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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: A Twit Will Tweet a Twitted Tweet

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

A Twit Will Tweet a Twitted Tweet


 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
In Senegal, milk chocolate topped with dark chocolate shavings and then topped with vanilla is called an Obama. Trivia to impress friends.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2h
Mike Cisco:. May California treat you far better than nothing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2h
Well played, Bobbie Oliver, well played. RT @thebobbieoliver "To love me is to retweet me."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2h
Sanford is making a comeback in Carolina? All this time I thought Terry Sanford died in 1998.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4h
@MichelleShocked You're right. God hates fags. Those cigarettes will hurt your health.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4h
My condolences to friends and fans of Lil Wayne whose death was falsely reported on the Internet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11h
To the person who wrote "Michelle Shocked is a positive gay role model", we need to sit down. I have some bad news...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12h
Of course, the reality is the great void may hate us all equally.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12h
@MonicaHesse 1.) Yes. 2.) I am older than you. I am shocked Michelle Shocked doesn't know God hates us all equally.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
I heard a naughty word on the "Today" show. Shocking. Then I switched to cable where naughty words live free.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
It is true Ian McKellen correctly stated he is marrying Patrick Stewart.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
@SherylSandberg Oh, it's "Lean In', not "Leon In". My mistake.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Sea cruises are awful. Everyone gets sick, the toilets don't work, and there are tigers in the lifeboats.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Marco Rubio on how to win: "We don't need a new idea. The idea is called America." What, Romney was un-American?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Gay marriage has more support than Congress. If you are a member of Congress at a party seeking approval, tell people you're gay.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Gay marriage now has higher support than NBC shows.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Reporters are becoming like dinosaurs. The bigger ones devour the little ones and they are growing feathers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
RNC report tells Republicans to have more "acceptance" of gays. Let them cut your hair.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
Whoever started this rumor that Emma Watson will star in "50 Shades of Grey" probably did so in order to be punished.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
So Obama looks like Satan on "The Bible". Better than when Satan used to be President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
When will I ever learn? I don't tweet for days and I gain followers. I return tweeting and I lose followers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Mar
@GiseleNoel Thank you for the ad. One of us is spelling our name backwards.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Mar
If his Irish eyes are smiling, it is because he pickpocket a Brit's wallet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Mar
Before I die, I want people to know I left clues to buried treasures in coded messages in all my writings.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Mar
George P Bush is entering politics. Is there a George Bush with every middle initial in the alphabet?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Mar
"Does the DC Metro go to Disney Word?" #OverheardWeirdComments
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Mar
"Does anyone have two tens for a five?" #OverheardWeirdComments
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Mar
"I'm not sure she was breathing when I left. I'll check that when I get back." #OverheardWeirdComments
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Mar
"I have blood in my urine, that's normal, right? #OverheardWeirdComments
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Mar
11 people shot on a DC corner. Why does one need a semi automatic weapon? These are offensive not defensive weapons. You defend I'm offended
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Mar
How many people are trying to figure out why their clocks are two hours different from the time on their computers?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Mar
Now trending: Discussing our @SpongeBobMemories are among the #ReasonsWeStoppedTalking
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Mar
I am one of the top 100 Amazon Fiction Humor Screenplay authors. Out of 102 total titles, I am in the top 100. Yeah!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Mar
Remember, you lose two hours sleep tonight. One due to the clock change and another worrying about the lost hour of sleep.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
Every time I post a suicide note, people comment how it is my funniest material yet,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
Every child killed in the Ct shootings was hit from 3 to 11 bullets. Maybe I am sensitive because a friend teachers there. Maybe I just care
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
If you think gun control is a solution in search of a problem, search Newtown, Ct.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
What? The new Tastykake Dreamies look suspiciously like Twinkies? I am sure that is just your imagination.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
@geneweingarten I know Name's brother Same Here. I wonder if Same also became a writer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
@geneweingarten I have seen a poop rock. I may now be able to die knowing my life has been fulfilled.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
@geneweingarten Do you have my correct address? It is 408 Dirksen Building.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
Rumplestiltskin awoke, saw Senate Republicans defending civil liberties & a Democratic President strong against terrorism, so he's dreaming?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
