I Am The Sexiest Lying Twit
SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
@celebritology Actors will record a vocal soundtrack to be played while showing "The Artist". Not true, but that makes a great rumor.
@petridishes Between the earthquake aftershock and Wikipedia disappearing, I fear the Mayans were right.
@EricaLScott People demanding refunds for "The Artist" because its silent? Movie companies owe us money for lots of movie where actors spoke
@TaylorSwift If you dislike guys who know you from Wikipedia, and Wikipedia is dark today, today is your day to find a guy.
@geneweingarten P.S. Just kidding. I believe you would have to make the currency unrecognizable. Besides, Giants are going to win.
@geneweingarten I have your books and want the Giants to win. Although your offer may violate Title 18, sect 333, USCode, you rebel you.
@petridishes Your Aunt Edna is so disappointed to hear you prefer the Internet to her. What was it, her chopped liver?
@petridishes Somewhere, a stoner with a term paper due tomorrow believed he could find all his last minute research on Wikipedia.
@amber_benson I tried eating with my eyes. There are some people in white jackets here to take me to a safe place.
@MonicaHesse This is the most important Wikipedia page, the only "Monica Hess" reference: :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_S._Brown
@geneweingarten Abortion: It Is Just for Hypocrites. To everyone else, it is a sin.
@petridishes If consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative, then imaginative inaccurate quotes are the refuge of the inconsistent.
@TheFix Hey, I care DEEPLY abour Super PACs. Nah, on second thought, I really don't.
@amber_benson If you need a counselor to discuss this death trauma, let me know. Or read "How to Be Death" which seems to be prophetic.
@ReliableSource I nominated Eleanor Roosevelt appearing on "Prospects of Mankind". Why that was cancelled, I'll never know.
@TheFix If Chris Cillizza endorses Ron Swanson, I am voting for Ron Swanson.
@TheFix I always vote how Jeb Bush tells me to vote. I figure the Florida Elections Bureau will count my vote that way, anyway.
@amber_benson Bought "Drones" to keep forever. How did you get the actors to mimic my workplace so accurately?
@TheFix had Romney 40, Paul 23,and Huntsman 17 percent, but I messed up giving Stewart Greenleaf the rest.
@petridishes Either Governor Barbour is never going to run for President, or he totally misunderstood the advice given him by Mike Dukakis.
@petridishes This won't be the first time a Georgian used a scorch earth policy against a Massachusettsian invading South Carolina.
@geneweingarten Seriously, the joke, as I am sure others have confirmed, worked. Keep up your good work.
@KChenoweth Hey, great to see another Harrisburgian on Twitter. So, what have you been doing since leaving the Burg?
@geneweingarten I presume "you are an unadulterate comic genius" is the response you seek?
@petridishes You dare question the Great Leader? Oh, sorry, you mean Ron Paul. I thougth you meant Kim Il Eun.
@geneweingarten Half of all people born last 2,000 years now alive. Only one past life per person in last 2,000 years. That's the Math.
@geneweingarten Mine past life experience read "Error. Expired." I am sure I made lots of mistakes and of course I died in a previous life.
@geneweingarten For those supporting assassinating scientists, would you want ours killed in retaliation? (Film students, don't answer.)
@geneweingarten Absolutely. The killing of civilians is against international law and should be. Youngsters, rent "Judgement at Nuremberg".
@geneweingarten @yidboy I had a Vice President named Hubert Horatio.
@petridishes Kim Jung Il can't hold a candle to Lenin. No, seriously, because he's dead and he can'thold anything.
@petridishes There are parts where mouse fermented Mountain Dew moonshine would sell. Now for a business plan....
@petridishes So, then that jelly in my Moutain Dew is full of protein and edible?
@petridishes "You have lips like a Twinkie, eyes like a Zinger, and our love will last as long as the expiration date on a Ding Dong."
@petridishes Wow, so that jelly in my Mountain Dew used to be a mouse?
@ReliableSource Delonte West was invited to the White House afterall. It seems his invitation accidentally went to the Salahis.
@petridishes Should we be concerned that Supreme Court Justices don't recognize bare buttocks when they see them? #NotTaughtInLawSchool
@petridishes Did you know there are no food substances in a Twinkie? They will never go away, as long as there are chemicals and rocks.
