Twitter for Twits

General Petraeus, I'd like to introduce you to Jill Kelley. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7m
Jon Hamm is here researching what mad men really are like. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
Gayle King throws out the first pitch and its "Play ball" at the WHCD. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
Note to self: Write a joke with Mountain Dew in it, you get an advertising tweet from Mountain Dew. I wonder what happens if mention Playboy
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4h
Something is terribly wrong. Chelsea Handler is sober. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4h
President Obama to honor White House Correspondent of the Year Rush Limbaugh. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4h
Due to sequestration, all LA flights to DC are cancelled so no celebrities are in attendance. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4h
@petridishes For $17 from http://amazon.com  I would love to have someone feeling ambivalent towards me instead of the collective hatred
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
Willie Nelson, Snoop Dog, and Bill Clinton are together giggling in the back. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
The Nordstrom employee selling emergency pantyhose on the sidewalk by the entrance is doing a brisk business. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
President Obama notes Lady Sybil would still be alive if Obamacare existed then. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
What a shame, Dan Stevens was killed in a car crash going to the White House Correspondents' Dinner. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
President Obama signs Executive Order demanding the creation of Iron Man 4. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5h
Both the Secret Service and Christie's aides are in place to make sure Chris Christie does not hug President Obama. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11h
Who served Michael Bloomberg a 64 ounce Mountain Dew? #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11h
Kasich fund raising is lacking. His after dinner party will be sharing a paper bag wine bottle in the back alley. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12h
Marco Rubio asked for the caterer's phone number, says he plans to call them in a few years. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12h
Chris Christie is the reason why this year's dinner is not a buffet #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12h
Bill Clinton hits on Emilia Clarke. #FakeWHCD No wait, that one may be true.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
How cute, Rick Santorum's vest is sitting next to Donald Trump's hair. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Yeah, right, Rand Paul would like to say just a few words....#FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Why won't anyone sit next to Michelle Bachman? #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Why do Marcus Bachman and Harvey Feirstein insist on sitting together? #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Is it so embarrassing when Michelle Obama and Robin Williams wear the same dress. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Most find the giant Monsanto poster behind the podium distracting. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Justice Clarence Thomas offers to stand at the microphone for five minutes and say nothing. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
C-SPAN broadcast is sponsored by a new miracle weight loss pill. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
The New York Post reports food is served only by dark skinned or Black servers. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Can anyone see what Anthony Weiner is photographing with his cell phone? #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Obama and Boehner agree to pretend to seek bipartisan cooperation. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Manti Te'o arrived without a date. I wonder what happened to her? #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
All agree everything went downhill after Scott Wilson left. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Celebrity shocker: The biggest celebrity there tonight is Pauly Shore. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
The NRA bought ten tables and they still need more tables for all the members of Congress they invited. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
As a prank, someone arranged for Clint Eastwood's chair to talk back to him. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Lindsay Lohan arrested attempting to steal the copper pipes from the women's room. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
John Kerry couldn't find his ticket and was denied entrance. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
The dinner is expected to raise about a quarter of a million dollars which will pay for a scholarship for only one student. #FakeSHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Ten minutes into the dinner, Conan O'Brien was replaced with Jay Leno. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Ted Cruz calls on making Canada part of the US so he may run for President. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Paul Ryan was seated at the kiddie table with Honey Boo Boo. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21h
Mitt Romney arrived, had his car valet parked, and forgot he left his dog on the roof. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22h
The Obamas show off their family tramp stamps. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22h
Joe Biden and Bob Woodward agree to arm wrestle. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22h
Ann Coulter confesses she secretly voted for Obama. #FakeWHCD
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr
Tell her it is OK to marry even though we are cousins. #WhatNotToDoOnAFirstDate (This advice invalid in several states).
