Two's Company, Tweets a Crowd

Nate SIlver stating that the convention wisdom is wrong now makes the convention wisdom to be that the conventional wisdom is wrong, right?
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
"One good girl is like a thousand bitches", said the guy who has had neither.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
I believe Kanye West believes it was USC Trojans that attacked Greece.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
One can't be funny all the time. Unless, of course, you look like me.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6h
Philadelphia cuts spending on schools by $304 million while spending $400 million on a new prison, Let's think about that for awhile.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6h
Remember, if you become a terrorist, please keep your Twitter and social media accounts active.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6h
When a member of Congress tell us that fetuses masturbate, I realize the depth of research our hard working members of Congress conduct.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6h
Claire McCaskill endorses Hillary, but definitely not Bill.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6h
Well, technically, there HAVE been pageants where men wore evening gowns and discussed sexism in the workplace...
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6h
At suicides, I always ask what the person was wearing.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Jun
The nominee for the number two CIA position used to hold "erotica nights" at a bookstore. And the problem is,,,,?
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Jun
Why are all homeless veterans? I think the military needs to train service personnel how to find apartments.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Jun
Big Brother may be watching, yet quite frankly, Big Brother doesn't care how lame your life is.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Jun
Passenger on plane announces everyone has been poisoned. Flight continues as scheduled. We all already  know plane food will kill you.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Jun
Women will have equalized pay in Utah once more men who are in charge are educated. May I now be fourth runner up?
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Jun
Spoiler alert: So, In "Looper", that was an incest scene?
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun
Wearing nuns dresses. #HabiltsThatAreHardToBreak
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun
"Urinetown": A play about a futuristic society where people are forced to go back to using faxes.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun
Happy Fathers Day to all those fathers who taught their children the true meanings of love and of alcohol abuse.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun
Your Father is so confused, when he was told to apply for SS benefits, he went to Germany. #FatherJokes
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun
Your Father is so ugly, when you were first born and first saw your Dad, you slapped your mother for her poor choice; #FatherJokes
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun
Your Father is so heavy, he can't work construction without the structure collapsing on him. #FatherJokes
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Jun
Happy Sperm Producer Day
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Jun
Putin says he could kill people with his Super Bowl ring. Just what we Americans would do to get one.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Jun
So, a stolen Super Bowl ring goes to the top of the Russian hierarchy. Now that is a conspiracy, Mr. Putin.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Jun
Remember, you make a joke about a victim, yet that makes you a bully. Only bullies like victim jokes, and they think it is OK to bully you.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Jun
Oh, Happy F(L)ag Day. That's different.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Jun
#KanyeWestIsTheKindOfGuyThatWill get seated in a restaurant sooner than I will.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Jun
@thebobbieoliver How many potholes were there in Blackburn Lancashire in 1967?
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Jun
Although Congressional Republicans lost in softball 22-0, Rep. Paul Ryan announced he is proud of his four home runs.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Jun
Congressional Republicans can't even unite on how to play softball as they lose to Congressional Democrats 22-0.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Jun
@GeorgeTakei Hey, I write all my material. OK, you don't have to say it....
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Jun
Why we need better sex education: Congress argues women can't get pregnant from rape, so Congress won't pay for abortions for rape victims.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Jun
Possible new names for Washington Redskins: Tanning Bedders, Pink Cloth Wearers, Dead Skins, Cleveland Indians, and Spanked Bare Skin Reds.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Jun
Ad "Enjoy the sunny day outdoors" Reality: "How those tornados and lightning don't kill us."
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Jun
"He died doing what he loved. Cowering in fear of a tornado was his greatest joy."
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Jun
Spielberg predicts a movie will stay in a theater for months. Just like my small town when I was young.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
@MonicaHesse My bucket list is usually sand, a plastic shovel, some water. Why do you ask?
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
When you shoot someone while wearing an ankle bracelet, the police can....you know, on second thought. it"s best you don't understand this.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
Yellow snow #UnpopularDrinks
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
Diet Bassomatic #UnpopularDrinks
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
Moonshine sprayed by a skunk. #UnpopularDrinks
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
New Coke #UnpopularDrinks
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
Bloody Marys made with real animal blood. #UnpopularDrinks
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
Cicade juince. #UnpopularDrinks
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
Diet drinks that add natural sugar for added sweetness. #UnpopularDrinks
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
Coke with poison ivy #UpopularDrinks
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
OK, is it safe to assume Kanye West likes big butts?