@celebritology Yo, we in Philly demand Tina Fey and Questlove get along, or we'll tape them both to William Penn's hat.
@TheFix I like how Sununu described "crock of crap" as a technical term. It should be included in all future Poli Sci textbooks.
@geneweingarten What do you think of a woman who takes her own toilet paper to the symphony? http://pic.twitter.com/g6Ozfj9C @amber_benson
@TheFix Paul nibbling at Romney's heels? Hearing that, Santorum is appalled.
@TheFix Huntsman going from "Ticket to Ride" to "Nowhere Man", soon to become "The Fool on the Hill".
@petridishes If Romney has fire in the belly, make certain he is not the new drummer for Spinal Tap.
@TheFix Did you see Arlen Specter's twist on replacing the Democratic ticke?. He'd run Hillary Clinton instead, but still keep Biden.
@Milbank Memo to candidate: Do not build addition to mansion if you don't believe you won't be living there until 2017 or 2021.
@petridishes I believe renewing "New Girl" for another reason moved the Doomsday Clock.
@TheFix Major breaking news: Poll shows Stephen Colbert would beat Jon Huntsman in South Carolina. #NewLeadingPresidentialCandidate
@geneweingarten I don't know what happened. All I know if I want to follow you and not some imitation. I want pure Gene. (well, not too pure
@TheFix Conclusion: Early returns show Rick Perry leading Buddy Roemer.
@TheFix I thought FITN was a new TV code for Fantasy Inaccurate Television News.
@celebritology They should remake "Hackers", with Angelina Jolie reprising her role.
@geneweingarten I believe you are perfectly fine. You have the ability to empathy what your wife feels and you wish to feel it. Go for it.
@MonicaHesse Shipping Wars: May you force it into the truck to fit to be with you.
@petridishes I never achieve Dyson Airblade presence. People usually look at me and associate me with Old Yeller in the final scene.
@petridishes OK, which reporter is going to ask Governor Christie what went down last night?
@celebritology I am shocked. If role models like Snoop Dogg use pot, what does this say to kids who idolize him?
@petridishes If Bill Daley announces he wants to be Mayor of Chicago, someone better test the White House drinking water.
@amber_benson Relationships aren't as difficult when communication works well both ways. Of course, it also helps that you like each other.
@TheFix Huntsman also borrowed a slogan from another candidate, which explains why signs at his rally read "Nixon's The One"
@petridishes Contraception should be legal, but may only be purchased after six Republican men explain to you the moral consequences of them
@petridishes I didn't mind the "Birds and the Bees" parental Talk. It is the dog and man Santorum Talk that upsets me.
@geneweingarten In a sports bet where you offer what I already have and we both want the same team to win, this better not lead to a duel.
@geneweingarten You know how politics works. The results are not official until the Supreme Court decides Romney won the Iowa Caucus.
@geneweingarten Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop is innocent until proven guilty. Insanity may also be an option.
@TheFix In an old Penn State article, Santorum once asked a Prof whether he should run as a D or R. Prof. recommended he run as an R.
@TheFix Shhhh, if you don't tell anyone Santorum really won Iowa, I won't tell. It'll be our secret.
@petridishes Before Savannah Smiles, they rejected Augusta Chokes. I support a tie in Girl Scouts with TV, i.e. Grimms Big Bad Wolf Em Down
@LungCancerGuide I don't advocate pot; it makes dumb people dumber. Yet, there is research in Phila. it may help brain cancer. Lung cancer?
@LungCancerGuide Serious question: What is your reaction the study that pot smokers have lower lung cancer than non-smokers?
I never amounted to much. I was a door to door Wikipedia salesman.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
If God wanted Tim Tebow to be a success, the God must really, really favor the New York Giants.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Hey, conspiracy theorists. Check out Wikipedia. I hear the United Nations black helicopters took it out today.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
I want to date Taylor Swift and break her heart just to hear what song she'd write about how horrible I am.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Remember to check all movie bathrooms for dead bodies at least once every four days.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Why should we elect a man President who takes 3 months to release tax information he has in front on him? He is not running on efficiency.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
OK, so the person who placed hamburgers between donuts announces she has diabetes. Why is everyone so surprised by this?
