Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: The Only Public Account of the Recent New York Train Explosion

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Monday, February 06, 2006

The Only Public Account of the Recent New York Train Explosion

A few days ago, as my train was about 50 yards from the platform at Penn Station New York, my train exploded. Surely you all read about it. Guess not. The one time a train explodes in a major urban city and no one cares…Anyway, I heard this loud pop and then I could hear the engineer over the conductor’s walkie-talkie exclaiming “I’m filling up with smoke.” An elderly woman turned to me and asked “is that bad?” I reassured her that it is good for trains to explode and fill with smoke. That’s how they keep the train in proper maintenance.

Since we were so close to the station, the elderly woman asked the conductor “can we just walk the rest of the way?” The conductor explained that “it is too dirty out there”. I’m thinking: this is New York. The whole place is dirty. What difference should that make?

About 40 minutes later another engine pulled us into the station. So I was off to Manhattan. I don’t want to give away someone’s address, but I need to point out something. How come, in Manhattan, there is a location where the address “200” comes AFTER 202, 204, 206, 208, 210, and 212? Can’t people in Manhattan count? Plus, do you realize how confusing it is to look for a 200 address when the addresses begin with 202 on that block and only get larger? I understand this is what is called the “snob factor” where those with money prefer a round numbered address. Personally, I think it would be easier if you just put your address at “214” and wrote under your address “I am a snob”. That would make things so much simpler for those of us who have to struggle with the results of this snobishness.

(Actually, the people I visited are wonderful people who can’t help what their address is. They are also more powerful and made it clear they know people who can make me disappear, so I will only say nice things about them. Although, readers, if you notice I haven’t posted anything after a few months, please notify the proper authorities.)

I learned “Tales of the New Depression” is back on the air. For people who like really zingy anti-Establishment comedy, this is a show to watch. I will link to it as soon as I get the link to work. Each time I try to link to it, my computer explodes. I think my computer misses New York. (Mr. Rumsfeld, let my computer free.)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

If there was an explosion on your train, I am certain Saddam Hussein was behind it. To make you more secure in the future, I will tap the phones of millions of Americans. You may thank me later.


11:31 AM


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