Tweet Weddings and My Funeral

 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 53m
@Darth_VaderSW It is an honor to be followed by Darth Vader. All I need now to be complete is an IRS audit.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
The more connected the Internet brings us, the more disconnected I realize we all are.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17h
@LadyGrew I can't find where you are in the audience. #GRAMMYs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17h
Kanye West just ran on stage to state how good a drummer Pete Best is. #GRAMMYs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17h
I hope Sir Paul wins a Grammy so he receives enough funds so he doesn't lose his estate. #GRAMMYs #DowntonAbbey
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17h
I hope Lady Sybil wins a Grammy. #GRAMMYs #Grammys2014 #DowntonAbbey
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17h
Did Taylor Swift steal the pills from my vest pocket? #Grammys2014 #GRAMMYS #DowntonAbbey
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17h
I hope Chicago wins a Grammy tonight. #GRAMMYS
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17h
So I gather Pink has qualified for the Olympics? #GRAMMYS #Pink #DowntonAbbey (no idea why #DowntonAbbey applies here)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20h
Las Vegas is the leading city for the 2016 GOP Convention. It would be great seeing the party of self-defined morality in Sin City.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 26
To those in Congress who do not believe in climate change but believe that wind energy would cause temperatures to rise: You is stupid.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 25
To the Oklahoma legislator who wants to ban all marriages to avoid gay marriages: Why not ban all driving to avoid all speeders?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
@petridishes Great script. I laughed. I cried. I peed. I pooped. I tried to cut myself. Police has to taser me. Your script has everything.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
@Jacqulinelguh You saw my photo and thought I was hot? Did you see the photo? What weird fetish are you into?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
Anyone notice how large parts of US, then China, then US lose significant portions of their Internet? No one? Any one?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
@MonicaHesse The owl ate the mouse and the cricket. The End. (Or is that too truthful for children to read?)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
Bitcom initially autocorrected to "sitcom". You can't use sitcoms as currency. They are all worthless.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
There is a Bitcom ATM? May I just invent my own currency and start paying people with it?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 24
@thebobbieoliver Ignore anything that makes you feel bad. Unless you're a TV network programmer, but then you already know you're worthless.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
@petridishes I bet you are not so impaired that you could bite the head off a bat.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
What? Wendy Davis was married to Jefferson Davis?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
I am a Believer you can get arrested for speeding and driving while under the influence Oh, and for felony property destruction. I Believe!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
@MonicaHesse Congratulations on Best Debutante. No wait, that's not it. Best Debut Nove, that's it.. "Stray" deserves the nod and to win.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
Coed naked yoga: A room full of guys who will never come back for a second class.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 23
The Captain and Tennille are separating. He blames her for never being promoted to Major.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 21
@monicahesse That http://amazon.com  anticipatory shipping is great. I was just delivered my copy of "Burn".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 21
The doors on my train are frozen shut and won't open. I am going to die today, aren't I?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 21
My high school career day had a professional duck hunter, a motorcycle club member, and a crossing guard.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 21
@geneweingarten It is a good world when one has to confess to being a s conservative.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 20
So Chris Chrsite won in 1994 by lying his opponent was under investigation. I am sure he has learned from that and thus won again.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 19
If time is measured in heartbeats, then all species have the same life expectancy. Zombies excluded.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 19
Remember, when you run for political office, you have to explain that gap in your resume of the four years when you were a drug dealer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 19
If Howard Stern is the King of All Media, just how big is his kingdom?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Let's make #PatBoone #FrankSinatra #VietNamWar trending topics.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
BACK IN MY DAY, WE USED ALL CAPS, AND WE LIKED IT.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Hmmm, old timers, what do you say it is time we ruin Twitter for all these young ones?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Yes, I twerked on national TV, ruining that fad for everyone. Now I am ruining Facebook. So, teens, what do you have for me to ruin next?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
@MonicaHesse Be more diplomatic. "Thank you for your excellent assumptions which have set standards surpassed by all others."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
How are you? #yokoQandA
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Pa. Judge strikes down voter ID, thus allowing the zero causes of past fraud to run even more rampant.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Anthony Weiner returns to Twitter today. I have used up all my penis jokes. I am just petered out.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
