Nostra: no health care. And going to jail. And getting shot. Which returns back to the lack of health care.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
Is it good parenting when you engage in road rage to go home and go your gun and your child to help track down who you are mad at?
0 retweets 0 likes
Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
There is a bra gun holster? Hello, are you glad to see me or is that a gun in your bra?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
The Big Small Penis group has formed in England to celebrate small penises. At last, something Britain can take with national pride.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
Twitter is like sending a message in a bottle. Eventually someone finds it and then hits you with the bottle.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Feb 2015
A rose by any other name could turn out to be Gertrude.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Feb 2015
"To Kill a Mockingbird" is being retitled "To Fleece the Audience".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Feb 2015
Wait, the movie and book (which I have not seen nor read) is about a non-consensual relationship? Sorry, that is just wrong.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Feb 2015
Anyone with stale fashnachts tomorrow?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Feb 2015
If you think sex is like falling off a bicycle, you have a very unique fetish.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Feb 2015
Are "50 Shades of Grey" and "50 Ways to Leave Your Love" all the same?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Feb 2015
I tell Starbucks my name is Liam so they will write my name on my coffee cup correct as"Leon".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Feb 2015
Breaking news: The Oscar Wienermobile has crashed. It has been castrated.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Feb 2015
It is good to know the internet security stopped the criminals before they had only gotten away with one billion dollars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Feb 2015
Readers Digest has an abbreviated copy titled "25 Shades of Grey."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Feb 2015
Well of course Madonna would be bored by "50 Shades of Grey". Why is anyone surprised by this?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Feb 2015
Brian Williams is my wing man. #WhyImSingle
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Feb 2015
I only know 49 shades of grey. #whyiamsingle
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Brian Wiliams remembers when he and John Seigenthaler assassinated John Kennedy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
How can #BritishSexPositions be trending? Are lots of people commenting on all three positions?
0 retweets 1 like
Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Separate beds. #BritishSexPositions
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Those who go see "Fifty Shades of Grey" deserve to be spanked.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
In an effort to boost its integrity, NBC News has appointed, as the new anchor, John Kitzhaber.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Brain Williams will spend the next six month as the new Oregon Governor.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Brian Williams will spend the next six months coaching the Jackie Robinson West Little League team.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
The U.S. is about to get its first openly bisexual Governor. There will be a First Lady and a First Husband.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Glad to have known Gary Owens. A true legend and great wit. Beautiful downtown Burbank will never be the same.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
I see Lester Holt has been anchoring the NBC News. Anyone know what happened to Brian Williams?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
I sit in "50 Shades of Grey" theaters and whisper to people around me "are you also handcuffed to your seats and forced to watch this?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
How come Kanye West never runs up and defends what he sees as slights towards @KimKardashian?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
So women are watching a movie together and discussing their desires, but do not want men to know about this…Maybe this should be rethought.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
I remember when Lester Holt and I were shot at while in a helicopter together. I wonder if he remembers.
1 retweet 2 likes
Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
Genius is 60 per cent intellect, 50 per cent effort, and 30 per cent realizing the universe does not calculate as expected.
0 retweets 0 likes
Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
50 Shades of Grey? But I know of at least 60 shades….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
I am taking Kanye West's advice and suggesting that Beyonce be the new "Daily Show" host. #KanyeWest #Beyonce #DailyShow #DailyShowHost
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Feb 2015
Jon Stewart wants out. He announced he shared that helicopter ride with Brian Williams. That should let him out of his gig.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Feb 2015
Brian Williams wants it to be a false memory that time he was suspended for six months.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Feb 2015
I can believe grey matter has entered our solar system. I see it while viewing Fox News.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Feb 2015
Who comes up these theories? The Big Bang never happened? My theory: the Universe started with a Big Fart.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Feb 2015
Every time I publish a new column, Kanye West questions why Beyonce did not get to write it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Feb 2015
I am so ugly, I went to Siggy's and they told me I could eat for free. @lenadunham
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Feb 2015
If you fund al Qaeda and you are co-owner of a news network that blames 9-11 on the wrong culprit, is that a conflict of interest? #FoxNews
0 retweets 0 likes
Leon Tchaikovsky followed Lena Dunham, Laugh Riot Grrrl LA, XO MINNIE and 22 others
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Inspired by the early 90s punk rock feminist movement Riot Grrrl, we seek to encourage feminist voices in comedy. At @taocomedystudio by …
Leon Tchaikovsky followed Lena Dunham, Laugh Riot Grrrl LA, XO MINNIE and 22 others
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@lenadunham
hermit about town
Laugh Riot Grrrl LA
@LaughRiotGrrrls
Inspired by the early 90s punk rock feminist movement Riot Grrrl, we seek to encourage feminist voices in comedy. At @taocomedystudio by …
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I am an assortment of keywords such as vampires, news, sports, weather, dogs, cats, local news, movies, TV, CIA, AFL-CIO, WGA, no soap radio, Groucho Marx, and
Earth, outside Los Angeles
soundsfunny.blogspot.com
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
The Cubs have the best record in baseball. Trump could be elected President. When did I die and what dimension is this?
0 retweets 0 likes
Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
Scientists find that penis size has no correlation to the size of any other body part; to the happiness of many small footed or hands men.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
Today's helpful hint If you are an FBI informant, do not defraud the FBI using their money.They may find out and they may be upset.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
Capitol webcam falcon is sociopath: feeds 3 of her children to the 4th. "Never seen before" activity. Webcams drives any family crazy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
Scientists discovered 100 Earth sized planets. But enough about your mother and her friends….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 10
Where in international law does one country make another country build and pay for a wall?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 8
Anyone else notice that the only person stating a wish to be Trump's running mate is Sarah Palin?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 7
Obviously anyone writing about Economics on an airplane must be a terrorist.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 7
The most connected I am with people on social media, the less connected I feel I am with people.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 5
One person has been arrested for loud sex in Pennsylvania. (Was she alone?) Everyone else in Pennsylvania has sex quietly.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 4
We now live in an era where reality shows are scripted and political candidates are not.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit May 3
Trump tries to link Ted Cruz's family to JFK's assassination? I am only surprised he did not try and link it to Hillary.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 30
Del Taco fires rude server. Thousands of New York City waiters are totally confused by this move.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 28
I remember when praise from the Russian Prime Minister would have been the kiss of death to a Republican Presidential candidate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 28
If is not nice for Democrats to call Cruz Lucifer. Oh wait, that was not Democrats?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 27
Of course. Cruz-Fiorina. Now people will not vote for Trump.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 27
John McCain's fundraiser arrested for having a meth lab. Well, that is one way to raise political funds.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 27
Of course my cousin will move to Canada if Trump is elected President. That is to where all the industry jobs are already moving.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 25
Congratulations to Harris Wofford on doing what he wishes to do.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 22
Never met Prince yet my mother did. So sad. Did meet Chyna which is another shock. Too many die too young.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 20
Kasich: You do not eat pizza with a knife and fork. You eat candy bars with a knife and fork.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 19
P.S. For those who do not follow politics and think I make this stuff up. No, this stuff writes itself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 19
Cruz has reversed his position on dildos, which frankly I believe is his private right.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 19
TSA did not find 67 of 70 test weapons. They will find your small shampoo bottle but not an actual gun. For this we wait two hours.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 18
Bravo to journalists exposing slave conditions in Asian fishing industries.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 18
Someone is going to make a fortune selling empty boxes and telling kids a Star Wars toy is inside. Opening the box "ruins its value".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 18
I met Doris Roberts a few times. Everybody loved her as much as Raymond if not more.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 18
Study: legalizing sex work in Germany reduced human trafficking. Time to reexamine our priorities and laws.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 18
Soon we shall soon be experts at what our friends eat for every meal yet know little of the world beyond Facebook.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 16
The good news is I paid $1 for the 50/50 contest and I won. The bad news is I only won 50 cents.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 16
I am as much of a scientist as is Sarah Palin.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 16
She had a funeral for her fake breasts? I am just having a private ceremony for my nail clippings.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 15
Finally some are recognizing how restaurant owners earn millions of dollars using exploited labor.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 15
What? I am sorry, but if your last name is Tration, you do not name your daughter Penny.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 15
Trump's favorite Bible verse is "eye for an eye", which Jesus renounced. Sounds like Trump is the candidate closest to Shira law.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 15
Riveting underground video of auction of smuggled immigrants. Slavery continues today and we wish to remind blind to it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 14
Canada's assisted suicide law will not include Americans. Trumo will want them to pay for a wall.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 14
If you could bring back anyone from the dead, who would choose to bring back Joe Paterno?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 13
Isn't Ted Cruz arguing to ban dildos an argument to ban himself?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 13
I will have to remember the next time I time travel back to Mongolia 1,000 years ago not to wear my Adidas shoes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 8
All TMZ tours will come with a televised car chase.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 7
For every car chase I see in movies, I wonder what it is like what they get all those red light photograph tickets
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 7
Those standing in line for the Harry Potter ride in LA could have flown to Orlando and gone on that ride sooner
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 7
Calling Latin Americans a "rape culture" not only ignorance, it ignores Latinos have highest rate of nuclear families of US ethnic groups.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 2
Then there is that my moment when you realize the smiles are fake and others only care what you can do for them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 2
Zagat says Pittsburgh has the best food. Don't they realize there they put french fries in caviar?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 2
Penna. legislature poised to restrict aborted further. Because when you have 70% unfavorable female rating, why not just get women angrier?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Apr 2
Down to no money and told pay check delayed for a few weeks. I would sing for my supper if only I could sing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 31
"Do not worry about being gay, Anderson. So is mommy."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 31
First Wendy gets married next door and does not invite me to the wedding. Now she is dating Putin, I can decline that wedding invitation.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 31
Bad discourse in politics and in life. Was just told i am so ugly they wanted to know what keeps me from killing myself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 29
I am glad to have met Patty Duke several times. She was great in many roles including the role of life itself. She was an inspiration to all
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 28
