Life on Main Tweet

3m Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, drink. Not sure what word we settled on, yet i am sure Obama said it by now. #SOTU
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10m Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, now I am suicidal. If this area has the most women:men ration in the nation and I can't get a date, what future is there 4 me elsewhere
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5h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
People will be tracking tweets during SOTU. If enough people state their love for Lady Gaga during SOTU, the economy crashes.
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5h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I wonder if John Wilkes Booth secretly was a vampire.
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8h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wouldn't it be funny if the President were to announce "the Pope is right" and he too resigns> President Biden, let the fun begin!
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10h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, so infallible Popes are allowed to do take backs?
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11h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
This is closet I have ever gotten to having as many followers as I am following. If I only stop following more people,.
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11h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten That's a mouthful to shove in and ponder.
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11h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Fake zombie attack issued in Montana. Great, now people from Montana are driving to kill people in Venice Beach.
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23h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What? One can't joke about the Pope? OK, everyone, change previous references of "Pope' to "an unidentified man".
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Previous Popes resigned due to marriage-bribery scandal, to reconcile division, and best to all, the prove that Popes can resign (it worked)
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The last time a Pope resigned was in 1415. Well, I guess it was just a matter of time.
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The last 9 Papal elections took from 3 to 14 days. Try that for Presidential elections.
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
There are 450 people with Vatican citizenship. If we get 451 friends together, we can take over the country.
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
That last tweet only crosses a line once the Catholic Church no longer hides what it knew about abuse of children of both sexes,
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Pope denies he resigned because he tweeted "me likey Broke girls". Some believe he in fact prefers Broke guys.
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Joe Biden is not running for Pope, yet I bet he would serve if elected.
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11 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #WeCantTextIf #IHaveNoLoveFor #ThingsThatMatter
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10 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@DickCheney Even if Obama's appointments are second rate, at least he is better than the second rate President with which you served.
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10 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Dick Cheney criticizes Obama for making 2nd rate appointments. I believe Cheney. After all, he made so many 3rd rate appointments, he knows.
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10 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Always do you best and seek to improve, if your audience is 1 or one billion. A billion may see you a fool but one may always remember it.
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10 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@shewchuk Thanks for the follow. I never met anyone who hunts only zombies with tattoos.
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10 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Hiring a guy with a gun to stand outside your room is not the correct kind of protection to avoid pregnancy.
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#HowToKillAConvo "In these AIDS tests, a positive is what you want, right?"
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#HowToKillAConvo "The Parole Board insisted I take my meds but I've found I don't need them."
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#HowToKillAConvo "Hello, I'm Rush Limbaugh."
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#howToKillAConvo "Why, yes, I am an undercover narcotics agent."
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#HowToKillAConvo "My water just broke" when stated by a male.
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Major issue in 2016: Will we stop the spread of Brazilian spiders across the US border?
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@thebobbieoliver Gay guys do make passes at girls with glasses if they are willing to let them touch them on the asses.
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The United States Senate are #TheWalkingDead
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Bad break-up line: I'll always remember you every time I try to pee.
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9 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I had a great tweet in my sleep. Now I can't remember it. I am funnier asleep than I am awake.
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Murder, arson, drink Chateau Latour with a salmon soufflé. #ThingsYouShouldNeverDo
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@JudyTenuta Your dancing was fantastic. Needs more accordion.
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Did you fall from Heaven? Because you look all beat up? #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I have 12 inches, Although, since it is from Subway, it may only be 11 inches. #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If beauty were a crime, you'd be guilty as charged. I'll argue that you get probation. #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If looks could kill, you might be a fender bender. #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Is Heaven missing an angel? Because I believe your looks killed that angel. #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You want to see some mummified remains I keep in my basement? #CornyPickUpLines
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #CornyPickUpLines include I have #FinancialFreedom ever since I escaped that #Scandal
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@thebobbieoliver Rubio drives to the basket,Christie needs a three pointer, yet Hillary can block their shots. You know, you're right.
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#BestWeekEver is probably not what Dick Morris had. Who wanted to work at Fox News anyway?
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Blonde is the new red hair. #blondanne
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
It could have been worse. They could have photographed Honey Boo Boo as the new Anne of Green Gables. #blondanne
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I'd ask you to be my Valentine but I don't do pagan holidays. Pagan rituals, yes, but not holidays.
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
How to have fun: 1.) Say"I love reading the Bible and other works of fiction". 2. Sit back and see the responses that gets...
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am looking for a woman into diapering. No, I am not into age regression. I am just getting old.
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8 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I don't mind Storm Nemo, but Storm Toy Story is crossing a line.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
But I taped Honey Boo Boo #WatchCommunityLIVE
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes You're fired. #DonaldTrump A friend of mine works on "2 Broke Girls". They appreciate your unemployed support.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Conservative Republicans seek a new message. "Me likey Broke girls" is a way to rebrand.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Me likey Broke gilrs. All my friends in government jobs, please retweet and see what happens.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Me likey Broke girls." Sincerely, your member of Congress. Oops.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Twitter autocorrects re-tweet to reticent. Has Twitter never heard of a re-tweet?
