Early Cable Discussion on Adopting the U.S. Constitution

INT. FUX NEWS COMMENTATORS SET, YEAR 1787

HOST: Welcome to the September 15, 1787 edition of the Fux News Congressional Report. Gang, today, Congress has printed a proposal called the U.S. Constitution…

ANNE: This is an obvious liberal ploy to impose more government upon the citizenry.

PHYLLIS: Plus it is full of perversion. Just read it. It begins “we the people’, which is an obvious illusion to the group sex that liberals in Congress wish to impose upon our children.

TUCKER: Then it goes on to say “to form a more perfect union”. Again, is it possible for Congress to act without giving in to labor unions?

ANNE: And then the liberals want to “establish justice”, like they and only they can decide what’s right for America.

PHYLLIS: Followed by the perversion to “insure domestic tranquility”. An obvious allusion to orgasms, which, frankly, should be outlawed.

TUCKER: Then the liberals are wishy washy. They throw us conservatives a bone by claiming they wish to “provide for the common defense”, but then they are by declaring their true intentions, which is to “promote the general welfare”, which obviously means these liberals want to make America a welfare state.

PHYLLIS: And that is followed with “secure the blessing of liberty to ourselves and our posterity.” Believe me, I know what blessings of liberty these liberals want in their posterities.

ANNE: The liberals then attempt to grab the religious issue by then declaring that they “do ordain”. I am sure the Religious Right can see through that phoniness.

HOST: So, is there anything good you can say about this document that the girly men in Congress are proposing?

The guests all look at each with questioning glances. Tucker suddenly raises his hand.

TUCKER: It protects slavery!

The other guests nod affirimately.

HOST: There you have it. Write your good conservative members of Congress and stop this liberal attempt to demoralize our country with this ‘Constitution’. This has been the fair and balanced news of Fux News, which is independent from our British owner living in a country from whom we should never have sought our Independence. Good night, and God bless everyone except liberals and slaves.