I Suspected My Blind Date Already Had a Boyfriend When She Told Me She Was Pregnant

I suspect my upcoming first date won't go well. She just posted on Facebook "I'm pregnant." I already suspect there might be someone else.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Dec
@MonicaHesse Muddy Buddies, which is how diabetics commit suicide.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Dec
@petridishes When you next see Rush, tell him I see signs he is mixing his medications improperly. His talking horse agrees.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Dec
Condom manufacturers announce that North Dakota men have the largest penis size. Did I ever tell you about my North Dakota background?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Dec
Those who become pro-USA speakGerman  with a Southern US accent. Those who want to go to war with England speak German with a British accent
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Dec
To the Tea Party members criticizing Ted Cruz for praising Nelson Madela: Who exactly is left in American politics that you like?David Duke?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Dec
@clarkekant @geneweingarten I don't know if Cheney had a change of heart, but he did change heart pacemakers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Dec
Thank you Rick Santorum for explaining how Mandela fought injustice just like Republicans fight Obamacare.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Dec
@MonicaHesse Who suggests an academic study of women touching mens underwear and then expects to be approved for tenure?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Dec
@petridishes What? I thought all Germans spoke with a Southern USA accent.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Dec
@yokoono What are the barriers to ending hunger worldwide
and how do you see us overcoming them? #yokoQandA
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Dec
The item sold most during Christmas season at WalMart is towels. Guess what? You're getting towels for Christmas.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Dec
@petridishes We all disagree with you that you are alone in your thinking.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Dec
Article "Death in America" mistyped "Death to America". There may be a difference between the two.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Dec
I have a compromise: ban abortions for people, but only for people defined as corporations.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Dec
Here is the one thing that will not be posted on Twitter: Sometime today, a Kardashian will fart.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Dec
That's bananas, literally. Bananas are the most sold item at WalMart.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Dec
Kentucky Fried Arsenic. I should have suspected as much.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Dec
Yeah! We're 31st in Math comprehension!! USA! USA!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Dec
Heinz actually had 56 varieties of pickles and one guy who couldn't count well.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Dec
"Where do you stand on the Sarasate's Ziguenerweisen at the Philharmonic issue?" Ask that at the next candidate debate.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Dec
@petridishes As the only red dot on the far left until the bottom life, you represent all Twenty-sometihings. You are their Oprah! Lead them
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Dec
I feel bad when I tweet to a celebrity and some non-celebrity has that celebrity's Twitter name.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Dec
@ElanGale Eat my duck. (Damn spellcheck.)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Dec
@petridishes You make just about the finest red dot there is.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Dec
To the guy who "mistakenly" shot the doe in Vt. and tried to glue antlers on it: Why were you carrying antlers and glue in the first place?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Dec
I am really enjoying these eight days of Thanksgiving, where we celebrate how one turkey meant to last one day lasts for eight days.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Dec
Amazon delivery drone works great. Got my book in one hour and it got my terrorist cousin in one shot.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Dec
I spent a week in an area so remote the Internet does not reach it. Guess what: It is possible to survive without the Internet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Nov
@petridishes If I may dress as Warren Harding, I will attend the party.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Nov
@petridishes Let me please be the first to wish you a very merry 2015
Christmas.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Nov
Losing your bikini top is a "legitimate roadway emergency" a court has ruled. If pulled over by a cop car, quickly remove your top.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Nov
You must weigh under 165 pounds for the morning after pill to work. My Uncle has gone on a diet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Nov
What do actors Richard Mansfield, Edwin Forrest, & Henry Miller have in common? They had Broadway theaters named for them that were renamed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Nov
"The odds of winning are 1 in 259 million." "I'll take those odds"-millions of lottery purchasers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Nov
@sutterink So you retweet cleavage. But I'm male. Oh, wait, that's not necessarily a problem. #WalterGoggins
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Nov
If this gets a million likes I guarantee you will find a penny on the sidewalk.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Nov
Woman comes up to me and says "You're so ugly, you should just kill yourself." I was shocked, and replied "Mom..."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Nov
If a shark bites a person, it will spite the person out. Well, that doesn't work well for either party, now, does it?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Nov