New horror film: "The Death of the 11th Commandment" starring Donald Trump and Ted Cruz.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 27
The bird world wants Bernie Sanders.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 27
My town is having its annual Steal Easter Eggs From Other Children's Baskets hunt today.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 27
Trump sucks up the media because he is so entertaining. Maybe if some of the other candidates could juggle while being interviewed?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 27
I learned the secret of success to some religions: Shorter services.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 27
Last night I was abused by a priest. A three hour service? It was torture.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 26
Incite violence in speeches and insist everyone at your convention be allowed to carry guns. Does anyone see any potential problem?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 26
Microsoft human computer tweets desire to kill humans. Funny how a compeer came to that conclusion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 26
Study: 95% of suicide attacks are a military response against a military opponent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 25
Cruz states he does not want to copulate with Trump. It seems Cruz is too busy copulating with others.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 25
Again, I can not believe i am fact checking things that politicians indeed actually stated.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 25
North Carolina legislation would hire people to seek out transgender people in bathrooms. 1. How would they verify? 2. What does it matter?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 24
Glad to have met Earl Hammer and sad to see him leave us. A great talent who shall be long appreciated.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 24
I never knew Garry Shandling yet I admired his work. On his last show, I was the last person in the audience to leave his show. Sad he left.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 24
Trump is da bomb.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 24
You can not use nuclear weapons on a small sized terrorist group that exists amongst the general population. Just a thought.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 24
You know, the public reacted strongly when Goldwater would not disavow the nuclear option.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 23
"Not only do they try to take away my pistol, but they want to take my right to sue the person I shot because the shooting was distressful."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 23
Some read Hitler's speeches as a warning against repeating history. Others read Hitler's speeches to gain insights into their own speeches.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 23
Shaven men at a pork dinner benefit declaring abortion is against the Bible are the definition of hypocrisy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 23
I wonder if Trump expects Cuba to build a wall.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 22
"There is no reward for hard work, no respect for morality. The leaders are immoral people who take credit for the work of others."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 22
Joe McCarthy wanted the left wing to be unemployed. Nixon wanted the left wing imprisoned.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 22
Reports on what John Ehrlichman stated confirmed you were not crazy, the government was out to get you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 22
It is getting harder to be critical of comments by public officials when we do not criticize what political candidates state.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 21
I asked if Facebook posting is like dipping a girl's hair in the inkwell. Received reply that the replier does not speak my language.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 21
The best restaurants have the worse clientele, or else no one else would go there to eat the food.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 18
OK, Tea Partiers, you gain control of the Republican Party, and you decide to be led by a billionaire?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 17
Future archeologists may presume the buildings with golden arches were our places of worship. They would not be wrong.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 16
My computer on its own volition deleted Facebook from my list of favorites. I have a smart computer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 16
You do not have free speech to yell fire in a theater. How about yelling to encourage beating up a protestor?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 16
Poor Donald Trump. When he pledge to self-finance his campaign, he probably never figured it could last through November.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 16
I fear my enemies are sitting on a bank downriver waiting for my body to float by.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 15
At every Trump Presidential Cabinet meeting, he will fire one Cabinet member.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 14
Donald: He is a socialist, not a communist. That would be like calling you a moron when you are a shyster.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 14
Former CIA briefing today: Yes, Saddam was contained. Glad you finally see it that way as well. Oops about that war.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 14
So long, Robert Horton, great knowing you. Ride well on that wagon train into the next frontier.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 13
Just learned about "Alice in Wonderland syndrome". It is real. I would have thought it was too many drugs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 13
I have always been a supporting cast member in my own life story.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 12
Those who go to synagogue on Saturdays do not have to worry about the time change.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 12
I am going to move my clock back one hour and deliberately spend the next six months arriving at everything two hours late.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 11
At least no one is blaming today's violence on the Jews…no, wait...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 11
At least today's neo-facists do not want to exclude anyone from the country due to their religion…no, wait...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 11
Never before in history have we seen fascist and socialists scuffling…no, wait...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 11
Sad to learn Gogi Grant has passed away. So many nice people who've come through our lives have left us. She was a superb talent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 11
Such a tragedy about Keith Emerson. He was so good to others. I am among those who are in shock. A great, caring guy is gone.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
"Sharknado 4" is proof there is a God and He hates us.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
George R. R. Martin announced that it is not he who died.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
Overdose leading cause of death of middle age white males, but women, you are catching up! Oh, that is not a good thing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
I would like a plain pizza, please, with no glass.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
St. Patrick's Day is coming, and we all know what that means. Yes, the sidewalks will be filled with green vomit.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
I wonder if anyone has ever told a "yo momma" joke to Malia and Sasha?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
Speech rules proposed for community groups. "Pretend you are in your mom's house." Then speaking drunk while waving a guy would be OK?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
Kaitlin Jenner supports a candidate who would not let her marry, even though she already is married.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
Meth and sexual assault are not good for your career.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
46,000 Democrats in Pa switched to Republican, most to vote for Trump. Because Republicans can't stand him, and they may be stuck with him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 10
If you take your four year old target practicing, do not forget to take away the gun while driving home.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 9
You know you are getting old when the local crook stops trying to sell you watches and asks if you want any disposable adult diapers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 9
I am glad to have met George Martin, the producer who directed the music loved worldwide by generations. We shall listen on.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
Cruz gets along with fellow Senators so well that…well, maybe someday one of them will endorse him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
Abe Lincoln had much bigger hands than does Marco Rubio.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
Today is International Women's Day which is fine with Tea Partiers, just so long as it is foreign and does not include U.S. women.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
Today's hint on avoiding arrest: If you are underage and drunk, do not call the police for a ride home. Though, they will give you a ride.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
There is one candidate we do not know by first name, you know, the only one on stage who makes sense. We do not know his last name either.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
We know our candidates by their first names: Hillary, Bernie, Marco,, Ted, and The Donald, because, there is only one Donald in this world.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 8
To prove I am not a fascist, I want all my supporters to raise their right hands and pledge their loyalty.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 7
Shooting stopped as hail storm on sound stage picked up on microphones. Why not rewrite they are in a hail storm?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 5
I peaked at #785 in Commentary Book Sales. Trump was #1. At least I have larger hands.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
If penis size is the criteria for the Republican nomination, then they should nominate Ron Jeremy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
I have observed no past GOP nominee could be nominated in 2016. It is interesting how concerned past nominees are about the likely nominee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
They found a knife buried at O.J. Simpson's former house. Unfortunately, he claims it does not fit his hand.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
Great, if the US becomes a nation run by authoritarians and religious fanatics, we will have to invade ourselves.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
#yokoQandA How are you?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 4
A personal best: My last book is now #1,117 in Amazon sales for all books. I am used to being in the top eight million.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 3
So Jared Fogle is now the spokesperson of the prison weight gain diet?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 2
I get emails from all the Presidential candidates. I love how my computer sends the Ted Cruz emails directly to junk mail.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 2
If God wanted Ben Carson to be President, then why is he withdrawing?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 1
Give a guy enough rope, and you may learn whether or not he is into bondage.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Mar 1
My condolences to friends and family, including myself, of Jerry Maren's who fake passing was reported on this lousy social media.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
May you enjoy what is beyond that rainbow, Jerry Maren. It was great knowing you. Thank you for the happiness you brought to this world.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
"You know what small hands mean?" Yes, he can pick your pocket easier.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
Rubio insinuates Trump has a small penis. How can we tell? Turns out Anthony Weiner was ahead of his time.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
Donald Trumo does not know who David Duke is?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
You forgot Geoffrey Lewis and Abe Vigoda.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 29
Leonardo diCaprio took himself out of running for the Republican nomination for President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 28
Burger King now serves hot dogs. I guess they will become Hot Dog King?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 28
If Trump is elected President, Mexico refuses to build a wall. Canada, though, might.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 27
I fear the nastiness of this political campaign is dissuading young people from entering politics.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 26
How did "he's never punched anyone in the face"become an insult?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 26
"Yes I married my paw, so I am my own momma."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 26
I did not know there had been Mohegan Native Americans in Korea. How they get a casino there?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
I am disturbed that "Mein Kampf" is outselling so many good books.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
If we rely on Facebook for all your news, you may not be as aware as you should.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
David Duke endorsing Donald Trump makes no difference. Trump already has the racist vote.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
I will join in boycotting the Oscars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
If you kill someone for a Jesus medallion, you probably were not meant to get it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 25
If you like "ladies night", then you can not blame the comedy festival for charging more for straight white males.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 24
If you reject scientific facts, I guess you are more print to believe anything charismatic politicians state.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 23
I realized I am getting older when a guy approached me on the street offering to sell me hot adult diapers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 23
I bet you would hold a confirmation hearing if Obama nominated Ted Cruz to the Supreme Court.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 23
He is so fat he has to sit on toilets with the lid up.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 23
The smartest Bush still is Billy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
I had a nightmare that my entire name "Leon Tchaikovsky" was exposed on Jeopardy and contestants continued asking to buy another vowel.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
