Bondage, Spanking, and Other Critical Issues Facing Our School Systems

Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

I await Congress to begin asking baseball players “are you or have you ever been a member of the steroids users?” Ballplayers will be forced to produce the names of other players, and fellow travelers, who subscribed to steroid-ism.

A Texas legislator has proposed banning sexual suggestive cheerleading. In other words, I guess he wants to end all cheerleading. Maybe if the cheerleaders took steroids and bulked up, then they would look huge and gross and nothing they did would be considered sexually suggestive. There’s the solution: steroids were just being used for the wrong sport.

Meanwhile, Pierce College has rented its football field to be used in a bondage sex film. This would be proper, according to the Texas legislature, just so long as no cheerleaders are used. Financial experts note that this is the first time bondage will be used to pay school bonds: in fact tying up your funds in bonds will take on a new meaning.

The Pennsylvania State School Board has voted to prohibit teachers from spanking students to cause “pain and fear”. Teachers may, though, spank students if the students enjoy it. In which case, of course, it would then face a ban in Texas.