Tweets for the Sweets

 ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I hear this inaugural guy mention supporting gay rights, action on climate change, work on gun control. So the Republican guy didn't win?
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2h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I just hope that Harbaugh team doesn't win.
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2h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lance Armstrong's fake girlfriend slipped him steroids without his knowledge.
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14h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
See, I took the high road and did not comment on her balling 11 times last night. She may attend as many inaugural balls as she wishes.
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14h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I hate it every time my fake girlfriend dies. We need better fake health care.
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17h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Biden stated he is "proud to be President." Just as I suspected he is planning.
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17h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
After watching SNL, I have realized that Joe Biden and Mitt Romney are the same person. Wow, what a conspiracy to try and topple Obama!
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18h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Wow. A billion people saw me on Chinese TV. Now I will feel responsible for any increased hostilities towards Americans.
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18 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I knew Lance Armstrong back when he was Lance Armflabby.
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6 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You can buy my writings at Barnes and Noble at almost 4X what http://Amazon.com  charges. Show you're not cheap: buy my stuff at B&N.
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5 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten You should meet my sister Michael McTchaikovsky.
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Win one for the Gipper, or at least get a tie for the assistant coach with a bad cough. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Nobody puts Baby in a corner, unless she's been bad and needs a time out. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Yer a hairy wizard. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mrs Robinson, do you want to do to me what I want to do to your daughter? #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I see dead people. Or, in the case of Bruce Willis, people whose careers are dead. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To boldly go where no man has ever gone before. Guys, it's called a woman. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I don't know nothing about birthing babies that are aliens hatching from your stomach. #AwulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Its Chinatown, Jake Gangam Style is in Koreatown. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You call that a shark? In Australia, we have sharks that can swallow whales whole. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Shaken, not stirred. And a Heineken to go along with it. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The hills are alive with the sounds of marching Nazis. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Today I feel like the luckiest man near death within a ten foot radius. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Try the Soylent Blue. It is deboned. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You had me around the fifth paragraph of your opening dialogue. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The 1st rule of Fight Club is never mention Fight Club, which means since we mentioned it we're no longer members. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You know how to whistle, don't you? Nah, me neither. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Buy the entire Leon Tchaikovsky collection on Amazon. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Win one for Jack the Ripper. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Hoover. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I'll have what she is having, only with mayo on top, beef instead of pork, and no lettuce. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like a victorious class action suit several decades from now. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Go ahead, make my day. And then could you run into my room and make my bed? #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you build it, Donald Trump will come and tear it down and put a casino in its place. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The horror...the horror...and then the rest of the movie gets worse. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
When you shoot an elephant in your pajamas, make sure the elephant is dead, and get your pajamas back. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates. You eat them, get fat, puke, and die. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I'll get you, Paris Hilton, and your little dog, too. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I ate his liver with some nice lava beans and Thunderbird. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Rosebud. Which is my sled, so I don't confuse anyone. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Use the right click, enter, Luke. #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Stella! Stella! What's your middle name? #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
But my doctoral dissertation was on my analysis of the Bicholmic conflict!
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
For those just beginning to follow the Christmas story, let me warn you: it takes a twist on Good Friday.
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4 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I want to see the faces of coin collectors upset that they can't afford a trillion dollar coin. Or, see the faces of those who can.
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3 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
NOTICE TO ALL CALIFORNIA WOMEN. Quick, get married, or you can be legally raped. If only this were a joke and not an appeals court decision.
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3 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes This is what happens when we as a society fail to adequately regulate fingers.
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3 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If I only had a nickel for every time Joe Biden told me to "spread your legs you're going to be frisked"....
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3 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@ReliableSource @InTheLoopWP I can't wait for the Congressional hearings investigating the security breech of a monkey in the U.S. Embassy.
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3 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
That's weird. I have four phone messages from Chris Christie. I think he misdialed me for Speaker Boehner.
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1 Jan Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am in the top 92 million on Twitter. Yeah. Take that several billion people behind me.
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31 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Quentin Tarentino went off the fiscal cliff years ago. #OscarsNegativeCampaigning
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31 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where is Ang Lee's birth certificate? #OscarsNegativeCampaigning
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31 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Anne Hathaway drives with her dog tied to the car roof. #OscarsNegativeCampaigning
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31 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If there was a war against Christmas, it is my observation that Christmas won.
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31 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Kim Kardashian Baby Raising Tip Number One: Never sit on your baby.
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31 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
A 'Communist Party member (11% approval) is more popular than a member of Congress (9% approval). It is better to be Red than a Rep.
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22 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Amazing. This post-end of the world looks just like the previous world.
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21 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The world ended. Only Twitter survived. Do not shut down your Twitter, or it will be all over.
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21 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
When you "like" a Facebook death notice, are you saying you are glad the guy died, or are you saying it's well written?
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21 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Dear NRA: Maybe today is the end of your world.
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21 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #IllNeverRegretMeeting #GanghamStyle
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21 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The NRA: "All we are saying, is give the Peacemaker a chance."
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21 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The "Walking Dead" keeps losing producers. I think zombies got them.