@MonicaHesse "50 Shades" leaves DC for that heart of open thinking: Johnstown. Well, if it can play in Johnstown, it can play anywhere,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Why do we deport so many people who did far less things than felony destruction of their neighbor's property by egging?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
You got me there. Maybe John and Paul never wrote anything that hit number one. I think "I Want to Hold Your Hand" and maybe one other,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Yes, George Harrison wrote "Something", "Give Me Love", "My Sweet Lord" which all were #1.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Ringo Starr #1 compositions: "What Goes On" and "Photograph".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
Queen is NOT the only group where each member had multiple #1 compositions. Each Beatle wrote multiple #1 songs.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
How would I kill Superman? I'd have him watch this new TV series. He'll kill himself.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 17
If you go on a first date and take the "Star Wars" test for fun, you get Yoda, and she gets Darth Vader, is this relationship doomed?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
"I'm your ofay." Or is one not allowed to say that?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
The Swiss Cheese Pervert has been arrested in Philadelphia. The streets of Philadelphia are now safe for swiss cheese.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
Rest in peace, Dave Madden. Good to have met you and enjoy that great psychedelic colored bus journey.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
Safer journey, Russell Johnson, who once wrote to me "you take Ginger, I'll take Mary Ann."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
I still have not recovered from the shock when "Saturday Night Live" killed off Francisco Franco.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
Spoiler alert: Some character on some show is going to die.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
I hate hearing a spoiler but not knowing which show it goes to.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
@geneweingarten You should see my old order Mormon-friendly children's book "Heather Has Two Mommies and One Daddy".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
@sutterink Maybe if you include in your bid that the Pope can be in "Sons of Anarchy", that would cinch the deal.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
The Pope is auctioning his Harley. And, no, this is not a joke tweet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 16
@petridishes Of course pirates win. "The Pirates of the Caribbean" ride is way more popular than the nonexistent Mary Poppins ride.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
@MonicaHesse "50 Shades: The Musical". I didn't care for the lyrics but the beats were good.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
To the woman who keeps a loaded pistol in her vagina: Avoid an orgasm that becomes mind blowing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
New general political rule: If you are a male Republican politician and you suddenly feel the need to discuss rape, don't.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
State Sen. Dick Black: So, you thought a statute of Lincoln in Va. would be too controversial. But saying a spouse can't be raped is fine?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
"He was so cool, Catholic schools he didn't even go to would have him play Jesus in school pageants."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 15
On second thought, maybe the new Cubs mascot should wear pants.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 14
In a network programming office: "OK, Justin Bieber is indicted for felonious egging, and we broadcast the trial on live commercial TV".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 14
Wait, the fact "24" is returning is breaking news and I knew it for some time now? I would not make a good investigative journalist.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 14
Every TV network needs its own celebrity awards show.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 14
I am still writing "2015" on my checks.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 14
Trying to calm woman crying "we're all going to die" during rough turbulence. I just wish she wasn't a flight attendant.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 14
Thank you, Senator Claire McCaskill, for informing us what people in Missouri do with their pigs.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 14
"What does the Fox say?" "Why do you hate America?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 14
If you fall asleep in the middle of burglarizing a house, you are in the wrong profession.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
I am less amazed that flight attendants show how to fasten seat belts than watching so many people unable to figure out how to do it
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
We need more red carpet sprinkler attacks.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
Please make security videos with decent pictures. I am always on the lookout for a blurry suspect.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 13
@atotalmonet 1.) Will you marry me? 2.) Who are you again?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
Vote for Christie, and no one's traffic gets hurt, understand?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 12
If you keep a gun in your vagina, you should not wonder why you are divorced.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 11
What an offer: A free Target discount coupon. All I need to do is send them my bank account password.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 11
The symptoms of drinking West Virginia water are the same as drinking West Virginia moonshine.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 11
Virgin Galactic is a virgin's galactic dream.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 11
@TheFix "The ,most underrated lawmaker is ___" is correct. The answer indeed is a total blank.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 11
Buzz Feed will only show positive reviews. Well, that (censured by Buzz Feed).
