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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: February 2012

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

"CATS WITH COOKING UTENSILS"

Until the creation of this blog post, "cats with cooking utensils" is a Google-nope.

I am glad that the world has gone so long without subjecting cats to being photographed with cooking utensils.

I fear those days are coming to an end.  For those about to do it, please, the cats do not enjoy being photographed with cooking utensils.  Take my word for it.

posted by Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny at 11:53 AM | 0 comments

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Tweets for Twits

Leon Tchaikovsky‏@SexiestLyingWit
The National Institute for Civil Discourse seeks more civility in discussions, but what do those rat bastards really know?
1h
If a transsexual has a transvaginal ultrasound, would that be a tranny getting a tranny?
1h
"Bully", a movie about being bullied, is being bullied by MPAA who insist this film meant for kids have an R rating so kids can't see it.
7h
Looking forward to tomorrow, the traditional day when my stalkers ask to marry me.
7h
Now trending: is because I love paying top price for them.
7h
If atoms shrink, we are like sand. All the sands of the universe fit into one small unit before the Big Bang, leading to a CBS series.
7h
If then neither does this hashtag.
22h
Romney remembers events upon his conception. Life and memory begins at conception. Many conservatives will tell you that.
In reply to Alexandra Petri Hide conversation
23h
Now trending: 's leg is a which is ShouldntDo
27 Feb
You aren't watching the right TV programs. There is this new comedy trio series. Rick Santorum is hilarious.
In reply to geneweingarten Hide conversation
26 Feb
Now trending: namely watching the
26 Feb
Did I ever mention the Academy Awards statue looks just like my uncle Vladimir?
26 Feb
Now trending: :
25 Feb
I hope I win a Spirit Award for Best Taper of a Frayed Electric Wire That Otherwise Would Have Electrocuted Angelina Jolie
25 Feb
Now trending: :
25 Feb
Wives rejecting sex with Virginia Republican legislators won't work. It will take gay prostitutes rejecting them sex.
25 Feb
Reagan was right about killer trees. Romney knows when trees are no longer the right height, they are taking over the planet.
In reply to Alexandra Petri Hide conversation
24 Feb
I am sorry, I was just pulling your leg, which is better than amputating a toe.
24 Feb
"Chris Christie sex tape"
In reply to Alexandra Petri Hide conversation
24 Feb
Tell Rashida Jones that Leon says hello and if you give her the $10 I owe her, I'll pay you back.
In reply to celebritology Hide conversation
24 Feb
"Elected to be the villain and certified to be the menace...Welcome 2 Detroit"
24 Feb
"I'm standing on a corner in Winslow Arizona" looking for someone to register to vote.
24 Feb
"Old Michigan seems like a young's man dream", as sung by Ron Paul.
24 Feb
"By the Time I Get to Phoneix", she'll be laughing at my polling numbers.
24 Feb
I was happy just to be nominated. I shall cherish this win forever.
24 Feb
Enjoys some Parks and Recreation while in LA.
In reply to celebritology Hide conversation
24 Feb
So, did you find an In and Out, and is that why you were Up All Night?
In reply to celebritology Hide conversation
24 Feb
What was funny was I first heard someone put a bull in an office last night. A bullet is totally different.
24 Feb
SOMEONE FIRED A BULLET THROUGH ONE OF OUR WINDOWS? Those critics are getting more proactive.
24 Feb
I guess "Suffer Little Children", as I believe it captures a theme of every maze from which good children may learn.
In reply to Universal Halloween Hide conversation
24 Feb
If Abe Vigoda were still alive, he'd be 91 years old today.
24 Feb
Technically, you have a Santorum candidacy. Do you want his nomination or his election? You already do know I don't exist.
In reply to geneweingarten Hide conversation
24 Feb
If you are planning on using me to further your career in the future, I would advise against ignorning me in the present. You, too, Angelina
23 Feb
In and Out means you eat that slop and spit it out. Seriously, try Samba at Citywalk. Excellent food, best lunch value..
In reply to celebritology Hide conversation
23 Feb
My auto is never correct and its turbo never works.
23 Feb
Now trending: . Soon to be trending:
23 Feb
What mother would name a son John's? That's how we get stuck with names like Johns Hopkins.
23 Feb
Save John Stoe! (Who is John Stoe?)
In reply to Universal Halloween Hide conversation
23 Feb
I just realized that Eli Manning and Bradford Manning are different people.
23 Feb
Now trending:
23 Feb
Putin is still wearing his wedding ring, but seems to be sitting closer and closer to Angelina Jolie.
In reply to Amy Argetsinger Hide conversation
23 Feb
The day has come when the cat and the rat dine together. Still the cat will be less nervous.
In reply to geneweingarten Hide conversation
23 Feb
Yes, the calculations for neutrinos was in error. It was done by the same people who counted Florida ballots in 2000.
In reply to Alexandra Petri Hide conversation
23 Feb
You mean Country and Home Decor are not affiliated with Satan's enterprises. Ozzie Osborn is so disappointed.
