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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Tweets from Gus the Groundhog

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Tweets from Gus the Groundhog


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28 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
If a leg can get 14,000 followers, an arm should get at least 20.
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28 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Anyone want to buy some Mary Kay products?
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27 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
@LotteryInsider The job prospects aren't looking good. I hear there is an opening at the dog track for something called a "lure".
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27 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Sales increased $1 billion from my pitches. Now I can't even afford a decent flea and tick collar.
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27 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I'd like to see Lady Gaga sell lottery tickets. No, seriously, not that I don't think she can't do it, I'd just like to see her doing it.
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27 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I live underground. I hit bottom and kept going.
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27 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Anyone want to buy some Amway products?
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25 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Jeanette Krebs hates me. It's not paranoia when they already got you. http://www.pennlive.com/editorials/index.ssf/2012/02/maybe_it_was_time_for_gus_to_g.html
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25 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Heather Long understands me. Only she and alcohol understand me. http://www.pennlive.com/editorials/index.ssf/2012/02/warming_up_to_spring_is_easy_t.html
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25 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
If average lottery player put what is spent on lottery in bank instead, there would be avg. $250,000 in retirement instead. Feel ripped off?
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24 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Maybe I should have had a better retirement strategy other than planning on winning the lottery.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I got a job offer in the health care field. Does anyone know what a "medical research animal" does?
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I wonder if a sex tape with a Kardashian will revive my career.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
How soon they forget. The Aflac Duck has not returned any of my calls.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Now when I say "keep on scratching", I am referring to mange.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Now that I am back on the streets, who do I speak to about leash laws?
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I see the Administration has $55 million to spruce up the Capitol but not one cent for the cute groundhog.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
What? You think my $140,000 fee is extensive. I'd like to see you try being a groundhog and living on $140,000.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Why do people want to know how much wood I could chuck if I could chuck wood if you already know I can't chuck wood?
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
If you believe a beaver can cause a water main break, wait till you see what a groundhog can do with a Marcellus shale drilling.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
First they come for your adultBasic insurance, then they come for your food stamps, and finally they come for the groundhog.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I am available for birthday parties.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
The Lottery benefits senior citizens. Time to get ready for cold home meals and three hour waits for doctor visit vans.
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23 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
@geneweingarten All you got was $162.50? You should have hired me. I could have sold that like crapper. Plus, I really, really need work.
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22 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Why didn't I study meteorology and make up fake weather predictions, like some other groundhog who won't be named?
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22 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
In retrospect, I should have joined the Screen Actors Guild @ScreenActors
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22 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
I saw my shadow. I predict six weeks of falling lottering ticket sales.
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22 Feb Kim Jong Il's Ashes ‏ @GusGroundhog
Does anyone know how to file for unemployment compensation?
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