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 11
So, Jennifer McCarthy that is a gun, and that is not your pocket.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
You can't drink he water in West Virginia. Well, you can, but it may lead to birth defects and...oops, too late.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
Whack a guy in Jersey, fuggetaboutit. Make a guy sit in traffic in Jersey, you will get hurt.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
Therefore, our traffic study concludes that one should never deliberately block two lanes of traffic for no reason.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
Let's all put two traffic cones on highway lanes and conduct traffic studies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
It is the duty of a military personnel to refuse to obey an illegal order. Now, what about making that illegal order public?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
'I want a job where my peers can vote every few years to fire me, yet I can make lives miserable while in office"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
The finding that politicians have a higher than usual percent of sociopaths does not surprise me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
I can't believe Taro Tsujimoto was not elected to the Hockey Hall of Fame.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
If Governors cause traffic jams, then Jerry
Brown hates LA.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
@sutterink Rode "It's a Small World" ride and thought of you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 10
"He wondered why she kept such a large collection of neck massagers."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 9
@geneweingarten Taking a lie detector worked so well for Frank Rizzo: First: If the machine says a man lied, he lied. Second: Oops.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 8
Yeah! I am on the http://amazon.com  Top 1,175,000 Best Seller List.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 7
"It's a girl!", he proclaimed, not because his wife had given birth, but because he was unsure of the sex of his blind date."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 4
Made Tim Conway laugh today. All is good.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 4
Saw a group of uniformed military personnel blatantly cutting in a long civilian line. That does a disservice, esp. to kids, who saw that.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 3
@TheFix I believe Rob Ford could make an impressive showing in the New Hampshire Primary.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 3
@chelseahandler I am glad you were able to go back and forth from the hospital to the studio to film new episodes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 3
@geneweingarten Foxes hunt in alignment with the North South magnetic field. I know I poop according to the magnetic fields.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 3
@petridishes Oh? You went to Harvard? Do you know Mark Zuckerberg?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 3
Chelsea Handler's nude hospital photo may be due to meds. Her behavior may be explained by her using less drugs than usual. @chelseahandler
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 3
"Taylor Swift? She's so 2013."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 2
Police are looking for a man wearing a ski mask. So, let the police know if you see a man wearing a ski mask.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 2
Why can't an illegal resident get a law license? It's not like it will bring any shame to the profession.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 2
"So, doctor, you're saying this dipthhalia condition of mine can be a good thing?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 2
If secessionists all succeed, there will would be 124 states. Con: That means there would be 248 Senators.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 2
"Followed 7 drinks with 7 cups of strong coffee. Am now legally a zombie."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Jan 2
"Had 7 drinks on airplane, like 21 drinks on ground. I see a white light with Dylan Thomas telling me to have one more drink."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 31
The Dow Jones is at an all time, meaning the rich have never been richer than they are now.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 31
My "Life Hurts" is now available on http://amazon.com . Buy copies until it hurts (which probably is one or fewer).
