It Is a Tweet Reading This

I wonder in how many "buddy movies" the two "buddy" actors hated each other in real life?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
Over 70% of political ads are negative ads. We do need more positive messages, yet that's not the job for comics. Sorry, Ted Cruz,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
Never judge a woman by her looks, and, actually, you probably really, really don't want to find out what all that stuff inside her really is
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
Remember, 88% of people who are homeless also avoided military service.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
Pleasure and pain can be intertwined, but humor should never hurt.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2h
It is time to change your meds if you are wondering if the carpet was ruined by your dog, your car, or you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3h
My neighbors throw away stuff that is better than what I buy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3h
@GovernorThomasCorbett You can't find a single Latino to work for you? Have you tried driving a van into migrant labor camps?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8h
Note the many 70s comedies with rape jokes. Surprised so many thought rape was funny. Sort of like how so many think it is funny today.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9h
If Butts bottoms out trying to be Mayor, can Weiner rise to the occasion?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11h
Papenuse as expected kicked Butts yesterday.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 May
Political rule: If your name is "Butts", do not make fun of the name "Papenfus". You won't win that one.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 May
Prediction is Lewis Butts is now way behind in this race. I don't know,I'd like to see more Butts votes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 May
Memo to all political candidates: Avoid getting arrested defacing your opponent's signs the day before an election.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 May
I await the first election returns reporter, instead of saying "Lewis Butts", to say "Seymour Butts".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 May
@Nadahdzi Thank you for the favorite. That was fast becoming a favorite. I appreciate it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 May
To the Canadian traveler who left a monkey behind in the Munich airport: sorry, it's not yours anymore.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 May
@ABCNews Details, details, do they really matter?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 May
I tell you, how this Administration treats the press is just criminal.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 May
I hate when my jokes approach reality. Turns out Lewis Butts defaced the Papunfus signs to Papenpus. Changing them to Butts would be funnier
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 May
I wonder if Jim Morrison will turn up at the funeral.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 May
Oh, "Fast Proudly". That's different.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 May
Ben Franklin claimed his "fart proudly" was a typo. What did he mean to say? Fist proudly?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 May
Every time I am near death and go to the emergency room, I feel better by the time I get there so I cancel going there.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 May
Somehow the news that Amber Tamblyn can outdrink Quentin Tarantino does not surprise me in the least.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 May
@petridishes Hu Go Girl! Go Old Testament on that audience. May you have the luck of a Salahi at a White House event.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 May
(The following joke is for a limited audience.) Someone defaced Papenfus for Mayor signs so they now read Butts for Mayor
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 May
Great, now every bride will expect a flash mob at her wedding.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 May
DC Dulles to SF is Virgin Flight 69. Sorry, but no jokes about that comes to mind. I just hope it is a very pleasing flight for you both.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 May
I wonder if there will be a Courtney Love Scare Maze anywhere this Halloween.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 May
IRS auditors can now be reviewed on Yelp. Just in case that is your cup of tea.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 May
Imagine if Eve said to Adam "I only do oral".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 May
I hate it every time Justin Bieber buys me and then abandons me in a Munich airport.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 May
Molly Ringwald was paid $23,000 to attend a 3 hour party. That's nothing. I've been paid more not to show up.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 May
@Krystenpuly Thank you for the favorite. I favor your favorite and find favor in that.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 May
@Netauvzko Thank you for the favorite. This happens so seldom. My tweets thought no one might ever like them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 May
So Farrah Fawcett inspired "Midnight Train to Georgia". I inspired "The 2 am to Harrisburg".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 May
@GeekAaron Thank you for fate favorite, even if Rep. Bachmann might not feel it was one of her favorites.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 May
@MrDanZak I have no idea who you need to F to get to 4000 followers. Obviously, no one wants to F me so I get to 40 followers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 May
Maybe I misunderstood those emails from Angelina Jolie suggesting my penis be removed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 May
I want to see Snoop Lion on "Downton Abbey".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 May
@LouieGohmert I do declare, I do believe your asparagus hit on my girlfriend.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 May
@TheFix Rep. Michele Bachmann complains that only the far right side of her Google Glass works.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 May
@LadyGrew Course you should also read Leon Tchaikovsky's "The Sixth Dimension" which you can read for free on Kindle. No particular reason.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 May
Tea Party membership is growing, because nothing helps bring new members than the promise of an IRS audit.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 May
I wrote a song for Northern Irish expats. It has one chord and the lyrics "Birts, y'all be leaving Ireland now, you hear?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 May
@LadyGrew Emma Goldman's "Anarchism" is the classic. Remember, Ayn Rand created straw puppets to tear down. Emma and Any ware not BFFs.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 May
Our Sunday Afternoon Ivy League Tea Party Club was audited by the IRS. Then again, we did send lots of funds to the Cayman Island accounts.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 May
