Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Home Plate on Mars, Who's on First?

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Home Plate on Mars, Who's on First?

Politics is the art of wealthier interests attempting to convince poorer interests that it is in the interests of the poorer interests to support the interests of the wealthier interests rather than supporting their own interests.

Barrack Obama won a Grammy. I especially liked how he held his Grammy and turned to Mariah Carey, stuck his tongue out at her, and started chanting “I’ve got one, too.” For a follow-up, he’s doing to record a country and western album with Courtney Love.

Republicans are claiming Hillary Clinton is too angry to be President. They are glad that we, instead, have a President who doesn’t get angry enough to go after Osama Bin Laden until a month after the terrorist attacks and even then divert the resources from capturing or killing him to a war elsewhere.

There are reports that Scooter Libby was ordered by someone higher-up in the White House to leak national security information and that the White House knew the levees was breaking during Hurricane Katrina but did nothing. Bush reportedly is happy, claiming “at least they can’t pin blaming Iraq for September 11 on me.”

Oprah Winfrey announced she will be expanding. She will start a satellite radio channel. Oh, and she’s going off her diet.

Scientists have found a “home plate” rock formation on Mars. Thus, we may conclude that Martians invented baseball.

Celebrities are suing a magazine called Celebrity Sleuth for printing nude pictures. In other news, celebrities are fighting over each other to appear nude in Vanity Fair. Maybe Vanity Fair should buy Celebrity Sleuth.

The following tells of the adventures of Speaker Ben, better known to others as Ben Franklin, the Father of the University of Pennsylvania (among others), scientist, author, and legislator who learned there was more money in getting the printing contract for the legislature than it was being a legislator. Speaker Ben recently had his photograph taken with three entertainers:

Speaker Ben has decided he needs to emphasize the importance of arts and culture within Pennsylvania. Not only are arts a useful means of allowing people to express themselves plus allowing audiences to experience enjoyment from their work, the arts are a major source of economic development, employment, and tourism. Thus, to promote the arts, Speaker Ben decided to hang out with beautiful starlets.

Speaker Ben first created a minor scandal when he was photographed, around the time of his 300th birthday, with the young and beautiful Ellen Albertini Dow, perhaps best recognized as the Rappin’ Granny from the movie “Wedding Singer” and as the perspective love interest who should have stolen away Jennifer Aniston’s boyfriend in “Wedding Crashers”. She had the role of Momma in “Seinfeld” and as Mrs. Porter in the series “Ned and Stacey”. Ms. Dow is easily recognized from her many roles in shows as “ER”, “Will and Grace”, “Just Shoot Me”, “Arliss”,” “Six Feet Under”, “Star Trek: The Next Generation”, “Quantum Leap”, “Newhart”, and numerous others as well as from movies such as “Sister Act 2” and “Patch Adams”. She will soon be seen as Natalie Shaw in an upcoming movie being produced by Ryan McKinney.

Ellen Albertini Dow is from Mt. Carmel, where she won points with Speaker Ben for being friends with the Belfanti family. The Belfantis are known for produced superb public leaders such as Rep. Robert Belfanti. She loves Mt. Carmel and stated that she will be donating her cinematic collection to the local library.

Speaker Ben then hung out with Jennifer Darling, a literal darling from Pittsburgh. Jennifer is known as Irma in “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”, Nora from “Astro Boy”, Reya in “Kaena”, Momma in “Hello Kitty”, and as Nemo’s mother in “Little Nemo”. She had the role of Donna in “Eight in Enough”, Peggy Callahan in “The Six Million Dollar Man” as well as “The Bionic Woman”, and as Suzanne in “Dharma and Greg”. Jennifer told Ben how much she missed her days at Carnegie Tech. Ben noted he had met two women who played the role of “Momma”.

Speaker Ben then met up with Syn De Vil. Syn is a Vampire American from the Scranton-Wilkes Barre area. Syn stated she has lived most of her life in various locations in Northeast Pennsylvania. Ben got along with Syn because he fears he and Syn might secretly be the same age, except Syn hasn’t aged one bit. Syn is known for such films that scare Ben such as “Witch’s Sabbath”, “Vampire Sisters”, “Stakes”, and “The Tenamant”. They scared Ben as much as the British invading Philadelphia.

Speaker Ben proudly reports back that the arts are alive in Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania is producing many talented people. Speaker Ben looks forward to this continued work and he hopes to create even new scandals being photographed in public with more notable people.

Hey, Ron Jeremy, want to meet Speaker Ben?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know who's on first, but I once got to second base with a woman named Venus.

11:36 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

And you don't want to know what happened with Uranus.

11:36 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear Earth mooned home plate.

8:05 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does Speaker Ben want to go hunting with the Vice President?

1:24 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have the right to shoot whoever I want. It's under the Patriot Act. Honest, it's there somewhere. If not, then it's a secret law and you're not allowed to read it.


6:34 AM


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