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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Life on Main Tweet

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Life on Main Tweet



3m Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, drink. Not sure what word we settled on, yet i am sure Obama said it by now. #SOTU
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10m Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, now I am suicidal. If this area has the most women:men ration in the nation and I can't get a date, what future is there 4 me elsewhere
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5h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
People will be tracking tweets during SOTU. If enough people state their love for Lady Gaga during SOTU, the economy crashes.
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5h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I wonder if John Wilkes Booth secretly was a vampire.
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8h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wouldn't it be funny if the President were to announce "the Pope is right" and he too resigns> President Biden, let the fun begin!
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10h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, so infallible Popes are allowed to do take backs?
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11h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
This is closet I have ever gotten to having as many followers as I am following. If I only stop following more people,.
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11h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten That's a mouthful to shove in and ponder.
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11h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Fake zombie attack issued in Montana. Great, now people from Montana are driving to kill people in Venice Beach.
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23h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What? One can't joke about the Pope? OK, everyone, change previous references of "Pope' to "an unidentified man".
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Previous Popes resigned due to marriage-bribery scandal, to reconcile division, and best to all, the prove that Popes can resign (it worked)
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The last time a Pope resigned was in 1415. Well, I guess it was just a matter of time.
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The last 9 Papal elections took from 3 to 14 days. Try that for Presidential elections.
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
There are 450 people with Vatican citizenship. If we get 451 friends together, we can take over the country.
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
That last tweet only crosses a line once the Catholic Church no longer hides what it knew about abuse of children of both sexes,
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Pope denies he resigned because he tweeted "me likey Broke girls". Some believe he in fact prefers Broke guys.
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Joe Biden is not running for Pope, yet I bet he would serve if elected.
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #WeCantTextIf #IHaveNoLoveFor #ThingsThatMatter
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10 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@DickCheney Even if Obama's appointments are second rate, at least he is better than the second rate President with which you served.
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10 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Dick Cheney criticizes Obama for making 2nd rate appointments. I believe Cheney. After all, he made so many 3rd rate appointments, he knows.
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10 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Always do you best and seek to improve, if your audience is 1 or one billion. A billion may see you a fool but one may always remember it.
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10 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@shewchuk Thanks for the follow. I never met anyone who hunts only zombies with tattoos.
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10 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Hiring a guy with a gun to stand outside your room is not the correct kind of protection to avoid pregnancy.
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#HowToKillAConvo "In these AIDS tests, a positive is what you want, right?"
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#HowToKillAConvo "The Parole Board insisted I take my meds but I've found I don't need them."
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#HowToKillAConvo "Hello, I'm Rush Limbaugh."
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#howToKillAConvo "Why, yes, I am an undercover narcotics agent."
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#HowToKillAConvo "My water just broke" when stated by a male.
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Major issue in 2016: Will we stop the spread of Brazilian spiders across the US border?
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@thebobbieoliver Gay guys do make passes at girls with glasses if they are willing to let them touch them on the asses.
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The United States Senate are #TheWalkingDead
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Bad break-up line: I'll always remember you every time I try to pee.
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I had a great tweet in my sleep. Now I can't remember it. I am funnier asleep than I am awake.
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Murder, arson, drink Chateau Latour with a salmon soufflé. #ThingsYouShouldNeverDo
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@JudyTenuta Your dancing was fantastic. Needs more accordion.
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Did you fall from Heaven? Because you look all beat up? #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I have 12 inches, Although, since it is from Subway, it may only be 11 inches. #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If beauty were a crime, you'd be guilty as charged. I'll argue that you get probation. #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If looks could kill, you might be a fender bender. #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Is Heaven missing an angel? Because I believe your looks killed that angel. #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You want to see some mummified remains I keep in my basement? #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #CornyPickUpLines include I have #FinancialFreedom ever since I escaped that #Scandal
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@thebobbieoliver Rubio drives to the basket,Christie needs a three pointer, yet Hillary can block their shots. You know, you're right.
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#BestWeekEver is probably not what Dick Morris had. Who wanted to work at Fox News anyway?
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Blonde is the new red hair. #blondanne
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
It could have been worse. They could have photographed Honey Boo Boo as the new Anne of Green Gables. #blondanne
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I'd ask you to be my Valentine but I don't do pagan holidays. Pagan rituals, yes, but not holidays.
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
How to have fun: 1.) Say"I love reading the Bible and other works of fiction". 2. Sit back and see the responses that gets...
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am looking for a woman into diapering. No, I am not into age regression. I am just getting old.
