This is a Tweet Deal

I grant the Santorums the privacy they wish in their personal difficulties. If only the former Senator would grant the same to others....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
If you are wearing a five dollar t shirt that reads "I'm a high roller", you're not.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
In a confusing political twist, Anthony Weiner is now trailing for New York Mayor to Carlos Danger.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
@lindafriedliole Thank you for favoring a tweet. Mom personally hated the tweet and it needed the self esteem boost.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
It is good to know I am not far enough to fall out of a roller coaster.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
Former State Rep. Aaron Pena states he was treated like a drug dealer during a police traffic stop. At least he wasn't treated like a Rep.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
I love the guy arrested in Fla. for harassing a police dog while performing police duties. His response was "the dog barked first."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
@IAmChrisHerbert Thank you for the favorite. Fox News also sends their appreciation, which really worries me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
The Royal Baby will be named North. Oh, wait, that is old news.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
We in the US have Royal Babies. They are born to celebrities.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
The Prince of Cambridge? We should start giving out titles, like "Senator of Dow Chemical". Oh, wait, we already do....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
Fox News Special: Why it is Obama's fault the Royal Baby is not a girl.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
Dennis Farina was a great talent. Sorry I didn't get to know him better but glad to have met him. There was someone with great skills.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
@LadyGrew Sing Alcapona. No. that's not it. Acapella? No, that's definitely not it....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
How do you we know the Royal Baby is a boy? Maybe it is a female wanting to emerge from the inside?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
25 members of the American Medical Association Relative Value Update Committee set rates for all medical procedures. But still, blame Obama.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
So, since the Royal Baby is a boy, they don't have to chop off Kate Middleton's head?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
In the upcoming "Lassie" movie, Johnny Depp plays Timmy and Lassie saves LA from falling into a giant well.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Jul
"Never marry a porn star who keeps her work back at the office."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Jul
No one can be funny all the time. Unless of course you look like me...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Jul
Rape jokes are not funny. My fear is many of those telling and laughing at them are exchanging inside jokes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Jul
Glad to have known Helen Thomas. She proclaimed the 2000 election the worse scandal in U.S. history. And she never dated short men.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
Now trending: #NationalTellAGirlSheIsBeautifulDay fails when you say it to #JustinBieber
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
Re: Fuss over British Royalty. I thought we fought a war to free ourselves from all this mess.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
My Kate Middleton prediction: The baby will be born Black and look like a butler.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
We always know the Brits would ice Ireland, we just didn't know it would be with another Ice Age.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
My understanding of new Physics report: Brace yourself, here comes another Ice Age, and you can thank British Petroleum for their help.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
Will Peter Parker get a photograph of Superman with Batman?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
Superman to Batman; "Yeah, well let's see you take that Batmobile and spin Earth around with it to go back in time."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
When Batman and Superman meet on screen, Batman will remark "where did he get all those wonderful powers?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
Great, they found a giant virus. Several screenplays about it have already been written.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
Sometimes I think the best part of the San Diego Comic Con is not being at the San Diego Comic Con.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
If we cut education funding enough, maybe students will grow up too stupid to realize how bad the world is we left them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
No, in all my years here, I have never met the local Coroner. I ain't died yet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
I too was stopped by police as a teen. We just blamed the Black kids and the police arrested them instead.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
@Filomenanyof Thank you for the spam. Spam goes great with a summer salad.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
I just got an email to attend a women's fantasy baseball camp. Yes, I'd love to go. No, you won't let me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Jul
The odds of getting hit by lightning the same day as one wins the lottery have got to be huge.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Jul
They don't let horses work in this heat. McDonald's wants workers to work even after an employee collapses in hot kitchen in this heat.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Jul
Rep. Pete King thinking of running for President. A King for my horse, a King for my horse!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Jul
If you have married Frank Sinatra Jr. and run for Congress against Ron Paul, you don't need to have a child fathered by a member of Congress
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Jul
Did the Interfaith Council seriously consider the event when they scheduled a pig roast?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Jul
If women could store guns in their wombs, conservatives would argue the government should stop regulating their wombs.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Jul
New York Times: 40% of college seniors are virgins. Not sure if they mean sexually or that 40% have never read a newspaper.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Jul
"Rolling Stone" should at least have waited until Dzhokhar Tsarnaev released his first album before putting him on their cover.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Jul
Stevie Wonder will never perform in Florida again (or, at least they won't tell him he is in Florida).