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 31
@A&E So you can forgive the comments about Black and gays. Now, what about those that support what legally is statutory rape?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 31
If you hear the story of Jesus and the money changers and think a great idea would be to put banks in churches...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 30
It is true an elephant never forgets. In fact, it can became fixated on one subject, like Obamacare.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 29
I have returned from the War on Christmas. It was a terrible battle. I expect no parades. Just remember us Christmas war veterans.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 24
One should think a distribution process of sending gifts to North Pole for a stranger to deliver at night could be reconfigured.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 21
@MonicaHesse Next time, take Amtrak. Am on train now. The Donner Party is here munching on their tasty salads and using their free WiFi.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
@petridishes I got it: "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, then it's Christmas."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
@petridishes "On the 4th Noel, the angels were overbooked..." Nah, needs some work.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
@sutterink @marilynmanson @ShooterJennings  I'd be more terrified if you all weren't working together.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
@MonicaHesse It's like "Real Housewives"...meets Honey Boo Boo." The studios are interested. Do you have a screenplay?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
So, the key to getting your own reality series is to grow a beard.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
@BXR_BETTERXRATE Thank you for the first canine religious spam I've even seen.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
EARTHQUAKE! Oh, wait, I am not in LA. Oh, I see it's Rob Ford dancing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Ginger and Mary Ann's Island #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Sixty Minutes. Anything Over Contact Your Physician. #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
The Price is Right, hosted by the Mayflower Madame #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
@BonnieBarker18 Thank you for the favorite. Miley sends you her best twerk,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
@NotThatTomGreen  Thank you for the favorite. This may be the beginning of a new career party for Miley.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Veeronica Is Out of the Closet #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Please Do Eat Daisy #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Laverne and Shirley, Malcolm in the Middle #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
I Do More Than Dream of Jeannie #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Hot Times in Cleveland #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Hello Larry, Here's Lucy #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Good Times All Night Long #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
The Golden Shower Girls #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
F U Troop #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Wet Dream On #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
The Doris All Day Long Show #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Whitney and Bob Cummings #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Uncurb Your Enthusiasm #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
The Courtship of Eddie's Father (extended version with deleted scenes) #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
Clarissa Shows It All #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
American Dad and His Naughty Little Girl #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
All in the West Virginia Family #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
The Tonight Show with Miley Cyrus #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
The Today Show with Ann Curry #SexierSitComs (Oh, I'm sorry, they did try this one.)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 20
30 Rockhard #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
Two Brokeback Girls #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
The Nanny, the Professor ,and Mary Ann #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
How I Met Your Mother and Your Nanny #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
Mike and Molly and Victoria #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
Leave It to Mrs. Cleaver #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
Hawaii Five Double O #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
The Bigger Bang Theory #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
The King of Queens and Straights #SexierSitComs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
I believe I would love myself if the two of us ever do meet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
I Love Lucy and Ethel #SexierSitcoms
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
Yes, using cocaine because alcohol doesn't work is the perfect excuse to use cocaine.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
@petridishes The Fusion list of the best lists including your Top 10 lists also made my top ten list of best lists of 2013.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 19
@petridishes What? Phil Robertson got Mitt Romney's home town wrong? That just crosses a line from which he can never return.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 18
I saw the white light, went through the tube and none of my dead relatives were there. What in Heaven is so important they can't take time?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 18
Dear Duck Dynasty: Yes, Blacks were singing the blues before Civil Rights. Take my word for it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 18
@MegynKelly Let me explain this to you gently. First, there is no Santa Clause...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 18
@thebobbieoliver To be politically correct, it should be "Women Who Have Intellectual Disabilities." It's those tea partiers who are crazy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 18
Well, now I finally learn why Bill Clinton always came into a room and spoke to me first,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 18
