Hoofer and Tweet Return to the Stage

@MiniPalin Thank you for the favorite. I could be wrong, but I suspect that mean Big Sarah is not taking you with her to Iowa?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27m
@HorrorNights Hire a babysitter. Or add a baby to a Bill and Ted sketch and have your 8 month old join the actors guild.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
Sarah Palin is visiting Iowa. That news just ruined Ted Cruz's day.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
So, today we celebrate a man who can't tell apart continents.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
Overheard taunting on the Metro: "I'm essential and you're not."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Oct
@therealninjabob Thank you for favoring and retweeting a tweet. The tweet now feels special and is demanding a higher salary.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Oct
Overheard mother to young son: "Just cut through the line and push aside anyone in your way." Son will someday make a great U.S. Rep.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Oct
Did shows on 3 different networks today. Yes I am a network whore.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Oct
Bobbie Oliver's "Tao of Comedy" is a fun teaching guide for comics. Why can't all instruction books be that much fun?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
The new definition of insanity is you approve of Congress.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
This is not a joke. If a court ruled you're dead over 3 years ago, your being alive can not undo your being legally dead. Live with that.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
Now trending: #ThankYouJesusFor #PricelessBaseball
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
I am worried: the only dating responses I get are from http://GhostSingles.com  #GhostSingles.com
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
@MonicaHesse Great, I can continue being rejected even in the afterlife. #GhostSingles.com
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
Dog poop is more popular than Congress (true poll) if only because we keep electing crap.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
California law allows more than two parents. No, Dads, this new law is not mandatory.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct
They had a weight provision in the "Baywatch" contracts. Well, that explains why I wasn't cast...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct
I am a great magician. I just made the Federal government disappear.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct
A nine year old snuck onto a plane. He only got caught when he refused to pay ten bucks for a warm beer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct
I twerked for Ross Mathews. I may now die happy. In fact, I believe doing this did kill me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct
I know you are tired of always being asked this, yet let me be the one to ask: Will the Quarrymen ever get back together? @AskMcCartney
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Oct
@thebobbieoliver Sadly, many will not let facts detract them from erroneous preconceived political notions. Obamacare is Muslim Commie plot
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Oct
Abortion Dr. Zhivago  #AddAWordRuinAMovie
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Oct
Gay marriage is the same as, according to Sen Santorum: bestiality; to Gov Corbett: incest. Where do Penna. Republicans learn sex education?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Oct
@geneweingarten I married a Republican. I am now prepared for death.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Oct
@Not_Woody_Allen Thank you for the favorite. You do realize you could be my father. Or not.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct
Memo to KGB: I finally figured out how to bring down US government. We create this thing called "Tea Party".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct
RussUlbrich has shown someone can make use of a Penn State education.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct
We could all be Frank Sinatra's child. Or, from what I've heard, Milton Berle's.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct
My mother just told me Frank Sinatra could be my father. Or Woody Allen. Or Woody Guthrie.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct
If one were to live a life like Jesus, one would be living with 12 guys and a prostitute.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct
Due to the government shutdown, the Panda Cam is off. Now the pandas, unnoticed until it is too late, can start their apocalyptic invasion
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct
The Marlins have shut down the playoffs until their demands to be in the playoffs have been met. #GovernmetShutdown
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct
Have you considered doing an album with your son James? #askMacca
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Sep
@petridishes Why don't we just tell the panda cam person to leave the camera on before leaving for the shutdown?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
FYI: "Try and take away my gun and I'll shoot you" is not the best argument against gun control.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
@DaTwilightZone Thank you for the posting allowing me to enter the twilling zone and return. I did return, right, or is this a new dimension
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
I love those "I know you don't have the guts to repost this" posts. Guess what, they're right.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
Article headline: "Ken Cuccinelli is losing women." Can't he remember where he put them?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
I hate the political games where, after you find out if you won or lost, what the rules were.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
I hate it every time there is a natural disaster and I forget to remind Gilbert Gottfried to tweet about it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
