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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Life Is All a Twitter

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Life Is All a Twitter



"Shiate"? I can't tell if he is discussing mushrooms, Muslims, or swearing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9m
Received email stating "you will die soon from a heart attack" still was the most cheerful email I received today.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16h
The Sun is middle aged. Let's hope it stays in shape and doesn't have a heart attack or a stroke.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov
Isn't it time we relegate Michele Bachman to the role of the crazy aunt we let attend Thanksgiving and pretend not to hear what she says?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov
Hey, Illinois voters, before you decide on Paul Vallas for Lt. Governor, check his references in Philadelphia.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Nov
Sadly, I do know someone who can fart so strongly from a urinal that his fart can activate the automatic towel dispenser.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
We need good solid American entertainers like Tina Turner, oh, wait, never mind.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
@2xpisces Thank you for the retweet. By the way, do you have $13 billion to loan?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
Yes, you may get pregnant on a toilet seat, although that usually is not a comfortable position for two people.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
Why are you asking if I have $13 billion to loan you? #AskJPM
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
I look at the urn and think of my Uncle. Oh, and of Jimmy Hoffa, too.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
@karenase73f96g Thanks for the spam. I didn't open it but I always appreciate that spammers think of me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
150 years later, Hbg. Patriot retracts its criticism of Lincoln's Gettysburg address. Maybe Fox News will retract everything 1in 50 years.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
So there are more female authors on the 100 greatest books 1898 list than today. Still think we take women authors seriously today?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
Wow, excellent point. If ERs won't treat the poor, then it is official policy to let the poor die. At least give them cake to eat first.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Nov
@petridishes Wait, you mean the Newsweek was inside me all along?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Nov
@sutterink You know, zombies could have saved "The Cavemen".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Nov
Just learned some people take their computers to bed with them and sleep with their computers. The next fight is for legal computer marriage
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
RIP Marvin Page. You  were great and left us way too soon and too tragically.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
@heckyeahandyk Thanks for the favorite? Are you my daddy?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
@SallyMullins1 You are hot and cute. And much more. You're Andy Kaufman's secret daughter. I won't tell anyone.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
I am Andy Kaufman's secret daughter. Honest.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
There is a new political party forming in New York: The Insurance Rates are Too Damn High Party.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
Is there really a 99 Cent Store on Rodeo Drive? Buy a $500 shirt and a 99 cent stale pastry, all in one trip.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
If a person has Tourette but won't swear when near you, does that mean this person is uncomfortable around you?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
I learned today one is fined $15,000 for putting fecal matter into a brain without proper authorization. This is an amazing world.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
Who leads the Black Caucus of the Tea Party?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Nov
Total stranger came up to me yesterday and said "I don't have fookin' Tourettes, I'm Irish."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Nov
@geneweingarten One doesn't find many women named Abishag these days. People are trending away from those Biblical names.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Nov
@MonicaHesse The product is fine. It is the customer's fault for using the product.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Nov
Some people are turned off by the photo of a McRib before it is cooked. Others are turned off by seeing a McRib when it is served.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Nov
@sutterink Thanks for the great talk. Appreciate knowing which SAMCRO were vets. Some estimate 80% of MC members are vets keeping bonds real
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Nov
There are more serious problems in this world than Miley Cyrus smoking a joint. Honest.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
U.S.A. #InitialsOfSomeoneSpecial Yes, Ursula Sandra Andrews is really special to me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
Start a rumor that cracks cures homosexuality and free legal crack will be in the 2016 Republican Party Platform.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
Anyone else less upset that Rand Paul did not attribute Wikipedia that with that he relies of Wikipedia for what he says?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
"Don't fire until you see the whites of the crack stuck in their mustaches."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
"Four of us scored crack seven years ago."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
"I pledge to keep doing crack until Obamacare is repealed."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
"After four heart transplants, crack is what's keeping me alive."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
