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I am so ugly, I went to Siggy's and they told me I could eat for free. @lenadunham
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  7h 7 hours ago
If you fund al Qaeda and you are co-owner of a news network that blames 9-11 on the wrong culprit, is that a conflict of interest? #FoxNews
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  20h 20 hours ago
"Bruce Jenner, the bad news is the car crash did major internal damage. The good news is, we can cancel that scheduled operation."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  20h 20 hours ago
I still believe Kirk, Spock, and Bones murdered about 40 crew members and then reported their deaths were by previously unknown species.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  20h 20 hours ago
Texas Chainsaw Tickling #MakeAFilmUncomfortable
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  20h 20 hours ago
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly starring Brian Williams #MakeAFilmUncomfortable
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  20h 20 hours ago
Seven Brides for Three Brothers #MakeAFilmUncomfortable
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  21h 21 hours ago
I believe Brian Williams on Katrina. I have seen dead bodies float past my New Orleans hotel even when there was no flood.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  22h 22 hours ago
As we are at an era where income the disparity resembles those of the days of kings and serfs, we at least are reconciled we have Facebook.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  23h 23 hours ago
For whatever it means, I have now seen two different Black street musicians with signs claiming to be a cousin of #PaulMcCartney.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  24h 24 hours ago
"I know you finally met a guy who wants you for your brains and not your body, but he is a zombie."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 7
I shared the lucky penny on Facebook and it worked. A week later I found a penny on a sidewalk.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 6
Re: Facebook transparent pop-up ads. Why your Great Aunt Millie read a recipe on Facebook that added Amazon books to the broth.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 6
Re: The transparent Facebook pop-up ads. They are a nuisance. They could be the beginning of the end of an over-commercialized Facebook.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 6
I apologize to sufferers of psychological memory damage from traumatic events for Brian Williams jokes. Of course, I do not recall the jokes
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 6
It is proposed in Texas to limit a woman to owning 6 dildos. Because there is no greater threat to our security than a woman with 7 dildos.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 6
Will someone just fire a missile at Brian Williams and save his career?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 5
On the East Coast, a red sky means it is going to snow. Then again, the lack of a red sky means it is going to snow.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 5
The Pentagon claims Putin has Asberger's. #bazinga
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 5
"I was on the NBC Nightly News." Oh, wait, it may have been a local station.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 5
"I once met Larry King and I survived to live another day." Oh, wait, that really happened.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 5
"I once survived a direct tornado hit." Oh, wait, that really did happen.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 5
"I once had a bullet hit my train window." Oh, wait, that really did happen.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 5
"Dad, I will believe you were shut down in a helicopter if you will believe I do not take my clothes off in #GirlsHBO."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 5
"Why, yes, I do remember that time my helicopter was not hit by enemy fire."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 5
I have never seen an honest obituary: "John Doent, Drank and Watched TV Most of His Life"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 3
Catch and release: What a cougar must do when she finds out he is under 18.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 3
"I knew Kanye West back when he did not care for big butts."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 3
"My show jumped the shark. In that, when I jumped, the shark ate my character."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 2
Why do gays get the whole rainbow of colors but the BDSM community only gets the color grey?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 2
So who won the Puippy Bowl?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 2
Punxsutawney Phil show his shadow and announced that climate change is real.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 2
There was cheating at the Wing Bowl. Prior to the contest, someone deflated their wings.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 2
A wormhole could instantly take a spaceship to another part of the galaxy, except during rush hour.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 1
Mike Huckabee states he can be friends with gays. Well, that is reason enough to turn gay.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 1
"As God is my witness, I thought we could throw the ball half a yard."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 1
I predict the Super Bowl will end with both teams agreeing not to fight any further and they all walk off the field arm in arm.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Feb 1
Teach a man to fish, and he will blow up your pond with dynamite.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 30
Glad to have known Rod McKuen. Great words shall live on after we all have departed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 29
"Sure, I will recite the Pledge of Allegiance in order to stay in your office. Because I want to stay and tell you what a jerk you are."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 29
"If Nixon can make a come back, so can Mitt Romney" may not be the best of analogies to offer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 28
If I reach 50,000 followers by midnight, one random follower will win absolutely nothing from me, guaranteed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 28
"Do not worry, someone is out there for you. There are lots of women with very low self-esteem and poor judgment."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 27
Words not said at the Miss Universe contest: "We suspect they cheated by deflating their balls."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 27
Facebook was down for 40 minutes. I blame Obama.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 27
"Sure, I am married, but it happened back when I was a Moonie so it does not really count."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 26
I would never join a dating service that would allow me to register.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 26
Got an idea: SNOWNADO. Instead of sharks, snow falls and ravages people. Nah, no one would believe it,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 25
I was going to root for the Patriots but my support for them has become a bit deflated.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 24
If you want to freak people out, sneak into a room and deflate the footballs.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 24
Ernie Banks was a great athlete an great guy. He is missed and will be missed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 20
"Every time I tell people I am from Drug and Alcohol, I hear them lock the door, run somewhere, flush the toilet, and then let me in."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 19
The highest rates of STDs are found in the Deep South and Alaska, where they hate not only Obamacare but any health care.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 18
If you want to harm or kill someone in the name of your religion you do not understand your religion or morality.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 18
If you want to do good because you want to go to Heaven and not because you wish to do good, you do not understand your religion or morality
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 18
Public official lesson for the day: A pool cleaning robot for one's own swimming is NOT a legitimate public expense.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 18
Shots fired towards Joe Biden's house. Some people are poor architectural critics.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 17
