Did the Tide Go Out, or Are We in Florida?

Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

Governor Jeb Bush warned that a proposed tax on toilet paper would discourage Floridians from using toilet paper. Governor, are you certain this is what you wish potential tourists to know about Florida?

Videos have been distributed to schools so students may learn about tolerance. They will learn an important lesson while observing the intolerance of parents who are protesting the distribution of these videos.

Poor Rodney Dangerfield gets no respect, even in Heaven. Did you hear his former press agent state he was called to get the late comedian’s reactions to Johnny Carson’s passing? Maybe he can work on a joint statement with Pat Paulsen.

Steve Lopez of the Los Angeles Times wrote he doubts Los Angeles voters are not prepared to elect a Mayor whose last name they can’t pronounce. Why should that matter? We elected a President who can’t pronounce “nuclear”. Meanwhile, in San Antonio, Fidel Castro’s cousin is a leading candidate for its Mayor. If Texans can cozy to a Castro, then Californians can accept a Villaraigosa, or is it Villagegosome, or Villagepeople, or something like that.

Governor Schwarzenegger vetoed four bills that would have made it easier for Californians to buy drugs in Canada. The Governor explained he’s just trying to protect the corner drugstores, and anyone else selling drugs on corners.

President Clinton’s physician stated that Clinton’s lungs are pink and healthy, which is good news. The bad news is Clinton kept asking nurses if they’ll check if he has anything else pink and healthy.

A political campaign assistant treasurer was convicted of stealing $412,000 from a campaign and using it for gay porn. How can one possibly spend that much on porn? For $412,000, I hope they at least threw in a free pen and pencil set. There are so many better things that money could have been spent on, such as toilet paper for people in Florida.