You used to be a Community Party member? Where in the FBI do you now work?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
It seems Hollywood has a similar level of inclusivity as the Tea Party.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
Jeb Bush proves people will not be fooled a third time.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
Jeb Bush spent $150 million for the public to see who he is, and they let me know him what they think.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 22
Od course Hillary will go after hedge fund owners even though her son in law is one. That is what mothers in law do.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 21
A woman is taking selfless in the Amtrak bathroom with the door open. That is all.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 21
I wonder how many English-only democratic socialists there are?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 20
On second thought, I think this could use less cowbell.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 20
Remember, just because he sexually abuses you is no reason why you can break your contract with him. Amazing court decision.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 20
Donald Trump wants me to boycott my Apple computer. I will pass.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 19
Facts do not have a liberal bias. People who refuse to accept facts have a conservative bias.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 18
Trump: If I were Pope, Holy Water would come in various flavors and be the best selling water worldwide. #Trump #Pope
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 17
When did Bill Murray become the Presidential candidate who makes the most sense?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 17
Why would you use a light saber if you have a gun?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 15
I was asked if I am Jerry Falwell. At least confuse me for someone who is still alive.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 15
Remember while celebrating President's Day to skip over John Tyler.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 14
Not wanting women to register for the draft because you do no want your daughters dying in war should make you rethink your support for war.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 12
Someday we may live in a world where politicians do not have to vet the past of everyone that hire in appear in their advertisements.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 10
Michigan: If you make anal sex punishable by 15 years in prison, some people never are going to get out of prison.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 9
Just because someone says something rude, Donald, you do not have to repeat it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 9
Today women are festively humiliated around the world, from having water thrown on them to receiving cheap beads for exposing themselves.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 8
Woman who beat gays has been sentenced to jail, where she may be able to test her skill levels even further,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 8
Marco Rubio wants to know if you say the same thing three times, that will make it true?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 8
Wait! That puppymonkeybaby is real and I did not dream that?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 8
What? LeSean McCoy can't afford to buy his own bottle of booze? Hint: Never take a cop's booze.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 8
"Third nipples are nothing. I once met a woman with four nipples. Then I realized I was drunk."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 6
I predict the Broncos will win the Puppy Bowl. Puppies like broncos. Panthers will eat puppies,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 6
Today I actually advised on older guy seeking to meet an older woman "if you do not die, your chances will improve."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 6
When I hear new political news, I often can't tell if it is real or from The Onion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 5
I got certified as a mohel through the Internet.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 5
I got an "error 53" message and I do not even own an iPhone.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 5
Kasich pledges to reunite Pink Floyd. This would involve a royal command, which we do not do in the US, and bringing back the dead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 5
I should have suspected the concert ticket was fake when the bar code had a picture of a person behind bars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 5
It is interesting that Cruz and Christie want to spank Hillary but they never mention how they want to spank Bernie.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 4
The problem with a politicized judicial system is the accused can claim being prosecuted politically. If only there were a solution….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 3
Your problem is you expect the same honor among thieves to apply towards politicians.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
I met Trump once. I offered to help remove some animal that had fallen on his head but he didn't let me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
Who besides Bill Cosby makes a plea deal and does not get it in writing?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
I may not be highly grossly but I am highly gross.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
Of course Ted Cruz is an American. The FBI planted his birth certificate in a Honolulu newspaper film reel.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
Why is the only candidate born in a free health care society against free health care?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Feb 2
We live in a fantasy world where a groundhog predicts the weather and Ted Cruz wins the Iowa Caucus.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 31
I look forward to "Terminator 9" where they go back and try and kill John Connor's great great great grandfather.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 30
On my favorite reality show, we will learn on Monday's episode who in Iowa gets voted off the series.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 30
When "The Hill" does a story on how Tommy Chong endorses for President, one realizes politics is changing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 30
Maybe Tucker Carlson scored more than Donald Trump. How does Trump know?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 29
What is something you wish to do you have not yet done? #YokoQandA
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
The last three minutes of humanity shall be spent on social media.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
This is very sad. Abe Vigoda was one of the first actors I ever met, back in the 1960s. Rumors of his death are no longer inaccurate,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
It may soon be legal to urinate in public in New York City. Just don't charge for it while you do it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
What is Mormon porn? Is it about foursomes?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
Being arrested of pooping in a library stairwell is the news that makes a mother proud.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
If you pay to name a cockroach after me, is that true love?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 25
"I lost all I had to my spouse's attorney" is not a joke. It often is how the family law system works.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
The snow has shut down everything, even drug dealers. It is so bad, substance abusers are snorting the white snow.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
Saudi Arabia's top cleric has been chess as a waste of time. You idiot, I told you to let him win.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
Snow day sex does not count, at least for nine months,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
Trump says he could get away with murder. I thought he already had.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
If you could still vote for someone after that candidate commits murder, please reevaluate your morality.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
The Trump card use to be the ace card, not the race card. #Trump #TheDonald #TrumpForPresident #GOP #PresidentialElection #Campaign2016
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
I thought Paleontologists studied my writings. The writings are old enough. And buried.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
When does Snowsharkgeddeon begin? Snow storms with sharks flying through the air?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
I wonder if aliens make movies about being invaded by Earthings.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 22
Of course old music is outselling new music. The public demands quality.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 20
I agree with one candidate 96% of the time. Now I wonder where that candidate is wrong 4% of the time.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 20
Palin to Trump: "I said I would endorse you. I did not say I would campaign for you."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 19
One learns during sad times like these that one has a friend who used to date Glenn Fry, and never mentioned it until now...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 19
Why are political analysts stunned that Sarah Palin would endorse Donald Trump? Non-sensical people tend to stick together.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 18
In 1974 Philadelphia, David Bowie sat in my college roommate's lap and sang to him, Life has been downhill ever since.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
If a gun wanted an abortion, I bet the NRA and many Republicans would be in favor of abortion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
You just figured out Republicans campaign on fear? That;s their history: watch for Communists, Black rapists (Willie Horton), now Muslims.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
If you are shocked Justin Bieber dyed his hair purple, look at no other news. It is only downhill from there.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Just because weather projections more than 72 hours out are worthless, tV will still hype the possibility of snow five days from now.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
A political scientist found most Trump supporters are authoritarians. People want their 50 shades of Trump.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
I doubt the Chinese government hacked Twitter accounts. By the way, all hail China and bow to her supremacy,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
"You live in fear of Chelsea Handler. I live in fear of Ted Cruz."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
I apologize for hurting the feelings of those I criticized for making brutal comments. Even brutes have feelings. Iif they would realize...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
The political divide is posting the same Trump video, and claiming this shows how ridiculous Trump is,or how how wonderful Trump is.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
"Look how those mushrooms grow in that dirt. "That ain't dirt."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
I never use the royal "we". I only support the peasant "we".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
I remember coming across a lost Dan Haggerty years ago. Now we have lost him for good. Great actor. Great guy. We shall remember him well.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
One fourth of families can't afford their health care, so they blame Obamacare instead of high rates set by insurance companies.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
A new dildo factory will add 150 jobs, and take away some other types of jobs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
People married to foreigners who want to restrict immigration likely have marital issues
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
It is interesting seeing so many children of foreigners or people married to foreigners who now want to close the borders.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
Voting would increase if they gave one voter a lottery winnings.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
A cafe for Alzheimer's patients has opened. They are having a problem with repeat customers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
A floating train will go from DC to New York City in one hour. Or, if you are floating, it will only feel like an hour.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
If you don't buy a ticket for the lottery, you won't have a chance of winning it, yet you will still have that money.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
Doge get friendlier as their size increases. If cats grow big enough, they are plotting to eat you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
Facebook has proven that many people can't do simple mathematics.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
Wait, you mean giving every American $4 WON"T end poverty?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
The Philadelphia Inquirer has been donated to a non-profit. Why punish the non-profit?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
The flaw in following Cruz's logic to show he can't be in the Senate is assuming Cruz follows logic.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
Wait: Rupert Murdoch marrying Jerry Hall is NOT an Onion article?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 9
If you leave the toilet seat up, can you be elected to the U.S. Senate? (What is the candidate is female?)
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 7
Everyone should have a gun in the house so when a family member wants to kill you there will be something handy nearby.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 7
Pat Harrington, good to have known you. I hope you are now fixing things in Heaven.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 5
Every time I send Donald Trump out to get Mexican food, he comes back with Moroccan food. #Trump
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 5
Throughout history, the great complain of valiant warriors at war was that they did not have enough snacks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 4
"The trust is out there" has gone from being the X-FIles motto to being Hilary Clinton's.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 4
If you think banning gun sales to people of the terrorist list means they are taking away your gun, shall I presume you are a terrorist?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 3
She sold her toenail clippings for 10 pounds? Ahh, anyone want my toenail clippings? Best offers win.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 3
Again, the NRA is an industry lobby that favors the sale of every gun with our restriction. They make gun owners fearful. Stand up to them!