@petridishes Your list of the Top Ten Best Lists is on my list of the Top Ten Best Lists.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 18
We now know zombies can live to be at least 70 years old. Happy birthday to my mother's friend Keith Richards.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 17
"Hiller's amazing comeback" is correct. It is NOT "Hitler's amazing comeback."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 17
@MonicaHesse @MrDanZak No bug, I worked for McGovern, not Nixon. I can't even figure out how to take photos on my cell phone. Why do you ask
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 17
@MonicaHesse That Putin. For a guy who takes off his shirt so often, he thinks way too much about what gay people are thinking.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 17
@MonicaHesse @MrDanZak You did well. What needs to happen next year is, IN: Black female cast members on "Saturday Night Live."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 17
@cdcarter Thank you for favoring some tweets. They now feel accepted in this cruel world, even if they will soon be declared "Out" by WaPo.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 17
% Blacks: in LA 9%, USC 5%, UCLA (public college) 3%. College, providing opportunities, well, to a few.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 17
He's so weird, he sends out photos of his wenis.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
@MrDanZak @MonicaHesse I don't expect credit. I've been a ghost writer my entire life. Plus, those ghosts don't pay anything.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
@MrDanZak @MonicaHesse OUT: Olivia Pope. IN: Pope Francis.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
@MonicaHesse OUT: Fake sign language. IN: Fake Hobbitish language.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
@MonicaHesse @MrDanZak OUT: Cronuts and donuts. IN: Crones and water chestnuts. OUT: Jelly cronuts IN: Russell Crowe as Jor El
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
@MonicaHesse @MrDanZak OUT: Cronuts in D.C. IN: Cronyism on Capitol Hill.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
I am upset I missed Michaele Salahi's wedding. I wanted to crash it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
@MrDanZak @MonicaHesse Out: Donuts. In: Cronuts. Out: Air Force drones. In: Amazon drones. Out: Meth shows. In: Meh shows.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
Minnesota Governor throws manure on himself. Still not the strangest political event of the month.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
@SallyMullins1 Dress too sleazy and men will revert to calling you "Ma'am".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
@TheFix Is it Andre Villas Boas or A Vitter Bill in Congress that got sacked?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
Ginger makes men hornier. All these years I thought it was Mary Ann
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
Brian returns to life. Is Brian the Messiah?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
Lindsasy Lohan is writing a "tell all" book. What don't we already know?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
Heavier men last longer sexually. Once you've gone fat, you won't go back.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 16
Study shows most women turned on watching monkeys have sex. So, men have porn, women have zoos.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
If the NSA would just rename itself Santa then we would accept their constant monitoring if we are naughty or nice.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
@AmyArgetsinger You may only live once, but on the Internet you may die twice.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
RIP Tom Laughlin. Glad to have meet you plus viewed and read some of your great works.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
@AmyArgetsinger Google bio in error lists Joan Fontaine as dying tomorrow on December 16.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
RIP Patch. We hardly knew ye. I guess that's what killed you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
OSHA advises against riding on top of an operating wrecking ball.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
A fox has a high pitched bark. Why do you ask?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
If you're trying to communicate with a horse using morse code, you are not doing it right.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
Four decades ago I told Peter O'Toole if he didn't stop drinking he'd never live to reach age 82.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
@seanonolennon Maybe they want more Satan worshipping anarchists on the jury.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
@EliManning The blue jerseys. Throw ball to the guys in the blue jerseys.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
@MonicaHesse You have a great new web site. I am also glad your imaginary characters still talk to you. Mine won't speak to me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 15
In the old country, Yvitishvaavhsitvy is a palindrome, but no one cares.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
Governor Christie takes responsibility, just as long as he is not held responsible.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
@TimNLambert Thank you. If you find my scripts on Amazon Kindle, I guarantee you'll need years of therapy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
@geneweingarten Is Canadian Police Chase real or staged? It should list a city not a country. Plus, wouldn't cops just run? It is funny.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
@JimLowe If took several decades, but we finally found out what that secret was.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
@geneweingarten I know. The Tao Jones averages never could never distinguish themselves from the Dow Jones averages.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
If you believe Christ is inside us, but that Jesus can only be white, then are you saying that Jesus is found only in....?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
If the NRA believes gun are not the problem at school shootings, can we accept they might be a factor and work from there?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
@moxoloa I am the walrus? Which means I will soon be slaughtered by hunters, so honest, the walrus is Paul, not me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