I did a background search on myself and I no longer wish to associate with myself.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 17
"I never knew pot could make your house blow up. I thought I imagined that."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 16
The universe is mostly dark matter. We are the exception to most of the universe, not the rule.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 16
Alex Rodriquez thinks he will be the Yankees third baseman. Yeah, and I think I will be the Yankees new shortstop.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 16
When I heard "Dick Poop" had an Oscar nomination, I thought "great, I have finally been nominated,"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 16
Do not worry, Someday a human will land on Mars. Oh, and someday, a black female will win as Oscar for Best Director.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 15
OK, we need to move "The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven" to the Fiction section.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 14
Oh, my mistake, Constitutional scholar on when 2nd Amendment passed. Would you accept that a Black person may carry three fifths of a gun?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 14
If you believe anyone should be allowed to carry a gun, you have no right to protest when you see a Black person carrying a gun.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 14
I look forward to the inauguration of President #MikeHuckabee and First Lady #Beyonce
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 14
If you are arrested for fighting over a roadkill deer, you probably do not live in Beverly Hills.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 13
How do you throw a penis out a window and then not find it? People should keep better track of where they throw things.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 13
"…and then the second time she copped off my penis, I began to take her threats seriously…"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 13
Council member believes it is a left wing media conspiracy that they print his name. That old First Amendment news reporting gets confusing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 13
"….oh, so this Stalkers Convention is for fans of the TV show. I thought it was for…"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 13
"…and there there is that sudden realization that #ZoeyDeschanel is not going to have your child…"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 12
Prosecutors leaking stories to the press subpoena reporters to tell them the law does not require them to expose the prosecutors who leaked.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 12
A radio on Downton Abbey freaks out the show's characters as well as Millennial viewers who have no idea what the thing is.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 11
Auto correct tried to change "je suis Charlie" to "je suis Charlie Sheen".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 11
History repeats itself. Charlie Chaplin in "The Great Dictator" could have been the original "je suis Charlie."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 10
I am glad #AlanCumming is now helping #PaulMcCartney will his career.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 9
Terry Becker was a terrific talent. He was a fun guy to know. May his current voyage be a good one.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 8
Russia barns transgendered people from driving. What? They think they can't pick which way to drive?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 8
Who leaked the grand jury report that the Pa. Attorney General should be indicted for linking grand jury reports?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 8
I am sorry to see the fifth oldest person has died at age 115. She came so close.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 8
If a time machine inventor goes back into time and dies before the time machine is invented, does this create an endless loop?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 7
What the US Senate really needs is an official Medical Marijuana Desk.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 7
The US Senate has an official Candy Desk. I bet people run for the Senate just for the free candy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 7
I am upset that Kanye West is not helping Ringo Starr's career.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 7
The top one tenth of one percent hold much of the wealth. Makes me feel bad for the other nine tenth of one percent.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 7
Legislator proposes that legislators must pass drug tests. That may be the best plan to increase the turnover rate of legislators.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 5
I love it when a relative takes everything I taught her, does the reverse, and finds success. Makes me feel a a special part of that success
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 5
What if Satan is Santa, and Hell is a place where one gets gifts every day for eternity?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 5
I like those who do not believe Texas business interests exert their influence in politics yet are certain they control Cowboys officiating.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Jan 5
Join in supporting #CanYouKeepUp fundraiser on IndieGoGo. If  @SallyMullins1 is in it, and I am not, it should be a hit.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 26
"Wow, anyone with $40 can become a millionaire? Well, that counts me out."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 26
It is Boxing Day. Give a box to a boxer and see if the boxer gets the analogy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 25
"Is it Christmas already? I guess I better start my Christmas shopping."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 25
What genetic mutation turns a nose into a red flashlight?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 25
"I hate it every time the Governor pardons me and then changes his mind."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 24
Why does the Dirt Removal System used on film always obliterate my images from the films?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 24
If you do not have a merry Christmas, you do not want me to come over there and make you have one.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 24
"…and Santa went to all the good North Korean children and restored their Internet."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 24
The stockings were hung, above the chimney with care. A phone call was rung, They caught fire like a flare.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 24
Brad Pitt and Barack Obama cannot marry. They are cousins. Plus they are already married.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 24
"Can I get Ebola if a zombie with Ebola bites me?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 24
I hear "The Interview" is great. It brings the house down. #TheInterview
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 24
A solider mustered out. Waiting for a bus, one came along reading "Out of Service". So the soldier boarded it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 23
Dear Vice Squad: Check out all those videos that Elf on the Shelf has.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 23
"Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country." (Torturing not included.)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 23
It was the best of seasons, it was the worst of seasons. So Dickens gave up meteorology and went into creative writing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 22
North Korea's Internet has been shut down. A CIA operative unplugged it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 21
So North Korea does not believe in our right to privately criticize actors in emails?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 21
Arthur Gardner has left us yet leaves a legacy of many great works. I am honored to have met him. We cherish his memory and achievements.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 21
I wonder if the Solar System still invites Pluto over for Christmas dinner.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 21
The people who robbed the real life Badda Bing obviously never watched "The Sopranos".
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 Gene Weingarten @geneweingarten  ·  Dec 20
@SexiestLyingWit That's a little too extreme , but men should have only 3/5 of a vote.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Dec 20
Due to their widespread inability to grasp reason on issues, it is time we take away the right of men to vote? @geneweingarten
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