Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Farewell, and I Unplugged the Appliances

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Farewell, and I Unplugged the Appliances

For years, I have always struggled with this potentially important problem I might someday face: I become a writer on a comedy television show and we need to kill off the lead character on the final episode in a funny manner. Yet, I have never been able to think of a truly funny way to die. Every death has some tragic and sadness and any comedic element seems to always be greater than any funny moments leading up to the death.

Then, in yesterday's news, I found it: a supermodel wealthy enough to have a bathroom in her limousine somehow experienced a malfunction and would up deposited upon the highway. Fortunately, she survived, but was hospitalized.

Then, I realized: that would be the funniest way to die. There is no way anyone could explain that death without some giggling overcoming someone. That is the one funny death.

Frankly, if you are falling though the lavatory in your limousine, you either have way too much money as maybe something is telling you limousines are not meant to have lavatories installed in them—or—you have to be way too thin if you can fall through a lavatory onto a highway.

Thus, I emailed my executrix and requested that, should I die, I requested she send to my alumni magazine news that I died in a highway accident involving a limousine lavatory malfunction. I also instructed that she accidentally list herself, for purpose of collecting memorial contributions, as my dominatrix instead of executrix, and see if the magazine publishes it that way. I should think that is how my classmates would want to remember me.

She emailed back suggesting instead that I be listed as having died from falling from a tree in Fiji. That is also good. I like the way she thinks. She could make a career out of this: agreeing to write creative obituaries for a fee.

My intern emailed to say she dreamed my plane will crash. I think this is wishful thinking as she wants to take my job. So, if this is my posting, so long, and have my intern checked as to whether she was anywhere near my plane.


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