"I only do crack when the bitch sets me up. And by bitch, I mean that giant 30 foot dog standing next to you."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
"I only do crack when I am too drunk to realize what I am doing. Oh, and I may have killed someone."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
"I only do crack on social occasions or Cabinet meetings."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
"I did crack, but I did not inhale."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
So, is "have you ever done crack" going to become a standard reporters' question of political candidates?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Nov
@slipperypeople2 Thank you for the favorite. The tweet feels empowered and may run off now and marry a gay tweet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Nov
If you interpret who gets into heaven and then decide that only your group gets to go to heaven, you may want to rethink your interpretation
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Nov
Only gay legislator votes against gay marriage because it's what the public wants, even though 55% in her state support gay marriage. Got it
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Nov
George W. Bush wants to convert Jews to Christianity. Well, that should be enough convincing enough.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Nov
The Redskins were named for an Indian imposter. Imagine that, an imposter in D.C.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Nov
I used to think we guys were weird until I learned what most girls make their Barbie dolls do.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Nov
@medaJolie Angelina, you've come back to me. Wait, your not the same blood letting woman who used to live here....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Nov
@chaneyj Is it Claire Danes, who was on "My So-Called Life?" I too know I've seen her somewhere. Didn't she wait tables at Tortilla Coast?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Nov
What have you imagined today? #yokoQandA
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Nov
@petridishes That one can't say anything sensible in 140 spaces is the most sensible things ever written on Twitter.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Nov
@TheFix You say Christ Christie, I say former Security Industries Association lobbyist who Romney wouldn't pick for V.P.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Nov
Every time someone tells me they are preparing for the Second Coming, I ask when it was they had the first orgasm.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Nov
@HorrorNights Dracula Snakula
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Nov
@HorrorNights Among the monsters now shown on the Universal Monsters film is Chuy Bravo.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Nov
@petridishes I love my cheese/ Pass me some please/ It tastes gooda / As it shoulda . Linburger is God's way of testing us.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Nov
It is easy to love those who are good to you. The key is to love everyone else. (That really creeps them out.)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Nov
"His goal is to be so rich he hires Brad Pit and Angelina Jolie to keep away the paparazzi."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Nov
Robert Kennedy's given Native American name was Braveheart. If the Redskins change to Bravehearts, they will be named after Robert Kennedy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 6 Nov
"Yes, I would try the ice cream with jellyfish proteins that glows when you lick it. After all, you do crack."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Nov
Why don't we put all sex acts on the ballot and ask voters to decide which should be legal?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Nov
Candidate who believes you should be in jail if you engage in oral sex running at 49% in early returns. America: Your future?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Nov
New standard League of Womens Voters question: If elected, will you use crack cocaine?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Nov
Ted Nugent running for President is as "awesome" as Ozzie Osborne asking to pilot your airplane.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Nov
"Star Wars" holding open auditions. I would be a natural for a mutated alien.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Nov
My advice: When you become a big city Mayor: stop using crack cocaine. It is not pretty when the press finds out.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Nov
A woman wrote she was sending me a boob photo. It was a picture of Ted Cruz.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Nov
Oh, wait, the trending topic is NOT about Congress. #walkingdead
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Nov
I love learning how I have all these fans in Latvia, and how none of them follow me on Twitter.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Nov
Dumbbell: "Yeah, well I know the boss, so top that." Response: "I am the boss."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Nov
@HorrorNights Clowns with bats could be an idea for a maze. Not saying it is a good idea....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Nov
Yes, I agree you have a big dick. Which is fine, for when half of it gets cut off, you won't mind as much."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Nov
"No, spankings from me are a reward. If I want to punish you, I would refuse to give you a spanking."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Nov
"No, I haven't seen more couples break up because of sex. I've seen more couples break up because they don't have sex."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Nov
I can't figure out why a cult that believes you can live without food and water has not lasted long.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Nov
"What does the Fox say?" "Wa pa pa pa pow Obama's the worst President ever."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Nov