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I don't mind Storm Nemo, but Storm Toy Story is crossing a line.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
But I taped Honey Boo Boo #WatchCommunityLIVE
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes You're fired. #DonaldTrump A friend of mine works on "2 Broke Girls". They appreciate your unemployed support.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Conservative Republicans seek a new message. "Me likey Broke girls" is a way to rebrand.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Me likey Broke gilrs. All my friends in government jobs, please retweet and see what happens.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Me likey Broke girls." Sincerely, your member of Congress. Oops.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Twitter autocorrects re-tweet to reticent. Has Twitter never heard of a re-tweet?
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@AnyaaLawrence Thank you for the re-tweet. Here's another one: Tweet.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MoreauMedia Thank you for the favorite. I never was a favorite. My parents liked my brother best and I was an only child.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Freddy Got 12 Fingers #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Pergatory's Gate #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mr. Smith Goes With Senator Menendez #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Plan 8 from Outer Space #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
A Fistfull of ATM Cards #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Wizard of Ozzie and Harriet #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Dial 555-387-8467, x-78 for Murder #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
W for Wendetta #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Tickle Bill #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Maltese Pigeon #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Now U R talking, says the helicopter cat (see photo). We cats kill billions of birds, we can spy on who you want.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Commuter Tunnel Under the River Kwai #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mr. Smith Goes to K Street #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Butch Cassidy and the Gangnam Style Dancing Kid #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Anything I wrote (available at http://amazon.com ) #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Donnie Makessenseso #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Old Country for No Men #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Some Like it Lukewarm #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Reservoir Puppies #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
One Flew Into the Cuckoo's Nest #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Six Samurai and One Machine Gunner #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Parklands Gump #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Slap Club #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
12 Slightly Perturbed Men #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Pulp Non-fiction #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Fannie Hall #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Raging Bullshit #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lawrence of al Qaeda #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Schindler's Grocery List #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Goodfather #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Illegal Resident Kane #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Hobbit - A Pre-packaged Journey #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Umpire Strikes Back #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Average, the Not So Bad, and the Pleasant to Look At #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Hannibal Hamlin #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Mediocre Gatsby #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Star Peacekeeping Missions #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Man, Those Lambs Are Loud #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@JamesMcCartney_ Thanks for the post. I will see you in LA. Looking forward to what I know will be a great show. All the best to you.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@chaneyj @SithMyDadSays I am being followed by Kim Jong Il's ashes. Would you like to trade?
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6 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: My #10TurnOns means there are only 20 other things left in the #30FactsAboutMe
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6 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Rupert Murdoch has purchased the bones of Richard the III, and he is upset. He specifically ordered the purchase of the current leadership.
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6 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
A 62 year old albatross gave birth to a healthy chick. MIFLs rule even in the bird world,
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Belarus claims USA violating human rights for not letting Texas succeed. Not a joke. This is real. Viva Texas revolutionaries!
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
There are no genitals in pre-1980s movies. Genitals were not invented until 1980.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Maybe we have grown if we are more shocked that Rob Gronkowski wrestled with his twice broken arm than he was dancing with two men.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HanaMichels Worse: How do you make a dead prostitute float? One scoop vanilla, two scoops dead prostitute.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ExpalinToMeWhy #ICantGoOneDayWithout #IHOP
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HanaMichels Line from a script; "My career will be over if I am caught with a dead girl or live boy? The good news is: the girl is alive."
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ReliableSource If it is a cotillion, it would be a Coming Out Party. A party for someone going to prison would be a Going In Party.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Imagine that, a dog with a human head. Lots of women already know that guy.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Critic are claiming Obamacare killed Lady Sybil.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Jerry Brown invited all half brained Texans to move to California. Well, that should solve all of California's problems.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I fear my Twitter account being hacked, if only because the hacker will probably be funnier than I am.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ResponseToILoveYou may include "I don't want to be a #TeenMom2 "
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ResponseToILoveYou includes #DontCuffHerIf she does not consent. In fact, act with mutual consent no matter what.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If the brontosaurus never existed, what did Fred Flintstone really drive at work?
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My apologies to any denier that the Holocaust existed that I may have offended.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Life lesson number 482: Never make a joke linking an Iranian President to a monkey. Got it. Don't offend the monkeys. Oops, that was wrong,
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Worse Super Bowl ad (unintentional): The free publicity for the New Orleans power company.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Iranians to launch another spacecraft. Just hope it doesn't "accidentally" land in Israel.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I go digging for Jimmy Hoffa and I get King Richard III instead.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Of course the Ravens won. They can see better in the dark.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
SPOILER ALERT; I hate when the Super Bowl ends with Lady Sybil dying.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Time to run that movie "Heidi".
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you liked it, put a ring or power on it.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Batman, come save the Super Bowl.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Puppy Bowl ratings now higher than the Super Bowl. Somewhere ad agency personnel are pulling their hair out.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"This must be the worst thing to ever hit New Orleans", said absolutely no one.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Beyonce literally sucked all the power out of New Orleans.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wonder how many babies born nine months from today will be named Flacco.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
49ers and Ravens fighting over whose turn it was to pay the electric bill.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Why do people find Jesus after they kill someone? Wouldn't it be better if Jesus let people find him before they kill someone?
