If It Is On Twitter It Has To Be Real

Well, we learned that amphetamines do not help batting averages.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  12h
RIP Denny Miller, a great guy and wonderful actor. A great talent has been lost.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  14h
Please visit Philadelphia. They need to make up the $210,000 embezzled from Visit Philadelphia.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 11
A pet alligator has been rescued at a food store. Who takes their pet alligator with them when shopping?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 11
Why am I just now learning that you are supposed to tip 20 per cent and NOT 20 cents? #LeSeanMcCoy
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
RIP Richard Kiel, another great friend and talent who shall be remembered well.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
New York Times prints correction that Dick Cheney was President. No, NYT, you were right, he served as President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
A Tom Wolf for Governor actor appeared in a horror film. Ronald Reagan appeared with a chimp. What does it matter?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
We did it. Our petition to get Sarah Silverman to host SNL is the only reason why they picked her to host, honest. #SarahSilverman
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Hey, like, welcome to Colorado. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Welcome to Virginia, where oral sex is illegal. Keep driving, you perverts. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Welcome to Ct. Yeah, we can't spell the full name either. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 10
Welcome to New York. The smell is New Jersey. #NewStateMottos
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 8
It is good you signed Patty Duke but why didn't you also sign the woman who played her identical cousin?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 8
Yeah! My alma mater was named "Best College 2015". Of course, when I went there it was consider the dredge of society.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 8
Stephen Hawking has figured out how to destroy the entire universe. Great, now some elementary school science nerd will probably do it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 8
When did they change the rule that you can't kick the punter in the head?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 6
My condolences to friends and fans of Betty White whose death was erroneously reported on the Internet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 5
Oh, no, Facebook is down. Call 911.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 5
No one before had ever asked St. Peter "who are you wearing?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 4
Is it weird that my bucket list includes that someday I wish to own an actual bucket?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 4
Why are voters responding in favor of political ads to take away their health care?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 4
My town's history book includes such exciting chapters as "19th Century, Not Much Happened".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 4
Now that Burger King is Canadian, let's not let them back in until they change their name to Burger President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 4
"I thank God for giving me that home run and also for smiting the unholy pitcher."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 3
"As God is my witness, I swore I thought polar bears could swim further than that."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 3
Who stores photos in a cloud? Wouldn't they get wet from all that moisture?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 2
Justin Bieber has reached that stage that whenever you see his name pop on the news announcements you wonder "what'd he do now?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 2
Although there were some angry looking cats wearing bonnets. The horror, the horror.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 2
I saw some hacked cloud photos and it was horrible, all those cat photographs and not of the cats were wearing clothes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 2
If you are my mother and I am the only person you follow, I suspect you are not reading my tweets.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 2
If you are following me and over 10,000 others, I suspect you are not reading my tweets.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 2
Our Jersey cows are so Jersey, they look like the cast of The Sopranos.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
Ignore the sociopaths on Twitter. They live for the attention. They die when no one notices them anymore.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
I see the Atlanta Brave hitters took Labor Day off.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
I knew Ashley Simpson way back when she still wasn't that famous.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
Evan Ross, Ashley Simpson, Donnie Wahlberg, and Jenny McCarthy all got married. I didn't pay attention as to who married who...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
No, America is not a constitutional monarchy and Queen Latifah is not our ruler.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
No, Rob Ford is Canadian, like Ted Cruz.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
Weird. I can't get anyone to confirm my Revel reservations for next week.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
Big Business wishes everyone a Happy People We Screw Day.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
Optimist at Hiroshima, 1945: "It could have been worse. It could have been a hydrogen bomb."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
It is all of US for the one (percent) of U.S.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
Sanctions against Russia includes banning importing AK47s. Is it OK to call gun lovers denouncing this as the real "communists"?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Sep 1
Remember to think before you hit the "Tweet" button. You, too, Rick Perry.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 31
Wait, Burning Man is a gathering, and not when the neighbor sets himself on fire?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 31
In Ancient History, students are taught there was once this thing called MySpace,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 31
There is that moment of realization some people have when they realize Obama is an American and Burger King is not.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 31
I am not shocked the Fracking Chicken was arrested for indecent exposure. Dressing to support tracking is indeed indecent.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 30
In 1940, a poll found 56% of Republicans wanted their party to become "more liberal". Thought you'd appreciate the laugh.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 30
"Yes means yes" is such an easy, simple idea, you'd have thought it would have been law centuries ago. And, no, "no does not mean yes".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 29
David Chase states he was misquoted; it doesn't matter if Tony is alive or dead. Life goes on. For most of us still alive, anyway.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 29
I can't find a friend to join me this evening for some busking.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 29
If W can win reelection, Rob Ford can win reelection.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 28
There is a dress than can transpose a woman into looking like a vending machine. It will make Georgia men mad when they want a vended gun,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 28
One thing that irks me about British movies is the directors always have the cars driving on the wrong side of the road.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 28
If Hello Kitty was always meant to be a girl, that girl needs to have a long talk with counseling.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 28
Mow that my ex-Angie married that Brad, I guess that means gay people can now get married.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 28
There is a gun dispensing machine in Georgia. I await the first person who tries to rob it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 27
Christmas decorations are now on sale. No need to take down the old Christmas tree: It is now back in season.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 27
