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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: A Tweet From a Twit

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

A Tweet From a Twit



Movie with the Best Semblance to the Book It is Based Upon. #RejectedOscarCategories
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14 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best background artist who got away with waving at the camera. #RejectedOscarCategories
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15 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Catatonic Inducing Movie #RejectedOscarCategories
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19 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Film Set in the USA Yet Filmed in a Foreign Country #RejectedOscarCategories
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19 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Screenplay Written by Leon Tchaikovsky #RejectedOscarCategories
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22 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Third Director on a Second Unit #RejectedOscarCategories
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23 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best chauffeur of drug dependent star. #RejectedOscarCategories
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23 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Legal Counseling. #RejectedOscarCategories
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24 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Production Assistant. #RejectedOscarCategories
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24 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best catering. #RejectedOscarCategories
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26 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best remake of a remake of a remake. #RejectedOscarCategories
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26 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best remake of a remake. #RejectedOscarCategories
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27 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best dress malfunction on the red carpet. #RejectedOscarCategories
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32 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Movie that really is the most historically accurate. #RejectedOscarCategories
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33 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best attaching name as Producer who did nothing. #RejectedOscarCategories
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35 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best drug supplier #RejectedOscarCategories
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1 hr Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse I am sorry I made fun of it. You do a great job. Remember: celebrities are human. Rich, powerful humans who can destroy you.
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2 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Bqhatcnwd to you, too", as Scott Brown would say. #MyReplyToTextsWhenImMad
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4 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Why vomit? Are you a binge and purge interviewer?
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10 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Red snapper often less expensive tilipia. Most fish mislabeled as fish when it really is cat.
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11 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Montana is considering making it legal to eat roadkill. Our prisons are overcrowded with roadkill eaters.
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11 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Oscars will end when my "Crazy Christian" neighbor and our pal Stewie sing. What could possibly go wrong?
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23 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I like the comment of the Cecil Hotel guest who stayed there 8 days and thought the water tasted funny but assumed that's how LA water is.
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23 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
A dead body was found in an LA hotel water tank. People became suspicious because the water was tasting less foul than usual.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Dear Fox News: Just because none of you have raped anyone on campus for years does not mean there are no more rapes.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@AdamLaxalt Sorry, not only was your granddad a Senator, but guess what you father also was...
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MarkHamill Luke, go to the dark side. Sign with Disney.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am nominating Marcel Proust to the Air Guitar Hall of Fame. He was also known for a bit of writing.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Worse idea ever: Let's write Hitler rape jokes.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#IfIHadGlass I would film cat videos, because I don't think anyone has ever done that before.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #OneOfThePerksOfDaingMe is you will then be able to #MentionSomeoneYoureThankfulFor
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I do not trust any woman who cheats on her husband with anyone other than me.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes My copy of "Of Human Bondage" is not erotica. I wondered why you always sit behind me.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MTV Hey, I also hacked my own account. I am boring and unwatchable, just like your network,
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Are you sure the backpack that the guy poured 12 beers into was his?
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse All jokes aside, I do admire Stephenie Meyer and her work. Have fun with her. Scandalous fun with her with even be better.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephen Meyer what the future holds for intelligent design. Oops, wait, wrong person.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephanie Meyer if vampires are really representations of exaggerated teenage hickey fantasies?
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephenie Meyer what she feels about the 50 Shades trilogy ripping off her characters and mimicking her poor writing
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephenie Meyer why some guy who is weil over 100 is still in high school?
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Postal Service is launching a clothing line. Because in all women's fantasies, a guy is dressed like Cliff Clavin.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ScottBrown "Bqhatenwd", you say? Well, you can't argue with that.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ScottBrown You think butt tweeting is bad I keep my phone in my front pocket. I once penis dialed someone.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Buy a shotgun" Biden recommends. The NRA now wants to make that a Constitutional requirement for all Americans.
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Feb 19 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I thought Oscar Pistorious was what people did in private with their Academy Awards.
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Feb 19 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Some days I thank God for being alive, and other days I thank that my mother's credit card was declined at the abortion clinic.
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Feb 18 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mississippi has official ratified the 13th amendment. Mississippi: Entering the 19th century in time for the 21st century.
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Feb 18 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Old series cliffhangers: Is the character dead? New series cliffhangers: Is the character dead and will turn into a zombie?
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MollyGodfrey Thanks for the favorite. I've never been a favorite. Mom even liked my siblings better and I was an only child.
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
In South Carolina, there might be a guy with a bumper sticker reading "My Other Woman is a Governor"
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#YouMightBeARepublican if you believe the problem with the economy is the poor have too much money.
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If DC were "Downton Abbey", would Ron Paul be the Lady Dowager?
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
VatiLeak: If our moral leaders are corrupt, at least we have honesty among thieves to hold us together.
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Special interests giving $120 million to the only scientists concluding climate change is not happening may in fact be evidence it is real.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Kids learn survival skills in scouting, such as where to kick frisky scout leaders before running away.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I do admire the Pope. He is my sixth favorite living religious figure.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Woman sues writer describing her as sexually licentious. I would pay a writer to describe me as such.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten I'll convert.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I tell you, you insult the Pope, Obama, Republicans, and celebrities and you lose followers.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@CanadianParliament The Montana zombie warning was a prank. There are no zombies,
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
That asteroid has successfully passed Earth and, as long as it does not turn around and come back straight for us, we are safe.
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Helpful hint: If you are gambling over a billion dollars, you should stop and ask if you have a gambling problem.