Overheard someone stating "you have to take that with a gander of salt." I guess his goose is cooked salted.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
I'll give you that. If a priest makes you believe that mastrubation kills millions of souls, that may explain some later emotional issues.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
The issue is simple. If it is consensual, it is fine. If not, it is wrong and illegal. If it is a Real Housewife, it is for public relations
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
I love it when someone favorites a tweet, follows me, then minutes later unfollows me and removes the favorite.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
Good point. When is the last time you saw a cashier compare your signature to the signature on the back of your card?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
@ninfalajarasatu Thank you for favoring a tweet. It always knew you liked it better than its brother.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
In US, British can't donate blood for fear of mad cow. In England, Americans can't donate blood for fear of Jersey Shore.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
Wait, you mean "Yakety Sax" is not a romantic song?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
Hawaii is offering homeless one way tickets out of Hawaii? Crap, that means me -ex is coming back.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
@StephenKing Calling the Twiling saga porn is not going to hurts its sales.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
So white wine with ice cubes is out. When was it ever in? When was it ever done?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
There will be Naked Juice on "Sons of Anarchy." This is not a product placement announcement. @SOAFX
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
"I'm in the holding cell because I shot my drug dealer." "Me, I'm here over a tweet."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
I foresee the day of journalist gangs and stand up comic gangs staking territories and conducting drive bys.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
Stand up comic arrested for punching Washington journalist over tweet. I am now amazed no one has offed me by now.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
Love panic messages from paranoids who tweeted yesterday Obama would declare martial law. "Yes,it happened. Stay indoors for 10 years."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
If you think you have parent issues, think what a child of parents who sold her into human trafficking  must be dealing with.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
This is not a promoted Twitter ad. Yet please feel free to send me money anytime.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
Senator Alan Simpson refusing to sign a football for Dick Cheney's 15 year old granddaughter is literally today's "political football" story
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
The Facebook porn filter can't tell the difference between bronze and real breasts. Porn filter geeks need to learn more about real women.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
Memo to front office: If you don't tell us there will be major service disruptions, we probably wouldn't even notice.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
Of course George H. W. Bush approves of gay marriage. Don't most Republicans support individual freedom?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
True story: A testicle eating fish has been captured in New Jersey. But enough about Snookie...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
I have this recurring nightmare that Fox News asks me to be their ineffective liberal commentator.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
@MonicaHesse On Wall Street, the term for "wet dream" is "liquid assets".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
Ted Cruz has not gone to the bathroom so long I suspect he really is an alien from another planet. That would explain a lot.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Ted Cruz is not on cruise control.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
My friend tells me the biggest difference being on Chinese TV versus U.S TV is you don't get a limo, to which I respond "you got a limo?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Hitler wanted to run a museum when he retired. "Hi, I'm Adolf, and I'll be your docent."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Now that Ted Cruz has praised John Edwards, I now realize I have been abducted and placed into an alternate universe.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Remember, before you comment on eating babies, you can be arrested for your thoughts on eating babies, so: Be against eating.babies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
When the Christian Science Monitor came out against eating babies, I wonder what the vote of the Editorial Board was.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@SisterGracieLou Thank you for favoring a tweet, or as the tweet would say, "OMG LOL".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@DianaRChambers Thank you for favoring a tweet. Of course, my other tweets are jealous, but I'll deal with it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@sirensongs Thank for the retweet. It is a tweet to be retweeted.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@evilangelfiji Thank you for the retweet. The tweet appreciates living a bit longer in cyberspace.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@sha_merirei Thank you for the retweet. The tweet appreciates being read.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Ted Cruz hopes to filibuster until his Inaugural Address.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@SonsofAnarchy @sutterink Torture porn makes a comeback? When did it leave?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Christian Science Monitor comes out against eating babies. The hard part will be Fox News trying to find a way to refute them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