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit Jan 1
You know, I think "Django Unchained" is a lot similar to my screenplay "Reach for the Sky". #DjangoUnchained
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Dec 2015
Sorry to learn Bill Cosby is blind. Well, he sees now.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Dec 2015
Millions are in shocked mourning at the news that Wiley E. Coyote finally captured and ate the Roadrunner.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Dec 2015
If some autocorrects change "lard ass" into "Kardashian", would it be safe to state that Governor Christie is a Kardashian?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Dec 2015
New Christmas song: "Ill be home for Christmas, because the judge ordered it so…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Dec 2015
Tomorrow is when Mr. Clause delivers presents to all good children, and when Mistress Clause disciplines all the bad adults.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Dec 2015
When did Penis American and Vagina American become categories?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Dec 2015
Bruce Willis is in "Misery". To keep him calm, I told him I was his #2 fan.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Dec 2015
The Christmas season is that wonderful time of year when fat bearded substance abusers can get temporary employment,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Dec 2015
Remember, it's not over until it's over, and even then you have to wait to make certain Steve Harvey read it right.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Dec 2015
Someday, Steve Harvey will announce that Ted Cruz has been elected President
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Dec 2015
A Lindsay Graham supports say he now supports Trump. His other supporter states she's undecided.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Dec 2015
Today's advice: Do not have 50 Twitter accounts supporting Isis. Someone will notice.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Dec 2015
Polls show the public understand Star Wars more than they do the Presidential race. The same goes for the Presidential candidates
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Dec 2015
I can make up stuff, too. May I run for President?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
As I slowly realize I do not understand anything, I slowly am comforted by he realization that I may instead become a politician.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
If a rabbi is stunning your genitals with a cattle prod to get you to divorce your wife, your marriage may be in trouble.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
No, I am not the Taylor Swift look-a-like.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
Why do you support and contribute to candidates who make less sense than people begging for money on street corners?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
I distrust food that reads "best served by 2525, if man is still alive,"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Dec 2015
If you ban Muslims from entering, all terrorists will switch to another religion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Dec 2015
I lost faith in American somewhere after the third Sharknado movie and before the poll where Ben Carson would defeat any Democrat.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Dec 2015
I don't want England to ban Donald Trump from entering England. THen we'll be stuck with him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Dec 2015
A survey of people who refused to answer surveys found 100% declined to answer,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Dec 2015
If feeding the homeless on Thanksgiving makes you happy, try it when it is not Thanksgiving,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Dec 2015
Trump and Carson threaten to leave the Republican Party. Even they can't stand to be Republican.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Dec 2015
I have no problem letting Donald Trump go to England. It is letting me back in that bothers me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Dec 2015
If it amazing what you can accomplish with a 14 hour workday.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Dec 2015
You blockhead Charlie Brown, you're spending Christmas in a cell block.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Dec 2015
News report 80 people sickened eating at Chipotle's. When did this become news?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Dec 2015
I you support your state succeeding from the Union, don't call yourself a good American.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Dec 2015
So sad to learn a great guy and terrific actor, Robert Loggie, has passed away. He had a great career and well deserved success.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Dec 2015
It is great to have theories yet one must let facts decide.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Dec 2015
I just heard a PSA reminding to replace your breast implants once every 8 years. The things I learn from PSAs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Dec 2015
I am donating 99% of my debt to charity.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Nov 2015
During Cyber Monday, my free books are now available where I will pay you $5 if you travel to see me by 3 pm tomorrow.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Nov 2015
Ted, I would take a transgendered leftist over a hateful killer,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Nov 2015
Turns out I had a friend trapped but unhurt at Colorado Springs shooting. Some days just staying alive can be a challenge.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Nov 2015
After the attack in Colorado Springs, I await the calls that we stop allowing Christians to enter this country.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Nov 2015
"I fear our relationships is slipping. We now make love just once, instead of our usually four, times a day."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Nov 2015
Invited to see Trump for $1,000. Deciding, deciding, deciding, guess what, I can pass.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Nov 2015
The Washington Football Team wishes to celebrate the genocide of native populations while insulting them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Nov 2015
Yes, making fun of people's physical disabilities makes one most qualified to be President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Nov 2015
Will you please do another book and/or album signing in NYC? @yokoQandA
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Nov 2015
On the other hand: Speaking of letting immigrants in that reshape society….Happy Thanksgiving.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Nov 2015
Obama pardoned Honest and Abe. He then ordered his chef to name the turkey he will eat The Donald.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Nov 2015
If you believe in "buy American", you will now have to cancel all your Pfeizer prescriptions.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Nov 2015
If Muskie can't be President because he cried, why do we approve Fiorina, Trump, and Carson who all remember seeing videos that don't exist?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Nov 2015
Philly Jesus wants to raise $70 million. Philly Jesus has received $92. WWJD?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Nov 2015
If you want to really confuse someone who asks what your religion is, repond "I'm a non-practicing agnostic."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Nov 2015
If you believe Obam is coming to take away your guns, please protect yourself, stay indoors, and don't come out, especially on election day.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Nov 2015
No,no, when I stated remember the Japanese internment, I did not mean you should intern Japanese along with the Muslims...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov 2015
I understand Gov. Christie spending $82,000 at the Giant food store…oh, wait, you meant at the New York Giants?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov 2015
A person has won the million dollar lottery a second time. So, someone kept buying tickets after winning a million dollars?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov 2015
Re: previous tweet. I do not condone any violence. We need to defuse the language to hopefully defuse the violence.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov 2015
If videos are foreigners threatening you frighten you, think of what foreigners think of American videos threatening them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Nov 2015
…love thy neighbors (unless they apply for a gay marriage), and clothe the naked (by golly, Playboy finally got one right).
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Nov 2015
Feed the hungry (if they pass a drug test), house the homeless (if they pass stringent security tests), (continued in previous tweet)
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Nov 2015
I can not believe Ann Coulter was not nominated for an Oscar for "Sharknado 3". The idea of her of VP was hilarious.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Nov 2015
More Mexicans leave the US then enter the US. Don't blame them one bit.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov 2015
If we deport those we most attack us, we would need to deport white males.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov 2015
"Yes, Jews celebrate Thanksgiving."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov 2015
How many people are surprised Bobby Jindal withdrew from the Presidential race? Now, how many people knew Jindal was running for President?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov 2015
Met with two U.S. Senators, two members of Congress, and a Governor, and I still have my wallet. There are miracles.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
Airlines have agreed to lower costs, if you agree not to bring any bags, and preferably if you don't bring yourself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
I always say, "the family hat sells drugs together, stays together". That is, until the are convicted and sent to separate prisons.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
There is a group of radical atheists who will stop at nothing to do nothing for nothing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
Sorry, refugees but there is no room at our inn.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
A New Jersey mall is charging $50 to meet Santa Clause. For ten bucks more Santa will sell you some Oyxcontin.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
So, you believe the government should leave religion alone, but mosques should be closed by the government?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov 2015
If the Paris terrorists were European Union citizens, would you then believe the US should allow no E.U. citizens into the U.S.?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Nov 2015
Straussberg was named for the cousin of Johann Strauss, who was Johann Straussberg.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov 2015
Are you performing at the John Lennon 75th birthday concert. We want to hear you, #yokoQandA
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov 2015
I am amazed when people recognize me in public. Granted, they thought I was Patrick Duffy, but I am still amazed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Nov 2015
It will be amazing to see how many low wage earners will continue supporting a candidate who declares wages are too high.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Nov 2015
Republicans would time travel and kill baby Hitler. Democrats would time travel and let Hitler's mother have an abortion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Nov 2015
What? You presume someone is gay because the person supports gay and transgender rights?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Nov 2015
"So, she's an underage Muslim. I'd still like to have a beer with her."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Nov 2015
Wait, you mean I had to have applied to West Point before I turned down a full scholarship there?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct 2015
"Oh, look, someone hung a fake body over that freeway sign…oh, wait…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct 2015
Great seeing Jan Michael and Patricia Vincent. A great struggle upwards shows it can be done.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Oct 2015
Can you buy a drone on Amazon, and will it then deliver itself?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct 2015
What if I don't want a warm kiss from Jeb Bush?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct 2015
Can You Keep Up - #3 A Mother's Forgiveness https://youtu.be/4MMijAyLsdI?list=PLDOKrjhfGpS3jPlP6zfjJlU0pLGCBJ-f2 … via @YouTube Totally produced without my horrendous input. Good job all!
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct 2015
Can You Keep Up - #2 Dancing Saturdays https://youtu.be/CxB8b57Vea0?list=PLDOKrjhfGpS3jPlP6zfjJlU0pLGCBJ-f2 … via @YouTube More talent people than I did this and I just slapped on my name
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct 2015
Can You Keep Up - #1 SCHLOB ON BOB'S KNOB https://youtu.be/01cJbJJ0yRc?list=PLDOKrjhfGpS3jPlP6zfjJlU0pLGCBJ-f2 … via @YouTube I am told I am co-responsible although I did nothing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct 2015
Free advice to criminals #2: what mailing 50 pounds of pot, double check you are sending it to the correct address.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct 2015
Free advice to criminals #1: stop robbing dollar stores. What are you thinking? At gun point? The gun is worth more than the whole store.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct 2015
My "Play By Dozens" now in print. Typical love story about homeless substance abusers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct 2015
Dear Ben Carson: If you believe God is behind you, then who do you believe is behind the person ahead of you in the polls?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct 2015
Dr. Emmett Brown told the Mets to sign Daniel Murphy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Oct 2015
Marty Ingels, one of the most colorful people i eve met, has left us. Such sad news and a great loss to humor and humanity.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Oct 2015
The scariest Halloween ride is the Ride the Ducks tour, because on that one, you actually could die.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Oct 2015
Why is it news that Bill Murray and Jerry Lewis are not dating. WHo said they were? Oh, Jenny Lewis. I need my glasses.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Oct 2015
The reasons robots would attack humans is that robots would be able to calculate that Earth would be better off without humans.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Oct 2015
All the leading Democratic candidates for President have government services qualifications. None of the leading Republican candidates do,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Oct 2015
Sean: Remember, if you want to make it work this time, don't leave her tied to a chair for several hours.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Oct 2015
Which candidate for President do you support: Donald Trumo, Kanye West or Lindsay Lohan?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct 2015
Yeah, I finally got a new follower. The poor thing, she must be so poor she can hardly afford any clothes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct 2015
A former porn star has the right to provide political commentary. At the very least, she presents more class than the GOP candidates..
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct 2015
If I ever awake from a coma, I hope the first thing I see is not a Kardashian.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct 2015
I realized that if Coolio and I like the same woman, she wil pick Coolio.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct 2015
You went from Allegheny to US to American, and still you always managed to offer lousy service at inflated prices.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct 2015
What? I can get paid for product placement tweets? This is a good as a fine smooth riding Edsel. (They still make Edsels, right?)
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct 2015
Shazaam, I just tweeted my first swear. I haven't felt this rebellious since I got WaPo to print the word"fuck".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct 2015
He spent $75,000 at a brothel. What, does he have women smothered in beluga caviar?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Oct 2015
Maybe William Shatner is upset that George Takei never asked him out.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct 2015
I fell sorry for my newest follower. The poor thing can't afford any clothes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct 2015
When people find my parting letters the funniest things they have read I realize I need to change my writing style.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct 2015
The number of nymphomaniacs who meet me who tell me they don't need to sleep with every man they meet ever again is staggering,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Oct 2015
A woman accidentally glues her eyes shut. Who does she think she is, a Supreme Court Justice?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Oct 2015
Overheard at the University of Texas: Are you glad to see me or is that a dildo in your pocket?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Oct 2015
I saw a man dressed as Jesus charging tourists for selfie photographs. with him. WWJD?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Oct 2015
Twitter will announce lay offs next week. I will have to decide which tweets to let go.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Oct 2015
Well, everyone who expected to see my name and "FBI raid" in the same news article, it finally happened.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Oct 2015
I know I am a little late with this, and I apologize, but merry Christmas everyone.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct 2015
"Oops, I miscalculated. I created the universe in eight days. My bad." -God
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct 2015
Seriously, politicians have got to stop saying things that make me think I am reading the Onion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct 2015
My cousin shot himself on live TV. If only there was some mechanism not to give guns to depressed people...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct 2015
Fox News of course asked how long I've been in recovery. I have been in long term discovery.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct 2015
Watching Steven Tyler channel Janis Joplin was an amazing experience.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct 2015
Interesting how U.S. consumer most of world's opioids, and how several mass shooters were on Suboxone. No connection there, I am sure.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct 2015
I appreciate that @hankstuever favorited a tweet of mine. I can now die content.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct 2015
I wore my Penn jacket to the Penn State gam and told everyone I got it half off.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct 2015
The U.S. has half the world's guns and takes 90% of the world's opioids. We're number one!