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr
Tell your blind date you are not sure which sex s/he is. #WhatNotToDoOnAFirstDate
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr
Ask her to prove she was biologically born a woman. #WhatNotToDoOnAFirstDate
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr
Ask for her mother's phone number. #WhatNotToDoOnAFirstDate
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr
Ask for her sister's phone number. #WhatNotToDoOnAFirstDate
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr
May your team used its first three draft picks on punters. #NFLDraft
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr
Barbara Bush on Jeb running for President: "We've had enough Bushes." Again proving Barbara is the smartest Bush.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr
Convince her to tie her up, and then rob her house. #WhatNotToDoOnAFirstDate
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Apr
So the Elvis impersonator did not send out the hunka hunka burning love through the mail. He was just a hounded dog.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Apr
If an Obama daughter gets a tattoo, the whole family will get the same tattoo. Just about the greatest dare to the 666 forehead tattoo.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Apr
@petridishes The staffer was lucky to be turned into a newt. Jill Abramson turned me into a gingrich.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Apr
If Michelle Obama is a single mom, then by comparison, millions of kids have negative moms.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Apr
Did they ever catch that dark skinned or black men they were looking for in Boston?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Apr
Who here remembers suspect number 3?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Apr
Yeah! I am on the Amazon Top 358,069 best seller list! I feel sorry for #358,070. I think #358,068 slept with a reviewer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Apr
First sign your prison is troubled: Four female guards are pregnant from one inmate.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Apr
Jinxed myself. Joked about dying in a fiery crash---and my plane did catch fire. FYI, I did not die.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Apr
Well, off to die in a fiery crash. (If that really happens, I know someone will reference this tweet.)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Apr
I hear the sandwiches at Augusta National are quite affordable. Of course, you first have to afford to get into Augusta National;
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Apr
Yes, I am sure you would have heard Justin Bieber music blasting out of Anne Frank's attic,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Apr
Folks here are worried. If they ban oral sex, next they'll ban sex between siblings.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Apr
Everyone in Virginia who has oral sex should turn themselves into the authorities. It's the right thing to do.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Apr
@gw220241 Thanks for the retweet. I appreciate your spreading the news that we have at least until August 1 to live.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Apr
In these parts, vodka is considered a vegetable.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Apr
Well, I guess it does make sense: If you can make vodka from potatoes, why not from french fries?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Apr
I learned you have to pick the poison ivy at just the right time for good ivy wine.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Apr
"Why, no, I have never had wine made from fermented socks."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Apr
The secret ingredient to that moonshine that tastes like turpentine is: turpentine.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Apr
This bar has two kinds of beer: 1.) Watered down and 2.) recycled from last night's unfinished beers,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Apr
Found a great bar in rural Maryland. Has two kinds of wine: 1) Red and 2.) Not Red.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Apr
In a divorce it is important to sit the kids down and explain the divorce, so they understand why they'll never see a dime of child support.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Apr
If Dennis Rodman has been invited back to North Korea on August 1, I guess this means they don't plan to blow us up before then.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr
Weiner is in but stuck in the bottom. Stroking support helps Weiner grow. Needs to climax on top by election day. Also he may run for office
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr
"You don't put stuff on your head if you're President"-Obama. Unless you are George W. and you have a thinking cap.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr
Breaking news: The BBC has banned "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead". I wonder if I may request the BBC play "Merry Christmas Maggie Thatcher"?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr
Anthony Weiner sticking his head back into the ring of politics is a joke writer's wet dream. Avoid overexposure and handle carefully.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr
RIP the great Jonathan Winters, who stopped using Goggle at age 87. He was great and his humor lives on.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr
If you stop using Google for a set time, Google will inform your contacts of your death. Yet another stupid reason to keep using Google.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Apr
Poor Charlie Brown, you should know by now that even if you pay for Lucy's new breasts she still is never going to let you kick it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Apr
@petridishes  Treasury discretionary gave JayZ a cautionary OK on prohibitory Cuba trip, now Rubio wants an investigatory flagellatory.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Apr
New slogan: "Virginia is for lovers. Certain exceptions may apply."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Apr
My Grandmother was one of the first female broadcasters at the Masters, She couldn't join, though. She still can't join, as she's dead.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Apr
Now trending something from my life: #IGrewUpWatching paint dry in #Augusta
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Apr
Rand Paul states he has never wavered on his support for civil rights, even though he thinks the law is unconstitutional.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Apr
Now trending: The #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear are #SenatorTedCruz
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Apr