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21 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Later I will be discussing today's end of the world and how this affects the Cubs' chances at winning a World Series.
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21 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Mayans now regret hiring Mitt Romney's strategists.
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21 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If the Mayans are right, does the West Coast get destroyed three hours after the East Coast?
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21 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Raise your hand if you hunt deer with semi-automatic or automatic guns.
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20 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If the world ends, remember I loved you all. If it does not end, you all suck big time.
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20 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What do so people care when Mayan Rudolph thinks the world will end?
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20 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Off to see a play tomorrow. If the world ends in the middle of the play, I am going to be very upset.
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20 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
49% still oppose semi-automatic gun ban, because you never know when urban residents will need to go deer hunting with one.
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20 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If the Mayans are right after all, will Saint Peter will charge us what we owe for falling off the fiscal cliff?
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20 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes I do not believe the world is ending in two days. I do believe you still will find some reason not to chat with us on Tuesday.
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20 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Westboro Baptists: You may not be rednecks if even the KKK can't stand you.
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19 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: "#QuoteYourTeacher: "#WhenWillYouLearn that #MissVenezuala is not from #SouthAfrica"
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19 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes I got an A+ in my Humility class. I am the better at being humble than anyone else ever was.
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19 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I couldn't decide whether or not to take a course on Becoming More Decisive so I audited it.
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19 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Obama should tell the NRA: I'll show my birth certificate when you show your list of donors.
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19 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Maybe a dingo ate the baby.
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19 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix @DylanByers I didn't know "Jersey Boys" was performing in the White House.
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19 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I say we let Texas succeed, then we invade and take Texas back under our terms.
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17 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Westboro "BC" often don't show but gets PR. They thrive on publicity. They have a right to their views. We have the right to ignore them.
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16 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Dear Mayans: the world can't end so long as my Twinkies have not reached their expiration dates.
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16 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes I found you by googling "six gnomes gently whispering". Isn't that a major thing people think about all the time?
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13 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
It Twitter is helping to kill newspapers, then the people were not reading the newspapers much.
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13 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Well, that was embarrassing. Kanye West and I wore the exact same skirt last night.
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12 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Got it. #UseOnlyPreviouslyUsedHashTagsOrElseNoOneWillFindYourHashTag
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12 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Lyndon Johnson paraphrased: I just want to see your reaction denying that you married a cow.
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12 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Oh, no. Not only does the Mayan calendar end on Dec. 22 but my own calendar ends on Dec. 31. #TheEndIsNear
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11 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #LetsMakeItAwkward by sending #TheClippers to play in #NorthKorea
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11 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If leaders were paid less than workers, only those who truly wish to lead would become leaders. #WiseThingsThatProbablyWontWork
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11 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes What if my robot and I want to marry? My robot is the only thing that ever loved me and I don't care what society says.
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11 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
It was the worse of times. People stopped reading Charles Dickens novels. #12wordnovels
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11 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you miss 12-12-12, no big deal. You can catch the next one in 2112.
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11 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Keep Calm and No Carry On: What many airplanes passengers are told before boarding planes.
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10 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Amish deny the existence of the "Amish Mafia". It is the Amish Cosa Nostra.
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10 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #OneOfMyFavoriteMovies is the one where #Santa spends all day at #Starbucks on #Facebook
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10 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse @girlsinthestack I indeed look forward to Monica Hesse's book. May her Amazon sales ranking be six million higher than mine.
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8 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I did not like the ending of "Lincoln". Why do screenwriters think the way to end a movie is to kill the main character?
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8 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@michaelworkma13 Thank you for saying "I'm so fine", but I'm not a girl. I am a helicopter cat with bacon taped on him.
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5:42 AM - 8 Dec 12 · Details
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Reply to @SexiestLyingWit @michaelworkma13
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lost in Space #politicalsitcoms
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Twilight Zone #politicalsitcoms
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To Tell the Truth #politicalsitcoms
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Glenn Beck Show #politicalsitcoms
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Walking Dead #politicalsitcoms
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Let's Make a Deal #politicalsitcoms
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I have theater tickets Dec. 22. I hope I see the whole show before the world ends.
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
A charity is auctioning tickets to a free show. I hope those with losing bids realize they can still see the show.
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #YouNeedToUnderstandThat #WeCantBeFriends if #GanghamStyle is #Dead
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten @michaelhayes This fad will likely fad away once it reaches Chivas Regaling.
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Your interview makes me carminative.
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7 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My "World Ended Yesterday" lecture is Dec. 23. Interesting. No one has registered for it.
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6 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse You're lucky. Where I work, someone keeps asking for a live chicken.
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6 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
They should start allowing priests to marry, but incrementally. Just let them first be able to marry each other.
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5 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #HowToReplyToILoveYou probably should not be #ILoveMyPhone
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5 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes @HayesBrown The key to success is to never achieve mediocrity.
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4 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes The Post lists you for today. This is fine, we'll just camp out outside the Internet for a week.
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4 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Your are tweeting while still a bit late for your 2 pm appointment?
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4 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
49% of Republicans think ACORN stole the election. Not the defunct organization, but actual acorns from trees fell and changed the results.
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