Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Solving the Immigration, Wage, and Mel Gibson Problems

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Solving the Immigration, Wage, and Mel Gibson Problems

I have solved the immigration problem. Since it seems to be the policy that we will let Cubans into our country but not Mexicans, all we need to get if get the Mexican government to grant dual Cuban citizenship to all Mexicans who wish to enter the United States.

There is a woman who believes her son is so cute, she has begun a web site where she is offering to allow advertisers to pay to have their product painted onto her son’s face. This has given me an idea on how I may earn some money. I am going to start wearing companies’ logos on my face and, until they pay me to take their logo off, I’m keeping the logo on. So, Mel Giblson, be forewarned. You’re first. You think your arrest endangers your career? My publicizing your next movie will be the end of your career.

Criminologists have developed a profile of people who are likely to turn into killers and are exploring ways to identify these people. In Hollywood, these people are already well known. They’re called television network programmers.

The following is not humor. It is just sad when you realize how many businesses think:

I am writing to defend the increase in the minimum wage. I always find it interesting that employer organizations complain that increasing the minimum wage will lead to job loss while ignoring a basic economic fact: since the minimum wage was last increased, nearly every other employee, and the costs of nearly all kinds of capital and other inputs, has increased. The primary reason why the public hears the complaints about the wages of these lowest paid workers is they are the only employees who depend upon government action to increase their wages. Therefore, it is the poorest wage earners who rely upon the sympathies of the political process in order to catch up, indeed usually catch up only part of the way, with wage increases that everyone else has increased.

What businesses fail to recognize is that is usually is sound business practice to increase the minimum wage. Minimum wage workers are cashiers and hotel employees whose services reflect upon their employers' public images. It is often more costly to employers to more frequently rehire and retrain minimum wage employees than to pay them a higher salary so they will stay at these positions for longer periods. Further, better paid employees tend to be happier and better skilled, which can improve the public image of a company. If customers see long lines because a cashier is new or disgruntled, customers go to a competitor. If customers are greeted by a helpful cashier who keeps the line moving, they return to that business. It makes good business sense to ignore what their lobbyists try to tell the public, and instead they should increase pay to these lowest wage earners.


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