Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Inspections of Destruction in Washington

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Inspections of Destruction in Washington

Litte known White House transcript:


BARBARA BUSH and JENNA BUSH, dressed as children, sit on a sofa/bed/chairs. BARBARA’s face is covered with cherry pie. Barbie holds a cherry pie and shoves pie into her mouth. Jenna’s face is clean.


GEORGE: (sternly) Jenna Bush, I know you stole the cherry pie.

Barbara hides the cherry pie (somewhere, but not on Jenna’s desk.)

JENNA: No, daddy. You know I’m allergic to cherries.

GEORGE: Which is evidence as to why you think you could get away with it, Jenna. Barbara, I know you didn’t steal the cherry pie.

JENNA: No, daddy, you know I can’t tell a lie. (spits out cherry seed into her hand) I did not cut out with the cherry pie.

GEORGE: Now, Jenna, I know if Hans Blix inspects your desk, he’ll find the cherry pie.

JENNA: No, daddy, I don’t have any cherry pie hidden in my desk.

GEORGE: Hans, begin your search.

Hans begins searching the desk. He removes alcohol bottles and underwear. He carefully inspects the bras and panties.

Jenna and Barbara react in disgust to Hans.

GEORGE: Hans, before you open that desk drawer, I know there is no need for you to open it. I know the cherry pie is hidden in there.

JENNA: No, check the drawer. There’s no cherry pie in there.

GEORGE: Even if it isn’t in there, I know you have a train set, and you probably constantly move the cherry pie around so it never is in one place.

JENNA: No, daddy, I don’t.

GEORGE: I have this intelligence photograph taken at night.

George pulls out a photograph and shows Jenna the photo.

GEORGE: My intelligence agents tell me that circle in the middle of your room is a cherry pie.

JENNA: No, daddy, that’s my birth con…I mean, I have no idea what the circular object is.

GEORGE: I’m sorry, but I have no alternative but to do what is best for our nation. (shouts) Donald!


GEORGE: Donald Rumsfeld, remove the tyrant.

Donald grabs George.

GEORGE: Not me, Jenna.

Donald looks confused.

DONALD: Which one is Jenna? The one with cherry pie all over her face?

GEORGE: No, Jenna is the one with no cherry pie on her face.

DONALD: You wouldn’t want me to divert my resources going after the wrong party now, would you?

GEORGE: Go get here.

Donald grabs Jenna and removes her from the room.

GEORGE: That has made this household safer for democracy.

Donald drags in a MALE dressed like Jenna.

GEORGE: Barbara, from now on, this is your sister Jenna.


GEORGE: (sternly) I said: this is your sister Jenna.

George turns to Donald.

The male spots where the cherry pie is hidden.

GEORGE: I’m glad that crisis is all over.

Barbara and the male tumble on the floor fighting over the cherry pie.


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