Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Flashbacks for the President

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Flashbacks for the President


CONDI sits on GEORGE’S lap.

GEORGE: Condolezza, you’ve been very good for my, ehh, foreign affairs.

CONDI: Mr. President, I’d do anything for you. I’d even lie for you.

GEORGE: Keep that thought.

CONDI: Tell me again the story about your first advisor. Please, please.

GEORGE: He was a drunk I met in a back alley. You know, I never caught his name. But I remember him well.

A PERSON wearing a raincoat backwards walks in front of the camera. The raincoat is pulled apart revealing a sign reading “FLASHBACK”.


GEORGE and a DRUNK with large muscles sit while drunk and holding booze bottles.

GEORGE: I’m a failure. I ruined the oil business my daddy bought for me.

DRUNK: (English accent) Oil’s well that end’s well.

GEORGE: You got any coke?

DRUNK: Certainly, my good man.

The drunk hands George a cola can. George looks at it with a confused look. George tosses the can away.

GEORGE: I have no idea what to do with my life. My life is over.

DRUNK: I’m sure you’ll find something, Guv’nor.

GEORGE: That’s it! I’ll run for Governor. Oh, thank you, thank you.


CONDI: Ahh, that’s so exciting, You know, power turns me on.

GEORGE: Same thing with Dick Cheney. We need to power his pacemaker to turn him on.

CONDI: So, after you became Governor, what made you run for President?

GEORGE: You won’t believe it, but it was the same advisor I had before.

The PERSON wearing a raincoat backwards walks in front of the camera. The raincoat pulls back slightly. The person turns around and faces the camera.

PERSON: You know what happens next.


George and the drunk sit in the alley holding empty bottles.

GEORGE: I hate being Governor. In Texas, the Lt. Governor makes all the cool appointments and deals with the legislature. I’m the weakest Governor in the nation.

DRUNK: (using a hip-hop slang accent) We all gots our weaknesses.

GEORGE: I think my daughters are becoming drunks…

DRUNK: I hear that. Love those drunk daughters.

GEORGE: I am still a failure. I don’t know what to do with my life.

DRUNK: Gotta live your life.

GEORGE: If only I knew what to do next.

DRUNK: You gotta be the main man.

GEORGE: That’s it! I’ll run for President.


CONDI: That’s so cool.

GEORGE: Yeah. Next time, don’t put so much ice down there.

George and Condi look at their laps.

CONDI: So, Mr. President, how are you going to top being President?

The drunk crashes through a wall (or door). The drunk is dressed similar to the Terminator. He carries a rifle (or water gun or silly string shooter).

DRUNK: I am a cyborg sent from the future.

Condi jumps off George’s lap. Condi runs beside the drunk and rubs his arm seductively.

CONDI: Ahh. You know, I’m a big fan of the future.

DRUNK: (using an Austrian- Schwarzenegger accent) I have been sent from the future to destroy George W. Bush before he destroys the world?

CONDI: You mean President Bush is also a cyborg?

DRUNK: No, he’s just dumb.

George runs around the room. The drunk chases George and shoots his gun at George.

CONDI: Ahh, I love it when cyborgs and Presidents of the United States fight.

The person wearing the raincoat walks in front of the camera.

PERSON: Fantasy, or reality? Can Mister Universe become Governor or California? Can the son of a failed President become President himself? Is the world in jeopardy when these seemingly impossible events collide? That’s how it is, here, is the Dimlight Zone. (pause) Or reality.

The person’s raincoat is drawn apart. On the back of his pants is a sign reading “THE END”.


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