It must be in the stars: #StarWars and @Starbucks are both trending together.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
The Chinese government hack the NY TImes and Washington Post. Ironically, that is the one day lunatics did not find the writings "commies".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Mar
The glorious Chinese government has not hacked my Twitter account, honest.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@TheFix #ObamaIsMyMomma No, that doesn't work. #ReidIsMySeed No, that also doesn't work. #HidinWithBiden is better, but what does it mean?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
Accept a free condom in Brooklyn, the police may suspect you're a prostitute and arrest you. Talk about a lack of coordinated city services
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@TedCruz Please read this tweet, please,read this tweet on the Senate floor!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@TheFix They are going to boost the excitement by having zombies attack...no, wait, sorry, those are just more U.S. Senators.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@TheFix Yeah, just wait until you hear what women in Oklahoma carry, and where they carry it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
An audit of the Vatican financial records has discovered the College of Cardinals do not own the St. Louis baseball team.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@RachelMan2 I guess she wasn't happy to see me, as that was a gun in her pants.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
Is it a coincidence that both #WhitePeopleActivities and #StandWithRand are trending simultaneously?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@MonicaHesse There is a glaring mis-print. They listed your age as much older than you really are.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@MonicaHesse Yeah, it was bad, but it was spontaneous. I hear these real Broadway song writers sometimes have an hour to write their lyrics.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@MonicaHesse So you got to hang out, With Monica Hesse tomorrow, come what may, see what we all have to say.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@MonicaHesse When I'm stuck in a day, that's only one shade of shade, I just stick out what I want to say, and grin and say "oh, vey".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@MonicaHesse Monica Hesse clears all the cobwebs, but with sorrow, not until the spiders are none.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@MonicaHesse The Baltimore Sun'll come out tomorrow cost you your bottom dollar. The Post, I love you, You're always the way to stay.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
If I just have @geneweingarten tweet the word "poop" once a day, no one will realize his account was hacked.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
No, I can't send you women photos of @geneweingarten 's wiener. I don't think he has one I think he is more of a cheeseburger guy,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
I hacked the  @geneweingarten Twitter account. It he says anything funny, I'm taking the credit.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
The number of invitations for commencement addresses planning on being sent to Rand Paul is decreasing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@geneweingarten Some have greatness linked to them, others have the forcible touching of naked buttocks linked to them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
Snickers, the official food of the United States Senate filibusters.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
Rand Paul's filibuster is nothing. Paul Ryan once ran a filibuster in under three hours.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@TheFix @petridishes If people are wearing zebra stripes, then ponies should wear human hats.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@petridishes I'm safe. At first I thought you wanted to take us "idiots" behind the barn. Remember: Don't look a gift pony wearing a cap.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
I wonder if the Koch brothers will now give Rep. Steve Stockman cancer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
Great, "nightmare bacteria" is going to give me nightmares. Not even Superman or Spiderman can kill it. We're doomed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
Wow, the Bolshoi ballet is just as violent as organized crime, only with more jumps and twirls.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
@MonicaHesse The worst part of a Wednesday snow storm is when you realize Monica Hesse's conversations have moved to Thursdays.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Mar
Now trending: #WhatIDoWhenIAmAlone is think of #FictionalCharactersIWantToMarry
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar
@SexiestLyingWit It is only madness if you respond to yourself when you talk to yourself.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar
@SexiestLyingWit Is talking to yourself a sign of madness?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar
The word is the Cardinals are nearly completed with their fantasy baseball draft.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar
Re: "The Way". Who cast Emilio Estevez as Martin Sheen's son? No way will an audience buy that.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar
My blog is oddly popular in Russia. I fear KGB staff read it believing it has coded messages. Oh, the eagle sets flight at dawn.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar
If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would suspect Obama owns lots of stock in gun manufacturers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar
If Obama is a Muslim socialist, he did a poor job in saving Bin Laden and thousands of al Qaeda and he messed up keeping stock prices low.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar
If a Member of Congress falls during the snow storm, does the Member not stop talking?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar
The Cardinals have announced, while they have not selected a new Pope, they have brokered a new Congressional spending plan.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Mar
"Saturday Night Live" has confirmed that Hugo Chavez is still dead.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar
Now trending: #InitialsOfSomeoneYouCareAbout include  POTUS, USS, H of R, WaPo, and ESPN.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar
You know, if they add some zombis to "The Bible", it would improve their ratings.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar
I believe virgin births are possible, My mother is a virgin, Right, mom?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar
@MonicaHesse AsTexas Gov. Miriam Ferguson pointed out, "English was good enough for Jesus Christ".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar
Wow, I did not know there is a sequel to TV series"The Bible" called "The Book of Mormon". I shall have to see that play.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar
Does anyone know where I may find an autographed first edition of "The Bible" on the Internet?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar
@petridishes Remember, Pop Tarts don't kill. Laughing to death over a Pop Tart eaten into the shape of a gun kills.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar
#ReplacePlayTtilesWithDRAGON How to Train Your DRAGON (No, wait....)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar
Don't spoil the ending, but I hear "The Bible" ends similar to how "Dr. Strangelove" ends.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Mar
"THe Bible" premiered on cable last night. I hear the book is better.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Mar
@geneweingarten The Post did not run the first two panels. It makes less sense even without the first two panels.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Mar
Creationism teaches us that the first person who ate a chicken responded "tastes like dinosaur."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Mar
I think Dennis Rodman someone hopes to become Secretary of State.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Mar
@geneweingarten On second thought, I have no clue. I seriously believe Dik Browne is screaming for us to hold an intervention for him
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Mar
Will the next Pope will demonstrate racial sensitivities by appearing in black face? He already show his female side by dressing in drag.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Mar
@geneweingarten I believe either Hagar thinks he's trapped a rabbit in a rabbit hole or the cartoonist has been mixing medications.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Mar
I hate when someone hacks my site, posts disgusting videos and people then comment they're my best work ever.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar
If 50 Shades is based on Twilight, and Twilight is more mainstream, when did pulling heads off bodies become a mainstream fantasy?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar
If the new Pope has to be male, that does not rule out a transgendered person, right?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar
I have just learned the Vatican will not count my absentee ballot for Sarah Silverman for Pope. @SarahKSilverman
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar
@thebobbieoliver Never write you are bi-polar in a bio. Write you are a bi-polar bear and let them worry,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Mar
Girl Scouts were created by the cookie industry to get volunteer child labor to sell overprice cookies to customers believing it charity.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Mar
Funding for the Jedi mind meld was sequestered, so a mind trick was all that was developed. @petridishes
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Mar
I hate it every time I am advised to spend money to see who has accessed my arrest history. I have never been arrested.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Mar
Why are you @SadDrSeuss? Said the green goose. Standing on a purple moose. We need to find our beds. Take heed as we change our meds.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Mar
RIP Bonnie Franklin, who used to live up the road. Us neighbors with those embarrassing yards always admired your talents.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Mar
Sorry, the green card effect does not work in reverse. If you marry an American, you can not get him deported.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
Now trending: #IOnlyGetMadWhen I learn the only #ThingsGirlsLike is the #Blackberry10
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
Does a Pope ever suffer from heart Pope=tations?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
@geneweingarten At least the Pope's last words weren't "So long, and thanks for the fish."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
@geneweingarten Well, sure, if you are going to amplify the temporal frequencies, what do you expect, swiss cheese?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
There is no Pope. Meteorites are falling to Earth. The polar ice caps are melting, Overall, a good day for Mayan apologists.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
@imdaTED Thanks for following. Didn't you used to be a Senator from Massachusetts?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
@God I unfollow you. Please don't smite me. @geneweingarten
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
How come no Pope has ever taken a name in honor of the Prophet Muhammed?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
@geneweingarten Stat I made up: WaPo columnists think about poop more the than public average. There may be one outliner skewing the results
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
@geneweingarten That is how Lyndon Johnson, in part through Bobby Baker, got so much power. It was their mission to learn that secret.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
@MonicaHesse I also ordered your earlier works, "Siddhartha" and "Larry Has a Crooked Tail." Just kidding. I really did order "Stray."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
At 2 pm ET, there will be no Pope. Does this mean there will be a free sin time allowed?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Feb
If you have enough money to buy Ted Kennedy's house to tear it down so you can build a new house on that site: You have too much money.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb
@MonicaHesse Thanks for the free kitten. At least you didn't try to do what Ikea does and slip me a horse and tell me it is a kitten.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb
Why do "used" copies of my works sell for up times four more times than "new" copies in Britain? The British pay more for battered books?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb