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@AnyaaLawrence Thank you for the re-tweet. Here's another one: Tweet.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MoreauMedia Thank you for the favorite. I never was a favorite. My parents liked my brother best and I was an only child.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Freddy Got 12 Fingers #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Pergatory's Gate #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mr. Smith Goes With Senator Menendez #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Plan 8 from Outer Space #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
A Fistfull of ATM Cards #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Wizard of Ozzie and Harriet #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Dial 555-387-8467, x-78 for Murder #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
W for Wendetta #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Tickle Bill #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Maltese Pigeon #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Now U R talking, says the helicopter cat (see photo). We cats kill billions of birds, we can spy on who you want.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Commuter Tunnel Under the River Kwai #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mr. Smith Goes to K Street #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Butch Cassidy and the Gangnam Style Dancing Kid #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Anything I wrote (available at http://amazon.com ) #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Donnie Makessenseso #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Old Country for No Men #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Some Like it Lukewarm #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Reservoir Puppies #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
One Flew Into the Cuckoo's Nest #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Six Samurai and One Machine Gunner #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Parklands Gump #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Slap Club #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
12 Slightly Perturbed Men #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Pulp Non-fiction #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Fannie Hall #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Raging Bullshit #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lawrence of al Qaeda #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Schindler's Grocery List #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Goodfather #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Illegal Resident Kane #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Hobbit - A Pre-packaged Journey #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Umpire Strikes Back #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Average, the Not So Bad, and the Pleasant to Look At #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Hannibal Hamlin #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Mediocre Gatsby #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Star Peacekeeping Missions #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Man, Those Lambs Are Loud #lesserfilms
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@JamesMcCartney_ Thanks for the post. I will see you in LA. Looking forward to what I know will be a great show. All the best to you.
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7 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@chaneyj @SithMyDadSays I am being followed by Kim Jong Il's ashes. Would you like to trade?
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6 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: My #10TurnOns means there are only 20 other things left in the #30FactsAboutMe
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6 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Rupert Murdoch has purchased the bones of Richard the III, and he is upset. He specifically ordered the purchase of the current leadership.
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6 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
A 62 year old albatross gave birth to a healthy chick. MIFLs rule even in the bird world,
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Belarus claims USA violating human rights for not letting Texas succeed. Not a joke. This is real. Viva Texas revolutionaries!
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
There are no genitals in pre-1980s movies. Genitals were not invented until 1980.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Maybe we have grown if we are more shocked that Rob Gronkowski wrestled with his twice broken arm than he was dancing with two men.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HanaMichels Worse: How do you make a dead prostitute float? One scoop vanilla, two scoops dead prostitute.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ExpalinToMeWhy #ICantGoOneDayWithout #IHOP
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HanaMichels Line from a script; "My career will be over if I am caught with a dead girl or live boy? The good news is: the girl is alive."
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ReliableSource If it is a cotillion, it would be a Coming Out Party. A party for someone going to prison would be a Going In Party.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Imagine that, a dog with a human head. Lots of women already know that guy.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Critic are claiming Obamacare killed Lady Sybil.
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5 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Jerry Brown invited all half brained Texans to move to California. Well, that should solve all of California's problems.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I fear my Twitter account being hacked, if only because the hacker will probably be funnier than I am.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ResponseToILoveYou may include "I don't want to be a #TeenMom2 "
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ResponseToILoveYou includes #DontCuffHerIf she does not consent. In fact, act with mutual consent no matter what.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If the brontosaurus never existed, what did Fred Flintstone really drive at work?
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My apologies to any denier that the Holocaust existed that I may have offended.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Life lesson number 482: Never make a joke linking an Iranian President to a monkey. Got it. Don't offend the monkeys. Oops, that was wrong,
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Worse Super Bowl ad (unintentional): The free publicity for the New Orleans power company.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Iranians to launch another spacecraft. Just hope it doesn't "accidentally" land in Israel.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I go digging for Jimmy Hoffa and I get King Richard III instead.
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4 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Of course the Ravens won. They can see better in the dark.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
SPOILER ALERT; I hate when the Super Bowl ends with Lady Sybil dying.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Time to run that movie "Heidi".
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you liked it, put a ring or power on it.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Batman, come save the Super Bowl.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Puppy Bowl ratings now higher than the Super Bowl. Somewhere ad agency personnel are pulling their hair out.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"This must be the worst thing to ever hit New Orleans", said absolutely no one.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Beyonce literally sucked all the power out of New Orleans.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wonder how many babies born nine months from today will be named Flacco.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
49ers and Ravens fighting over whose turn it was to pay the electric bill.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Why do people find Jesus after they kill someone? Wouldn't it be better if Jesus let people find him before they kill someone?
