A Tweet From a Twit

Movie with the Best Semblance to the Book It is Based Upon. #RejectedOscarCategories
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14 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best background artist who got away with waving at the camera. #RejectedOscarCategories
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15 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Catatonic Inducing Movie #RejectedOscarCategories
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19 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Film Set in the USA Yet Filmed in a Foreign Country #RejectedOscarCategories
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19 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Screenplay Written by Leon Tchaikovsky #RejectedOscarCategories
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22 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Third Director on a Second Unit #RejectedOscarCategories
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23 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best chauffeur of drug dependent star. #RejectedOscarCategories
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23 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Legal Counseling. #RejectedOscarCategories
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24 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best Production Assistant. #RejectedOscarCategories
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24 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best catering. #RejectedOscarCategories
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26 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best remake of a remake of a remake. #RejectedOscarCategories
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26 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best remake of a remake. #RejectedOscarCategories
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27 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best dress malfunction on the red carpet. #RejectedOscarCategories
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32 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Movie that really is the most historically accurate. #RejectedOscarCategories
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33 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best attaching name as Producer who did nothing. #RejectedOscarCategories
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35 mins Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best drug supplier #RejectedOscarCategories
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1 hr Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse I am sorry I made fun of it. You do a great job. Remember: celebrities are human. Rich, powerful humans who can destroy you.
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2 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Bqhatcnwd to you, too", as Scott Brown would say. #MyReplyToTextsWhenImMad
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4 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Why vomit? Are you a binge and purge interviewer?
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10 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Red snapper often less expensive tilipia. Most fish mislabeled as fish when it really is cat.
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11 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Montana is considering making it legal to eat roadkill. Our prisons are overcrowded with roadkill eaters.
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11 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Oscars will end when my "Crazy Christian" neighbor and our pal Stewie sing. What could possibly go wrong?
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23 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I like the comment of the Cecil Hotel guest who stayed there 8 days and thought the water tasted funny but assumed that's how LA water is.
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23 hrs Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
A dead body was found in an LA hotel water tank. People became suspicious because the water was tasting less foul than usual.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Dear Fox News: Just because none of you have raped anyone on campus for years does not mean there are no more rapes.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@AdamLaxalt Sorry, not only was your granddad a Senator, but guess what you father also was...
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MarkHamill Luke, go to the dark side. Sign with Disney.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am nominating Marcel Proust to the Air Guitar Hall of Fame. He was also known for a bit of writing.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Worse idea ever: Let's write Hitler rape jokes.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#IfIHadGlass I would film cat videos, because I don't think anyone has ever done that before.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #OneOfThePerksOfDaingMe is you will then be able to #MentionSomeoneYoureThankfulFor
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I do not trust any woman who cheats on her husband with anyone other than me.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes My copy of "Of Human Bondage" is not erotica. I wondered why you always sit behind me.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MTV Hey, I also hacked my own account. I am boring and unwatchable, just like your network,
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Are you sure the backpack that the guy poured 12 beers into was his?
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse All jokes aside, I do admire Stephenie Meyer and her work. Have fun with her. Scandalous fun with her with even be better.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephen Meyer what the future holds for intelligent design. Oops, wait, wrong person.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephanie Meyer if vampires are really representations of exaggerated teenage hickey fantasies?
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephenie Meyer what she feels about the 50 Shades trilogy ripping off her characters and mimicking her poor writing
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse Please ask Stephenie Meyer why some guy who is weil over 100 is still in high school?
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Postal Service is launching a clothing line. Because in all women's fantasies, a guy is dressed like Cliff Clavin.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ScottBrown "Bqhatenwd", you say? Well, you can't argue with that.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ScottBrown You think butt tweeting is bad I keep my phone in my front pocket. I once penis dialed someone.
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Feb 20 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Buy a shotgun" Biden recommends. The NRA now wants to make that a Constitutional requirement for all Americans.
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Feb 19 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I thought Oscar Pistorious was what people did in private with their Academy Awards.
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Feb 19 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Some days I thank God for being alive, and other days I thank that my mother's credit card was declined at the abortion clinic.
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Feb 18 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mississippi has official ratified the 13th amendment. Mississippi: Entering the 19th century in time for the 21st century.
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Feb 18 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Old series cliffhangers: Is the character dead? New series cliffhangers: Is the character dead and will turn into a zombie?
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MollyGodfrey Thanks for the favorite. I've never been a favorite. Mom even liked my siblings better and I was an only child.
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
In South Carolina, there might be a guy with a bumper sticker reading "My Other Woman is a Governor"
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#YouMightBeARepublican if you believe the problem with the economy is the poor have too much money.
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If DC were "Downton Abbey", would Ron Paul be the Lady Dowager?
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
VatiLeak: If our moral leaders are corrupt, at least we have honesty among thieves to hold us together.
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Feb 17 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Special interests giving $120 million to the only scientists concluding climate change is not happening may in fact be evidence it is real.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Kids learn survival skills in scouting, such as where to kick frisky scout leaders before running away.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I do admire the Pope. He is my sixth favorite living religious figure.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Woman sues writer describing her as sexually licentious. I would pay a writer to describe me as such.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten I'll convert.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I tell you, you insult the Pope, Obama, Republicans, and celebrities and you lose followers.
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Feb 16 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@CanadianParliament The Montana zombie warning was a prank. There are no zombies,
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
That asteroid has successfully passed Earth and, as long as it does not turn around and come back straight for us, we are safe.
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Helpful hint: If you are gambling over a billion dollars, you should stop and ask if you have a gambling problem.
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
According to Twitamore, no one loves me. But a few followers state they would not go out of their way to kill me.
