Psychological Mind of a Psycho (Patient Dubya)

INT. WHITE HOUSE BEDROOM

GEORGE BUSH paces addressing LAURA BUSH, who stands still at attention.

GEORGE: Laura, as a child, I used to blow up frogs. Now I blow up Iraqis. War fulfills a childhood dream of mine.

LAURA: I know, George.

GEORGE: How did you address me, you filthy sleezy First Lady of the Night?

LAURA: I meant, I know, Mr. President, sir!

GEORGE: You know what I think of war, don’t you?

LAURA: War is your mid-life crisis of sending young men whose vitality you are jealous of off to suffer and die.

GEORGE: What did you say?

LAURA: I’m sorry, Mr. President, sir. Your power as leader of the free world who single handedly captured Saddam Hussein and conquered Iraq has made me so sexually excited and lightheaded I don’t know what I am saying.

GEORGE: That’s what I thought you said. Now, who is Ken Lay?

LAURA: Neither of us has ever heard of him, sir!

GEORGE: Very good. Who is Chalabi?

LAURA: He’s the Iranian connected agent who gave us false information about the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq that we used as a basis to remove Saddam Hussein without evidence these weapons existed, thus allowing Iran, a true nuclear threat, to be the supreme power in that portion of the world, sir.

GEORGE: What did you say?

LAURA: Please, George, no more. We’ve played this game too long.

GEORGE: Game, you think this is a game? You know what I did to pledges in college, don’t you?

LAURA: You branded them on their buttocks, Mr. President, sir.

GEORGE: Maybe you’d like a taste of what that felt like?

LAURA: Actually, that would be kind if kinky. I mean, no, Mr. President, sir.

GEORGE: Bend over.

KARL ROVE enters unnoticed by George and Laura.

Laura bends over. George grabs a fraternity paddle. George swats Laura.

LAURA: Thank you, Mr. President, may I please have another?

George swats Laura.

LAURA: Thank you, Mr. President, may I please have another? And a little harder?

KARL: Oh, crap. I’ll prepare the press release. Which country are we invading now?