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
It is the classic battle between gold panhandlers and an Edgar Allan Poe story.
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3 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #Mention15PrettyPeople such as #RayLewis
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mahna Mahna #LyricsThatMeanALotToMe
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The inventor of Etch-a-Sketch died? His obituary will be written and lost later today.
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@sambucolusa Thank you for favoring a tweet of mine. It is a tweet to know someone reads you.
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Report Iran sent a monkey into space may have been incorrect. It seems it was not a monkey but a Shiite dissident.
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
How can so many people believe a groundhog can predict the weather yet they don't believe climate change is real?
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Flu: Phase 1: I'm fine, I'll infect everyone else. Phase 2: I want to die. Phase 3: I'm too weak to die. Phase 4: Ah, it was nothing.
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Flu dies when it hits a population that is 90% immune. 40% of Americans get flu shots. We're goners.
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2 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@washingtonpost Get a Flu shot, take elderberry syrup, and above all else, never use a bathroom in a comedy club. That's where it all starts
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1 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ThingsToSayAfterSex #StartedFromTheBottom
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1 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
F. Scott Fitzgerald's house and the Washington Post building are for sale. Choose wisely.
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1 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Well, Ed Koch, at least you no longer have to ask "how'm I doing?"
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1 Feb Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You mean that is your real hair and not a wig? #QuestionsAskedOnAFirstDate
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Oh, no, did Lady Sybil die on #30Rock too?
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Hilllary leads Rubio, Christie, and even Rick Perry for President---in Texas! Not a joke. The Lone Star state has a new star.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ItsCrazyHow #Hagel ran into #30Rock at the Senate hearings.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Don't tell people cats are drugs. Someone just tried to smoke me.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@thebobbieoliver You are so correct. The game is both star power and affording better lawyers. Don't do the crime if you don't have the dime
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Two thirds of Texas Republicans believe Obama is guilty of high crimes and misdemeanors, as soon as they don't figure out what that means.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Thank you for defending us cats. We made a truce years ago: we get the pigeons, you get the pigs.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I wonder if the Dominican Republic expects Senator Bob Menendez to vote to increase foreign aid to the Domincan Republic.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Chuck Hagel realizes his biggest threat is not terrorists or communists but U.S. Senators.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Scott Brown may run for Governor, because we all know that Massachusetts Governor is the stepping stone to a losing race for President.
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31 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I believe the Senator never traveled with prostitutes. Usually the lobbyists just visit the office and then leave.
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30 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Zimbabwe government has $217 left. Fortunately that money from the Nigerian prince will arrive for them any day now.
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30 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
She's not real, she died, she's a guy pretending to be her, and she doesn't go to Notre Dame like I do.. #10FactsAboutMyVirtualBestFriend
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30 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#MyLifeIn5Words Do you remember your name?
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30 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@thebobbieoliver At least in America a football player would never get away with punching a woman. Murder...OK, you got me there.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ZoeyGoetsch Thank you for favoring one of my tweets. Of course, my other tweets are jealous and now I have to calm them all down.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
How come when Gov. Bobby Jindal calls the Republican Party "the stupid party" he gets applause, and when I do it, I get jeers?
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HanaMichels Thank you for the retweet, or as we say in bureaucracies, please make triplicate copies of this message before deleting.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The #BeauFollowMeYouWorm that is trending was likely started by women who seek to serve on the military front lines.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Born. Spider bite. Super human. #MyLifeIn5Words
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I await the first politician to try and argue that woman can fight in the military just once a month.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Anyone who doubts a woman can serve in the front lines of battle has never married a woman.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If Marco Rubio tries to bring sanity to the immigration debate, how soon before insane Republicans drive him out of the race for President?
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Freedom is the best anecdote to poverty". I can think of better anecdotes to freedom that don't involve poverty.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
How is #TransportationSecretaryRayLaHood even trending in Los Angeles?
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You feel lucky today, punk? #MyLifeInFiveWords
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes A helicopter fat cat with bacon taped to it. It is my glamor shot.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HanaMichels @thebobbieoliver I tell dick jokes all the time. Dick Cheney, Dick Nixon...
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes As you can tell from my profile picture, I am an irritable cat, and even I can not bring myself to be a Republican.
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29 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What is so bad about dying alone? Why would I want to be surrounded by people who wait until I am about to die to visit?
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28 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The phrase "I am a bull dyke dressed like a man" surprisingly saved my life once.
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28 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If Juwan scores Barack's polling numbers every game, nothing can stop us. #fixcaptioncontest
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28 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
So footlong sandwiches at Subway aren't 12 inches, Not the first guys to lie about their length.