Finishing my novel, write "The End", hit "delete all"...no, wait.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Apr
Beyonce trip to Cuba was for "educational" purposes. Did you know there are islands outside the United States?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Apr
In viewing old photos of Nixon, I realize he was one of the few people who naturally looked like his head was photo-shopped into the photo.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Apr
@geneweingarten Was Siskel the bald one or the fat one?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr
Putin now requires all female protestors to be topless.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr
I think Marco Rubio just lost Beyonce's and Jay Z's votes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr
Do they make Confederate flag shirts in chiffon?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr
If you're walking on egg shells because you're wearing a t-shirt with a Confederate flag, wear something else.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr
My complaint is you can't find a good rap song on a redneck bar jukebox. #BradPaisley #LLCoolJ
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr
Virginia gay marriage compromise: Gays can marry but they can't have sex.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr
I only need 967 more followers to reach 1,000.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr
Do Virginia leaders think the best thing for tourism is to promote how sodomy is not allowed and the law should stay that way?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr
Do North Carolina leaders think the best way to promote economic development is to state they only want Christians?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Apr
@petridishes "That Hamm is good looking." Was your mother speaking about dinner? "Hey, hot cakes" is what I ordered for breakfast.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Apr
What? There IS a Penn network? OK, who put Whitney Cummings in charge of it? No wonder it doesn't work.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Apr
If the Ivies are about connections, where are the Penn connections? There is no such thing (unless, of course, you aren't telling me.)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Apr
No, the new CT gun law does not take away anyone's gun. It requires registration and restricts future sales. They are not coming after you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Apr
@thebobbieoliver Who says one can't be both a serial killer and a comic? Both often do kill.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Apr
@MonicaHesse Foam Henge is so much better than the Eiffel Cow Chips.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Apr
@Maddie_Flood  Thank you for the favorite. Mother always favorited the other tweets more.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Apr
@thebobbieoliver If you want a 12 font size but yet want to offer a bit of a discount, make it 11.99.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Apr
I hope my next book is a success and Westboro Baptist Church publicly burns it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Apr
I love it! Hipsters are upset now that gay marriage has majority support, their cause is no longer "hip". Even Grandma joined the movement!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Apr
@petridishes I think Penna Attorney General Kathleen Kane needs to slap Obama's face for calling Kamala Harris better looking.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Apr
@HanaMichels Could be worse. I am a male Ivy Leaguer who not only has no value, but I'm told I am no longer valuable even as an organ donor.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Apr
North Korea is threatening the US with 3D dinosaurs. #JurassicPark3D. In this revised edition, they also bring #KurtCobain back to life.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Apr
The question for California voters: Is Maldonado able?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Apr
People in New Hampshire always make their first choice for Senator a former Massachusetts Senator.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Apr
@thebobbieoliver A: What Johnny Carson didn't say. Q. I'll slap your cat for you, but first you have to remove that pussy from your lap":
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Apr
NASA states Las Vegas is the brightest city in the world. Las Vegas teachers, though, fudged Las Vegas achievement test scores.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Apr
Honey Boo Boo is being prepared to take over the "Tonight" show in two years.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Apr
You look like a million bitcoins.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Apr
It is a weird day when not only does an Attorney General get asked if he's had oral sex, but the question is appropriate,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Apr
Obama adds that Cuccinelli is the "second best looking Attorney Generat."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Apr
For the first time ever, a majority of Americans want pot legalized (Pew Poll) Which tells me only 25% want what they're doing kept illegal.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Apr
Brother can you spare a bitcoin?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Apr
Now trending: #DescribeYourCrush #KimJongUn. Well, he has anger issues.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Apr
@petridishes You look and sound great on the Fold. The meatloaf did not hold you down, Both you and the station look like a million dollars.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr
Legislators in North Carolina believe the Constitution is more of an advisory guide to what laws should be.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr
Oh, today is National Walking Day, NOT National Walking Dead Day.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr
Attorney General Cuccinelli hopes to be elected Governor on the crucial anti-sodomy vote.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr
Some North Carolina legislators want to establish an official state religion. I am guessing it would be Islam. Which one U think it would be
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr
@geneweingarten Look at my tweets and followers. So long as someone wants a joke, they are there for them. Didn't say it would be good...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr
@SethMacFarlane You use female horses to keep the horse dicks out of the shots.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr
@petridishes Where is the statute of an Admiral on a horse?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Apr