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
Yes, if you are ever told you are the oldest person in the world, it is time to write your will and stop buying green bananas.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Jun
"Pull my hair, play with my hair" vs. "You touch my hair, I will cut you."
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Jun
"In our culture, calling someone a bodily excrement is a recognition of essential functions and is of the highest complement, you piece of s
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Jun
@Myrawdia Thank you for the favorite. The tweet now has an improved self-esteem and may be able to leave the house and go outside.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Jun
@petridishes Actually, I believe true love can be measured by how much of a date consists of discussing badgers.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Jun
Off to photograph Israeli wedding and perform in lower Manhattan. Yes,I will shoot Jews and bomb on Wall Street. (Have fun bored NSA reader)
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Jun
@thebobbieoliver My ex also had multiple dicks. That is why she is my ex.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Jun
@chaneyj There are strict OSHA rules about proper lighting of fires under workplace butts. Please consult your Workplace Safety Committee.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Jun
Don't worry too much about being spied upon. Most people paranoid about being watched are of no concern to any spying agency.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Jun
Spoiler alert: Dan Draper is the assassin in the grassy knoll.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Jun
Is the President's Privacy and Civil Liberties Oversight Board supposed to defend or to oppose privacy and civil liberties?
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Jun
Actos should always be positive. If they tweet they are going to bomb tomorrow, the NSA may take them away and they'll never be seen again.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Jun
Yes, that we me on Taiwanese TV. My fear, the translation was "I'm an idiot America who should be despised by all Taiwanese."
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Jun
Dear NSA: I forgot where I was told to me at noon Would you please check your transcripts and forward that information to me?
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jun
@ThePluckyOne Thank you for the favorite. The tweet was having emotional problems yet I believe you helped it pull through its traumas.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jun
@geneweingarten We answer the NY Times crossword puzzle in Klingon and then develop a new crossword based on the Klingon answers.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jun
I am filling out a Freedom of Information request. I am asking how many NSA agents it takes to change a light bulb.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jun
@petridishes You should take pride in your work, not in how many followers you have. Said the guy with just 55 followers.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jun
@AnthonyWeinter "You get to work and save me from those cock sucking Republicans." Oh, sorry, you've already seen that message.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jun
@MonicaHesse Obviously, "Those Who Cannot Remember the Future are Condemned to Repeat It". Forget who the author is.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jun
Every time someone unfollows me, a puppy and a kitten dies and a cancerous tumor begins growing inside the person who unfolllowed me.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Jun
To our classmate you came out of the closet: We still accept you. We accepted you were gay back when we figured it out  in fifth grade
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
Sure they collect the data but can they use it. How many drunken tweets and bad comedy jokes does the NSA really need?
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
I am leaving my body to medical science. I have eaten so many thing whose expiration date are after mine, there should be something reusable
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
Always respect others, you ignorant turd. #ThingsIWillTeachMyChild
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
The key to success is to be born rich. You lose. #ThingsIWillTeachMyChild
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
I swear I gave your mother money to abort you. #ThingsIWillTeachMyChild
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
If I knew myself were babies come from, you would never be here. #ThingsIWillTeachMyChild
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
OK, it is true that I am married, but my wife never leaves the attic. She knows better not to. #ThingsNotToSayOnAFirstDate
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
I live in a house where the family does not know I am there. Not paying rent is great. #ThingsNotToSayOnAFirstDate
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
I write comedy. #ThingsNotTOSayOnAFirstDate
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
The next time you clips your nail, would you send me the nail clippings? #ThingsNotToSayOnAFirstDate
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
OK, it is true that I am married, but I am sure my wife will die in an accident any day now. #ThingsNotToSayOnAFirstDate
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
I was thrown out of Scientology for being too enthusiastic about the religion. #ThingsNotToSayOnAFirstDate
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
I have no communicable disease as I insist on always wearing three sheets of saran wrap around my entire body. #ThingsNotToSayOnAFirstDate
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
I like ears. Would you like to see my collection of ears I keep in jars? #ThingsotToSayOnAFirstDate
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
OK, technically one was a hung jury, but I was never convicted in the murders of any of my girlfriends.  #ThingsNotToSayOnAFirstDate
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
We are all Internet reporters and we all may shed light on the truth. One key detail: remember, it must be the truth.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
My new Path name is Jstbr which I am pronouncing "Justin Bieber".