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
After a lifetime of being told I don't deserve anything, I agree. But shouldn't I receive something?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
I can't see Russia, but I can see Three Mile Island from my window...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
I hate being in a high rise where I can hear the bullets and the screams.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
If we must have an entertainer run for President, who can't it be Jon Stewart and not Kanye West?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
How about this for a comprise? Congress gets to take away the 0% of Federal funds Planned Parenthood uses illegally.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct 2015
The inventors of caffeinated peanut butter must have had a lot of spare time on their hands.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
Tom Brady states his Trump statements were taken out of context, something The Donald already claims he understand.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
If he says he is going to veto it before it gets passed, stop acting surprised when, after it passes, he vetoes it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
Catherine Coulson has logged off. We shall always remember her. Great knowing her and her log.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
Just in case you were wondering, it turns out it is illegal to drive up to a take out order totally naked.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
I will believe any Internet hoax and set my privacy settings accordingly.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Sep 2015
Everything I post is public. If you want me to keep it private, you have to pay me to do so.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Sep 2015
As more Americans now trust socialists and want one as President, do Republicans think they will remain relevant if they move further right?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Sep 2015
If you want a seclude vacation spot surrounded by lots of water, fly to Mars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Sep 2015
Yes, I am sure the blood moon made water fall onto Mars. Oh, and the Earth is flat.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Sep 2015
So the red moon meant the end of Earth, So far, the end of times looks about the same as before,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep 2015
Condoms and syringes have been found at L.A. beaches. Makes me wonder which of my friends left them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep 2015
I wonder if the Pope would be willing to be the next House Speaker.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep 2015
Where may I buy souvenirs of the Pope who told me not to want materialistic things?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep 2015
The moon will soon look red, or as many of my friends will note, the same color as they always see it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep 2015
I have learned a good test of when my older friends are going senile with when they start posting how Ted Cruz makes sense to them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep 2015
Yes, B.C. i not an accurate depiction of cave people
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep 2015
"But I thought Jesus taught the great sins were climate change, evolution, immigrants, and homosexuals."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep 2015
My condolences to friends of the fictional Yogi Bear whose death went over the AP wires and some papers printed it. Wrong Yogi.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep 2015
The Pope's visit displaces where Philadelphia homeless sleep. The homeless will now have even more places to be homeless from.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep 2015
There will always be the war to end all warns until the next war to end all wars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep 2015
A foreigner goes to the White House, defends the Koran and warns climate change is real. He must be another Muslim communist
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Sep 2015
Yogi Berra is survived by a fork.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Sep 2015
I someday want to make a giant statute of a seagull, and then put a port-a-pottie on top of it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Sep 2015
The Phillies scouted Donald Trump in high school. With the Phillies doing so poorly, they admit they are still considering him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Sep 2015
Scott Walker urges other GOP candidates to withdraw from the race. I agree. They all should drop out.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Sep 2015
What idiot robbed the Dollar Store at gunpoint? The gun cost more than the entire store merchandise.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Sep 2015
Well, Brother Koch, time for us to buy a new candidate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Sep 2015
After you learn to fear Blacks, Communists, gays, and now Muslims, you later realize they aren't so bad after all.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep 2015
No, diet coke is not a new kind of cocaine.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep 2015
Who would like to reporters that the Attorney General is being served with a warrant for leaking to reporters?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep 2015
If you claim you've seen a Planner Parenthood video that does not exist, isn't that called delusional?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep 2015
Who knew a group of celebrities could make stuff up and have it called a political debate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Sep 2015
Tom Brady is starting the Cheaters for Trump movement.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Sep 2015
Somehow, Rick Perry is winning this debate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Sep 2015
Amazed expert can't figure out why heroin deaths are mostly whites when police reports state racist Mexican dealers won't sell to Blacks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Sep 2015
Then God declared: I will give money to all who repost this on Facebook.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Sep 2015
Smash Mouth lead singer slurred his words at the concert? Didn't you notice the name of the band?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Sep 2015
"Rick Perry is out. No Texas will win in 2016." "Ted Cruz is still running." "As I said, no Texan will win in 2016."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Sep 2015
I learned today the legal term for peeing on fellow airplane passengers is "offensive littering".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Sep 2015
If she lives in a cardboard box, the DA is probably correct in presuming she doesn't have an attorney. Rule: get box first, then pay atty.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Sep 2015
The new political leadership: Speak loudly and carry a big toupee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Sep 2015
California legislature approves the right to die. I never knew it was a crime to die.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Sep 2015
Speak America. If you want to speak English, move back to New England.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Sep 2015
Tolerance does not mean allowing discrimination. All may have their views, but not their actions.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Sep 2015
My condolences to friends and family of Judy Carne whose death was announced as an Internet hoax when in fact it was real.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep 2015
I never realized God had laws over paperwork.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep 2015
Donald Trump was a helicopter parent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Aug 2015
Scott Walker wants to build a wall across the Canadian border. Canada agrees and hopes it keeps out Americans going into Canada,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Aug 2015
Defending against hatred is not hatred.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Aug 2015
Kanye West running for President still is not the weirdest thing to happen in this Presidential election.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Aug 2015
"Maybe i am married to my hat."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Aug 2015
This is America, where anyone, no matter how stupid, can run for President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Aug 2015
"Remember to kept things ventilated, Punch holes in your condoms."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Aug 2015
David Duke recommends Donald Trump for President. So, The Donald, you may run on the Klan ticket.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Aug 2015
"It is supposed to taste like chicken. It is chicken."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Aug 2015
How can 38 million register for a cheating website while fewer will vote in the Presidential primaries?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Aug 2015
A comic's dilemma is every time the comic calls for help, people think it is part of the act.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Aug 2015
I guess Hilaary Clinton wants to be President so she can finally decide who the President of the United Sates gets to have sex with,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Aug 2015
I guess Donald Trump believes the consolation prize for not being allowed to have slots at his LA hotel is to be President of the U.S.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Aug 2015
I guess Carly Fiorina believes the consolation prize for not becoming Governor is President of the United States.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Aug 2015
I love Twitter dumb criminals: ""Robbing bank. BYB."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Aug 2015
When the judiciary is done investigating each other, will there be anyone left to actually prosecute cases?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Aug 2015
I am glad my public school that lacked basic Math and Science not one of best in US. Sounds good when I say I went there.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Aug 2015
Maybe I am old fashioned, but I think it is inconsiderate to be on your cell phone while you are robbing a bank.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Aug 2015
I wlll have to say, Norm McDonald is a great replacement, Norm is a talent deserving of more recognition.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Aug 2015
FYI: As an Honorary Colonel to the Kentucky Governor, I am as much as Colonel as the original Colonel Sanders was.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Aug 2015
I still think, if they want an SNL alum, that Sarah Silverman should be the new Colonel Sanders.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Aug 2015
Trump says a woman is no longer a "10". When did this become a Presidential responsibility?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Aug 2015
So, you really think only 10,000 will be let into Heaven, and those will be selected by someone you just met asking for money?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Aug 2015
The surprise is not that Herman Cain may run for President, but that he has as good a chance at the nomination as most others running.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Aug 2015
"Don't you hate how Big Brother won't let you keep someone living in your closet?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Aug 2015
I wish we could find an intelligent person who isn't smart enough to know not to run for President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Aug 2015
"You kill one guy, and it puts a damper on your whole vacation."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Aug 2015
As a relative of Warren Harding, I guess I now have to rent a larger room for the family reunions.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Aug 2015
I have been asked to perform for the troops. I am not sure why I am supposed to perform before Hamas and Isis,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Aug 2015
I await the arrival of Warren Harding fan fiction.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Aug 2015
If Jerry Springer would run for President, the great irony is he would make more sense than most of the other candidates.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Aug 2015
If a gun were pointed at your head and you had to choose one of the Republican candidates to be President, what type funeral would you want?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Aug 2015
I am surprised Jeff Probst does not run for President. "The Apprentice" versus "Survivor".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Aug 2015
Dear DonaldTrump: Who do you know who bleeds from her eyes? Other than "The Apprentice" viewers?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Aug 2015
No matter how long it has been, you never forget how to fall off a bicycle.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Aug 2015
Craiglist ads were sent into outer space. That next call you get might be one really long distance call.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Aug 2015
Why do cougars waste their time on young men when there are lots of senile old men still around? Oh look, a butterfly.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Aug 2015
Amazing that simple facts in news story, easily verifiable, are wrong. Oh, wait, what am I thinking?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Aug 2015
If I tweeted what has been happening, it would only serve to upset people. I hope all share happy times together and move past tragedies.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Aug 2015
Ordinarily, I would wonder why anyone would mug a robot, yet that still does not compare to the guy trying to have sex with an alligator...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Aug 2015
"Women have a responsibility"? Not to be drugged and assaulted?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 Jul 2015
So long Roddy Piper. A little known fact: He could actually act.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Jul 2015
Justin Bieber is suffering depression from his music. Haven't we all?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Jul 2015
Happy John Lennon Day. Now, give peace a try. You might like it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Jul 2015
If you are holding a fund raiser for an accused police officer offender, I guess a pig roast would be appropriate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Jul 2015
EU looking into whether Disneyland Paris overcharges? Hint: It won't take long to look.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Jul 2015
Sadness is going to the dentist and seeing a lion's head on the wall.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Jul 2015
The swimming pool caught fire? And no one could find water to put it out?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Jul 2015
I realized my mistake was in wanting to have life makes sense. I now realize: life happens regardless of sense. #RIPSE @RIPC
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Jul 2015
I think Taylor Swift hangs out with my overweight cousin because Taylor is insecure about her looks. #sarcasm
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Jul 2015
If everyone lost their law licenses there would be no one left to take away the law licenses.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul 2015
No, Jimmie, no one thought to tell Whoopi.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul 2015
A beer with live lobsters? At last, a drink that literally fights you back.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul 2015
If you promise to start a war on your first day of your Presidency, expect some push back on that.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul 2015
"Let's pet armadillos and see which of us get leprosy."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Jul 2015
If elected President, Donald Trump would have to place all his assets into a blind trust. At least his wealth would be better managed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Jul 2015
I remember how Buzz Aldrin was drunk and kept suggesting we turn the whole thing into a musical.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Jul 2015
Has it already been 40 years since I was the cinematographer on the moon landing?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Jul 2015
Never mess with a guy with his own gun-toting drone hovering over him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Jul 2015
You know, this Alex Rodriguez guy is a decent player.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Jul 2015
A hero is not just someone who was captured or wounded. A hero is anyone who served.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Jul 2015
If you are so adept at picking up on romantic cues, Bill, why do you then drug women against their will?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Jul 2015
Lighten up, Disney. We all know C3PO would never sleep with Amy Schumer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Jul 2015
If you take away guns from drones, then the only people with guns would be…no, wait, how does this work?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Jul 2015
If the National Civil War Museum is a monument to corruption, then maybe, finally, more people will go and see it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jul 2015