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jul
Wait, if I promise my tweets will get time off purgatory, or get you straight into Heaven, I will get more followers, So that's how its done
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jul
Follow the Pope's tweets and you will get time off purgatory. Follow me and they add the time back on.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jul
2nd Amendment argument: If you support the right to bear arms, then people should be allowed to carry tampons for the purpose of firing them
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jul
How can Texas Senators who believe people should carry guns fear tampons being thrown at them?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jul
A comic zombie walks into a doctor's office. The doctor says "you waited until now to see me?" #ComicZombies
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jul
I'm comfortable, I make a dying. #ComicZombies
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jul
Comic zombies should  be the next big thing. Lots of comics in the Catskills are ready, no makeup needed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jul
Forget SharkNado. I am working on ComicNado. It begins then they serve too many beans at the old comics home. Zombie comics fly everywhere.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Jul
@thebobbieoliver Comedy clubs are a lot like brain surgery. You need to properly anesthetize the patients beforehand.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul
Can one imagine the political fights between Spitzer and Weiner? In their fight on who has the bigger penis, many voters will already know.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul
At least Christine Quinn has never sexted photos of her penis. Nor has she ever shown her vagina to a man. How is she not leading?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul
Rand Paul will hike the Appalachian trail if that is what it takes to get elected President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul
Jeb Bush seeks to revive his political career. He is now sexting photos of himself to random women and ordering a prostitute.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul
I credit Barney Frank for first shattering the rules of politics when he got caught with a male prostitute and still was reelected.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul
It could be a Weiner-Spitzer ticket in NYC in 2013. Has politics gotten so negative that only those in scandals can get elected?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul
@yolondaglasserL Thank you for the favorite. I am man enough to admit my tweets require the adoration of others to continue on.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jul
I seem to be just not masculine enough for straight women yet not feminine enough for fag hags.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jul
If comedy is laughing at a comic's pain, that an audience consists of sadists.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jul
"I find the spanking threat works wonders. If you don't state you'll take away something they enjoy, they'll never listen to you."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jul
@Velanor88 Thank you for the retweet. It is good to see tweets live a little bit longer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jul
@zrjaved Thank you for the retweet. That was tweet of you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jul
@DeniseSawyerTV Thank you for the retweet. I retweet, thank you for the retweet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jul
Religion is fear of Hell. Spirituality is for those who have been in Hell. Living in LA is accepting life in Hell.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jul
For those wondering, in the song "Dad's Gonna Kill Me", Dad is Baghdad. You're welcome.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul
I am glad he is OK, but who tweets while they think they are dying? "Please keep my family in the hallway, I need to tweet."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul
Committee Chair knew IRS looking into tax status of groups through entire political spectrum but only released conservative names. Politics?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul
Every time someone asks me to handle a mic, I don't know if they want a microphone installed or an Orangeman thrown out.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul
I just realized my computer tells other computers I live where I bought it, not where I live. This explains a few weird ads.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul
Study claims men give women oral sex to keep women faithful to them. I wonder why their lesbian lovers do it?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul
Spoiler alert: There will be a lot of explosions at the very end. #fireworks Oh, and Lady Sybil dies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul
@TheFix My mother doesn't admit that I am in politics. She tells friends I am a drug dealer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jul
Every time my neighbors sit on their balcony, I guess it means I should get dressed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
@petridishes I shall never forget George Pickett's last words "Name a large sandwich after me. Oh, and I have buried treasure in the...."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
@petridishes All memories are misquoted. This is how you can tell we care you are part of our mind and not our library.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
Today we celebrate our independence from the country that us Eric Clapton and Monty Python.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
I can't tell if I didn't get mail today because it is a post office holiday or if I just didn't get any mail today..