The problem with politics is the public hates Obamacare yet loves the Affordable Care Act.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Sep
If we cut aid to food stamps because of 1% fraud, what should we do about corporate bailouts?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Sep
Have you observed similarities between Physics and Philosophy? We indeed all are from each other. #yokoQandA
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
@Miss_Kitzy I agree it would ask a lot of Kurt Sutter yet he is an amazing writer and creater.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
There is a fragrance that claims you will smell like the Pope. You will feel guilty wearing it and it will become the smell of guilt.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
@realwoodyuk Thank you. I hope if enough people make it clear we'd read the journals, they will be written.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
@sutterink Are there plans to write and publish JT's and Jax's journals?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
If Beanie Babies don't pay their fair share of taxes, how may we expect corporations to pay their fair share?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
I love how my high school bully posts anti-bullying messages on Facebook.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep
@thebobbieoliver Your book made my cry, as well. It gave me one wicked paper cut. Seriously, I'm still reading it, Looks great so far.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep
Congratulations to Rep, Joaquin Castro and his girlfriend who are expecting a child. I remember an era when such news used to kill careers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep
@sutterink I never knew until now that we are neighbors.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep
@petridishes This is all your fault. I read about how real men don't read, and now I've lost my manhood.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Sep
I think everyone will be happier if Charlie Hunnan portrays "Batman" and Ben Affleck appears in "50 Shades of Grey".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
Are people in Colorado too stoned to realize the usefulness of gun laws?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
Notice how no one in "Sons of Anarchy" goes to couples therapy. #SOAFX
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
News that men with smaller penises spend more time with their children was not the best way to get more men to spend time with their kids.
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6:46 PM - 10 Sep 13 · Details
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
It's only been the first week of play, and already Los Angeles is eliminated from going to the Super Bowl.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
New York Giants decide "you know, maybe we need a running back."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
I just hope "Sons of Anarchy" doesn't kill off Lady Sybil. #SOAFX
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
One site states Irish men are the worst lovers. Another states porn stars rates Irish men as best lovers. Maybe Irish are just into porn.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
@geneweingarten I shall try. Let's see if I get something by her. I guess what day is best to commit stock fraud is too obvious....
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
@sutterink Do you have any plans if the President blames MC clubs for selling Middle East weapons?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
@geneweingarten She screens and chooses questions. You should see what she rejected from me. Maybe there is no such thing as Uranus rising.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
@KimJungUn If you don't give your people more freedoms, we will keep sending you Dennis Rodman.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
@sutterink Well, each Commissioner fines at an average rate of...oh, wait, you meant fine for the "word".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
OK, I could be wrong here, but I suspect George Zimmerman might possibly have anger management issues.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Sep
"Batwoman" will not allow a lesbian marriage Sorry, Batman and Robin, but your time may have to wait a bit longer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Sep
@carolLUSH Thank you for the favorite. I would love to read JT's and Jax's journals.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Sep
@sutterink Are the JT journals going to be written and published?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Sep
@LadyGrew Not until all of Pussy Riot have all been released from prison for over a year may the woman may say they as "so last year".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Sep
During an emergency landing, I think it is beyond rude when the person in front of you refuses to bring his seat forward.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Sep
Well, for someone who has been in three emergency landings, let's see if I can survive a fourth. If not, remember me, the faceless Tweeter.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
Has anyone seen BabySexiestLyingWit while I've been on this computer for the last hour? How far can babies crawl? #BabySexistLyingWit
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
BabySexiestLyingWit can't crawl yet but already has an application for private elementary school and Harvard. #BabySexiestLyingWit
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
BabySexistLyingWit eyeing the dog. Not falling for it, it's you, the baby, I smell. #BabySexiestLyingWit
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
BabySexiestLyingWit just said "ahmalama" because he is too young to talk. #BabySexiestLyingWit
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
If you have a Twitter account in your baby's name, you are spending too much time on the computer and not enough time with your baby.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
I could never be in that "50 Shades" movie. I can't even wrap Christmas presents right.
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