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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Some Holiday Tweets

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Some Holiday Tweets

Leon Tchaikovsky
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What? Mayor Bloomberg is dating Lady Gaga? How do these rumors start?
3 minutes agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
OUT: Earthlings. IN: Martians colonizing Earth. (Those paranoid freaks were right all along.)
30 minutes agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Sadly, "Mars Needs a Stable Nuclear Family" also bombed.
53 minutes agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
"War Whores" is very sad. At the end, they shut down the cheaply made munitions factory and turn it into a glue factory.
57 minutes agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Oh, "War Horse". I thought you said "War Whores". I didn't see that one.
1 hour agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Now trending: (be)
1 hour agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Are conservatives certain New Hampshire voters aren't really Canadians? Demand they show birth certificates when they vote.
1 hour agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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So, the "we want to nominate someone who can't possibly win" vote has moved from Gingrich to Santorum?
1 hour agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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The fact that is now trending on Twitter is interesting in itself. Anyone for a hashtag?
1 hour agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Ayep, we voted for Texans before. Not making that mistake again.
1 hour agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Although, Huntman has spent a lot of time in NH. Once he's met everyone twice he might move up more in the polls.
1 hour agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Second thought: Santorum, Bachmann, Perry having a bad day. Huntsman surprisingly is rising from the back of the pack.
1 hour agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Mormon candidates now receiving a majority of Republican support. Take that, Mormon haters.
1 hour agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Dear Occupy Congress: Your application has been received. Please submit $10 million in order to be considered for admission.
1 hour agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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W.C. Fields stated he never drank water because he refused to drink anything fish make love in. Snooki took it to a new level
2 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
How crazy is it when your PAC endorses your opponent?
4 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
"The rapper died of natural causes." "Oh, so then he was shot?"
4 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Now trending:
4 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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And he didn't look a day over 70.
4 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Why people think of Congress using one finger. Why people hate Congress in one chart. (cc ).
5 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
You may call Pittsburgh in until their unsafe bridges need to be closed and then no one will be able to get "in" Pittsburgh.
5 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Stephanie, for your collection: Will you marry me, and why not?
6 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Re: Arlen Specter stand-up comedy. Arlen, keep your day job..oops, well, at least it was a nice day job while it lasted.
6 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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My condolenses to friends and family of Cheetah, who, in the rumor I am starting, died tragicallyin a crash with Jon Bon Jovi.
6 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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In: The Reagans on "Blue Blooods: Out: Ronald Reagan in any movie with a chimp.
6 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
False Bon Jovi is dead rumor started in Penna. Lady Gaga spotted in Penna. Too much of a coincidence?
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Lady Gaga hanging out in Lancaster. She loves it where women wear only black.
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Awkward: "Will you marry me?" "Oh, I already am married." And scene.
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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This was discussed. Did try it: it does seem to remove smells. Negative is your heirs will think you were crazy.
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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As you land on Key West, remember that is sacred grounds. Ernest Hemingway used to pee there.
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Anne Hathaway won't sing at the Hasty Pudding Award because...oh, wait...nevermind.
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: President Barack Obama reelected. Out: Allowing insane people to become front runners for the Republican nomination.
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: President Mitt Romney. Out: Tea Party members mumbling "what happened?"
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: President Christie Todd Whitman. Out: The two party system.
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: The Huntsman daughters. Out: President Jon Huntsman.
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: President Rick Santorum. Out: Not allowing school children to look up "Santorum" on google.
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: President Michelle Bachman. Out: Millions of liberals who fled to Canada.
7 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: President Ron Paul. Out: Federal Reserve.
8 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: President Newt Gingrich. Out: Federal spending on obesity issues.
8 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Will they be playing the "Star Wars" theme at your wedding?
8 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
My parents were murdered in Honduras and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. (Congrats on being a world leader, Honduras, you worked hard.)
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Christopher Hitchens rising from the dead. Out: Religion.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Remains of Earth sucked into Sun. Out: "I told you the Mayans were right."
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Kardashian Financial News Network. Out: CBS Nightly News.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Entire news programs delivered on Twitter. Out: Newspaper stands.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Flying cars. Out: Not worrying about car falling on top of you.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: New world order of President Donald Trump. Out: White House (now White House Towers).
