We Don't Leaves No Children Behind

I wonder what advice columns would look like in the animal kingdom?

Dear Carolyn Hax,
As a single female praying mantis, I am disappointed in the inability of my boyfriend to commit to our relationship. Should I move on? He keeps promising I can bite his head off, yet whenever I approach the subject of settling down and biting it off, he changes the subject. Sometimes I think he wants a relationship without the work. Is this relationship over?

Dear Carolyn Hax,
I am supposed to be king of the jungle, but tell that to my lioness wife. I can’t get her to do anything. We used to have a healthy, active two hour a day life, but now she insists on sleeping 23 hours a day. How do I get the spark back into our marriage?

Dear Carolyn Hax,
Just because I am an amoeba, my friends make fun of my lack of a regular sex life. When will others learn to be sensitive to the life style choices of their friends and neighbors without judging them?

I would question any school with a sign “We Don’t Leaves No Children Behind” on its building. Come on, the sign could blow down and hurt a child.

Not funny, but a note I sent a note to Molly Ivins. She made note that a conservative estimate is that 20,000 Iraqi civilians have died during the present war. Anyone else who is able to pass it along, please feel free to do so:

Please pass along to Ms. Molly Ivins that a Defense Department study of Desert Storm and its aftermath placed a conservative estimate that over 200,000 Iraqi civilians died. I note this because this report has been little quoted as the Defense Department does not want the public to know the extent of civilian deaths, as one of the lessons they learned during the Viet Nam War was the negative reactions to death counts. Still, I believe it is important for the public to understand the distrust of American occupation of a country that associates our presence with over 200,000 deaths in the recent past. Saddam Hussein was brutal and his deaths were deliberate. Still, Americans need to understand how our actions affect the Iraqi population, and how this affects how they react to us.