"Her family could not understand how she could bring such shame on them, marrying a member of Congress."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Nov
There are people in this world who would rather be known as a murderer than a tree masturbator. #Skakel
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Nov
@geneweingarten Just kidding. I have no idea what is going on, Although I would avoid drinking the coffee in that office.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Nov
@geneweingarten It is an irony that one thinks a point is being made when face down (drunk?), not realizing others view him not his point.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Nov
Don't forget to remind people you don't like to set their clocks forward an hour tonight,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 2 Nov
Remember, tonight you're supposed to fall back, or something or other. I wasn't paying attention.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Nov
You know, if only David Ortiz had hit that grand slam, then he would have had a great World Series.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Nov
I figured it out The easier way to Heaven is to be a Satanist but do nothing as a Satanist so they kick you out and send you to Heaven. Easy
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Nov
If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result: I give you: birthers,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Nov
Birthers: Obama birth certificate does NOT list him as "African American".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Nov
Birthers: Kenya was named in the 1880s, not 1964, so get over that his father is listed in 1961 as being from Kenya.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Nov
So....Chris Christie's nickname among the Romney team was Pufferfish? Hmmm, wonder how they picked that name?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
Only 152 days until the start of the baseball season.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
I miss Halloween as a kid. Our neighbor used to give us free razor blades in our apples.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
More people have seen a ghost then support their member of Congress. They will soon see their member of Congress as a political ghost.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
"Ali, forget plan A. They want us to turn on our cell phones during take off." How to keep an NSA agent up another night.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
@MonicaHesse Ah, Houston, we have a problem. I hope everything is alright.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
Men: want to take a billion dollars from woman? Support the Republican plan to shift maternity health care payments.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
@MonicaHesse Houston, we are at t minus 55 minutes and counting. There will be no more reminder as I have to go to the store.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
@LauraAshley18 Hey, thanks for the spam. Sorry I didn't check it out, but I am sure you put good effort into your spam.@LauraAshley18
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
Electronic devices that they told us cause planes to crash may now be used on planes. I think the FAA secretly hates us.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
@jrstahl I saw someone wearing a Joe Biden mask, but then it turned out it was Joe Biden.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
@MonicaHesse Houston, we are at t minus four hours and counting. Would you like another wake up call closer to the event?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
If you thought Joe Biden is crazy, wait until you see the Republican candidates.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
Ted Cruz promising not to help conservatives defeat incumbent Republican Senators: Oh, yeah, he's running for President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
Anthony Weiner's stating people weren't tough enough on him makes me think he bought Huma a dominatrix outfit.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 31 Oct
My note to trick or readers is "You're not getting any candy because you're too fat, but because I'm too cheap."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
Florida has switched to the Cardinals. This World Series may be decided by the Supreme Court.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
Fox News declaring the World Series is not over as they still have to play game seven tomorrow.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
@sutterink Glad to hear about the book. I am reading it the day it comes out.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
No, Sarah Palin is not the CEO of Payless Shoes. Guess again.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
This just in: Fox News  has projected that the St. Louis Cardinals will win the World Series.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
Shane Victorino has been hurting lately. I hope he is alright to play at least adequately today. #ShaneVictorino
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
Move over, rednecks, Kanye West wants to join you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
Remember, every time you tweet "Ali, the eagle lands tomorrow", someone at NSA has to work overtime.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
@AbhiAgarwal Thank you for the favorite. The tweet now feels emotionally empowered and ready to face the world.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
If you play "Dark Side of the Moon" album while watching the Ted Cruz filibuster, you learn this amazing fact: You both need help.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Oct
Man found in apartment died eight years ago? I think that is one lackadaisical landlord.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Oct
I have heard a fox bark. Sounds nothing like that what the song claims.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Oct
@jrstahl Welcome to the Washington Post. You are now going to learn that just about our entire lives have been lies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Oct
