From Crimea,, With Cazzo

Poll shows half of voters won't vote for Jeb Bush. I guess they will have to fiddle with those voting  machines a little more...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  7h
The Pope doesn't give a cazzo if two gays want to cazzo each other, #CivilUnions
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  7h
Massachusetts court rules up skirt photos are legal. They spent days looking at the evidence.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  7h
Auto emails after death: I've heard from this guy more since he died than when he was alive,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  7h
Welcome to Massachusetts. Women are advised to wear pantsuits.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  7h
@MonicaHesse You are right. To me, there is one moral answer but legally... and there is your panel to boost ratings.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  8h
I got "they're a foolish investment" but I didn't get if you said "bit coins" or "sitcoms".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  10h
"God, please bless Congress, and God, please put a rush on that."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  10h
I always get season tickets in the visiting team's side of the stadium because I hate my old school.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  15h
@ItsBeccaDarling Thank you for the favoring a tweet. It now feels it may go outsider and face other tweets.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
Fox News #BadSciFi
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
@TruBloodDiaries Thank you for favoring a tweet. It now has a reason to continue living,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
@JimmyLeeMusic Thank you for the favorite, The tweet always knew you and mother loved it best.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
@mmark1717 Thank you for the favorite. The tweet now feels superior to its neighboring tweets.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
Anything directed by George Lucas #BadSciFi (just kidding: just wanted to see your reaction)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
The Colorado Rocky Horror Excess Toking Show #BadSciFi
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
@xSTANDxSTRONGx Thank you for standing strong and favoring a tweet. The tweet now feels it can stand strong amongst its fellow tweets
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
The Hunger Games with Larry the Cable Guy #BadSciFi
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
The Terminator: Maria Shriver Divorce Papers #BadSciFi
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
2001: NASA Funding Cut #BadSciFi
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
Close Encounters of the Creepy Guy on the Subway Kind #BadSciFi
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
That Attack of the 50 Foot Abe Vigoda #BadSciFi
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
Star Peacekeeping #BadSciFi
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  16h
@HaileyButter Remember (and this really happened as told on "Seinfeld"): The secret to New York City fat free ice cream: it contains fat.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  22h
Are the waif-like dresses still "optical illusions" when they used models with waif-like waists?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  23h
Please stop reminding me for Ash Wednesday that we all turn to dust. Would you like if I go up to you and yell "You're going to die someday"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 5
World War II era posters stated all soldiers and 98% of women had social diseases. So, that means we're the good behaved generation?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 5
Just informed I won a free cruise. Funny, I don't recall entering a contest for a cruise.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 5
Restaurants have secret dossiers on food critics. You know, we should all get together and pass out fake reviewer dossiers on ourselves
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 5
@StaceyPrussman If your favorite Facebook friends are cats, I fear friending this cat will likely end in changing your mind.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
Tea Party Texans could not get their act together, but a Bush did. Who would have thought that a year ago?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
"Other than that, Crimea is a wonderful vacation destination."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
Obama proposes to cut taxes and shrink the national debt. When did he become a Republican?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
Holy F-bomb. If the infallible Pope can say it, then the f- word must be sacred, right?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
When your computer can go to the toilet for you, our identity as human beings is over.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
Now not one but TWO Yodas are following me. I wonder if one is a fake.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
I think the Pope likes me. He told me to go cazzo myself.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
So, how do I get John Travolta to mispronounce my name?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
My Travoltalized name is "Joey Travolta".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
@petridishes Just think what Pabst Red Ribbon and Pabst White Ribbon beers taste like.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 3
You know, I thought Steve McQueen died years ago.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
That write-in vote making "Bad Grandpa" Best Movie sure was a surprise. Or did I just dream that? #Oscars
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
If Texas seeks to separate from the US, I suggest we make a deal with Putin to have Russia not invade Ukraine but to take Texas instead,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
A nudist colony wants a blind member to get rid of her service dog, because having others see you naked is OK, but not a dog.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
Time to wear adult pants and let squirrels run up your pants legs. #MANUPSHORTZ
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
I type in cursive, and I leave two spaces between each sentence.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 1
A restaurant charging an "Obama health care surcharge" is only gouging and/or being political. There is no requirement to charge that.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 1
Someday kids in Ukraine, Iran, and China will be tweaking, and we will know we have won, but they we will wonder what it is we won.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 1
It is important to note that the trend worldwide has been towards Westernization. The speed of the trend has been the issue.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 1
