Inspections of Destruction in Washington

Litte known White House transcript:

INT. BUSH DAUGHTER’S BEDROOM

BARBARA BUSH and JENNA BUSH, dressed as children, sit on a sofa/bed/chairs. BARBARA’s face is covered with cherry pie. Barbie holds a cherry pie and shoves pie into her mouth. Jenna’s face is clean.

GEORGE BUSH and HANS BLIX enters.

GEORGE: (sternly) Jenna Bush, I know you stole the cherry pie.

Barbara hides the cherry pie (somewhere, but not on Jenna’s desk.)

JENNA: No, daddy. You know I’m allergic to cherries.

GEORGE: Which is evidence as to why you think you could get away with it, Jenna. Barbara, I know you didn’t steal the cherry pie.

JENNA: No, daddy, you know I can’t tell a lie. (spits out cherry seed into her hand) I did not cut out with the cherry pie.

GEORGE: Now, Jenna, I know if Hans Blix inspects your desk, he’ll find the cherry pie.

JENNA: No, daddy, I don’t have any cherry pie hidden in my desk.

GEORGE: Hans, begin your search.

Hans begins searching the desk. He removes alcohol bottles and underwear. He carefully inspects the bras and panties.

Jenna and Barbara react in disgust to Hans.

GEORGE: Hans, before you open that desk drawer, I know there is no need for you to open it. I know the cherry pie is hidden in there.

JENNA: No, check the drawer. There’s no cherry pie in there.

GEORGE: Even if it isn’t in there, I know you have a train set, and you probably constantly move the cherry pie around so it never is in one place.

JENNA: No, daddy, I don’t.

GEORGE: I have this intelligence photograph taken at night.

George pulls out a photograph and shows Jenna the photo.

GEORGE: My intelligence agents tell me that circle in the middle of your room is a cherry pie.

JENNA: No, daddy, that’s my birth con…I mean, I have no idea what the circular object is.

GEORGE: I’m sorry, but I have no alternative but to do what is best for our nation. (shouts) Donald!

DONALD RUMSFELD enters.

GEORGE: Donald Rumsfeld, remove the tyrant.

Donald grabs George.

GEORGE: Not me, Jenna.

Donald looks confused.

DONALD: Which one is Jenna? The one with cherry pie all over her face?

GEORGE: No, Jenna is the one with no cherry pie on her face.

DONALD: You wouldn’t want me to divert my resources going after the wrong party now, would you?

GEORGE: Go get here.

Donald grabs Jenna and removes her from the room.

GEORGE: That has made this household safer for democracy.

Donald drags in a MALE dressed like Jenna.

GEORGE: Barbara, from now on, this is your sister Jenna.

BARBARA: But…

GEORGE: (sternly) I said: this is your sister Jenna.

George turns to Donald.

The male spots where the cherry pie is hidden.

GEORGE: I’m glad that crisis is all over.

Barbara and the male tumble on the floor fighting over the cherry pie.