To the woman who tried to pay court fines with money with exploding ink stains from a bank robbery: Go into a different field.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 29 Oct
The Jonas Brothers are divorcing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
@geneweingarten @jrstahl I see from her photos she has been to both "MacBeth" (should have won Best Actor) and Comic Com. She's a keeper.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
@geneweingarten @jrstahl "Pistol" would have been a good nickname, but today it would have to be "Legally Registered Weapon".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
At first, I thought I saw a drawing of a rooster having relations with a headless chicken. They I saw it was a map of England and Wales.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
@geneweingarten @jrstahl I thought Jrstahi stood for Jersey Taiihitians, that rare breed of people who leave Tahiti for the Jersey shore.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
FYI, in case you haven't heard: wearing blackflace is not OK.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
@petridishes My lucubrate is, irregardless, you actually exacerbate the synergy of the game changer headline lies, so twerk, for YOLO.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
@petridishes P.S. You really are salt of the earth.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
Gone from Halloween skeletons asking for candy to anorexics going door to door asking no one feed them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
My costume is a shirt reading "DEBT" while wearing a ceiling tile around my neck.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
@MonicaHesse Rod Lowe as JFK. There is a rumor, which I believe is not true, that there was a Rob Lowe assassination attempt. Will send info
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
If you credit a deity for your home run, who do you credit for going 0 for 7 before the home run?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 28 Oct
The hoax that a recent celebrity death was a hoax was a hoax. I already forgot who is on first on that one.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Oct
My house was listed as a "pre-War" house on a map on homes in 1939. My house was built in 1735. It is "pre-Revolutionary War."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Oct
I think Chris Brown did not remember what it means to follow his terms of probation.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Oct
None of my Internet best friends have me as their best friends. The world of delusion is so much better than reality.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Oct
Massachusetts legislature to consider changes in the legal definition of "obstruction".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Oct
The Major League website just shut down faster than the Obamacare website shut down.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Oct
God just sent me a direct message: "I thought you were dead."
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 Gene Weingarten ‏@geneweingarten 26 Oct
God just sent me a Direct Message.  I tried to answer but He doesn't follow me.  This is bad. @thetweetofgod
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Oct
@geneweingarten @TheTweetOfGod God, send Your message to your messenger Justin Bieber and have Bieber forward it to Gene Weingarten.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
If you are a bad Satanist, do you go to heaven?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
What does one expect from a health care named Kaiser? That is just one step away from health care named Fuhrer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
@petridishes "Bravehearts" stereotypes Scottish people.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
If the Redskins change their name to Bravehearts, at least absolutely no one will think they were named after Congress.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
Washington Bravehearts? An insult to all people born with heart defects.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
"18 straight whiskeys. What do you mean that's not the record?" said the guy who lived to see another day.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
I tweet a puppy drowns if you un-follow me, and two people un-follow me. Two cruel heartless people who hate puppies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
@MonicaHesse Badass Helen Thomas. Make male journalists mingle with female journalists.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
@petridishes After which, millions have wondered "what on Earth does Liz see in Jon?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
@ReliableSource Not that you were wondering, yet am one of those tweeting because I have no image to protect. .Rep. Weiner looks down at me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
@petridishes I still think Abe Vigoda would be perfect for "Fifty Shades of Grey".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
Newly released sealed documents show Lee Harvey Oswald killed President McKinley.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
No, wait, that was only a false myth about First Lady McKinley, who only tried to drown President McKinley.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
Remember, every time someone un-follows me, First Lady McKinley returns to life and drowns a puppy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
Now trending: #Pedoria who gets hits and will next sing the National Anthem.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
Cincinnati is where more trends start than anywhere else. #CincinnatiTrending
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
@JamesTaylor You're right, it is one of those songs.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
@geneweingarten BONG (whoever fixed me made me bong three minutes late)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
@geneweingarten You know, I've ridden roller coasters.

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