In reply to Alexandra Petri Hide conversation
23 Feb
Satan has moved your link, I fear. God only knows why Satan did that.
In reply to Alexandra Petri Hide conversation
23 Feb
"I have the worse luck. Am writing a suicide note in the park, and a thief came by and grabbed it. Who steals another man's suicide note?"
22 Feb
After State Rep. Bob Morris stated Girl Scouts promotes homosexuality, sales of Girl Scout cookies doubled.
22 Feb
We may need new laws to prohibit driving while wearing Google glasses.
22 Feb
Now trending: I celebrated every which made me
22 Feb
My bad, I was disrespectful to a man doing his best. Now do better and stop cheating on your wife.
22 Feb
"Serpent's Storm" is a well written fantastic book. I am glad to recommend it highly.
22 Feb
The Pancake
21 Feb
Now trending: until I realized that was lame.
21 Feb
The New York Philharmonic Pancake
21 Feb
Thanks for the spam. You spammers are all I have on Earth. You complete me.
21 Feb
Pancake for Pyros
21 Feb
The Flying Pancake Brothers
21 Feb
Alice Mork & Mindy, Three's Company
21 Feb
The Incredible Hulk's Diff'rent Strokes
21 Feb
B.J.s and the Bare
21 Feb
Happy Ending Days
21 Feb
Since I didn't buy it on Amazon, it won't take my review. Link here to my review of Serpent's Storm by :
21 Feb
Why do they put preservatives in fashnachts if they are meant to be eaten in one day?
21 Feb
21 Feb
An advantage to being Jewish is Jews can eat fashnachts tomorrow.
21 Feb
Now trending:
21 Feb
Thank you for writing me and thousands others asking to legalize weed. Won't the weeds spoil lawns?
21 Feb
The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd and My Two Dads
21 Feb
The I Love Lucy and Mary Tyler Moore Show
21 Feb
Six Inches Under
21 Feb
Calipornication
21 Feb
Sixty Minutes in Cougar Town
21 Feb
Leave It To Beaver
21 Feb
Research determines driving while smoking pot increases the risk of crashing. Future research will test driving with eyes closed.
21 Feb
Lindsay Lohan to host "Saturday Night Live". Jewelers warn she may steal the show.
21 Feb
I have figured out the Republican plan: We will colonize the moon to place all those born due to ending contraception.
21 Feb
As a person who really has dysgraphia, I have never confused the word "environmental" for "Islamic". And my wife may be a hat.
In reply to Alexandra Petri Hide conversation
21 Feb
Now trending: listen to
21 Feb
Centuries from now, historians will credit Alan Smithee as one of the greatest directors ever.
19 Feb
BONG BONG BONG TOKE BONG BONG
19 Feb
I vewed your film. All the best at raising awareness of tragic sanitation problems, which continue in this "modern" era.
19 Feb
I love telling a spammer she didn't win my contest and she immediately stop following me. That's me, I speak to women, they leave me.
19 Feb
Now trending: it would be which really is
19 Feb
Congrats, you did suffer a W61.01 when bitten by a Press Secretary. Yet as a WOWT employee, you are disqualified.
18 Feb
The previous offer expires at 2:12 am Pacific time Feb. 19 and is not valid in the Nebraska, Cuba, and to NBC Universal employees.
18 Feb
First follower who ever had a W61.01 health insurance code who contacts me wins a signed copy of our of my scripts:
18 Feb
We have learned, from actual news, that if a man is naked in Walmart, he will decide it most important to steal socks.
18 Feb
Waiter to Romney and Santorum "Party of two?" Romney replies "yes, we are last two members of the Republican Party."
18 Feb
James Buchanan lived with Rufus King in the White House. Rick Santorum would not have approved.
18 Feb
Last Penna President James Buchanan sought to divide us into North and South. Why do Penna politicians always seek to divide us?
18 Feb
Obama may be our most divisive President, but Obama seeks to unite. Santorum seeks to divide us and we should not unite behind dividing us.
18 Feb
You have the right to disagree. Attacking someone's religious beliefs: It is their belief, not yours. That's what I believe
18 Feb
OK, now I got it. Love someone who hurts you. They will learn from your love, and in their confusion, run as fast out.
In reply to Sally Mullins Hide conversation
18 Feb
Anyone who hurts you should be hurt to show that hurting someone is wrong, even though that is intellectually inconsistent.
In reply to Sally Mullins Hide conversation
18 Feb
I am going on a limb and guessing something is going on in your life. Go for mutual pleasure. Anyone hurting you should stop
In reply to Sally Mullins Hide conversation
18 Feb
Thank you for defending bad jokes. As a leader of telling bad jokes, we need all the defense we can get. Take my joke, please.
In reply to Alexandra Petri Hide conversation
17 Feb
Chris Christie's veto stinks. It isn't right or fair.
Retweeted by
18 Feb
My condolenses to fans and friends of Madonna, whose death by the hands of Lady Gaga is another Internet prank.
17 Feb
I thought I said John QUINCY Adams, who helped permit people to travel to Ohio. Turned out to have been an errror, but still...
In reply to Alexandra Petri Hide conversation
17 Feb
Who Is Harry Kellerman, and Why Is He Saying Terrible...
17 Feb
NOT trending:
17 Feb
How is trending in rural Pennsylvania but not in LA?

posted by Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny at 12:36 PM | 0 comments

 
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