When We Were Young and Tweet

 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3h
The sequel to "Finding Nemo" is underway, called "Where Did I Put Nemo?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3h
@MonicaHesse Sadly, too many people practiced their acting skills for years to wind up portraying Disney characters. So it could work.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3h
@MonicaHesse Checked my slang experts: Guess he was asking for a sex act where you = feast. Or a foreigner asking how to get to Bethesda.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3h
@BillGates Please stop sending me those checks for $5,000. It is getting so I don't have time to deposit them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3h
If your date thinks "You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly" is the #BestSongToHaveSexWith, you may wind up with more ugly kids.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4h
@MonicaHesse I was asked on the Metro how to get to Disney World. Get off at Union Station and transfer to the line to Orlando.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
If your date thinks "Yakety Sax" is the #BestSongToHaveSexWith, you can still make that work.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
If your date thinks "Dead Puppies Aren't Much Fun" is the #BestSongToHaveSexWith, run, run like the wind.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
If your date thinks "Psycho Killer" is the #BestSongToHaveSexWith, don''t let her tie you up and gag you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
@Roslynjgbsh Thank you for the spam. I am glad someone is out there making sure that spam survives.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7h
Who bribes to be the Republican nominee for Mayor? They pretty much would have begged you to run for free.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7h
Dragonflies catch 95% of their prey, lions catch 25% of their prey. If you are being hunted, hope it is a lion and not a dragonfly.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7h
An era is over. Yankees versus Red Sox, on  opening day, at Yankee Stadium, does not sell out..
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8h
Clayton Kershaw leads the Dodgers in homers. If this statement is true in September, then something really weird happened.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8h
Actual advice I gave someone today: When you book a speaker, make certain he didn't die two years ago.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12h
Spoiler alert: At the end of "The Bible"  TV series, Lady Sybil dies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12h
@BryceHarper You hit 2 homes runs at the season opener. You do realize we now expect you to hit 2 homes runs in every game?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
To the author of the exploration of the 26 year relationship with an 11 year old: Please tell me this is an Aprils Food Joke, or get help.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
I need glasses. I misread a headline reading "Hiker found alive" for "Hitler found alive."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
What? The age of consent is 18 and not 21? Why didn't someone tell me this years ago?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
The Cubs spent more on political contributions than the other 29 teams combined, and still a White Sox fan won the Presidency.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
My fan base: People too stoned to realize they are reading the wrong works,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
Target demo for my works: Stoned people who accidentally order the wrong writings in the middle of the night.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
Note to self: Tell Jesus jokes, lose followers. At least that is better than when I told Mohammed jokes and some followers wanted to kill me
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
RIP to friends and family of YouTube, whose demise was announced as an April Fools joke. You might have been missed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
On this day when Jesus resurrects and "Walking Dead" is on TV, I fully expect the miracle of Michael Richard's career returning to life.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
Now trending: #MyReplyToILove is #LetsGetFatTogether
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
Happy Easter and April Fool: The Easter bunny left some eggs with razor blades in them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
A Pennsylvania legislator has been videotaped smoking pot and dating another legislator. It's a scandal. She's human.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
April Fool. What, you thought I would be insensitive to actually do Jesus jokes on Easter. (No, wait...how does this work?)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
Did Jesus ever get morning wood? That would bring a whole different perspective to that Christ is Risen thing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
Jesus was emailed till he was cross. He went offline but resurrected his account a few days later.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar
If Jesus died on Friday and arose on Sunday, what was keeping him so busy on Saturday?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar
@MADDYMETOO @Silent_Calvin @petridishes @WilliamTaft27 @WGHarding As Calvin Coolidge would say, "      ".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar
Now trending: #MyReplyToILoveYou is to watch which teams made the #FinalFour.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Dear Kim Jong-Un: Please do not bomb the United States, Remember, your friend Dennis Rodman lives here.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Gay marriage compromise: SInce the Supreme Court thinks corporations are people, one may marry any other person or corporation.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Today is Good Friday. Monday is Good Monday. Did I leave out anything in-between?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
