Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Homeless Veterans and The Wives Who Want to Kill Them

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Homeless Veterans and The Wives Who Want to Kill Them

How come you only see homeless veterans begging on streets? Did all draft dodgers find housing?

I visited Seattle. Some like this you can’t make up: I am sitting on a bench in Pioneer Square when a woman sat next to me, turned to me and said “I’d like to put you in a body bog and throw you away like a dead animal.” What is sad is that is still the most romantic opening line I’ve ever received.

Give a person a fish and that person will eat for a day. Teach a person how to program a personal computer so that it automatically places daily online orders of home delivery of fish, and a person will eat for a lifetime.

I attended a lecture of a woman who discussed her husband’s suicide. Her attitude was she has no sadness. He was a man and all men deserve to die. We need to drive more men to suicide. I noticed the eyes of all the women in the audience turning to me. Suddenly, a woman sprung up, pointed at me, and yelled “you, you’re a man, or are you are a bull dyke dressed like a man.” I found myself saying words I never thought I would say. “Me, why I’m a bull dyke dressed like a man.” Order was restored and the lecture continued. Incidentally, you know the toughest part about pretending to be a lesbian is trying to convince lesbians that a certain body part is really a surgically implanted strap-on. Anyway, after two hours of the lecture, I figured out the mystery of what this woman’s husband killed himself: anything to get away from that voice.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

But I wanted to be the first to put you in a body bag like a dead animal and through you into the ocean. I hate it that this is becoming so mainstream.

9:25 AM


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