Affleneza: When ah flew into ya blowing smoke up your butt.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
I am calling in sick today. I have affluenza.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 13
Never do Christmas shopping on Friday the 13th when one friend wants a hockey mask and another friend wants a chain saw.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 12
"First she says she wants to try phone sex. Then she gets mad when I bring the phone into the bedroom."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 12
@maaaddisson Thank you for favoring a tweet. That tweet now feels socially redeemed and will appear in public.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 12
I could pray for those that are hungry, ill, tired, worried, fearful. Nah, let's pray instead to end abortion. #PraytoEndAbortion
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 12
@Lady_Twist_ Thank you for the retweet. Megyn Kelly would thank you as well but she's too delusional at the moment.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 12
"Jesus was a white man...that's a verifiable fact." - Megyn Kelly, who I presume has photographs.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 12
"Well, we don't need to worry about where to seat Uncle Jang for the family reunion dinner."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 12
Sorry I killed you, but it's not my fault, I have affluenza.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 12
To the minister who argued that Freedom of Religion is meant to protect only Christians, all I can do is say, Oh, vey.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 12
Santa Clause discriminates against tall factory workers and uses animal labor rather than hiring more people.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 11
Since the Ct. school shootings, states have enacted 70 laws making it easier to purchase guns Guess which side of the issue organizes better
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 11
@ashpapelbon58 Where did you find that sweater? I thought I gave it to the Phanatic to throw away.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 11
@sutterink What kind of Mother's Day card does Jax buy?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 11
Jim Parsons is this year's Parson of the Year.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 10
Got it: Do not take selfie with Barrack while at a funeral. Oops, someone didn't get that memo.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 10
Our political belief system may be genetically hard wired at birth. Wow, so all of you really were born idiots.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 10
I want to illustrate to my class how slow things can move on the Internet by asking all those who care to retweet this.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 10
The larger the bra size, the smaller the IQ." - Rush Limbaugh. Wow, Rush must wear a really large bra.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 9
The sad part of MySpace fading away is I miss my only friend in the world, Tom.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 9
@GeriJewell In some convoluted logical at least we have advanced enough that one has to deny such rumors. Each be proud of who each is.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 9
Radiant orange is the "Color of the Year". Putrid green was robbed, I tell you, robbed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 8
@geneweingarten My horse, for a kingdom may save, for you too may be Brutus.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
I suspect my upcoming first date won't go well. She just posted on Facebook "I'm pregnant." I already suspect there might be someone else.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
@MonicaHesse Muddy Buddies, which is how diabetics commit suicide.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
@petridishes When you next see Rush, tell him I see signs he is mixing his medications improperly. His talking horse agrees.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
Condom manufacturers announce that North Dakota men have the largest penis size. Did I ever tell you about my North Dakota background?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
Those who become pro-USA speakGerman  with a Southern US accent. Those who want to go to war with England speak German with a British accent
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
To the Tea Party members criticizing Ted Cruz for praising Nelson Madela: Who exactly is left in American politics that you like?David Duke?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
@clarkekant @geneweingarten I don't know if Cheney had a change of heart, but he did change heart pacemakers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
Thank you Rick Santorum for explaining how Mandela fought injustice just like Republicans fight Obamacare.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
@MonicaHesse Who suggests an academic study of women touching mens underwear and then expects to be approved for tenure?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
@petridishes What? I thought all Germans spoke with a Southern USA accent.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 6
@yokoono What are the barriers to ending hunger worldwide
and how do you see us overcoming them? #yokoQandA
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 5
The item sold most during Christmas season at WalMart is towels. Guess what? You're getting towels for Christmas.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 5
@petridishes We all disagree with you that you are alone in your thinking.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 4
Article "Death in America" mistyped "Death to America". There may be a difference between the two.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 4
I have a compromise: ban abortions for people, but only for people defined as corporations.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 4
Here is the one thing that will not be posted on Twitter: Sometime today, a Kardashian will fart.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 4
That's bananas, literally. Bananas are the most sold item at WalMart.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 3
Kentucky Fried Arsenic. I should have suspected as much.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit Dec 3
Yeah! We're 31st in Math comprehension!! USA! USA!
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