I just ordered Monica Hesse's "Stray". Will someone explain why there is a basket with a cat in it on my doorstep? @MonicaHesse
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb
My mother is dating a 92 year old man. She insists they are not making any long term plans.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb
@MonicaHesse I work at home. But that is only because no one in the office wants me to show up there.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb
Now trending: If #TitanicII has a #HappyHumpDay may ithe hump it goes over not be an iceberg.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb
Doing a joke about Delaware being so small they can't find a second beauty to be the new Miss Delaware would be wrong, Wrong I say,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Feb
If you want to hide your porn past, avoid entering beauty pageants.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb
Is NASCR like baseball: If a part of a car flies into the stands, does the person it hit get to keep it?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb
Thoae who believe Iranians are taking over our government have nothing to fear. All the Communists in government won't let that happen.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb
So the song "I Saw Your Boobs" is about the men who have hosted the Oscars?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb
Now trending: #LiesToldInSchool include #ThingsThatGirlsLike are things that are #AttractingFlies
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb
@thebobbieoliver But I would pay for a 3 am call from you. Plus, that would be 6 am my time so essentially that would be a wake up call.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb
John Kerry; "Americans have a right to be stupid." So, I guess Kerry watches Fox News.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb
I just heard Ikea is serving horse. I never knew horses shopped at Ikea.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb
Dennis Rodman is in North Korea. Great, now they are certain to bomb us.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Feb
@JebBush After two failed Bush Presidencies, why do you think we want a third?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Feb
Now trending" #100ThingsAboutMe won't fit in 140 spaces.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Feb
I love the "I saw your Twitter photo and I'd love to date you" spam. Are there women who are really turned on by helicopter fat cats?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Feb
It is amazing when I have higher standards than the Onion.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Feb
Found some unopened envelope with the name "Hugh Jackman" inside it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Feb
As much as I am glad Tony Mendez's career has been honored, I hate every time he drives me to the airport, security now detains me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Feb
It is about time Daniel Day Lewis won something.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Feb
If Angelina Jolie were really writing to me, the message would not be in my Junk file
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Feb
Congratulations to Tony Mendez. Even if they fictionalized your work, I am glad people will remember what you did for our country.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
I wonder if the write-in vote will elect "Paranorman" as Best Film? #Oscars2013
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
Why does Jennifer Lawrence keep tripping over me? Is she drunk? #Oscars2013
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
Instead of the "Jaws" theme, who wants to see a computer generated tiger cover the body of anyone speaking too long? #Oscars2013
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
Instead of the "Jaws" theme, who wants to see a real shark jump out and devour those who speak too long? #Oscars2013
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
How Hollywood works: Get me a younger Mitt Romney. Who is Rick Santorum? Who is Barack Obama's agent?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
That Mitt Romney was big a few months ago. Haven't heard much of him lately. I wonder if he peaked too early to win an Oscar. #Oscar2013
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
Time to start planning my 2018 trip to Cuba.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
It is just an honor not to be nominated. #Oscars2013
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
The Oscars seen on TV are just props. The real ones I believe are bought en masse at one of those stores on Hollywood Boulevard.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
Wow, look at those boobs. (I'm not even watching the Oscars and I know that tweet will resonate.) #Oscars
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
Oscars are like the New Hampshire Primary. A small group of people unrepresentative of the rest of the country decide who the country likes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Feb
@MonicaHesse To Seth McFarlane: Argh! Go flunk yourself.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb
I can believe there was a cross dressing ring in the Vatican. Those robes alone were marvelous.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb
"Argo" is full of factual errors. Connecticut did not vote to keep the hostages in Iran.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb
Re-tweet this and there is almost no chance Bill Gates will send you lots of money, but why risk that he won't', even though he won't?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb
Re-tweet this and this is almost no chance that Bill Gates will send you lots of money. You also won't likely get free airline tickets
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Feb
I hate it every time the CIA buys one of my screenplays for a fake movie.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb
#RejectedCereals Bits of Alpha Male
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb
#RejectedCereals After Life
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb
#RejectedCereals Cancelled Chex
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb
#RejectedCereals Honey, Oats, and Poison Ivy
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb
#RejectedCereals German Field Marshall Crunch
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb