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
Maybe we can all make a deal. We let England take us and our debt back if they let Ireland free.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
Happy 4th of July, or as they say in England Happy July 4th,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
If comics are fined for using the "n" word, how may they properly talk about Governor Rick Perry's hunting camp?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
Since when, on America's birthday, is it no longer cool to run around giving all Americans birthday spankings?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
I feel sorry for motorcycle gangs, dealing drugs in 120 degree weather while wearing leather jackets,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
Happy national celebration of the deaths of John Adams and Thomas Jefferson.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jul
I love the criminals who think: before I go rob this place, did I remember to place lots of narcotics into my pockets to increase charges?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul
@petridishes You should be Mary Todd. Tackle the impostor and take her place.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul
@geneweingarten Could be 25 not just with HR but with hit and run scores on fielder's choice or put out followed by error allowing score.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul
The biggest destroyed of US equipment in Iraq-Afghanistan will be the US when it destroys what it can't bother to ship back.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul
Facebook is more addictive than crystal meth? Well, maybe as a depressant....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul
@geneweingarten The Coroner is wrong. She is still alive. I smell sequel.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul
Happy 4th. I know some of you will celebrate with a fifth.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul
Steve Martin loses wallet in Penna. It was found and safely returned to him. Of course, the cash was missing....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jul
@geneweingarten Yes, any final  three innings of effective pitching creates a save. He prevented that all important 28 run rally.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Jul
Subs in war games when FL 800 downed. (In case something happens to me.)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Jul
Tourists running around Gettysburg reenactors telling them "most of you die tomorrow."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Jul
I keep trying to calculate the physics of how gay sex creates the forest fires. I want to see the pastor's worksheet on this.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Jul
If someone is missing and your well water starts tasting funky, make the connection.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Jul
@thebobbieoliver Comics do not commit suicide because the jokes die for them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Jul
Will this be the next open expression: Elect me, the first open foot fetishist to be elected to Congress?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Jul
I still await the first cross dresser to run and be elected to Congress.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Jul
#TheSecretToLiveIs time is an illusion except when commercials run forever.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Jul
How much would I pay for Monica Lewinsky's clothes? Are we even the same size?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Jul
First gays can marry, now male and female Supreme Court Justices are hunting together.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Jul
Yes, we white men know what is best for female bodies so women don't have to worry their pretty heads about those things.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Jul
The DC pharmacist who states he won't sell the morning after pill to anyone who can't reach about his counter hasn't heard of a short adult?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Jul
Everyone does realize that the Pirates are the best team in baseball?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Jun
Russia just approved new anti-gay measures. Thus, people who hate gays are commie liberals.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Jun
We will miss our friend Jim Kelly, a great actor who literally could kick up a storm. Thank you for leaving us your legacies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Jun
Wouldn't it be funny if God announced that He is an atheist? #BeliveInYourself
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Jun
Everyone #MentionSomeoneBeautfiul (myself excepted)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Jun
She realizes you are an NFL football player #WhyRelationshipsFail
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Jun
If the morning after pill is only half effective, are there women out there giving birth to half a child?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Jun
@thebobbieoliver When you have been to Iraq and then say you are blowing up the kiddie poll, it takes a few seconds to realize what you mean
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Jun
If you want to know what children are like without exercise, arts, and discipline, follow the Philadelphia school system this coming year.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Jun
If I can't figure out Shylock Fox, I am depressed for a whole week.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Jun
Whoever you are, and whatever it was you did, I hope you had your laughs. You do realize it make no sense to me, so I am glad to be of help.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Jun
The 28th professional football player, since the last Super Bowl, has been arrested. Looks like the prison team will be strong this year.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Jun
Why are people upset over the disenfranchisement of racial minority voters? They don't donate to campaigns so they already had no say.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Jun
The US is a democracy where elections are determined by the collective wisdom of 30,000 campaign contributors.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun
Everyone, Bert and Ernie are just puppets. They are just two gay puppets.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun
New GOP politics: Gays should be allowed marry but shouldn't be allowed to vote.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun
@petridishes Let me mansplain humor. You often need irony and, most important, an elected public official.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun
To me, a horse is a cow with a gym membership.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun
Since when can't you tweet during funerals?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun
@AaronHernandez You haven't tweeted since June 12. You alright?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun
@AaronHernandez Dude, you broke the OJ Rule. NFL players only get one free murder.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun
Legislator uses "will of God" as a Parliamentary procedure. Still searching the rules to find where that is listed....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Jun
Judicial compromise: We will expand marriage but restrict voting.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun
Beer is proof that God wishes to torment us.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun
Wow, just lost two more followers. I guess they were either homophobic or genetic patterers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun
As I appear to be rapidly losing followers, remember, every time I lose a follower, the Supreme Court rules against your position.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun
I did not realize Kanye and Kim had a girl. I always thought North was a boy's name.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun
@TheFix @MonicaHesse Spoiler alert to the film "Caucus". Santorum wins eventually but Romney is nominated but Obama is reelected.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Jun
Journalists beat representatives in softball. That is because the best representatives were planning filibusters.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Jun
If you wish to be socially accepted, never admit you are a member of Congress. Instead state you are gay.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Jun
Striking down Defense of Marriage pleases many heterosexuals who were getting tired of defending marriage anyway.
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