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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Tweeter Readers

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Tweeter Readers



Tweets
8m Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Visited old childhood home after the storm. No electricity, no windows, roof gone. Just as it was when I was young.
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7h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Even though the New York Marathon has been canceled, Paul Ryan ran it in under three hours.
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12h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes You may research from my paper on procrastination that I wrote..oh, wait...never mind. Procrastinators unite! Because we won't!
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14h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#FollowFriday. You should follow @sexiestlyingwit as I hear he connects on a joke every once in awhile,
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14h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Would you put your economy in the hands of someone who got a B minus in Intermediate Macroeconomics?
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16h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Unemployment is 7.9%. I am voting for Obama. If it were eat 8.0% I would have voted for Romney.
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17h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #HowToPissOffAGirl is to tell her you're in the #NYCMarathon when you're really pub hopping in #StatenIsland
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21h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #Facebook. Yeah, but anyone really see Facebook replacing MySpace?
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21h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If #Twitter is trending on Twitter, does that mean Twitter is finally becoming popular with Twitter users?
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21h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #SometimesIGetAlot of #Twitter
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1 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Tolerance should involve more than tolerating.
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1 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
This election may be decided by the last person in line to vote, and that person will be flipping coin.
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1 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Republican Governors of New York and Connecticut are obviously saying nice things about Obama for their own political gain.
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1 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Doesn't Bloomberg's endorsement of Obama help in New York which I believe I heard on conservative talk radio is a toss up?
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1 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten Hatsay wo osay do ousay yo hinksy to fsay oo essagessay mo nsay io ereignsay fo anguagessay lo?
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1 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes WeFree: We exist for rats existing everywhere. I swear I saw cockroaches making protection payments to a rat.
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1 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes I will not follow Trump until he contributes $5 million to charity while producing his Penn college transcript.
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1 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes But I have to follow Donald in order to unfollow him, and while I am following him, his hair may grasp me in its clutches.
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31 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
George Lucas to donate billions to education. Thus, I may reach my goal of someday being the Luke Skywalker Professor of Economics.
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31 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
People on streets begging for candy: turns out they're not trick or treaters. They are people without power who didn't buy enough food.
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31 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@DavidAxelrod We of the non-moustached community urge you to leave the dark side.
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31 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Snow White and the Star Wars 7 Dwarf Stars. #Disney #DisneyStarWars #StarWars
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31 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Who is Sandy? Sandy's gonna be huge. Sandy not as big as expected. Sandy's over. Who is Sandy?
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Star Wars 7: The mother dies in the first scene. #DisneyStarWars
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Star Wars 7: Instead of opening written update, cast of Newsies will bring audience up to par. #DisneyStarWars
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Spoiler alert for Star War 7: Let's just say Mary Poppins is packing serious heat in that flying umbrella. #DisneyStarWars
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
New Star Wars villain will be a heavy set woman who lives under the sea. #DisneyStarWars
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Luke Skywalker will be replaced with Buzz Lightyear #DisneyStarWars
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Star Wars spaceships will be in the shape of flying Dumbos. #DisneyStarWars
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Spoiler alert: Star Wars 7 ends when Tommy Kirk handles a senile Yoda. #DisneyStarWars
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Disney World closed the Star Wars ride, then this? #DisneyStarWars
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
"Someday my Princess Leia will come", which actually sounds dirty. #DisneyStarWars
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Coming soon: Star Wars and the 7 Dwarfs #DisneyStarWars
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Unlike "ComfortablySmug", I will not forewarn New Yorkers that they live on a fault line leading directly to Hell.
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Former FEMA Director criticizes Obama for responding too quickly! You now, Director Brown, that kind of was what got you in trouble before.
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Donald Trump's hair blew off and is now dangling precariously on top a New Jersey building.
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30 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MADDYMETOO @Silent_Calvin @petridishes @WilliamTaft27 @WGHarding This is all spiraling out of control, much like the Harding Presidency.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Sandy, you're NOT the one I want.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Emergency workers offered to take me to the Soylent Green Emergency Shelter.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I fear the neighbors who keep calling to see if I am fine are planning to rob the place if I die.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Hey, I just saw a flying car for the first time!...ummmm, never mind.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
That tree knocking on my window has me worried, especially since i live in the 9th floor.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@BobDylan Tell your damned answer to shut up.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@BronxResident Nearly all zoo animals are edible to humans. Why do you ask?