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You are more apt to be crushed to death by a falling vending machine than an asteroid. Especially that wobbly machine down the hall from you
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@KatieHolmes You can practice dating me. All mistakes you make will be far better than what happens to me normally.
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
North Korea claims responsibility for the Russian meteorite.
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #IWantToHaveSexWtih a #RussianMeteor
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #IWantToHaveSexWith 50 Shades of #GreysAnatomy
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Feb 15 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I never knew there was no such thing as Ash Thursday.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes I had a cartoon "Stickman" in high school. They wear stick clothes because that creates more opportunities for jokes,
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@localflorist No, I said "Be still, my beating heart" not "Be still when I'm beating you".
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HorrorNights Did you also tell the screenwriter that the poop on his screenplay improved it?
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@HorrorNights In Hollywood, it is a baby daughter who poops on a script. In New York, it's harder to explain when your daughter is a teen.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ReliableSource I thought dating Taylor Swift itself was an act of civil disobedience.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wow, I made "Bad Websites". Is that good or bad?
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@badwebsites Thanks for the re-tweet, I repeat, tweet tweet.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Yes, I am glad to see you, and yes, that is a gun in my pocket. #TeaPartyValentines
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I can offer you 50 shades of Earl Grey Tea Party. #TeaPartyValentines
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you won't be my Valentine, then I have to ask: Why do you hate America? #TeaPartyValentines
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you come to my house you can see my Alaska. #TeaPartyValentines
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse @CaitJGibson @MrDanZak OK, the tilde is tilde-ing your way. (~)
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@YouRad_io Thank you for the listing. I was always feeling listless until now.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse @TheFix @MrDanZak Waltzing Matilda Swinton. #snort
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse @TheFix @MrDanZak May a rising tilde be with you as the idea sets sail.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix #snort
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To those arguing rape can only be vaginally: Jerry Sandusky asks you come and release him.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If looks could kill, notice that everyone around you is still alive. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Warning: May contain insect parts and rodent feces. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Don't blame me. I voted for Al Gore. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Caution: Contains sugar which may cause damage to diabetics. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Best if consumed before Feb 1, 2018. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
E-mail me to read my screenplay. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My other job is writing fortune cookie fortunes. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Come near me and I"ll sue you for assault. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wait, no one mentioned anything about getting eaten. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The person who wrote this wasted six years at Harvard. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Back in my youth I was an LSD pill. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You talking to me? #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
More tongue, please. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Will you put me inside that cute peanut butter chocolate cup candy? #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I like your sister better. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Check with physician before consuming. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I began following this Jesus story at his birth at Christmas. Don't spoil the ending for me. I have a feeling a major plot twist is coming.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am giving up being funny for Lent. Not that anyone will be able to tell...
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@KimValko Thank you for favoring a tweet. Now I have to calm all the other tweets and let them know they are loved, too. Seriously, thank U.
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Feb 14 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@weezerr1 Thank you for the re-tweet. I re-tweet: thank you for the re-tweet.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I will love you forever or until I dissolve into your intestines, whichever comes first. #RejectedHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lick me, bite me, and then spit me out because I taste horrible. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Warning: I am a choking hazard if swallowed whole. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
As the red dye dries out I turn into 50 shades of grey. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If this cheap-o bought me he must not really be into you. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I go straight to your heart, and fill it will sugary fat that clogs your arteries. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Also try our candy spleens. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Melt in your hand and your mouth. #CandyHeartRejects
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
As Republicans seek to appeal more to the mainstream, they move from Romney to someone rated the 3rd conservative Senator, Marco Rubio.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Whenever someone asks Marco Rubio for some water he replies "Polo". #MarcoRubio
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you're the Heart Attack Cafe and your spokesman dies of a heart attack outside your cafe, you are not having a good day.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Don't bother forwarding the Bill Gates photo on Facebook. He already gave me the $5,000.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
In Roman times, Valentine's Day was to increase fertility, which is mostly the opposite of how things work today.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I love how this Rubio-water issue is becoming knows as "Watergate". I swear the term has been used before,
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
How the greats crash: Muskie cries. Ford trips. Dukakis tanks. Dean yells. Rubio drinks water.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
DC cabs will all be red. Red? Will tourists recognize taxes are being red? Does someone in DC government have a monopoly on red car paint?
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Republican spin: Obama water boarded Rubio.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Is Marco Rubio drowning in the polls? Has his support watered down any? #MarcoRubio
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Well, this new drinking game was easy to start. #MarcoRubio
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@JohnBoehner Frown, you are on camera.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@JoeBiden Smile, you're on camera.
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending" #MajorTurnOffs would have to include #MrSpeaker
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, drink. Not sure what word we settled on, yet i am sure Obama said it by now. #SOTU
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Feb 13 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, now I am suicidal. If this area has the most women:men ration in the nation and I can't get a date, what future is there 4 me elsewhere
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9:23 p.m. - Feb 12, 2013 · Details
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
People will be tracking tweets during SOTU. If enough people state their love for Lady Gaga during SOTU, the economy crashes.
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I wonder if John Wilkes Booth secretly was a vampire.
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wouldn't it be funny if the President were to announce "the Pope is right" and he too resigns> President Biden, let the fun begin!
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
OK, so infallible Popes are allowed to do take backs?
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
This is closet I have ever gotten to having as many followers as I am following. If I only stop following more people,.
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten That's a mouthful to shove in and ponder.
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Fake zombie attack issued in Montana. Great, now people from Montana are driving to kill people in Venice Beach.
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What? One can't joke about the Pope? OK, everyone, change previous references of "Pope' to "an unidentified man".
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Previous Popes resigned due to marriage-bribery scandal, to reconcile division, and best to all, the prove that Popes can resign (it worked)
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Feb 12 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The last time a Pope resigned was in 1415. Well, I guess it was just a matter of time.
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