Tony Soprano lives. James Gandolfini, not so much,,,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 27
The number of Republican Senate candidates who traveled to meet and obtain funds from the Koch brothers should tell us who has power.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 27
Of course Charles Koch took the ice bucket challenge. He would do anything to avoid contributing towards a social cause.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 26
Yes, throw a cup of water at a knee defender. That'll defeat it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 26
I am not mad the City Treasurer stole $8,000. I am mad he found $8,000 and didn't tell anyone.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 26
Congrats to Bryan Cranston and Jim Parson, who I pretend took all my advice and became somewhat successful.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 25
Outsiders have spent $150 million so far this year just on Senate races. One could have filmed a decent movie for that money.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 25
Now people are challenging others to sit on blocks of ice? I challenge all my followers to do something stupid or else contribute to charity
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 23
If only employers would allow me to retroactively withdraw my letters of recommendations for some people...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 23
So Nixon sabotaged LBJ''s peace talks. I wonder if he later spent 18 1/2 minutes talking about it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 21
So, some think they found a donut on Mars, and now a thigh bone. Maybe donuts killed off the Martians,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 21
A Penn State football game may be canceled due to a volcano in Iceland. And that's the serious news.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 21
Zombies are not the living dead. Zombies are people who have eaten a Federal Donuts donut and walk the streets afterwards.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 21
If schools were run like businesses, pay toilets would return.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 21
If schools were run like businesses, 15% of students would be considered unemployed and forced to remain at home.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 21
If schools were run like businesses, I would have spent my school years learning how to greet people as they enter the school.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 21
If schools were run like businesses, teachers would be paid minimum wage and superintendents would be paid tens of millions of dollars.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 21
So, we deport children back to where they came from and they indeed are killed when they return. Think we will learn a lesson here?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 21
The 10,000 hour rule isn't true. Some are naturals, some skills differ, and some will never get it. Like Congressional Republicans.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 21
My condolences to friends and family of Stan Lee, whose fake death is being reported across Facebook and other social media.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 20
Remember, if you are a police officer riding a motorcycle naked, avoid hitting two cars. After that, it just gets embarrassing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 20
In remembrance of Jim Jeffords, a great person who stood his ground even as the ground underneath him shifted.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 19
Taylor Swift breaks up with her latest friend, the County Music Association. She will record a song about the breakup.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 19
If Facebook begins identifying satire, how will they label Ann Coulter?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 19
New York Post declares "catcalls are flattering". Oh, and stalkers are just fans.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 19
Remember to put up your Halloween decorations. Time is wasting.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 19
Why, when I review a book on http://amazon.com , does Facebook run ads for the same book? Hey, Facebook, I already bought and read it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 19
The revolution may not be televised, but it will be on cable.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 19
I want to see police shoot a banker so Wall Street workers will vandalize Lord and Taylor.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 18
RIP Don Pardo, who left us way too young.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 18
Also, please note I am an airborne cat. The USA has fallen behind in airborne cat technology, which PETA tells me is a good thing,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 18
FYI: My profile photo of a fat cat with bacon stuck on it is not because I hide who I am:: I really am so ugly that this photo is better,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 18
We laugh along with the jokes about dependency and depression and lack of love…and we really should do something.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 18
Facebook to let you know when something is satire. Twitter will confirm I am nothing but satire.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 18
I challenge @DickCheney, @AnnCoulter, and @RushLimbaugh to have buckets of ice poured on their heads. And, no, this is not for charity.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 18
While away in Internet dead zone, sad to learn we lost two great talents, Arlene Martel and Robin Williams. Huge losses.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 7
Who brings a crying baby to sit in a train's quiet car?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 7
If you are a good Catholic and do what the Pope tells you, why are you reading this?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 7
Copernicus reportedly was first to put butter on bread.. He was also the first to have his dropped bread land  butter side onto the floor
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 7
The Pope tells kids to stay off the Internet, and his lawn.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 7
To achieve a higher level of consciousness, one should not achieve a higher level on a video game.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 5
Literally now literally means figuratively.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 5
If flying sharks would eat zombies, the world would be in balance.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 5
Wait, your "I Miss W" mug does not mean you miss the W Hotel, but that you miss George W.?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 5
WKRP today: "As God is my witness, I never knew sharks could fly."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 5
For the first time ever, a majority do not approve of their own Congress. It seems everyone got together and compared notes and realized….
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 5
If there is a War on Whites as one member of Congress claims, I have this report: Whites are winning.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 4
Yes, Robert Kennedy Jr. and Cheryl Hines is one of those marriages where they both "married up".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 4
How does a donut place in Philly rate as serving the best chicken? Doesn't that now make the place a chicken place?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 3
Cheryl Hines marrying Robert Kennedy, Jr. is one of those rare marriages where I could high five both of them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 2
Art from 10,000 years ago is of extra-terrestials? Maybe there were abstract artists or they used their imaginations or they drew badly?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 2
WalMart ice cream sandwiches will not melt. The whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa is safe with them.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 2
Although, if the quality of your drugs is insufficient, that is an acceptable reason to call the police.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 2
What idiots call the police when Facebook is down? Only call the police in emergencies, and when Twitter is down.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky @SexiestLyingWit  ·  Aug 1
My condolences to friends and family of Hulk Hogan's whose death has been incorrectly reported on Twitter. #RIPHulkHogan