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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Psychological Mind of a Psycho (Patient Dubya)

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Psychological Mind of a Psycho (Patient Dubya)

INT. WHITE HOUSE BEDROOM

GEORGE BUSH paces addressing LAURA BUSH, who stands still at attention.

GEORGE: Laura, as a child, I used to blow up frogs. Now I blow up Iraqis. War fulfills a childhood dream of mine.

LAURA: I know, George.

GEORGE: How did you address me, you filthy sleezy First Lady of the Night?

LAURA: I meant, I know, Mr. President, sir!

GEORGE: You know what I think of war, don’t you?

LAURA: War is your mid-life crisis of sending young men whose vitality you are jealous of off to suffer and die.

GEORGE: What did you say?

LAURA: I’m sorry, Mr. President, sir. Your power as leader of the free world who single handedly captured Saddam Hussein and conquered Iraq has made me so sexually excited and lightheaded I don’t know what I am saying.

GEORGE: That’s what I thought you said. Now, who is Ken Lay?

LAURA: Neither of us has ever heard of him, sir!

GEORGE: Very good. Who is Chalabi?

LAURA: He’s the Iranian connected agent who gave us false information about the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq that we used as a basis to remove Saddam Hussein without evidence these weapons existed, thus allowing Iran, a true nuclear threat, to be the supreme power in that portion of the world, sir.

GEORGE: What did you say?

LAURA: Please, George, no more. We’ve played this game too long.

GEORGE: Game, you think this is a game? You know what I did to pledges in college, don’t you?

LAURA: You branded them on their buttocks, Mr. President, sir.

GEORGE: Maybe you’d like a taste of what that felt like?

LAURA: Actually, that would be kind if kinky. I mean, no, Mr. President, sir.

GEORGE: Bend over.

KARL ROVE enters unnoticed by George and Laura.

Laura bends over. George grabs a fraternity paddle. George swats Laura.

LAURA: Thank you, Mr. President, may I please have another?

George swats Laura.

LAURA: Thank you, Mr. President, may I please have another? And a little harder?

KARL: Oh, crap. I’ll prepare the press release. Which country are we invading now?

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