A producer of horror films never could get a massage because he never wanted to have a happy ending.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Nov
Sign of the apocalypse: Ted Cruz and Donald Trump are meeting tomorrow.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Nov
The Senate may launch the nuclear option. They are in a bunker right now with Dr. Strangelove.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Nov
The Hunger Games name generator states my "Hunger Games" name is Time Waster.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Nov
Of course, if you are a Socialist, you must be punished no matter what.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Nov
Remember, if you are a Republican sinner, you are forgiven. If you are a Democratic sinner, you must be punished.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Nov
If Rep. Radel takes a leave of absence, how will there ever be enough votes to repeal Obamacare?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov
I misses Have Sex With a Man With a Mustache Day. Then again, I missed growing a mustache in time for that day.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov
"Why, yes, I am cisgendered. And you?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov
@geneweingarten My Great Grandfather was assigned, by the State of Connecticut, license plate number FU2.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Nov
Priest gives last rites. "I'm not Catholic." "I know. We want to make certain you're going."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov
The reality is reality writers don't get paid real wages.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov
Rest in peace, Syd Field, who is now leading a three act structural journey to Heaven.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Nov
About that $15 billion: Turns out I sort of really need more like $45 billion. Anyone have it on them for a loan? Anyone?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Nov
"Shiate"? I can't tell if he is discussing mushrooms, Muslims, or swearing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Nov
Received email stating "you will die soon from a heart attack" still was the most cheerful email I received today.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov
The Sun is middle aged. Let's hope it stays in shape and doesn't have a heart attack or a stroke.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov
Isn't it time we relegate Michele Bachman to the role of the crazy aunt we let attend Thanksgiving and pretend not to hear what she says?
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1:21 AM - 16 Nov 13 · Details
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov
Hey, Illinois voters, before you decide on Paul Vallas for Lt. Governor, check his references in Philadelphia.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov
Sadly, I do know someone who can fart so strongly from a urinal that his fart can activate the automatic towel dispenser.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
We need good solid American entertainers like Tina Turner, oh, wait, never mind.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
@2xpisces Thank you for the retweet. By the way, do you have $13 billion to loan?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
Yes, you may get pregnant on a toilet seat, although that usually is not a comfortable position for two people.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
Why are you asking if I have $13 billion to loan you? #AskJPM
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
I look at the urn and think of my Uncle. Oh, and of Jimmy Hoffa, too.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
@karenase73f96g Thanks for the spam. I didn't open it but I always appreciate that spammers think of me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
150 years later, Hbg. Patriot retracts its criticism of Lincoln's Gettysburg address. Maybe Fox News will retract everything 1in 50 years.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
So there are more female authors on the 100 greatest books 1898 list than today. Still think we take women authors seriously today?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
Wow, excellent point. If ERs won't treat the poor, then it is official policy to let the poor die. At least give them cake to eat first.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
@petridishes Wait, you mean the Newsweek was inside me all along?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Nov
@sutterink You know, zombies could have saved "The Cavemen".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Nov
Just learned some people take their computers to bed with them and sleep with their computers. The next fight is for legal computer marriage
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
RIP Marvin Page. You  were great and left us way too soon and too tragically.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
@heckyeahandyk Thanks for the favorite? Are you my daddy?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
@SallyMullins1 You are hot and cute. And much more. You're Andy Kaufman's secret daughter. I won't tell anyone.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
I am Andy Kaufman's secret daughter. Honest.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
There is a new political party forming in New York: The Insurance Rates are Too Damn High Party.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
Is there really a 99 Cent Store on Rodeo Drive? Buy a $500 shirt and a 99 cent stale pastry, all in one trip.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
If a person has Tourette but won't swear when near you, does that mean this person is uncomfortable around you?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
I learned today one is fined $15,000 for putting fecal matter into a brain without proper authorization. This is an amazing world.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
Who leads the Black Caucus of the Tea Party?
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