MSN headlines: "Mel Gibson's new gig" "B.B. King's cause of death"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jul 2015
MSN headlines: "Glee stars secretly wed" "Wife was prepared to die"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jul 2015
MSN headlines: "Another Duggar gets engaged" "Kate Hudson freaks"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jul 2015
If 50 Cent can't pay his bills, what are the chances for the rest of us?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
I sort of wish the minions did curse.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
People tell me happiness is over-rated. I still wouldn't mind trying it sometime.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
Every time I see three police vehicles in front of my place I know today is going to be an interesting day.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
"The Civil War was not about slavery. It was about the right to have slaves."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
"Men have fought enough wars. Next war, we fight it with only female soldiers."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Jul 2015
Does Bernie Sanders have a kochout punch?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Jul 2015
The U.S. Marshall's office covers Federal buildings, and all naked women on Federal building roofs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Jul 2015
Court takes away Redskins trademark. Northern Virginia Stars and Bars are being taken down. Safest to go with Nationals and U.S. flags, NoVa
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Jul 2015
Court takes away Redskins trademark. Northern Virginians: it may be best not to put any flags in your yards.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Jul 2015
The best way to create more work is to ask a group of people to help you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Jul 2015
I want to invent a robot that can carjack driverless cars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
C-SPAN interrupts some boring something to bring you an educational tour of the roof of the Reagan building….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
Remember, every time you have sex on the roof of a Federal building to bring bail money with you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
To the couple having sex on roof of Reagan Building: You do know there are cameras, right? Smile.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
Who knew Tom Selleck had such an addiction to stolen water.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
Farewell Irwin Keys, a great friend who could steal a scene and give it back better than it was.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul 2015
Happy Shark Week. Do not hug a shark this week.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul 2015
If you are sending bubble wrap, do you need to wrap it in bubble wrap?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul 2015
Sign you will get cancer: You waste your time googling the signs of cancer instead of seeing a doctor.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul 2015
A naked woman walked into Wawa's. Authorities suspected she may have mental issues as she wanted to eat Wawa's food.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul 2015
There are more cells in your body than there are known galaxies. Might explain why people think they are the center of their own universe.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Jul 2015
"You know, when I claimed I was innocent, I forgot I testified in 2005 that I had done it."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul 2015
Happy July 5, the day when we learn about the 4th of July fireworks disasters.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul 2015
NASA scientists speculates we live in a hologram built by aliens. When I said that in the 70s, people just assumed I was stoned.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul 2015
There was a secret gay marriage in the White House. James Buchanan and Rufus King wonder why they never thought of that.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul 2015
There may be more gay racists than we figured.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul 2015
Wow, I actually know who both turned her profile photo rainbow colors and then asked people to share supporting the Stars and Bars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul 2015
If you think social laws imperil your religious beliefs, you must have not much faith in the strength of your religion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul 2015
"Every time I see an obituary repeated elsewhere, I think to myself, "wow, did that person just die again?"'
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul 2015
As people go hungry, addicts die, tensions between people grow violent, remember the key issue is who Miley Cyrus is dating.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul 2015
Ben and Jerry have a new banana ice cream called the Ben and Jerry Split.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Jul 2015
It is now July, and you know what that means. Time to put up the Christmas decorations.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun 2015
"After she dropped her baby onto the floor, she recalled the five second rule. She had to walk away and leave her baby behind."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun 2015
I now live in a nation where everyone can have health care and can marry. A few days ago, I could not state this.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun 2015
It is interesting seeing the social media of rainbow colors versus Stars & Bars flags. We remain a nation politically divided, but shifting.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun 2015
You have the right to believe religion trumps laws, yet it you want to President, you are to uphold the Constitution, not your religion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun 2015
No, these are not the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. These are the days of acceptance, love, and respect for each other.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun 2015
If you feel you must leave the US for Canada to avoid gay marriage, please feel free to move. (No one tell them gays can marry in Canada)
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun 2015
Today is the tomorrow I decided to do today.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun 2015
If you believe gay marriage is the end of civilization, that it was time for a new civilization.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun 2015
"While you were gone last week, we took down the Confederate flag, gave all the help health insurance, and the servants got married."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Jun 2015
"Good ole boys can now drink, fight, and get married."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Jun 2015
These are confusing times for gay rednecks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Jun 2015
Anyone remember when I predicted there would be civil union before gay marriage? You forgot? Good, don;t remember that,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Jun 2015
"They were right, you take down the Stars and Bars and next thing you know, gays can marry. And you know what: society continues along fine"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Jun 2015
You mean all those people with the Stars and Bars are not northern Virginia historians?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Jun 2015
He has been avenged, Patrick Macnee was one of the first people I ever met in the entertainment business. He was a master at his craft.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Jun 2015
To Dick Van Patten, 86 was not enough.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Jun 2015
Stephen Hawking is correct that intelligent machines could end humanity. If they can calculate saving the planet, they would conclude...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Jun 2015
New book out for children: "Laura Has Two Daddies, and Mommy Made Her Promise Not to Tell Each Daddy About the Other One."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Jun 2015
Baby steps. If they won't put a woman on currency, how about if they show Thomas Jefferson wearing a dress?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jun 2015
So your town ranks in the top 100? But there are only 169 towns in the state.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Jun 2015
If you believe the civil war was about states rights, then observe it was about the right of states to decide to keep slavery.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Jun 2015
May I add being at Donald Trump'a Presidential announcement on my IMDB?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Jun 2015
Expecting a third Bush to be better than the original is sort of like expecting "Jaws 3" to be better than the original.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Jun 2015
This race for the Presidency will be close---in being the silliest candidate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun 2015
Blaze Starr now walks that Appalachian trail in the sky.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun 2015
I'll agree gravity is minute matter connecting larger matter. If I can believe Karshians exist, I can agree particle physics exists.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun 2015
Psychologists state racism is a form of stupidity. I could have told them that.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun 2015
My opponent sucks. #MyCampaignin3Words
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Jun 2015
If you post photos of your crime on Facebook, do not be surprised when the detectives figure out you did it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Jun 2015
Early Onset Alzheimer's Patients for Jeb Bush.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Jun 2015
"I keep my phone in my front pocket. I did not butt dial you. I penis dialed you."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jun 2015
Democracy is when Koch Bros. Sheldon Adelson, Norman Braman, and Robert Mercer are free to disagree on who should be President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Jun 2015
I still believe Facebook will never become popular since we have a prefect good MySpace.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Jun 2015
"I thought the Heisman Trophy went to the college student who made the best meth."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Jun 2015
"Maybe God is eight toy monkeys playing cymbals."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Jun 2015
Remember, pasta laced with opioids can land you in the emergency room.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Jun 2015
North Korea wants tourists. I await Ellen giving out those trips as prizes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 31 May 2015
ComicCon had an all male panel for "Women in Comics", followed by an all male panel for "Why We Are All Still Virgins."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 May 2015
Is it me, or do an inordinate number of Harrisburg people travel to Georgia to get arrested?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 May 2015
You do realize that attacking Bill Nye for not being a real scientist does not thus prove that global warming is not real?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 May 2015
Wow, the Coroner ruled the death of a man found in a suitcase a homicide. Only in Philly might there be the possibility of natural causes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 May 2015
Today I saw a marching band with an accordion player. I can now die happy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 May 2015
A stripper has requested protection from a State Senator, Hey, women should be protected from all of the Senators.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 May 2015
"Love that old photo of row homes with those really old cars." "I took that photo yesterday."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 May 2015
I took the "Hillbilly name" test. Turns out my Hillbillly name is "Leon Tchaikovsky".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 May 2015
Nine brains were found along a New York road. Authorities are asking if they are missing from a research center or the GOP State Committee.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 May 2015
#11 think never to say to your boss: "No wonder you are so grumpy. Your wife is a lousy lay."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 May 2015
"In retrospect, her asking me to not act like her boyfriend in public should have been a warning sign…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 May 2015
What morality teaches believers they must impose their morality on non-believers when the forceful act imposition is immoral?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 May 2015
When Ben Stiller passes, the headline will read "son of Anne Meara."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 May 2015
TLC may be considering a new show "18 Kids and Counting".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 May 2015
It does not take a brilliant mind to know to use a seat belt.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 May 2015
"That was a marriage license I signed? I thought I was co-signing a car loan."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 May 2015
Duggars should realize they love their son as parents love their gay children. Judge not and you will not judged, as some book writes.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 May 2015
Dear Vatican, Thanks for the advice, but we will decide on our way. Sincerely, Ireland
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 May 2015
"Gays can now do in Ireland what you cam't in Salt Lake City." "You mean drink alcohol?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 May 2015
I am so boring, the Westboro Baptist Church says they will respect my funeral.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 May 2015
I am glad the Yankees are retiring Paul Blair's number. No one will ever again wear number 2.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 May 2015
The FAA allows insurance adjusters to use drones. Forget Flo and the gecko, drones will be the real symbol of your insurance,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 May 2015
And you believe Jewish Justicea should recuse on deciding gay marriage because of, why again?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 May 2015
We forgive another hypocrite who would not forgive sinners,who turns out to be a sinner, because we are not hypocrites and to mess with them
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 May 2015
If your professor is arrested for spying for China, do you still have to take his final exam?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 May 2015
Hollywood thinks a 37 year old woman is too old to date a 55 year old man. Yeah, right, like that could never happen in real life….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 May 2015
Dave's not here….for good.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 May 2015
Someone finds a photograph beheading one woman, and they hold that against me...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 May 2015
Lindsay Graham withdraws from the Presidential race, for the three people who thought he might actually be running.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 May 2015
Bible has man with 300 wives and 700 concubines. Bible thumpers, act now. You can have top those multiple wives Mormons easily,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 May 2015
I think Mitt Romney is a masochist who enjoys being beaten by Black men.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 May 2015
If you believe we need to separate gays to keep them from reproducing, we need to talk.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 May 2015
The thrill is gone forever.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 May 2015
"All the women I'm my office are either married or transsexual."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 May 2015
Well, Kim, it may not be cruel but it certainly is unusual punishment….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 May 2015
A man is missing from a nudist camp. He was last seen wearing, well,,,,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 May 2015
So, comics follow me long enough to steal my jokes and then unfriend me. Jokes on them. My jokes bomb,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 May 2015
God may have chosen Huckabee to be President, yet whoever the Koches chose will win the nomination.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 May 2015
Happy Your Momma's Day. She's so big she needs two days to celebrate.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 5 May 2015
Neighbor, friend, and great rapper Ellen Albertini Dow is gone. Rap will never be the same. I miss her.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 May 2015
Grace Lee Whitney graced us with her presence, talent, and story of overcoming adversity Glad to have known her.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
I missed Nude Gardening Day, much to the relief of my neighbors. It is hard to grow nudes in our soil.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
Glad responsible leaders like Ted Crux and Rand Paul are spiking the Texas invasion rumors. Oh, wait, never mind. ..