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
May Rep. Mark Sanford please be appointed to the Appalachian Commission.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
@geneweingarten Was the meeting of the Liberal Media Conspirators today? I wrote the wrong date on my calendar.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
I can't get my cell phone voice messages to work. I'll just wait for the NSA transcript.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
Rubio opposes the Rubio bill. I hope Rubio shows Rubio a thing or two.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Jun
So Tea Party groups, who argue tax money should not subsidize social programs, want tax breaks themselves. Cut everyone else, not me.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jun
The next Tuesday New Jersey election will be held on a Wednesday.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jun
@TerrieBernard7 Thank you for creating an account with one tweet to me. I feel special.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jun
@thebobbieoliver No, I don't follow Roseanne on Twitter. I guess running for  President might have begun her downfall, all that politics.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jun
Lesson for the day: You can still be one of the wealthiest and best known teens in the world and still not be happy. Please respect all.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jun
@thebobbieoliver Woa, you think Roseanne is crazy? Those are fighting' words where I come from.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Jun
So drunk, got tattoo,friends paid to remove t. Sober. Gladly paid my friends the $1,000 for tattoo and removal. You can't tell it was there,
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jun
They have a remote helicopter that can be controlled by thought. I fear for rooftop sunbathers.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jun
Finnish children traditionally sleep in boxes. I know it prepared me for homelessness.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jun
As Twitter shows the horrors of police attacks on demonstrators, I take back at least a third of the nasty things I said about Twitter.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jun
My ginseng tea instructions are in Korean. I understand open bag, heat water, insert bag in water. The other three steps are beyond me.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jun
I will always remember Deacon Jones for his most famous tackle, that of Sirhan Sirhan.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jun
@thebobbieoliver Happy birthday to the most talented, birthday spanking loving performer ever. (You are Angie Jolie, right?)
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Jun
I can't believe "Game of Thrones" killed off Lady Sybil.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jun
A zombie who ate his own head and then the head ate its way through the skin exposed at the stomach. #WhyIDontDesignCharacters
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jun
I hate to make jokes when there are victims. But when a crime is that unusual, jokes happen. Prostitute gangs is such a weird prospect
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jun
Miami socialite claims she was attacked by ten prostitutes. Maybe the prostitutes just got the wrong address.
Collapse   Reply  Delete  Favorite   More
5:00 PM - 3 Jun 13 · Details
Tweet text
Reply to @SexiestLyingWit
Image will appear as a link
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jun
@MmeSurly @YinComedy Wait, there are sex tapes with men in them? What a weird concept. I have never seen such a thing.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jun
@thebobbieoliver @SallyMullins1 Hoes before bros. Exactly. Who lives in this weird world where that is reversed?
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jun
@Mirandagcsr Thank you for favoring a tweet. It had been abandoned by its mother and appreciates the recognition.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jun
The secret of Catherine Zeta Jones and her conspiracy to slowly kill a celebrity.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jun
@thebobbieoliver If I stabbed everyone who didn't say back I am funny, I would be listed as our nation's greatest serial killer.
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Jun
"Belgian style beer" means this is U.S. beer that tastes like numerous Belgians pissed into the bottle..
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Jun
Some women become aroused during horror films. That is why I went into comedy: my faces frightens women.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Jun
More members of Congress died on trains that on airplanes. Yet another reason to support funding for Amtrak.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Jun
@thebobbieoliver Would I also be white trash drinking moonshine totally nekid in some strangers front lawn?
 View conversation
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Jun
@Cheeseboy22 Thank you for the favorite. Mother always liked another tweet better.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 May
Warning: All those cicada husks will soon turn into cicada zombies.
Expand
 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 May
@geneweingarten I never disbelieve anything until I see it in the New York Post or the Washington TImes.
 View conversation