@Ricky_Fletcher Thank you for the retweet. The retweet also got stuck on the 405.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Directors ask North Korea if they bomb Los Angeles to send three missiles in case they don't get the explosions on the first & second takes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
If North Korea sends a missile to Los Angeles it will just get stuck on the 405 highway.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Say "vagina" in Idaho, and people want you fired. Say "vagina" in LA and people think you're boring and repetitious.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Bad headline for African tourism: "Penis thefts on rise in Africa." ---"I didn't lose my bags, but I lost..."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
These are not logical: If gays marry, then people will marry dogs. Take away my assault weapon, you'll take away my hunting rifle. Fox News.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. Watch "New Girl" on Fox. #ShakespeareSlogans
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
The good is oft interred with their "Bones", now in reruns. #ShakespeareSlogans
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Hell is empty and all the devils are here. Watch National Hockey League games. #ShakespeareSlogans
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
If you prick us do we not bleed? Is that is the case, switch to Trogans. #ShakespeareSlogans
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
So soon go Kindle fire with snow, Kindle also available in the spring. #ShakespeareSlogans
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
A fool thinks himself wise, which is why he should register Republican. #ShakespeareSlogans
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
To NBC, or not to ABC, that's the question.  CBS tis nobler. #ShakespeareSlogans
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
To dream, perchance to taste our barbecue seasoning, aye, there's the rub. #ShakespearSlogans
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
It won't cost you a kingdom to attend this show. #ShakespeareSlogans
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Mar
Great names for bands: Dad Sizzle, Thunderation, Begabbers, Great Horn Spoon, and St, Bogar, @petridishes
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Mar
Gay marriage compromise: How about we let 2 men and 2 women marry and then they can sort it all out afterwards?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Mar
States that allow cousins to marry should allow gays to marry. "If I divorce, is he still my cousin?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Mar
GOP compromise: We won't let gays marry, but they may buy as many guns as they wish.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Mar
@biphobia Thanks for the re-tweet, I repeat, thanks for the re-tweet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Mar
Sen. Lisa Murkowski is against gay marriage but states her views are "evolving". Right now she is just bi-curious.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar
@RuthBaderGinsberg  Is there a difference between Harvey Whole Milk and Harvey Skim Milk?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar
@RuthBader If marriage is whole milk, does adding cola mean you're kinky?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar
I join Ashley Judd in announcing on Twitter that I also will not be running for the U.S. Senate.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar
@Serenajnmoena47 Thanks for the spam. Sorry I didn't open it, but I appreciate your thinking of me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar
So, what some of you are saying is that the institution of marriage is defined by one having a pens and another having a vagina. That's all.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar
@buzzbissinger I am addicted to buying clothes at Goodwill. I dropped $5,000 once and bought the whole store.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar
Now trending: #SCOTUS states @WeWantOldTwitterBack, you know, where people wrote with ink wells on parchments....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Mar
If you believe marriage requires two fertile people, then if both gays are fertile, may they get married?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
Now trending: #ThoughtsInBed should include that #ItsNotComplicated that there should be #MarriageEquality
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
@1827012013317 Thank you for the favorite. I appreciate it, and the tweet is delighted.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
@buzzbissinger If you want nipple rings, go ahead. People should be free to make their own choices. Or should I clarify that as sober choice
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
Why are people against religion in their bedrooms before they see when I believe in?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
Why are priests and justices who wear the most fabulous robes so against the gay lifestyle?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
@Buzzbissinger Does an April Fools joke on March 26 count as an April Fools joke?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
@buzzbissinger I will be glad to help you with your shopaholicism. Go to http://amazon.com  and buy all my writings.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
No, Jesus did not state "love thy neighbor, but only the neighbors who are straight."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
What did Jesus state about gay marriage? Go ahead, I'll wait while you go look it up.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
So, someone thinks marriage should only be between fertile couples. But otherwise the government should not be involved in people's lives.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
Now trending" Among my #ThoughtsInBed is how #CatsAreSluts
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Mar
@betbybitcoininf Thank you for favoring my tweet on gambling. What are the odds you'll favorite another one of my tweets?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar