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
According to Twitamore, no one loves me. But a few followers state they would not go out of their way to kill me.
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You are more apt to be crushed to death by a falling vending machine than an asteroid. Especially that wobbly machine down the hall from you
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@KatieHolmes You can practice dating me. All mistakes you make will be far better than what happens to me normally.
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
North Korea claims responsibility for the Russian meteorite.
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #IWantToHaveSexWtih a #RussianMeteor
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #IWantToHaveSexWith 50 Shades of #GreysAnatomy
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I never knew there was no such thing as Ash Thursday.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes I had a cartoon "Stickman" in high school. They wear stick clothes because that creates more opportunities for jokes,
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@localflorist No, I said "Be still, my beating heart" not "Be still when I'm beating you".
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HorrorNights Did you also tell the screenwriter that the poop on his screenplay improved it?
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HorrorNights In Hollywood, it is a baby daughter who poops on a script. In New York, it's harder to explain when your daughter is a teen.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ReliableSource I thought dating Taylor Swift itself was an act of civil disobedience.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wow, I made "Bad Websites". Is that good or bad?
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@badwebsites Thanks for the re-tweet, I repeat, tweet tweet.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Yes, I am glad to see you, and yes, that is a gun in my pocket. #TeaPartyValentines
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I can offer you 50 shades of Earl Grey Tea Party. #TeaPartyValentines
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you won't be my Valentine, then I have to ask: Why do you hate America? #TeaPartyValentines
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you come to my house you can see my Alaska. #TeaPartyValentines
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse @CaitJGibson @MrDanZak OK, the tilde is tilde-ing your way. (~)
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@YouRad_io Thank you for the listing. I was always feeling listless until now.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse @TheFix @MrDanZak Waltzing Matilda Swinton. #snort
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse @TheFix @MrDanZak May a rising tilde be with you as the idea sets sail.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix #snort
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To those arguing rape can only be vaginally: Jerry Sandusky asks you come and release him.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If looks could kill, notice that everyone around you is still alive. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Warning: May contain insect parts and rodent feces. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Don't blame me. I voted for Al Gore. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Caution: Contains sugar which may cause damage to diabetics. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best if consumed before Feb 1, 2018. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
E-mail me to read my screenplay. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My other job is writing fortune cookie fortunes. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Come near me and I"ll sue you for assault. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wait, no one mentioned anything about getting eaten. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The person who wrote this wasted six years at Harvard. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Back in my youth I was an LSD pill. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You talking to me? #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
More tongue, please. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Will you put me inside that cute peanut butter chocolate cup candy? #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I like your sister better. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Check with physician before consuming. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I began following this Jesus story at his birth at Christmas. Don't spoil the ending for me. I have a feeling a major plot twist is coming.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am giving up being funny for Lent. Not that anyone will be able to tell...
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@KimValko Thank you for favoring a tweet. Now I have to calm all the other tweets and let them know they are loved, too. Seriously, thank U.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@weezerr1 Thank you for the re-tweet. I re-tweet: thank you for the re-tweet.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I will love you forever or until I dissolve into your intestines, whichever comes first. #RejectedHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lick me, bite me, and then spit me out because I taste horrible. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Warning: I am a choking hazard if swallowed whole. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
As the red dye dries out I turn into 50 shades of grey. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If this cheap-o bought me he must not really be into you. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I go straight to your heart, and fill it will sugary fat that clogs your arteries. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Also try our candy spleens. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Melt in your hand and your mouth. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
As Republicans seek to appeal more to the mainstream, they move from Romney to someone rated the 3rd conservative Senator, Marco Rubio.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Whenever someone asks Marco Rubio for some water he replies "Polo". #MarcoRubio
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you're the Heart Attack Cafe and your spokesman dies of a heart attack outside your cafe, you are not having a good day.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Don't bother forwarding the Bill Gates photo on Facebook. He already gave me the $5,000.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
In Roman times, Valentine's Day was to increase fertility, which is mostly the opposite of how things work today.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I love how this Rubio-water issue is becoming knows as "Watergate". I swear the term has been used before,
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
How the greats crash: Muskie cries. Ford trips. Dukakis tanks. Dean yells. Rubio drinks water.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
DC cabs will all be red. Red? Will tourists recognize taxes are being red? Does someone in DC government have a monopoly on red car paint?
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Republican spin: Obama water boarded Rubio.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Is Marco Rubio drowning in the polls? Has his support watered down any? #MarcoRubio
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Well, this new drinking game was easy to start. #MarcoRubio
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@JohnBoehner Frown, you are on camera.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@JoeBiden Smile, you're on camera.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending" #MajorTurnOffs would have to include #MrSpeaker
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, drink. Not sure what word we settled on, yet i am sure Obama said it by now. #SOTU
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, now I am suicidal. If this area has the most women:men ration in the nation and I can't get a date, what future is there 4 me elsewhere
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9:23 p.m. - Feb 12, 2013 · Details
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Reply to @SexiestLyingWit
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
People will be tracking tweets during SOTU. If enough people state their love for Lady Gaga during SOTU, the economy crashes.
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I wonder if John Wilkes Booth secretly was a vampire.
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wouldn't it be funny if the President were to announce "the Pope is right" and he too resigns> President Biden, let the fun begin!
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, so infallible Popes are allowed to do take backs?
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
This is closet I have ever gotten to having as many followers as I am following. If I only stop following more people,.
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten That's a mouthful to shove in and ponder.
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Fake zombie attack issued in Montana. Great, now people from Montana are driving to kill people in Venice Beach.
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What? One can't joke about the Pope? OK, everyone, change previous references of "Pope' to "an unidentified man".
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Previous Popes resigned due to marriage-bribery scandal, to reconcile division, and best to all, the prove that Popes can resign (it worked)
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The last time a Pope resigned was in 1415. Well, I guess it was just a matter of time.
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