Instead of a will, I am hiding all my valuables and leaving hidden clues in my writings as to where they are. Dan Brown might need the work.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 May
You do realize there is now an IRS bureaucrat reviewing the Republican National Committee's tax forms and praying he finds no mistakes?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 May
@321Frankie Thanks for following me. Chris and Whitney are great and I look forward to seeing the feminine side of Ron Perelman.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 May
@geneweingarten Bryce Harper is a 20 year old jock. He did not major in Physics and just learned about inertia and force.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 May
Adam Kokesh wants 1,000 to march into DC with loaded rifles. Quick, can anyone find something that could possibly go wrong here? Anyone?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
Jack Bauer returning but will be semi-retired. The new show will be "12".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
I joined Loners Anonymous. At the meetings, I am the only one who shows up.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
@petridishes FYI: Goat Lovers Hotline might actually be an appropriate use of a warrant.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
If you are a Tea Party member working for the Associated Press, guess what, you were right to be paranoid after all.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
Remember, never call your bookie or drug dealer from an Associated Press phone.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
Dear people who forget history: Reads books about Watergate. That is what you are NOT supposed to do.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
When did the Associated Press become a dangerous organization?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
@ReliableSource Tell Mr. Gingrich his new device is a NewTMobile.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
I predict the new DSM will list tweeting as a sign of psychosis.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
Let us make it up to you for Bush and Cheney...and Nixon. #gop2016Slogans
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
At my age, my earliest memory is from about a week ago.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
@Krystenpuly Thank you for the favorite. I always told my tweet you liked it better than that other tweet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 May
"See, my wife is both my fifth cousin and my sixth cousin. She's not just my sister."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
Don't forget to buy your "sorry I forgot Mother's Day" card.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
I never understood the term "coed". Males get educated while females get co-educated?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
Big deal, your mom beat you with wire hangers. My family couldn't afford to buy wire hangers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
At least my mom was always around. Granted, it took an hour to get to the prison to visit her.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
I wonder what it meant when my Mom forced me to join Boy Scouts, become an altar boy, and then hear her yell "Aren't you gay yet?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
I am re-examing my life. My baby doctor was Dr. Kermit Gosnell.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
A guy got on base with three balls yesterday. Well, some men do have three testes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
Remember, wearing black face while kicking puppies is not funny. If you need this advisory, please don't move next door to me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
"If you mother never beat you worst than your loan shark does, she is OK. Call her today."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
Happy Mother's Day or as they say in Philadelphia, Happy Yo Mother's Day.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 May
Not sure how to respond when I say "Happy Mother's Day" and the woman replies "You, too."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 May
Oh, Josh RItter I thought you said Jo Shritter.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 May
@PaulMcCartney Hopper of Deliverance
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 May
Augh! My having more followers than the number follow only lasted a few days. People, please follow me, but don't read my tweets & unfollow.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
@geneweingarten Yes, your wife has a nice butt.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
I wonder if the scandal involving the IRS will cause its 1% approval rating to drop?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
Jokes on criminals should be on the criminals or the process, but never the victims. Never joke about a victim, unless from Princeton.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
Political lesson If you contribute a little money to a Democrat, the Democrat will forgive the greater contribution you gave to a Republican
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
While DC gets the new pig uterus taco, McDonald's is taking away the angus beef burgers. All food will be a lower grade from now on.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
Shall I presume the new pig uterus taco is neither vegetarian nor kosher?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
The sad thing about the IRS probe is the rich and powerful get the laws changed so they can now legally take what was once illegal to take.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
Whether it is Nixon's Enemies List or the IRS targeting conservative PACs, everyone should do their job right and forget about revenge.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
@PaulMcCartney I just hope that frogs aren't next.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
Is ignorance really that bad? I wouldn't know.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
Arguing with a person who insists we never lift the embargo on Cuba so long as Ariel
Castro remains alive.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
There is a diaper that sends a tweet when it is wet. Something I am sure all your followers want to read.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 May
Wow.I have never had more followers than people I am following. I expect this to last until I start tweeting again, meaning, a minute or two
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
Ryan Gosling won't eat his cereal. Maybe Mikey will eat it. He'll eat anything He likes it! Now, Ryan, don't make us photoshop you eating it
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
Why would a moral person support the pain of another that bothers no one else? Let people be what they are and live their lives as they are.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
A web site is selling copies of my novel as "furniture". I fear hearing about even more disappointed customers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