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: 2012. Out: 2011, or to creationists, just a few years since humans lived with dinosauras.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Knock knock jokes. Out: You start.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Palhinthinstra disease awareness. Out: Calling in sick with a cold.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Out: Donald Trump's run at Obama. In: Obama's run at Trump.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Piers Morgan in the US. Out: Piers Morgan in the UK.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Harry Potter dead. Out: Harry Potter not dead after all.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Being one of the Iowa Republicans going to caucus. Out: Being one of Iowa Democrats going to caucus.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Chelsea Handler Out: Chelsea Handler being Chelsea Handler.
23 hours agoFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I hope your profite "I am a monkey" is not true. You could be arrested in Pakistan.
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Thank you for following me ever so briefly. I guess you then read my tweets?
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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My notes on Aunt Viv:
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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First Presidential candidate wearing Princess Leia coils wins.
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Howi s a tweeter tweeting about her drug addiction my "similar to you"?
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Former aide claims Ron Paul is a homophobe. How will this affect the one gay Republican in the Iowa Caucus? (Well, there's always Santorum.)
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: Ashton Kutchner. Out: Anyone married to Demi Moore.
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
In: "Winning". Out: Any politician or sports team in DC winning.
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa, and he killed six in Texas and then burned to death in Connecticut, according to today's newspaper.
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Kim Jung Il just become Mayor of Hell on foursquare.
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
It is 2:30. Bong. Ng.
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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It is 1:30. Bong. Bo.
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Try freezing your jeans. Honest.
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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I will not buy you a celebrity fragrance. Enjoy.
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Sinead O'Connor's marriage is over after 16 days? Who does she think she is, a Kardashian?
27 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Anyone who lives within their means while Christmas shopping suffers from a lack of imagination.
20 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Always forgive your enemies at Christmas; nothing annoys them so much.
20 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Christmas music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.
20 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
To non-followers messaging me about free Ipads: Yeah, right. I'll send my free Ipads to the Nigerian to help him get his money out.
20 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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James Franco should have sent his understudy to the classes he missed.
20 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Will you be selling your Labor of Love on amazon? (That's an album, you perverted followers.)
20 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
If you play Jon Bon Jovi's record backwards, it says "you idiot, stop playing my records backwards."
20 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
My condolenses to fans of Jon Bon Jovi, whose death was incorrectly reported on the Internet. Jersey only feels like death.
20 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I know this country can be confusing. I am willing to show you around, marry you, answer all your questions.
20 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Social media may finally reach North Korea. Are they ready for all this?
19 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
My condolenses to friends of Lil' Kim whose death was falsely reported by those who thought Kim Jong Ill meant she was ill and then died.
19 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
The sad thing is King Jong Il perfectly understood the guns - butter tradeoff.
19 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I'll be the Americans Elect candidate. I must confess I don't have a mistress or Tiffany's debt, and I can name and remember 3 dpts.
19 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I was going to buy "How to Be Death" for Christopher Hitchens, but I lost his address.
19 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Good news: Kim Jong-Un is obsessed with Hollywood movies. Bad news: Kim Jong-Un is obsessed with Hollywood movies.
19 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Pollsters forget to survey a key group: Which candidates do hackers prefer?
19 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I wonder if Christopher Hitchens is now going around telling people "see, I told you there is no afterlife."
19 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
So, it turns out it is NOT a good idea to call off sick over being upset that Kim Jong Il died.
19 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
I have learned I am the 3,098,486 funniest person in America. I am the 1 per cent!
18 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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No one can hurt you; never let them, with or without help. (Unless, of course you want to be hurt, but I digress.)
18 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Our Father, who tweet in Heaven, what is your username? Forgive us for our tweets as we forgive Anthony Weiner for his.
18 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Warning: She brakes for rail crossing but not for intersections? Drivers, text to others when you see this driver:
17 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Do you have a take on the manual flush : auto dry disparity?
16 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
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Don't you wonder about people who believe that people who die as atheists should be shot?
16 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Comet Lovejoy survives plunge through Sun's Atmosphere. Hollywood negotiating with Lovejoy's agent for this story's movie rights.
16 DecFavoriteReplyDelete
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Leon Tchaikovsky
Almost too good. New trending:

posted by Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny at 2:35 PM

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