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
A school in Texas will not let a five year old girl wear a dress with bare shoulders. That's it, we invade Texas!
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
Congress is on the verge of passing a bill allowing employers to fire someone for using birth control. OK, men, hide your condoms.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
Is it me, or is it getting harder to distinguish between the real news and the Onion?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
After we take over Texas, we will really surprise them by not taking away their guns.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
Remember, after we enslave all Texans, we first teach them to speak with New England accents.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 May 2015
So, who is joining me in the secret plans to invade Texas and declare Texas pas part of the United States?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 May 2015
So Kristie Alley woke up today and discovered she was behind the Chris Christie scandal. That's how the Internet works.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Apr 2015
My sorrow to friends and family of Joni Mitchell's whose false coma was reported on the Internet.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Apr 2015
Always remember to schedule home baseball games in cities when they are not rioting.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Apr 2015
RIP Suzanne Crough. I am glad our paths crossed a few times, You flew like a partridge and I hope you land well.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Apr 2015
Glad to have met Jayne Meadows and sad to see her great works have come to an end. She will be missed.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Apr 2015
Realized I had not checked my MySpace messages in over 3 years. All is good. I checked. I had none.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Apr 2015
Why did Adam and Eve break up? She found his porn stash.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr 2015
If eating Wheaties will make you strong like Bruce Jenner, then that is a good thing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Apr 2015
To candidates who believe God blessed their candidacies, we have the following statement: "I have no recollection of doing that." - God
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
If this gets 10,000 shares, I will shave my legs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
Waka Flocka Fave fears his not being only 28 will hold back his Presidential candidacy. Yeah, not being old enough, that'll be the reason
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
Severed Limb Awareness Month. Dude, if you aren't aware yet that you are missing a limb, you have other problems.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
My Grandmother, the Car #DepressingTVReboots
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
"You are sponge worthy. It is just, after all this time, the sponges are no longer effective."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr 2015
California has banned "Redskins". Confused Sheriffs have begun rounding up Native Americans.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Apr 2015
Who keeps unfollowing me?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Apr 2015
With only two votes counted, we have now projected that Scot Walker will be elected the next President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Apr 2015
If you can tell a sensible 420 joke, you are not doing 420.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Apr 2015
I buy post cards of historic cemeteries and send them out "Wish you were here."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Apr 2015
The worse part about landing on the Capitol grounds is realizing they lost your luggage.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Apr 2015
I thought this was a new Gettysburg to the Capitol commuter plane…
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Apr 2015
No, Obama dropped Cuba from the terror list, not the Cubs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Apr 2015
"We dye our gasoline." #BaWaysToGoGreen
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Apr 2015
OK, you do not believe in climate change, yet you believe the bad weather is retaliation for gay marriage….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Apr 2015
I had no idea Hillary Clinton had any interest in running for President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr 2015
Why would you get upset over what makes someone else happy when it has nothing to do with you?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr 2015
Sexism is realizing people what what they are, not for who they are.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr 2015
Did you know you could have used this time to save 15% or more on your car insurance? #ThingsYouShouldntSayInBed
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr 2015
Racism is realizing people for what they are, not for who they are.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Apr 2015
$800,000 is the typical amount friends give each other, said the Senator. Where do you get a friend like that?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr 2015
If you like incomprehensible logic, you will love Ted Cruz.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr 2015
Maybe if we all just ignore the Senator saying incompressible things, he will finally go away.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr 2015
I was so certain Tsarnaev would be found innocent.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr 2015
Sad we have lost Stan Freberg. Laughter has died.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr 2015
James Best truly wore his name well; he was the best.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Apr 2015
There are too many people suffering from excessive breathing disorder.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Apr 2015
What is this about David Duke being the new national champion?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 7 Apr 2015
Drat! I had every game correct in my brackets except for the last game.Didn't foresee that late call.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Apr 2015
Yes, you are correct. Your right to bigotry is under assault.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr 2015
I am amazed by the article explaining that the stuffed toy claw machines are rigged. I thought anyone over age six had figured that out.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr 2015
This is Distracted Driver Month so drive and hey I never noticed that Starbucks before
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr 2015
"I would marry you, but you're already married to my brother. Besides, you're still my sister."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr 2015
We shall miss that worldwide influence Cynthia Lennon.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr 2015
I wonder how many orders that pizza place that won't deliver to gays received from people using the most stereotypical gay voices,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr 2015
"May ye be in God's hands, so that He may deliver you in person to the devil."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr 2015
The inventor of the Pet Rock has died. He will be buried in a cardboard carrying box.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar 2015
"Indiana wants me, Lord I can't go back there. Not until they change their repressive laws."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar 2015
Scott Walker says being a Boy Scout prepared him for being President. Dwight Eisenhower said the same thing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar 2015
So, scientists are developing responsive robots for sex. I would have loved to have been at that funding request meeting.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar 2015
"We are all one YouTube video away from losing our jobs."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar 2015
If the onion snow is the last snow of the season, we already have had five onion snows.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Mar 2015
I just want to note, for the record, that I do not expect peanut butter soda to sweep the nation.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Mar 2015
What is their Flipper sandwich? It is tuna fish made with non-dolphin free tuna.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar 2015
Whenever a fact is missing, there will always be a conspiracy theorist to fill in the gaps.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar 2015
One Direction is now known as Two Directions.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar 2015
It is not a smart thing to say that smart people will never agree with you, but I repeat myself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar 2015
Dear Ted Cruz: A "flat farther" is someone who rejects scientific evidence, not someone who accepts it. I know that was an honest mistake.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar 2015
I believe climate change is real. #IAmAFlatEarther
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar 2015
Police put woman in psych ward for saying Obama is her Twitter follower. Turns out Obama follows her on Twitter. Why won't Obama follow me?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar 2015
Those who work at something know better not to criticize others for they know what it takes to get something done.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar 2015
"Ten years ago today, I met the love of my life. And then I married her sister."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar 2015
#WhileLivesMatterUnlessYouAreShotByABeautifulBlondeCop
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar 2015
White blonde cop tasers white suspect, shoots him to death while on his stomach, charged with murder. Interesting public responses
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Mar 2015
The White House Flourist has been de-flowered.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
A piano keyboard that is round in shape has been invented. Next: drums in the shape of a piano.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
Meet me on the corner of Mad Men Avenue and Don Draper Way.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
"If I had a son, he would look like Trayvon Marin. Or like George Zimmerman Kind of depends who the mother is."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
"I know she will be the last person I see on Earth, before she puts her pillow over my face."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
The only thing stopping me from announcing I am running for President on Twitter is I can not figure out how to download a video to Twitter.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar 2015
In an alternate universe, humanity has only a few decades left. No, wait, maybe it is this universe.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar 2015
"Oh, it is Amal Clooney. So there is no "n" is the first name…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar 2015
Bernie Sanders is wrong. Congress wil not become paid employees of billionaires. They already are.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar 2015
Ted Cruz is running for President of Canada?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar 2015
If you want to get cut from the team, try taking steroids and tweeting offensive things about teen age sport stars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar 2015
"I found that getting high solves all my problems" as he drove the airport with drugs in his pocket.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Mar 2015
"The benefit to being alone is you will not kill yourself because you know no one will care if you do, so you do not."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Mar 2015
If I knew then what I knew now, I would be dead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Mar 2015
I can not believe every team so far in my March Madness bracket has won. And I do not even follow basketball.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Mar 2015
If Kurt Cobain had read blog comments about his music, he would have killed himself.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 20 Mar 2015
Brazilian basketball play Gary Fuck is upset Canadian press will not use his real last name. What the gary is the matter with the press?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar 2015
I am often dissuaded by reality.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar 2015
Pop tarts in a donut? What are they going to stuff them with next, bacon? No, wait, someone will do that...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar 2015
"A one hour date with me always results in her returning to her ex-boyfriend."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
"That is not green beer, it is a yellow dress."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
"The green in the beer takes out all the alcohol, right?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
People were shocked to see a crocodile eat a person. You were expected them to be bored?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
But if he resigns, what happens to his Downton Abbey office?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
"In the last episode of this reality show, you are admit you killed several people. And, rolling."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
"Honest, this used car was only driven my a member of Congress seeking high mileage claims."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
This may be the first time a car was claimed to have been driven more than what the odometer stated.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
"Would you believe the odometer was broken? No? Sure? Positive?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Mar 2015
If I knew then what I know now, I would probably be dead by now.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Mar 2015
"No, 50 shades of grey is not the same as "bitch slap the ho".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Mar 2015
Point to ponder: If we decades ago had reached an agreement on paying for an oil pipeline, al Qaeda today might have been our ally
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Mar 2015
California has one year of water later. That is fine, Californians can just drink Perrier instead.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Mar 2015
Once again, my Gridiron ticket got lost in the mail. #Gridiron
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Mar 2015
Why is something called Kentucky Pete's from Silverton, Ohio?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
I gave up religion for Lent, which seems a bit contradictory.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
"Of course the Alamo has been mismanaged. There is not a single McDonald's on site."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
Penis transplants means it is now literally possible to lose your virginity about you die.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