I do believe South Carolina voters primarily voted according to ideology. Oddly, they picked the ideology of Newt Gingrich and Mark Sanfrod.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
OK, over 20 stab wounds is not legally self defense. Next case, let's see if the court will accept 19.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
"Keep Calm and Carry On' was designed but never used in WWII. Instead they went with "Crap, where did all those German planes come from?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
What do you mean it "serves six"? It served me just fine.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
If only 9% percent approve of Congress, why do 90% of members of Congress get reelected?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
Now trending: #YouWillNotBeTakenSeriouslyIf you insist that #KateMoss is a member of #Congress.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
@ValleyAli814 Thank you for the favorite. I gather that Arias conviction was not a shock to you?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
No, it's not Happy Your Mother's Day that is coming up.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
@petridishes  Did you ever get a copy of the book of Proust's lost poems? Next, they are printing Proust's lost "to do" lists.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
@Morrisonfanone Thank for the favorite and retweet. I am sure Jodi Arias would also thank you, but she's not free to do so.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
TV needs a new sensational trial. Sociopaths now considering shocking new ways to murder someone.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
If Trump believes putting men and women together in the military leads to rape, what does he think when assigning them to work together?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 May
To the person shocked that Jodi Arias was convicted: Now let me explain how the Earth is not flat.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 May
Oh, no, Alex Ferguson is retiring. I wonder who will take over his late night time slot?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 May
Guccifer hacked my novel "Those Who Cannot Remember the Future" and then lost all respect from everyone.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 May
Civil unions and gay marriages are now legal in several states. So, when did the institution of marriage end in each of those states?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 May
I respect anyone's personal morality sense, unless you are a hypocrite who forgives the sins of Republicans while condemning Democratic sins
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 May
Mark Sanford promises he won't be back if he loses. His advisors are upset at him for giving yet another reason to vote against him.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 May
Well, now that i am back in 2013, let's see if I can stop all that destruction that happened in June 2013,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 May
So, Marty McFly travels to 2015 and sends me back to 2013. Thanks, Marty. Life was so much better in 2015.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 May
Sign you are running for President: You are overweight and you get lap band surgery.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 May
Baseball All Star balloting encourages "stuffing the ballot". Does this teach kids at an early day how to work in politics?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 May
Why are so many Americans celebrating Mexico's victory over the French? Do we hate the French that much?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 May
For the first time ever, the SEC charged an entire city with securities fraud. Harrisburg: We're so corrupt, we're all corrupt.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 May
@geneweingarten Is this OK?: Sexual assault prevention officer charged with sexual assault. If guilty, at least he stayed within his field?
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3:53 PM - 6 May 13 · Details
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 May
At her age, she is no longer responsible nor necessarily agrees with her own comments.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 May
Reality are those moments between delusions when things appear quite different,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 May
OK, I take it back. I may not have a flying skateboard, but soon I may have this: http://terrafugia.com
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 May
How many people have dreamed of being the first 200 pound jockey to win the Kentucky Derby?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 May
To the actress who wants to rebrand herself: No, that's not what they mean. Put that hot iron stick down.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 May
George W. Bush must have had the worst advisors since Ramses.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 May
Best way to pass immigration reform: Announce that most alien residents have joined the NRA.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 May
May the force be with you, said the dictator to his subjects.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 May
Instead of putting your pet down, see if medical marijuana will ease the pain. Yet another fun thing to do with your pet!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 May
How come no one brought up the issue of Darth Vader's back child support?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 May
See, you allow gay marriage and now Star Wars brothers and sisters are dating.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 May
OK, so an illegal resident should not have the right to be treated for illness or injury but should have the right to buy any gun unchecked?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 May
#HappyStarWarsDay May the force of mass marketing that convinces you to buy more products you never take out of the packages be with you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 May
#HappyStarWarsDay If you are not a supporter of Star Wars Day, then you should move out of this galaxy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 May
@geneweingarten I wrote you in for Twitter King versus Rob Delaney at http://tradiov.com  as I believe you will be the harsh king we need
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 May
@thebobbieoliver I DID write you in for Twitter Queen at http://tradiov.com . Write in Bobbie Oliver. Strom Thurmond once won a write-in!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 May
@RedAnneBolynn I am sure you would make a good Queen, although it is hard to get through the primaries and caucuses.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 May
For those who paid money to see my arrest record and found out I've never been arrested: Ha, ha, you should have tried "Reese Witherspoon".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 May
Am I missing something because I didn't watch "Scancal?"  #AskScandal
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