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
When this storm is done, the Empire State Building may once again be the tallest building in New York City.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
This may be bad: the Statue of Liberty is making a break for it and trying to swim to Europe.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
This election may come down to whether more Romney supporters or more Obama supporters survive this storm.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I hope this storm does not affect tonight's World Series game.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
There is an objectivist dating site? As if women can't find men who will ignore their needs without it?
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
On the plus side, I have yet to see a cow float by in the wind,..oh, wait...never mind.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Do not fear. You are not alone. The zombies will be at your place anytime now.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Anyone else notice how dogs sniff around totally obvious to 70 mile per winds?
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Well, that's a poor business model. Pizza Hut does not deliver during hurricanes.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Yes, minister, molecules start spinning during gay marriage ceremonies that build up and create hurricanes. I understand completely.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I never noticed before that my neighbors built their house with a tree in their roof.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The wind is so nice watching the leaves, branches, neighbors, trash cans blow by.
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ToMyFutureSon you were never born as I died in #Frankenstorm
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29 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Not good. I spot a capsized arc with lots of drowned animals around it.
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28 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Did you also eat the bacon you had taped onto the cat?
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28 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am a little worried. I've been asked to evacuate to higher ground, and I live on the 9th floor.
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28 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes What kind of people do you hang out with you don't know what Calvin Coolidge looked like? I hope they know Warren Harding.
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28 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten Those proofreaders were real dords.
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28 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@SiUttley Thank you for the retweet. The wrought of us appreciate it.
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27 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My condolences to friends, family, and fans of Kesha, who death has been erroneously reported on the Internet. #RIPKesha
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27 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@SiUttley @Bang2write @LisaOnScript A wrought of screenwriters.
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27 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Frankenstorm is Mayan for "we told you so."
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27 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@LadyGrew Follow your heart, and your head. Good luck. You deserve happiness, and to be treated well.
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27 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten You are treasured nationally.
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26 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@Carol85719 Thank you for the retweet. If Romney wins because of Meatloaf, we will know Honey Boo Boo doesn't deliver as well as expected.
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26 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@debfrase Thanks for the retweet and the favorite. I know Meatloaf would find a way to love you
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26 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@jofo2005 Thanks for the retweet. I repeat, or is it retweet, thanks for the retweet.
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26 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#Meatloaf to #Romney: "I want you, I need, but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you."
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26 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #Frankenstorm is one of #10ReasonsYouCantSleep. Guess no frankensleep for you.
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26 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes The amount of disaster the storm brings will be measured by whether your Tuesday Post discussion is held or canceled.
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26 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
It is not the mortgage being more than the house value that is wrong, it is the taxes being more than the house value.
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26 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes @lenadunham I once did it with a woman named Hillary but it turned out she was married.
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26 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes The woman absolutely would let your rent a cat. It is extra to rent one wearing a sweater she knitted for it. No bacon taping.
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25 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes A woman down the street has a large supply of over 20 different cats you may rent.
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Romney just called. As a single male, he strongly encourages me to start dating a single woman at least through election day.
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes So if voters vote their pocketbooks, and women vote by their hormones, then is it the men who have the pocketbooks?
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I offer to pay $50 to Donald Trump if he will pay me $100.
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
WaPo-ABC poll: 100% of likely voters state they intend to vote.
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
WaPo-ABC Poll: 49% of independents find Romney more empathetic, 45% ask "what does empathetic mean?"
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
New WaPo-ABC poll: 49 percent would track down Big Bird, shoot him, and eat him.
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
This has been a test of the emergency broadcast system. This has been a failure as it is not supposed to be on Twitter.
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I think Clark Kent and Peter Parker need to form a labor union.
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
So if Romney worked for Bain, does that mean Joe Biden is Robin?
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
When Obama said he went to Columbia, he meant the Columbia School of Broadcasting.
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Is it worth $5 million hiding the fact you took--and failed---Basket Weaving in college?
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Doth the not understand that Romney is the bee's knees and the cat's pajamas?
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #iAdmitThat #Trump has more #BlackHeadProblems than #SarahPalin
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am going into politics. When someone gives me $5 million for my college transcripts, I will then retire.
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24 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I don;t know what to think about groupthink until I read what others think.
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23 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Is this the first Presidential campaign where all major events ended before the World Series even began?
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23 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Third party debates are no fun ever since the Socialist Labor Party folded.