@MonicaHesse After all the vomiting and walking in public in a bathrobe, a great article resulted. Will you put the first version online?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb
Now trending: #BeforeIDieIWanna eat oct of #RejectedCereals such as Lieutenant Crunch, Potato Flakes, and Count Chalk-ula.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Feb
I saw the first robin of spring. Granted, it was frozen to death, but I saw it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
@RVictoriaLawson Thank you for the retweet, or as retweeted, thank you for the retweet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
@lidyatch Thank you for favoring a tweet. Mom always liked the other tweets better.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Movie with the Best Semblance to the Book It is Based Upon. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best background artist who got away with waving at the camera. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best Catatonic Inducing Movie #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best Film Set in the USA Yet Filmed in a Foreign Country #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best Screenplay Written by Leon Tchaikovsky #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best Third Director on a Second Unit #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best chauffeur of drug dependent star. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best Legal Counseling. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best Production Assistant. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best catering. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best remake of a remake of a remake. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best remake of a remake. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best dress malfunction on the red carpet. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Movie that really is the most historically accurate. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best attaching name as Producer who did nothing. #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Best drug supplier #RejectedOscarCategories
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
@MonicaHesse I am sorry I made fun of it. You do a great job. Remember: celebrities are human. Rich, powerful humans who can destroy you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
"Bqhatcnwd to you, too", as Scott Brown would say. #MyReplyToTextsWhenImMad
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
@MonicaHesse Why vomit? Are you a binge and purge interviewer?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Red snapper often less expensive tilipia. Most fish mislabeled as fish when it really is cat.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
Montana is considering making it legal to eat roadkill. Our prisons are overcrowded with roadkill eaters.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Feb
The Oscars will end when my "Crazy Christian" neighbor and our pal Stewie sing. What could possibly go wrong?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
I like the comment of the Cecil Hotel guest who stayed there 8 days and thought the water tasted funny but assumed that's how LA water is.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
A dead body was found in an LA hotel water tank. People became suspicious because the water was tasting less foul than usual.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
Dear Fox News: Just because none of you have raped anyone on campus for years does not mean there are no more rapes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
@AdamLaxalt Sorry, not only was your granddad a Senator, but guess what you father also was...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
@MarkHamill Luke, go to the dark side. Sign with Disney.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
I am nominating Marcel Proust to the Air Guitar Hall of Fame. He was also known for a bit of writing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
Worse idea ever: Let's write Hitler rape jokes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
#IfIHadGlass I would film cat videos, because I don't think anyone has ever done that before.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
Now trending: #OneOfThePerksOfDaingMe is you will then be able to #MentionSomeoneYoureThankfulFor
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
I do not trust any woman who cheats on her husband with anyone other than me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
@petridishes My copy of "Of Human Bondage" is not erotica. I wondered why you always sit behind me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
@MTV Hey, I also hacked my own account. I am boring and unwatchable, just like your network,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Feb
@TheFix Are you sure the backpack that the guy poured 12 beers into was his?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb
@MonicaHesse All jokes aside, I do admire Stephenie Meyer and her work. Have fun with her. Scandalous fun with her with even be better.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephen Meyer what the future holds for intelligent design. Oops, wait, wrong person.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephanie Meyer if vampires are really representations of exaggerated teenage hickey fantasies?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephenie Meyer what she feels about the 50 Shades trilogy ripping off her characters and mimicking her poor writing
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephenie Meyer why some guy who is weil over 100 is still in high school?
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb
The Postal Service is launching a clothing line. Because in all women's fantasies, a guy is dressed like Cliff Clavin.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb
@ScottBrown "Bqhatenwd", you say? Well, you can't argue with that.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb
@ScottBrown You think butt tweeting is bad I keep my phone in my front pocket. I once penis dialed someone.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb
"Buy a shotgun" Biden recommends. The NRA now wants to make that a Constitutional requirement for all Americans.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Feb
I thought Oscar Pistorious was what people did in private with their Academy Awards.
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