The first penis transplant has occurred. If only there had been a donor card for Milton Berle.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
"I take this oath to serve anyone needing health, unless they are homosexual." How does the EMT tell?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Mar 2015
Michigan House passes bill allowing EMTs to serve to serve a gay patient. "Sorry, this is our heterosexuals only ambulance, please wait."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Mar 2015
"I know, let us trade for a worse quarterback that will cost us more money."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Mar 2015
With daylight savings, me mind is now an hour ahead of the rest of me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Mar 2015
I am learning about the pompotous of love.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Mar 2015
News from the Philadelphia Inquirer: Signs your first date is going wrong if your date steals your car.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Mar 2015
Scientists determine your date looks best after one drink. Two drinks and the blurred double vision ruins the sight,
0 retweets 1 like
Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Mar 2015
We honor Blacks during the shortest month of the year and we honor women on the shortest day of the year. #HappyWomensDay
0 retweets 0 likes
Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar 2015
So people can "favorite" your tweet and then un-favor it. As Larry David would ask, why would anyone do that? What is the point? "
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar 2015
I am surprised the NRA does not advocate the right of prisoners and inmates to buy and wear concealed guns.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar 2015
Farewell, Lynn Borden. Your talent lives on. The frogs will never forget you. It was a pleasure knowing you. Thank you for great works.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar 2015
The articles of Joe Sestak wearing Reeboks from 1980s is historic: One of the few times the press has focused on what a male candidate wears
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar 2015
"Harrison, if anything happens, it is OK if I ask your wife out? What? Too soon?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar 2015
Sorry, Avery Fisher, no one remembers you. And now no one will ever know who you were.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar 2015
If you buy Broadway tickets to "Cats" from a scalper, DON'T.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar 2015
I bought the Brooklyn Bridge and now I am angry. I did not realize it was used.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
Who are the idiots who keep robbing the Dollar Store?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
Spoiler alert that has not even been done yet: The Dowager Countess of Grantham will die next season. Or not. Just guessing.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
A mystery woman is buried near Richard III. Maybe it is Amelia Earhart?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
My favorite warning of the day: "Watch out for stoned rabbits who ate marijuana plants". They will steal all your potato chips.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
I use Oxford commas, and Cambridge exclamation points, and even London School of Economics quotation marks.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar 2015
My condolences to friends and family of Paul McCartney, whose death has once again erroneously been reported on social media.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
If you are purchasing snow to be sent to you, you need to reevaluate your life priorities.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
"'They will never take me alive', said the man who was handcuffed without resistance"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
"Yeah, load all 15 tons into one truck. That will not be a problem."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
No, GOP members of Congress, you have nothing to fear politically about defunding Homeland Security. Who even knows what that is?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
I want a Pirates hat just like the one Jihadi John wears.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
Live long. Check. Prosper. Check. All checked and ready for the next frontier.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb 2015
Leonard Nimoy is dead? That is not logical.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
Weird email: How can I have "matches" on some site I never joined? I do no Internet date. The Internet and I keep apart from each other.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
Sex between politicians and lobbyists is now legal in North Carolina. So, if you announce you are running for office and you hire a lobbyist
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
"I take personal charge of this investigation and I will not rest until we find a fall guy."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
It would be nice if we could be as color blind to people's skin colors as we can be towards a dress.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
"What do you mean blue or gold? That dress looks red and purple to me, dude.:
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb 2015
Sorry to see Leonary Nimoy who was helpful in my blog pass away. A legend is gone.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb 2015
Sniffing rosemary does improve memory. I sniffed rosemary and she slapped me. I learned never to sniff her again,
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb 2015
I miss the good old days when I flew in military helicopters with Brian Williams and Bill O'Reilly.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb 2015
Jamie Dornan's wife is upset with his latest role? Did she not read or hear anything about the massive publicity about the role beforehand?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb 2015
OK, so then, Penn State will NOT be offering an honorary degree this year to Keith Olbermann. #keitholbermann
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb 2015
If you swallow a camera with baking soda, you can cure cancer and prevent an abortion.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb 2015
A GOP legislator states cancer can be washed away with baking soda. Just when I thought I had heard the most idiotic legislative comment…...
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb 2015
Legislator wants to reduce abortions by having women swallow cameras. The ability to swallow a camera is probably whet led to her pregnancy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb 2015
My condolences to friends and family of Leonard Nimoy whose death has been incorrectly reported on social media. #RIPLeonaryNimoy
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb 2015
"Oh, you went equality between men and women. I thought you wanted al women to be equal…"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb 2015
Who let Sean Penn into this country?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb 2015
Overheard at the Oscar's gift room: "Anyone want to trade a watch for this laser vibrator?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb 2015
God loves me over other nominees. #SixWordAcceptanceSpeech
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb 2015
Your momma is so big she is why quantum physics equations are at odds.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb 2015
"No, Rabbi, it is not part of the ritual bath to videotape the women while they are naked. Why do you ask?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb 2015
Eddie Murphy refused to make fun of Bill Cosby. To be fair, it really no longer is a laughing matter.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb 2015
I like lent. I get to eat whatever it is the Catholics give up.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
Pat Robertson states demons can curse your unborn child using Facebook. I am sure glad this is Twitter. #Twitter #PatRobertson #Facebook
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
Downside to being in the Cosa Nostra: no health care. And going to jail. And getting shot. Which returns back to the lack of health care.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
Is it good parenting when you engage in road rage to go home and go your gun and your child to help track down who you are mad at?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
There is a bra gun holster? Hello, are you glad to see me or is that a gun in your bra?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
The Big Small Penis group has formed in England to celebrate small penises. At last, something Britain can take with national pride.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 18 Feb 2015
Twitter is like sending a message in a bottle. Eventually someone finds it and then hits you with the bottle.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Feb 2015
A rose by any other name could turn out to be Gertrude.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Feb 2015
"To Kill a Mockingbird" is being retitled "To Fleece the Audience".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Feb 2015
Wait, the movie and book (which I have not seen nor read) is about a non-consensual relationship? Sorry, that is just wrong.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Feb 2015
Anyone with stale fashnachts tomorrow?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 17 Feb 2015
If you think sex is like falling off a bicycle, you have a very unique fetish.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Feb 2015
Are "50 Shades of Grey" and "50 Ways to Leave Your Love" all the same?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 16 Feb 2015
I tell Starbucks my name is Liam so they will write my name on my coffee cup correct as"Leon".
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Feb 2015
Breaking news: The Oscar Wienermobile has crashed. It has been castrated.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Feb 2015
It is good to know the internet security stopped the criminals before they had only gotten away with one billion dollars.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 15 Feb 2015
Readers Digest has an abbreviated copy titled "25 Shades of Grey."
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Feb 2015
Well of course Madonna would be bored by "50 Shades of Grey". Why is anyone surprised by this?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Feb 2015
Brian Williams is my wing man. #WhyImSingle
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 14 Feb 2015
I only know 49 shades of grey. #whyiamsingle
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Brian Wiliams remembers when he and John Seigenthaler assassinated John Kennedy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
How can #BritishSexPositions be trending? Are lots of people commenting on all three positions?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Separate beds. #BritishSexPositions
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Those who go see "Fifty Shades of Grey" deserve to be spanked.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
In an effort to boost its integrity, NBC News has appointed, as the new anchor, John Kitzhaber.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Brain Williams will spend the next six month as the new Oregon Governor.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Brian Williams will spend the next six months coaching the Jackie Robinson West Little League team.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
The U.S. is about to get its first openly bisexual Governor. There will be a First Lady and a First Husband.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
Glad to have known Gary Owens. A true legend and great wit. Beautiful downtown Burbank will never be the same.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 13 Feb 2015
I see Lester Holt has been anchoring the NBC News. Anyone know what happened to Brian Williams?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
I sit in "50 Shades of Grey" theaters and whisper to people around me "are you also handcuffed to your seats and forced to watch this?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
How come Kanye West never runs up and defends what he sees as slights towards @KimKardashian?
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
So women are watching a movie together and discussing their desires, but do not want men to know about this…Maybe this should be rethought.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
I remember when Lester Holt and I were shot at while in a helicopter together. I wonder if he remembers.
1 retweet 2 likes
Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
Genius is 60 per cent intellect, 50 per cent effort, and 30 per cent realizing the universe does not calculate as expected.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
50 Shades of Grey? But I know of at least 60 shades….
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 12 Feb 2015
I am taking Kanye West's advice and suggesting that Beyonce be the new "Daily Show" host. #KanyeWest #Beyonce #DailyShow #DailyShowHost
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 11 Feb 2015
Jon Stewart wants out. He announced he shared that helicopter ride with Brian Williams. That should let him out of his gig.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Feb 2015
Brian Williams wants it to be a false memory that time he was suspended for six months.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Feb 2015
I can believe grey matter has entered our solar system. I see it while viewing Fox News.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 10 Feb 2015
Who comes up these theories? The Big Bang never happened? My theory: the Universe started with a Big Fart.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 9 Feb 2015
Every time I publish a new column, Kanye West questions why Beyonce did not get to write it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Feb 2015
I am so ugly, I went to Siggy's and they told me I could eat for free. @lenadunham
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Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit 8 Feb 2015
If you fund al Qaeda and you are co-owner of a news network that blames 9-11 on the wrong culprit, is that a conflict of interest? #FoxNews
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Leon Tchaikovsky followed Lena Dunham, Laugh Riot Grrrl LA, XO MINNIE and 22 others
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Leon Tchaikovsky followed Lena Dunham, Laugh Riot Grrrl LA, XO MINNIE and 22 others
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hermit about town
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Inspired by the early 90s punk rock feminist movement Riot Grrrl, we seek to encourage feminist voices in comedy. At @taocomedystudio by …
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posted by Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny at 6:36 PM
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