Doctor: "My machine says you're not breathing." Me: " I think I'm breathing."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 1
Foreign language with the least number of American speakers: Yiddish. No more Yiddish comics, who can understand them?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 1
I could not board Amtrak today, Something about people like Russian last names being allowed aboard.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 1
Those $15  Ireland to New York air fares: they fly halfway there and you swim the rest of the way.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
I observe people breathe a sigh of relief when hearing a celebrity's name, and then learning he was only arrested and had not died.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
Every time someone tells me the Angels are with me, I presume they mean the baseball team.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
He was so clueless, he wanted to buy the film rights to "Mein Kempf".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
The whole nation can know your name while Hollywood has forgotten it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
Due to large amount of inappropriate laugher, I have made a note to myself: Try not to die naked on the toilet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
What? Did you just say I needed a safe password or a safe word?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
I am observing that a life is measured by how loudly your relatives argue over your belongings.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
WalMart now wants to run all the dollar stores out of business. I don't think they'll be happy until the rule the world.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
"Remember, do not disclose what is in a confidentiality clause on social media." "Would you run that by me again?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
"And then the Lord said "Let gays get their own food."' Still looking for that passage in the Bible...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
My day: Overhearing authorities finding my neighbor killed himself. Then, off to give a humorous lecture.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
@geneweingarten I am worried my entire obituary will only be an ill-advised tweet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
BuzzFeed says I am likely to die from being eaten by rats. Sadly, that is not beyond the realm of possibility where I live.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
The movie "Gravity" demonstrates the importance of learning how to speak Greenlandic.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
All the sadist necrophiliac bestiality person ever wanted to do was beat a dead horse.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
I just overheard the funniest comment on the Goldman Sachs elevator...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
You lose your tolerance credibility when you admit you have a problem working with someone with autism.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 26
Another memo I thought I would never need to write: "The "no masturbation in the school hallways" rule also applies to teachers."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 26
If you are gay, want to marry and live in Pennsylvania you may want to consider moving to a more socially progressive state like Texas.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 26
Astronomers have identified 715 new planets. Students, memorize the names of each. That will be on the test.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 25
Important consumer hint I never thought I'd have to give: If a pizza burns your tongue, it will likely also burn your penis.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 25
@Silent_Calvin @darealpanger @WGHarding @petridishes I usually don't know who I hang out with untiI read the police reports.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 25
@sutterink For the 2024 season: "Sons in Law of Anarchy" starring Matthew Perry and David Schwimmer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 25
Memo: When running for US Senator, do not "find beauty" in an x-ray photo of a man decapitated from gunshots. This could cause criticism.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 25
When the woman threw the duck at the man, did anyone yell "watch out"? Or maybe something else?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 25
To the woman who attached a man with a duck: I guess you could give a duck after  all
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 24
"OK, how about this: We tell the public that employees urinating on utensils protects them from sting rays?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
Signing off from Portland, Ky.: Peace out, y'all.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
Since I am supposed to live in Portland and Kentucky, what part of Kentucky is Portland in?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
BuzzFeed says I should live in Portland (city), Kentucky (state, huh?), and am most like tike the Beatles, Yoda, and Lady Mary (huh?)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
@TheFix Which Beatle am I most like? I got Stu Sutcliffe.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
I saw the first robin of near-spring. Although it may have been frozen over from fall.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
@geneweingarten Will you show us where to stimulate our sacral nerve endings? This could be worth another Pulitzer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
The news that corpses can be stimulated to have orgasm now makes it possible "you're not getting any until you're dead."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
To the woman who orgasms while riding the Disneyland  Tram: How many times have you heard the words "mommy, what is that woman doing?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
To the woman who orgasms from riding the Disneyland tram: All this time I thought it was me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 22
Yeah, if you think gay marriage is the same as a parent marrying a child, you might not be bright enough even to be a U.S. Senator.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 21
It is sad the the following is true: I would make a better Supreme Court Justice than Clarence Thomas,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 21
Tom DeLay is correct: I have forgotten that God wrote the U.S. Constitution. In fact, I believe it is credited as Jefferson-God-et. cet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 21
Note to public officials: There generally is no need to deny a report that you are a reptile from outer space.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 20
Anyone sympathizing with the poor restaurant owner who has to pay back $8 million in tips illegally taken from sub-minimum wage employees?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 20