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
No, the way to protest blackout day is to black out your photo, NOT paint your face black.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
A dog humped Rick Santorum's leg. Santorum broke down and cried, realizing he now is gay.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
When will the first Twitter debates occur? Explain public policies in 140 spaces.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Paterno didn't know men could be raped. Santorum thinks gay sex and bestiality are the same. Conclusion:They have the worse sex ed in Penna.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
North Korea announces even bears mourn Kim Jung Il. It is so sad seeing all those crying overweight Korean men.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
I hate Trends. I keep wondering if someone trending just died, got arrested, or just appeared on some talk show?
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
I have formed an exploratory committee to find consider whether I should announce whether or not I am considering announcing for President.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Blue Ivy Carter, at 5 days old, youngest person on the music charts. Beyounce . Beyonce's next child to release a double album as a fetus.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
New TV reality show in development: Kim Jung Il lying in state. Focus groups in North Korea love it, elsewhere it seems not as popular.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Romney to clarify: He did not mean he likes firing people, he meant he likes firing up doobies with people.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
I would love to see the Kardashians discuss current events on "Face the Nation".
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
And God then spoke "I shall grant victory to theathletic team who prays the most to me before and during the game."
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Now trending: #ThingsToDoBeforeIDie #TommorrowIsFriday Seriously, one should reach for so much more...
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
I don't know why Stephen Colbert is considering a Presidential run. No matter what, he won't be the funniest candidate this year.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
New reality show: Dog the bounty hunter tracks down Teen Mom fugitives.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Congratulations to Senator Greenleaf on finishing 21st in the New Hampshire Primary. Next time: break into the top 20.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Bernie Saunders endorses Romney as a fellow traveler. #WaysRomneyCouldLoseTheNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Courts strike down sharia law. Any Judge using sharia law will be buried in sand and be stoned to death.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Yes, you may borrow my jokes. There is no copyright on jokes. Just return them when you are done with them.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Riots emerge from panics of people hoarding Twinkies. #SignsTheMayansWereRight
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Now trending: #WhyThisNationIsInDecline #ChuckLorre. Which, by the way, I would argue against. My friend Charlie Sheen agrees.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
There is a Fountain Pen Hopsital in New York City. More writing utensils than homeless people have insurance.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Jon Hamm confirms "Mad Men" will return. Of course, by that, he is referring to the South Carolina Primary.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
I just ousted Jon Huntsman as Mayor of Bob's Corner Store in Laconia, New Hampshire on foursquare.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Since corporations are people, they deserve national health care. #WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Announces his birth certificate shows he was born in Canada. #WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Confesses all 2002 Winter Olympic competitions were staged scripted events.#WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
During next debate, proposes marriage to the Huntsman daughters. #WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
During next debate, proposes marriage to Calista Gingrich. #WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Romney creates a thoughtful detailed moderate platform on all major issues. #WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Announces his first act as President will be to fire every Federal employee. #WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Gets drunk with Rick Perry and applies for a gay marriage certificate. #WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Equates man on dog sex to Santorum and Mrs. Santorum. #WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Dick Cheney claims Romney will continue his legacy. #WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Tweets photos of him in his magic underwear to female followers. #WaysRomneyLosesNomination
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Expectations game:Stewart Greenleaf hopes to get more votes inthe primary today than Terry Mulholland received in the Hall of Fame voting.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
If you are paying $49 million on experts to figure out why you are $300 million in debt, I can give you a clue.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
If Pennsylvania State Police are prevented from urinating on suspects, than all anarchy will arise.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Romney says he feared a pink slip. He prefers when his wife wears white slips.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Bill Daley is resigning as White House Chief of Staff. I always liked him on "I Dream of Jeannie".
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Charles Addams brother Paul was Lerch and Paul's wife was Mortica. The Addams lived in College Hall at the Univ. of Penna. #AddamsFamily
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
Breaking news: Bristol Palin quits Hollywood. This may be the most devastating news since Johnny Carson retired.
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
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SexiestLyingWitLeon Tchaikovsky
posted by Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny at 2:29 PM
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