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
It is the classic battle between gold panhandlers and an Edgar Allan Poe story.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #Mention15PrettyPeople such as #RayLewis
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mahna Mahna #LyricsThatMeanALotToMe
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The inventor of Etch-a-Sketch died? His obituary will be written and lost later today.
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@sambucolusa Thank you for favoring a tweet of mine. It is a tweet to know someone reads you.
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Report Iran sent a monkey into space may have been incorrect. It seems it was not a monkey but a Shiite dissident.
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
How can so many people believe a groundhog can predict the weather yet they don't believe climate change is real?
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Flu: Phase 1: I'm fine, I'll infect everyone else. Phase 2: I want to die. Phase 3: I'm too weak to die. Phase 4: Ah, it was nothing.
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Flu dies when it hits a population that is 90% immune. 40% of Americans get flu shots. We're goners.
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@washingtonpost Get a Flu shot, take elderberry syrup, and above all else, never use a bathroom in a comedy club. That's where it all starts
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1 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ThingsToSayAfterSex #StartedFromTheBottom
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1 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
F. Scott Fitzgerald's house and the Washington Post building are for sale. Choose wisely.
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1 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Well, Ed Koch, at least you no longer have to ask "how'm I doing?"
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1 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You mean that is your real hair and not a wig? #QuestionsAskedOnAFirstDate
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Oh, no, did Lady Sybil die on #30Rock too?
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Hilllary leads Rubio, Christie, and even Rick Perry for President---in Texas! Not a joke. The Lone Star state has a new star.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ItsCrazyHow #Hagel ran into #30Rock at the Senate hearings.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Don't tell people cats are drugs. Someone just tried to smoke me.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@thebobbieoliver You are so correct. The game is both star power and affording better lawyers. Don't do the crime if you don't have the dime
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Two thirds of Texas Republicans believe Obama is guilty of high crimes and misdemeanors, as soon as they don't figure out what that means.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Thank you for defending us cats. We made a truce years ago: we get the pigeons, you get the pigs.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I wonder if the Dominican Republic expects Senator Bob Menendez to vote to increase foreign aid to the Domincan Republic.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Chuck Hagel realizes his biggest threat is not terrorists or communists but U.S. Senators.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Scott Brown may run for Governor, because we all know that Massachusetts Governor is the stepping stone to a losing race for President.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I believe the Senator never traveled with prostitutes. Usually the lobbyists just visit the office and then leave.
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30 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Zimbabwe government has $217 left. Fortunately that money from the Nigerian prince will arrive for them any day now.
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30 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
She's not real, she died, she's a guy pretending to be her, and she doesn't go to Notre Dame like I do.. #10FactsAboutMyVirtualBestFriend
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30 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#MyLifeIn5Words Do you remember your name?
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30 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@thebobbieoliver At least in America a football player would never get away with punching a woman. Murder...OK, you got me there.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ZoeyGoetsch Thank you for favoring one of my tweets. Of course, my other tweets are jealous and now I have to calm them all down.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
How come when Gov. Bobby Jindal calls the Republican Party "the stupid party" he gets applause, and when I do it, I get jeers?
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HanaMichels Thank you for the retweet, or as we say in bureaucracies, please make triplicate copies of this message before deleting.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The #BeauFollowMeYouWorm that is trending was likely started by women who seek to serve on the military front lines.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Born. Spider bite. Super human. #MyLifeIn5Words
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I await the first politician to try and argue that woman can fight in the military just once a month.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Anyone who doubts a woman can serve in the front lines of battle has never married a woman.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If Marco Rubio tries to bring sanity to the immigration debate, how soon before insane Republicans drive him out of the race for President?
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Freedom is the best anecdote to poverty". I can think of better anecdotes to freedom that don't involve poverty.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
How is #TransportationSecretaryRayLaHood even trending in Los Angeles?
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You feel lucky today, punk? #MyLifeInFiveWords
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes A helicopter fat cat with bacon taped to it. It is my glamor shot.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HanaMichels @thebobbieoliver I tell dick jokes all the time. Dick Cheney, Dick Nixon...
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes As you can tell from my profile picture, I am an irritable cat, and even I can not bring myself to be a Republican.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What is so bad about dying alone? Why would I want to be surrounded by people who wait until I am about to die to visit?
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28 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The phrase "I am a bull dyke dressed like a man" surprisingly saved my life once.
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28 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If Juwan scores Barack's polling numbers every game, nothing can stop us. #fixcaptioncontest
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28 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
So footlong sandwiches at Subway aren't 12 inches, Not the first guys to lie about their length.
