Tweets from Gus the Groundhog

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28 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
If a leg can get 14,000 followers, an arm should get at least 20.
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28 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Anyone want to buy some Mary Kay products?
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27 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
@LotteryInsider The job prospects aren't looking good. I hear there is an opening at the dog track for something called a "lure".
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27 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Sales increased $1 billion from my pitches. Now I can't even afford a decent flea and tick collar.
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27 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I'd like to see Lady Gaga sell lottery tickets. No, seriously, not that I don't think she can't do it, I'd just like to see her doing it.
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27 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I live underground. I hit bottom and kept going.
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27 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Anyone want to buy some Amway products?
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25 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Jeanette Krebs hates me. It's not paranoia when they already got you. http://www.pennlive.com/editorials/index.ssf/2012/02/maybe_it_was_time_for_gus_to_g.html
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25 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Heather Long understands me. Only she and alcohol understand me. http://www.pennlive.com/editorials/index.ssf/2012/02/warming_up_to_spring_is_easy_t.html
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25 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
If average lottery player put what is spent on lottery in bank instead, there would be avg. $250,000 in retirement instead. Feel ripped off?
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24 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Maybe I should have had a better retirement strategy other than planning on winning the lottery.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I got a job offer in the health care field. Does anyone know what a "medical research animal" does?
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I wonder if a sex tape with a Kardashian will revive my career.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
How soon they forget. The Aflac Duck has not returned any of my calls.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Now when I say "keep on scratching", I am referring to mange.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Now that I am back on the streets, who do I speak to about leash laws?
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I see the Administration has $55 million to spruce up the Capitol but not one cent for the cute groundhog.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
What? You think my $140,000 fee is extensive. I'd like to see you try being a groundhog and living on $140,000.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Why do people want to know how much wood I could chuck if I could chuck wood if you already know I can't chuck wood?
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
If you believe a beaver can cause a water main break, wait till you see what a groundhog can do with a Marcellus shale drilling.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
First they come for your adultBasic insurance, then they come for your food stamps, and finally they come for the groundhog.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I am available for birthday parties.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
The Lottery benefits senior citizens. Time to get ready for cold home meals and three hour waits for doctor visit vans.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
@geneweingarten All you got was $162.50? You should have hired me. I could have sold that like crapper. Plus, I really, really need work.
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22 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Why didn't I study meteorology and make up fake weather predictions, like some other groundhog who won't be named?
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22 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
In retrospect, I should have joined the Screen Actors Guild @ScreenActors
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22 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I saw my shadow. I predict six weeks of falling lottering ticket sales.
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22 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Does anyone know how to file for unemployment compensation?
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