Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: September 2004

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Is a Contradiction Better than a Flip Flop?

President Bush announced that we will need 15,000 more troops in Iraq at the same time Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was declaring that the number of troops in Iraq will be decreased. For a governement where decision makers either did not receive or ignored field intelligence reports as well as reports from the War College challenging the wisdom of going to war in Iraq, it is now interesting to watch this government as they can't even simultaneously agree on what to do next.

As conflicting information was announced, we know that the person in charge probably chewed out the subordinate. The question is: did George Bush chew out Donald Rumsfeld, or did Donald Rumsfeld chew out George Bush?

Friday, September 24, 2004

Baby, What's Become of You

Nine years ago, someone came up with the idea that putting a "Baby on Board" sign on your car would induce an person about to have an accident with a car bearing such a sign to see the sign and realize, oh, no, I better decide against having this accident. Acutarials are not certain, but it is believed that perhaps this may not have prevented a single accident, but a couple of people were really, really sorry about them when they saw this sign.

In honor of these signs, remember, when you talk to a nine year old, tell him how that nine year old should thank his parents or guardians for getting a "Baby on Board" sign, or otherwise you might have killed that child as a baby had you not seen that sign while driving. Be prepared to meet a happy parent who will gladly meet you and thank you for traumatizing the child.

The above message was paid for by the Association of Child Psychologists.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

A Taxing Problem

For the last two days, my phone has been ringing off the hook. Whenever I answer, I hear the buzzing noise of fax machines. Eventually, a couple of people stated they were trying to fax some tax returns and the brochure they had listed my phone number.

I called the Revenue Department to tell them this, and their attitude was "well, what do you expect us to do about it?" Which, after the fact, I guess is true, although I thought they might be alarmed that taxpayers would be thinking they were taking advantage of new, simpler government program and instead are being directed to me. Believe me, I checked, and I am not a simpler, government program. So, don't be surprised if you have problems faxing your tax returns.

I wonder if the Revenue Department would be more concerned if people started sending me their tax payments...

Wednesday, September 22, 2004


This is a test to see if posting works. This is only a test. Had this been a real emergency, we would have been running out of the room in a panic instead of continuing typing.

Since this is a test, let's see if anyone can answers these questions:

Which state of the union has the most letters in its name?

Which state is closest to northern Africa?

About what per cent of the population lives in the northern hemisphere?

Good luck, and no cheating because, why? It's not like this is a real test or anything.

Living My Life Live

Welcome to the blog of Leon Tchaikovsky, a noted humor writer and ghost writer, which means, when you die, expect to find lots of very funny people in the afterlife. Noted, because like his distant relative, notes are a part of his life. Only these are written.
This will be a humorous blog with no set structure. There may or may not be discussions regarding sex, lesbians, Britney Spears, Bush, Kerry, economic writings of Herbert Simon, and other words that will appear in google searches that will bring readers to this site.

For people disappointed that this is not a blog regarding Peter (or Piotr) Tchaikovsky (or Smith), let me share some interesting family secrets regarding my third cousin twice removed (once involuntarily): He began his career as a bureaucrat and he had a habit of eating paper. When he wrote his first government report, he became so nervous he ate his report. While family feared he could not earn a living in music, it was quickly decided that Piotr (or Petey baby) may have a better chance at that than in the public sector, and the rest is history.

The other question people ask are: was Petey gay? The answer is: who knows, and who cares? What difference does it make? He was married but had no children, but what does that really mean? It has since been noted that historical references to his being gay emerge from a critical biography written after his death (I believe it was written by Kitty Kelly) and every historian since has quoted from that source. Very few writings by Petey remain, so most speculation about his life is that: speculation. So, instead of worrying about events that happened in the 19th century that have no meaning to your life (unless, perhaps you are writing your dissertation on the lifestyles of 19th century composers), just sit back and enjoy his music. Unless, of course, you hate his music, in which case, find something else to do.

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