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25 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #WaysToGetSlapped include telling #SarahPalin fair and unbalanced is better found on #CBS
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25 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To read poetry, perchance to dream, that is the rub. Tis nobler to read poetry, until thine eyes fall shut. Dreary is the night and the poem
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25 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Poetry has not been found dead, As long as a poet needs to be fed. A poem is alive in your head. Or deep in your soul instead.
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25 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Students don't need Civics. They already know how to be civic to each other. (You know, maybe there should be more English).
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24 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Star Trek" director J.J. Abrams to direct "Star Wars", and then will direct "Star Search".
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Pa. just passed New Jersey. Pa. now #2 in gambling. Time for TV series about Pa. mobsters and drunk women. "Pa Knows Best"
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Have a good knight. (Jokes will get worse, I promise.)
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Yes, but tip well. Please also send me a ten per commission for advising on this transaction.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Boy of La Mancha: The Possible Dream #unnecessarytheatreprequels
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Year Before 2001 #unnecessarytheatreprequels
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Bible: The Prequel to Genesis #unnecessarytheatreprequels
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Is your girlfriend real? Is there something you wish to share with us?
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Poetry (1823 BC - 2013 AD), leaves behind a distant nephew the Internet. He was predeceased by newspapers, magazines, and books
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten Yehoodi is now a drug dealer in Compton.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If men could get pregnant, abortions would be a televised sporting event sponsored by beer companies with Vegas betting lines.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
No, Jim Morrison was the Lizard King, not Obama.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I can't find that hat Scalia was wearing anywhere in WalMart.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TaylorSwift Please date me. I will give you enough material for your next two albums.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
So, I gather at an Inaugural, the candidate who finished second doesn't get a silver medal?
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Yeah, right, tweeting makes you lose weight. I presume it also makes your breast/penis (pick one or both) enhance?
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21 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Why didn't the Inaugural Committee allow Lance Armstrong to speak?
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21 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I hear this inaugural guy mention supporting gay rights, action on climate change, work on gun control. So the Republican guy didn't win?
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21 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I just hope that Harbaugh team doesn't win.
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21 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lance Armstrong's fake girlfriend slipped him steroids without his knowledge.
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20 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
See, I took the high road and did not comment on her balling 11 times last night. She may attend as many inaugural balls as she wishes.
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20 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I hate it every time my fake girlfriend dies. We need better fake health care.
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20 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Biden stated he is "proud to be President." Just as I suspected he is planning.
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20 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
After watching SNL, I have realized that Joe Biden and Mitt Romney are the same person. Wow, what a conspiracy to try and topple Obama!
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20 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wow. A billion people saw me on Chinese TV. Now I will feel responsible for any increased hostilities towards Americans.
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18 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I knew Lance Armstrong back when he was Lance Armflabby.
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6 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You can buy my writings at Barnes and Noble at almost 4X what http://Amazon.com  charges. Show you're not cheap: buy my stuff at B&N.
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5 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten You should meet my sister Michael McTchaikovsky.
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Win one for the Gipper, or at least get a tie for the assistant coach with a bad cough. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Nobody puts Baby in a corner, unless she's been bad and needs a time out. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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7:00 PM - 4 Jan 13 · Details
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Yer a hairy wizard. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mrs Robinson, do you want to do to me what I want to do to your daughter? #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I see dead people. Or, in the case of Bruce Willis, people whose careers are dead. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To boldly go where no man has ever gone before. Guys, it's called a woman. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I don't know nothing about birthing babies that are aliens hatching from your stomach. #AwulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Its Chinatown, Jake Gangam Style is in Koreatown. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You call that a shark? In Australia, we have sharks that can swallow whales whole. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Shaken, not stirred. And a Heineken to go along with it. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The hills are alive with the sounds of marching Nazis. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Today I feel like the luckiest man near death within a ten foot radius. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Try the Soylent Blue. It is deboned. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You had me around the fifth paragraph of your opening dialogue. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The 1st rule of Fight Club is never mention Fight Club, which means since we mentioned it we're no longer members. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You know how to whistle, don't you? Nah, me neither. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Buy the entire Leon Tchaikovsky collection on Amazon. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Win one for Jack the Ripper. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Hoover. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I'll have what she is having, only with mayo on top, beef instead of pork, and no lettuce. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like a victorious class action suit several decades from now. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Go ahead, make my day. And then could you run into my room and make my bed? #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you build it, Donald Trump will come and tear it down and put a casino in its place. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The horror...the horror...and then the rest of the movie gets worse. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
When you shoot an elephant in your pajamas, make sure the elephant is dead, and get your pajamas back. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates. You eat them, get fat, puke, and die. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I'll get you, Paris Hilton, and your little dog, too. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I ate his liver with some nice lava beans and Thunderbird. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Rosebud. Which is my sled, so I don't confuse anyone. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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