When one "likes" an awareness day, it is alright to forget about it the next day, right?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
The sequel to "Finding Nemo" is underway, called "Where Did I Put Nemo?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
@MonicaHesse Sadly, too many people practiced their acting skills for years to wind up portraying Disney characters. So it could work.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
@MonicaHesse Checked my slang experts: Guess he was asking for a sex act where you = feast. Or a foreigner asking how to get to Bethesda.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
@BillGates Please stop sending me those checks for $5,000. It is getting so I don't have time to deposit them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
If your date thinks "You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly" is the #BestSongToHaveSexWith, you may wind up with more ugly kids.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
@MonicaHesse I was asked on the Metro how to get to Disney World. Get off at Union Station and transfer to the line to Orlando.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
If your date thinks "Yakety Sax" is the #BestSongToHaveSexWith, you can still make that work.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
If your date thinks "Dead Puppies Aren't Much Fun" is the #BestSongToHaveSexWith, run, run like the wind.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
If your date thinks "Psycho Killer" is the #BestSongToHaveSexWith, don''t let her tie you up and gag you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
@Roslynjgbsh Thank you for the spam. I am glad someone is out there making sure that spam survives.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
Who bribes to be the Republican nominee for Mayor? They pretty much would have begged you to run for free.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
Dragonflies catch 95% of their prey, lions catch 25% of their prey. If you are being hunted, hope it is a lion and not a dragonfly.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
An era is over. Yankees versus Red Sox, on  opening day, at Yankee Stadium, does not sell out..
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
Clayton Kershaw leads the Dodgers in homers. If this statement is true in September, then something really weird happened.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
Actual advice I gave someone today: When you book a speaker, make certain he didn't die two years ago.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
Spoiler alert: At the end of "The Bible"  TV series, Lady Sybil dies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Apr
@BryceHarper You hit 2 homes runs at the season opener. You do realize we now expect you to hit 2 homes runs in every game?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
To the author of the exploration of the 26 year relationship with an 11 year old: Please tell me this is an Aprils Food Joke, or get help.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
I need glasses. I misread a headline reading "Hiker found alive" for "Hitler found alive."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
What? The age of consent is 18 and not 21? Why didn't someone tell me this years ago?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
The Cubs spent more on political contributions than the other 29 teams combined, and still a White Sox fan won the Presidency.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
My fan base: People too stoned to realize they are reading the wrong works,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
Target demo for my works: Stoned people who accidentally order the wrong writings in the middle of the night.
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6:28 PM - 1 Apr 13 · Details
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Apr
Note to self: Tell Jesus jokes, lose followers. At least that is better than when I told Mohammed jokes and some followers wanted to kill me
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
RIP to friends and family of YouTube, whose demise was announced as an April Fools joke. You might have been missed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
On this day when Jesus resurrects and "Walking Dead" is on TV, I fully expect the miracle of Michael Richard's career returning to life.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
Now trending: #MyReplyToILove is #LetsGetFatTogether
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
Happy Easter and April Fool: The Easter bunny left some eggs with razor blades in them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
A Pennsylvania legislator has been videotaped smoking pot and dating another legislator. It's a scandal. She's human.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
April Fool. What, you thought I would be insensitive to actually do Jesus jokes on Easter. (No, wait...how does this work?)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
Did Jesus ever get morning wood? That would bring a whole different perspective to that Christ is Risen thing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Mar
Jesus was emailed till he was cross. He went offline but resurrected his account a few days later.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar
If Jesus died on Friday and arose on Sunday, what was keeping him so busy on Saturday?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar
@MADDYMETOO @Silent_Calvin @petridishes @WilliamTaft27 @WGHarding As Calvin Coolidge would say, "      ".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Mar
Now trending: #MyReplyToILoveYou is to watch which teams made the #FinalFour.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Dear Kim Jong-Un: Please do not bomb the United States, Remember, your friend Dennis Rodman lives here.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Gay marriage compromise: SInce the Supreme Court thinks corporations are people, one may marry any other person or corporation.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Today is Good Friday. Monday is Good Monday. Did I leave out anything in-between?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
@Ricky_Fletcher Thank you for the retweet. The retweet also got stuck on the 405.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Directors ask North Korea if they bomb Los Angeles to send three missiles in case they don't get the explosions on the first & second takes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
If North Korea sends a missile to Los Angeles it will just get stuck on the 405 highway.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Mar
Say "vagina" in Idaho, and people want you fired. Say "vagina" in LA and people think you're boring and repetitious.
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