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22 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
8 million horses died in World War I. Never again. Not sure how many bayonets were sacrificed.
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22 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Romney won't let gays marry but he will let us divorce a nation.
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22 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
This debate droned on a bit.
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22 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #MistakesBoysMake include dressing up for #Halloween like #DonaldTrump
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22 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Italy convicts people for failing to predict an earthquake. Just to be on the safe side: Italy, there is an earthquake coming.
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22 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Honey Boo Boo is the highest rated Presidential debate show in 12 years.
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22 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What is this round three people are talking about tonight? The Cards and Giants are in round seven, not three.
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22 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
For Halloween, I am dressing in a Star Trek uniform who is dressed as a Korean rapper.
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22 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@GraceQ8 @TheFix One is a scripted tragedy and the other is a TV show about the world of high school football.
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21 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Romney campaign selling "Clear Eyes..." bracelets. Will FNL put them over the top?
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21 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix So that's where I left it. Thank you. Where did the group of 20 wind up eating between Harrisburg and Scranton?
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20 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I find it hard to follow the recommendations of people who previously advised me twice to vote for George W. Bush.
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20 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #INeverForget ummm, something to do about #LSU
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20 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Eat Drink Cake Woman #ReplaceFilmTitleWithCake
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ILoveMyFriendsBecause #ParanormalActivity has given me #Romnesia so I forgot how mean they were to me on #SpiritDay
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@dmspeech Thanks for the retweet. Don't repeat the retweet or people will think you have #Romnesia
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@leosoup I was going to thank you for the retweet but I forgot to due to my #Romnesia
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6:29 PM - 19 Oct 12 · Details
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you believe Detroit can't be bankrupt because they made it to the World Series, you have #Romnesia
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you were brainwashed in Vietnam, you have George #Romnesia
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you forget where you placed your #bindersofwomen you have #Romnesia
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you forget if you support pay equity, you have #Romnesia.
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
RIP Big Tex, age 60, always happy, died in a fire.
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes #Romnesia is also when a Romanian forgets how to sneeze.
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten I asked "what is one plus one?" and learned it is a movie. My first teacher lied to me.
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Scrantonian recommends Coopers in Scranton. Where Bill and Hilary eat. Great seafood but doubt it was freshly caught in Scranton.
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19 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten Forget the roo roo joke? punch line? No wonder people would want you fired, but before firing, first, a little roo roo.
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18 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #BoringHorrorMovies would include the #PresidentialDebates
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18 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Big meal: Passage to India in Harrisburg, Fun: Stroubs in Hershey, finish at Old Forge Brewery. Fictional Coach Taylor OKs this.
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18 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Hos can flex time help the women who are all stuck together in the same binder?
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17 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Does it mean anything that #Obama2012 is trending and no hashtag about Romney is trending?
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17 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I thought binders full of women was what that 50 Shades guy was doing. #bindersfullofwomen
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16 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Enjoy your pumpkin spice latte. But will either of the candidates even deal with the impending pumpkin shortage?
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16 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Earthquake barely felt by anyone: Quick, run for your lives. Cancel the Presidential debates.
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16 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Honey Boo endorses Obama. Sure, but will she debate Romney supporter Lindsay Lohan?
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16 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Go ahead, Mitt, we Pennsylvanians are holding the football. Coach Taylor is here with us now. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.
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16 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheFix Wait, I am a sarcastic middle class dude on Twitter. Which probably explains why I have no followers.
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15 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #GirlsLikeItWhenYou are stupid enough to find #WaysToGetShot
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15 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The American Family Assoccation believes that Mix It Up Day promotes homosexuality, Oh, wait, I get it, the AFA was just mixing things up.
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15 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Yankees are inspired to win it for Derek. i never knew Derek and the Dominos were a baseball inspiration.
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14 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I am glad how everyone has agreed not to engage in any Presidential political campaigning until after the World Series.
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13 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #IdealBoyfriend for many women would be a pair of #Gucci. Just what most men suspected all along.
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13 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Anyone else think Strasberg should have played in the post season? I know, wild idea. Just wondering if any else thought of it.
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13 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Well, I am going braless on "NationalNoBraDay
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13 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I don't understand people in DC. They complain about too many gnats and now they complain that the gnats were eliminated yesterday.
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12 Oct Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lindsay Lohan endorses Romney because she really likes leaders who never drink alcohol.
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