@petridishes Thanks for checking on the clown shortage issue. All those class clowns who switch their college majors when they were needed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 20
You un-follwed me again, Yoda has
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 20
To the woman who took hypnotherapy to become dumbed: You were there when decided to do that.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 20
Hockey fans believe curling would be more interesting if it allowed body checks.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 20
The news the Craiglist killer lived near me tells me I may look so bad even she passed on meeting me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 19
If abortions could be safely achieved by gunfire, the NRA would be pro-abortion.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 19
@LadyGrew I heard about that lavish clown lifestyle. Of course the commute to work with so many clowns quashed into one vehicle is a drag.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 19
John Legend was supposed to be this year's commencement speaker. It turns out they accidentally booked Johnny Legend.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 19
Facebook says I am most like the Beatles. I guess that is because I am half dead.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 19
@NobleMasterYoda Thank you for re-following me. Facebook says I am most like you. And I should live in Ky. even thought they would lynch us.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 19
@MonicaHesse Such language. Who do you think you are, Dick Cheney?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 19
Please show me where in the Bible Jesus says you have a constitutional right to discriminate according to race, sex, and religion, I'll wait
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 18
@TheFix If I were elected President, I too would wind up on Mt. Rushmore. Only the Park Service would have to then come and rescue me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 18
@badiniadones Thank you for favoring a tweet. It now feels superior to the other tweets and stole their lunch money.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 18
@badiniadones You can legally qualify for a parking ticket while driving on the 405.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 18
@LadyGrew It is in the news today there is a clown shortage in the US. This is what happens when clown jobs are sent overseas.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 17
I find it hard to note that 1/4 think the Sun revolves the Earth. My experience finds double that believes the universe resolves around them
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 16
I am upset Yoda followed me and then un-followed me? What? Did sentence structure confuse him?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 16
I see they are casting for a new cast member for "Snake Salvation".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 16
If you don't believe in climate change but you believe the U,S, Communist Party is going to overthrow the U.S., I bet you didn't vote Obama.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 16
If the jet streak has permanently shifted, how may we permanently shift it back?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 16
Dear bigot who fears mixed racial marriages: How's that inbreeding working for you?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 16
If our universe is designed by mathematical simulations, I fear we may be in the discounted shelf of a greater universal sore.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 16
NASA explains the donut rock. Homer Simpson now lives on Mars. With Ted Kennedy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
My condolences to fans of Tina Turner whose stroke and death turned out not to be true. You have my deepest sympathies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
It is OK to come out as straight. People  someday won't judge you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
i'm amazed of journalists who claim offense at sex practice humor while defending their own alternate sex practices.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
Those "no big deal Ellen Page came out gay" are indeed a big deal. Hopefully we care about each other regardless of the chandelier we swing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 14
After 40 days of snow, do we  build an ark or a giant sled?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 14
@petridishes But if all women find men then who will take care of all the cats?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
Kansas may legalize the right not to serve gays. Dorothy and friends, you don't want to be in Kansas.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 12
NBC will award a group Gold Medal for Couch Potato Olympic Viewing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
If you think spending $3 billion on lobbyists is not designed to influence legislation, I have a swamp to sell you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
@MonicaHesse Just ordered "Burn" from AmazonUK. FYI, do NOT search "Burn Monica Hesse" on US Amazon.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
@MonicaHesse Putting on my fiberglass sweatsuit to ride my slutty unicorn to buy "Burn". Anyone know where unicorn parking is?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
Guys who overcharge Medicare for penis pumps have very serious self-esteem issues.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
A sonogram can tell the sex of a baby. Wow, even before they are born we can know if they will be straight, gay, or bi?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
@Thefinestbreeze Thank you for the new diet pills spam. That was the highlight of my year so far.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
My plan to smuggle Chobani yogurt in toothpaste tubes has failed. #Sochi #Olympics2014
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
I knew this new Jay guy wouldn't last.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 4
@MonicaHesse Men often knowingly risk their male bits playing sports. Amazing some would not allow women (falsely) to risk their "lady bits.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
I think i'll run for Henry Waxman's seat. It is a shame that absolutely no one is running for it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
It would have been interesting seeing a Super Bowl played in all this snow. "Review of the play: no one can see anything."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
So Mars defeated Chili in that bowl game?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
@MonicaHesse I have been wrong about every character I've written. They come and haunt me in my sleep.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
@MonicaHesse Announce you are going to have a public book BURN. Give 3 copies to people coming to protest the burning of a book.
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