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25 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #WaysToGetSlapped include telling #SarahPalin fair and unbalanced is better found on #CBS
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25 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To read poetry, perchance to dream, that is the rub. Tis nobler to read poetry, until thine eyes fall shut. Dreary is the night and the poem
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25 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Poetry has not been found dead, As long as a poet needs to be fed. A poem is alive in your head. Or deep in your soul instead.
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25 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Students don't need Civics. They already know how to be civic to each other. (You know, maybe there should be more English).
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24 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Star Trek" director J.J. Abrams to direct "Star Wars", and then will direct "Star Search".
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Pa. just passed New Jersey. Pa. now #2 in gambling. Time for TV series about Pa. mobsters and drunk women. "Pa Knows Best"
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Have a good knight. (Jokes will get worse, I promise.)
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Yes, but tip well. Please also send me a ten per commission for advising on this transaction.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Boy of La Mancha: The Possible Dream #unnecessarytheatreprequels
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Year Before 2001 #unnecessarytheatreprequels
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Bible: The Prequel to Genesis #unnecessarytheatreprequels
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Is your girlfriend real? Is there something you wish to share with us?
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Poetry (1823 BC - 2013 AD), leaves behind a distant nephew the Internet. He was predeceased by newspapers, magazines, and books
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten Yehoodi is now a drug dealer in Compton.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If men could get pregnant, abortions would be a televised sporting event sponsored by beer companies with Vegas betting lines.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
No, Jim Morrison was the Lizard King, not Obama.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I can't find that hat Scalia was wearing anywhere in WalMart.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TaylorSwift Please date me. I will give you enough material for your next two albums.
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
So, I gather at an Inaugural, the candidate who finished second doesn't get a silver medal?
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22 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Yeah, right, tweeting makes you lose weight. I presume it also makes your breast/penis (pick one or both) enhance?
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21 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Why didn't the Inaugural Committee allow Lance Armstrong to speak?
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21 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I hear this inaugural guy mention supporting gay rights, action on climate change, work on gun control. So the Republican guy didn't win?
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21 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I just hope that Harbaugh team doesn't win.
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21 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lance Armstrong's fake girlfriend slipped him steroids without his knowledge.
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20 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
See, I took the high road and did not comment on her balling 11 times last night. She may attend as many inaugural balls as she wishes.
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20 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I hate it every time my fake girlfriend dies. We need better fake health care.
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20 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Biden stated he is "proud to be President." Just as I suspected he is planning.
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20 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
After watching SNL, I have realized that Joe Biden and Mitt Romney are the same person. Wow, what a conspiracy to try and topple Obama!
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20 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wow. A billion people saw me on Chinese TV. Now I will feel responsible for any increased hostilities towards Americans.
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18 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I knew Lance Armstrong back when he was Lance Armflabby.
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6 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You can buy my writings at Barnes and Noble at almost 4X what http://Amazon.com  charges. Show you're not cheap: buy my stuff at B&N.
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5 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten You should meet my sister Michael McTchaikovsky.
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Win one for the Gipper, or at least get a tie for the assistant coach with a bad cough. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Nobody puts Baby in a corner, unless she's been bad and needs a time out. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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7:00 PM - 4 Jan 13 · Details
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Yer a hairy wizard. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mrs Robinson, do you want to do to me what I want to do to your daughter? #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I see dead people. Or, in the case of Bruce Willis, people whose careers are dead. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To boldly go where no man has ever gone before. Guys, it's called a woman. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I don't know nothing about birthing babies that are aliens hatching from your stomach. #AwulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Its Chinatown, Jake Gangam Style is in Koreatown. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You call that a shark? In Australia, we have sharks that can swallow whales whole. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Shaken, not stirred. And a Heineken to go along with it. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The hills are alive with the sounds of marching Nazis. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Today I feel like the luckiest man near death within a ten foot radius. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Try the Soylent Blue. It is deboned. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You had me around the fifth paragraph of your opening dialogue. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The 1st rule of Fight Club is never mention Fight Club, which means since we mentioned it we're no longer members. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You know how to whistle, don't you? Nah, me neither. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Buy the entire Leon Tchaikovsky collection on Amazon. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Win one for Jack the Ripper. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Hoover. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I'll have what she is having, only with mayo on top, beef instead of pork, and no lettuce. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like a victorious class action suit several decades from now. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Go ahead, make my day. And then could you run into my room and make my bed? #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you build it, Donald Trump will come and tear it down and put a casino in its place. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The horror...the horror...and then the rest of the movie gets worse. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
When you shoot an elephant in your pajamas, make sure the elephant is dead, and get your pajamas back. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates. You eat them, get fat, puke, and die. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I'll get you, Paris Hilton, and your little dog, too. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I ate his liver with some nice lava beans and Thunderbird. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Rosebud. Which is my sled, so I don't confuse anyone. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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