Gays came to America in the 1960s. This was not stated by a comic but by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar
@BillGates Do not name a new condom "Next Generation". That is what the condom is supposed to be preventing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar
@geneweingarten Kathleen Kirshenbaum, Jewish Omama Press, Feb. 8, 2013. THe exception that proves the rule.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar
If the Bill Gates condom is not working, you shut it down and then turn it back on.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Mar
@geneweingarten "Zakia" is Hebrew for Katlhleen. "Kathleen" is Hebrew for "Oh, she married a Jew."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Mar
I hate spoilers. So Lady Sybil dies in "Walking Dead"?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar
If  17, 29, 31, 52, and 53 are in the power ball tonight, no one tell me. I didn't buy a ticket. Never have.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar
This is why I never gamble: I had Western Kentucky, Harvard, and UCLA. Of course, I had all the other games correct.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar
I have been to many casinos and have never gambled. I will admit admit I have no idea how most gaming even works. #WhyIStillHaveMoney
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar
Wait, "Go Crimson" is Harvard and not Alabama?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar
@petridishes Ask not who whom the bell tolls. It tolls for whom.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Mar
What if Woodward and Bernstein had been given 20 years and Daniel Ellsberg been given life imprisonment?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar
My condolences to fans of the Florida Gulf Coast basketball team whose demise was wrongly reported.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar
When Western Kentucky wins the NCAA Tournament, well, even I will be surprised....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar
I literally mean that metaphorically.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Mar
I today learned far more about duck sex than I ever thought I would ever know. Did you know other birds don't even have penises? Sharing,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Mar
Twitter is seven years old? It feels like I've been tweeting for over eight years.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Mar
Pennsylvania is moving towards selling off its state liquor stores. What if you only want to buy the store's contents?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Mar
I believe only Democrats have to be born in the U.S. to be President. OK to George Romney (Mexico), John McCain (Panama) and Cruz (Canada)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Mar
If Ted Cruz runs for President, will the birther movement demand to see his birth certificate to see he was born in...Canada?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar
In Senegal, milk chocolate topped with dark chocolate shavings and then topped with vanilla is called an Obama. Trivia to impress friends.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar
Mike Cisco:. May California treat you far better than nothing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar
Well played, Bobbie Oliver, well played. RT @thebobbieoliver "To love me is to retweet me."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar
Sanford is making a comeback in Carolina? All this time I thought Terry Sanford died in 1998.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar
@MichelleShocked You're right. God hates fags. Those cigarettes will hurt your health.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar
My condolences to friends and fans of Lil Wayne whose death was falsely reported on the Internet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar
To the person who wrote "Michelle Shocked is a positive gay role model", we need to sit down. I have some bad news...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar
Of course, the reality is the great void may hate us all equally.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Mar
@MonicaHesse 1.) Yes. 2.) I am older than you. I am shocked Michelle Shocked doesn't know God hates us all equally.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
I heard a naughty word on the "Today" show. Shocking. Then I switched to cable where naughty words live free.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
It is true Ian McKellen correctly stated he is marrying Patrick Stewart.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
@SherylSandberg Oh, it's "Lean In', not "Leon In". My mistake.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Sea cruises are awful. Everyone gets sick, the toilets don't work, and there are tigers in the lifeboats.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Marco Rubio on how to win: "We don't need a new idea. The idea is called America." What, Romney was un-American?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Gay marriage has more support than Congress. If you are a member of Congress at a party seeking approval, tell people you're gay.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Gay marriage now has higher support than NBC shows.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Reporters are becoming like dinosaurs. The bigger ones devour the little ones and they are growing feathers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
RNC report tells Republicans to have more "acceptance" of gays. Let them cut your hair.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Whoever started this rumor that Emma Watson will star in "50 Shades of Grey" probably did so in order to be punished.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
So Obama looks like Satan on "The Bible". Better than when Satan used to be President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
When will I ever learn? I don't tweet for days and I gain followers. I return tweeting and I lose followers.
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