Why What You Know About Las Vegas and Sex Might Be Wrong

Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

The Mayor of Las Vegas has formed a political action committee that will be run by a man the Mayor called “the dumbest Jew I ever met” and will be overseen by someone the Mayor called “the lowest form of human being.” And this is in Las Vegas, yet. At least this shows the Mayor realizes the realities of political campaigns when he hired these people.

Incidentally, are people aware that Las Vegas in not in Las Vegas? This is true. Elvis, to be totally honest, should have been singing “Viva the Stretch of Land Outside City Limits”, but somehow that doesn’t sound quite as exciting.

In education news, if a teacher were to tell a student to go over and, on purpose, break the arm of another student, chances are strong that teacher will be fired or at least face receiving a less desirable parking space. Yet, as a recent lesson shows: if a basketball coach makes the same request, then the coach gets his contract renewed. And that’s one difference between academics and athletics.

Jenna Bush and Barbara Bush will appear in the upcoming issue of Maxim having a pillow fight. This has no punch line. We know you all are making your own punch line.

Campaigns to get young people to abstain from sex took a serious blow when it was reported that their abstinence pledge members have a higher degree of engaging in practices such as oral sex that increased their risk of spreading diseases. This has especially offended conservatives who, after spending most of the late 1990s arguing that oral sex is indeed sex (I forgot who they were arguing this with) are discovering that young people now consider oral sex is not sex and thus is not a breaking of their abstinence pledge. Come on, conservatives, let’s get in agreement over this issue: Is oral sex actually sex or not? You can’t have it both ways.

The Village People announced they wish to appear less gay and appeal more to mainstream America. Sorry, guys, but I wouldn’t expect the invitation to play the Grand Ole Opry for at least a few more months. You may have to wait until this whole “what is sex” issue to blow over first (no pun intended).