Something Sour, Something Tweet

I am upset Yoda followed me and then un-followed me? What? Did sentence structure confuse him?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  2h
I see they are casting for a new cast member for "Snake Salvation".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  2h
If you don't believe in climate change but you believe the U,S, Communist Party is going to overthrow the U.S., I bet you didn't vote Obama.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  9h
If the jet streak has permanently shifted, how may we permanently shift it back?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  9h
Dear bigot who fears mixed racial marriages: How's that inbreeding working for you?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  10h
If our universe is designed by mathematical simulations, I fear we may be in the discounted shelf of a greater universal sore.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  10h
NASA explains the donut rock. Homer Simpson now lives on Mars. With Ted Kennedy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
My condolences to fans of Tina Turner whose stroke and death turned out not to be true. You have my deepest sympathies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
It is OK to come out as straight. People  someday won't judge you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
i'm amazed of journalists who claim offense at sex practice humor while defending their own alternate sex practices.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
Those "no big deal Ellen Page came out gay" are indeed a big deal. Hopefully we care about each other regardless of the chandelier we swing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 14
After 40 days of snow, do we  build an ark or a giant sled?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 14
@petridishes But if all women find men then who will take care of all the cats?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
Kansas may legalize the right not to serve gays. Dorothy and friends, you don't want to be in Kansas.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 12
NBC will award a group Gold Medal for Couch Potato Olympic Viewing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
If you think spending $3 billion on lobbyists is not designed to influence legislation, I have a swamp to sell you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
@MonicaHesse Just ordered "Burn" from AmazonUK. FYI, do NOT search "Burn Monica Hesse" on US Amazon.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
@MonicaHesse Putting on my fiberglass sweatsuit to ride my slutty unicorn to buy "Burn". Anyone know where unicorn parking is?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
Guys who overcharge Medicare for penis pumps have very serious self-esteem issues.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
A sonogram can tell the sex of a baby. Wow, even before they are born we can know if they will be straight, gay, or bi?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
@Thefinestbreeze Thank you for the new diet pills spam. That was the highlight of my year so far.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
My plan to smuggle Chobani yogurt in toothpaste tubes has failed. #Sochi #Olympics2014
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
I knew this new Jay guy wouldn't last.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 4
@MonicaHesse Men often knowingly risk their male bits playing sports. Amazing some would not allow women (falsely) to risk their "lady bits.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
I think i'll run for Henry Waxman's seat. It is a shame that absolutely no one is running for it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
It would have been interesting seeing a Super Bowl played in all this snow. "Review of the play: no one can see anything."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
So Mars defeated Chili in that bowl game?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
@MonicaHesse I have been wrong about every character I've written. They come and haunt me in my sleep.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
@MonicaHesse Announce you are going to have a public book BURN. Give 3 copies to people coming to protest the burning of a book.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
Fox Sports blames Broncos loss on Obama.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
The groundhog is wrong 63% of the time. He's a worse predictor than your local weather person.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
New rule: No more people younger than me are allowed to die.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
NBC News has projected that the Seattle Seahawks will win this year's Super Bowl.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
You mean that Bob Dylan ad was real and I didn't dream it?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
The city of the grunge creators beat the city of the legal pot smokers, Got it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
If you have a dependency, please get help. More proof today that it can kill you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
You can't trust scientists. They actually believe a groundhog can't predict the weather.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 1
@thebobbieoliver The 1% know the 99% can take them, so they get the 99% to blame each other within the 99% for being in the 99%."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
Justin Bieber is detained in New Jersey. He is stuck traffic where lanes have been closed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
@jifobivau Hey, Lalagaleo Jifobivau, are you related to Vivian Jifobivau?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
I am strangely impressed by someone who did 8 movies in a row where each went straight to video.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
I learned today if you tell a pollster your candidate for Governor is "Pee Wee Herman" they won't continue with the remaining questions.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
Wow, I really can learn French in 10 days, After 10 days of intensive French studying, I can count to 10. Drat, maybe 9.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
Every "what character you are in a movie" test results in telling me I am one of the background actors.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
I hate Super Bowl XLVIII. I am stuck thinking it is Super Bowl XLVII.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
@petridishes In and Out has a new burger with bacon pieces inside the burger. Would you eat one? Of course not. You'd eat two, three, four..
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
Honesty in Faceboook would be "You would not believe what a waste of time it would be watching this link."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
The problem with frozen sharks is: They are dead. For a movie, we would need: ZOMBIE FROZEN SHARKS!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
Moments after I posted the last tweet, someone already posted an idea for a movie "Sharkicle" Let the creativity flow!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
150 frozen sharks wash ashore. Already at least ten screenwriters are writing screenplays about this.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
The Internet is too depressing to live through yet even more so to quit it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
The bus that hit the owl left skid marks. The bus that hit me did not. (Old joke, I know. But true.)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
@MonicaHesse I see "Stray". It deserve to win. You can't see it in that photo, but mine is being used to keep the bookcase steady.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
"I want to buy a toy": codeword for buying drugs at McDonald's. If you really went there to buy a toy, avoid the new condiment.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
There are 18,000 unsold Super Bowl ti. Imagine that. People in Jersey don't want to pay $2,000 to sit in the cold watching Broncos-Seahawks.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
Hillary 53, Christie 41. Now that must have been one interesting basketball game.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
"Alone Yet Not Alone" is now alone as the only song stripped of its Oscar nomination.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
Joking aside, I hope Justin Bieber receives help. Deporting him won't work: They have recording studios in Canada.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
My "My Shorts Are Showing" debuted in the Top 293,000! Take that those in 293,000 and below.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
WalMart is for Republicans, Costco is for Democrats.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
@petridishes The good news is: Canada will take back Justin Bieber. The bad news is: We have to keep Celine Dion.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
INSTANT GENERIC POLITICAL SPEECH: “Thank you, you fine residents. I am your humble but grateful politician
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
who deserves your support. No one will fight for your causes more than I. I want to join you in your struggles for your issues. It is
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
my desire to lead to way to achievement of our goals while in office. Thank you, and may the religious deity of this audience bless us all."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
Don't you hate the public reactions after every time you threaten to throw a reporter off the balcony?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 90 farting cows, one electric spark...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
My "My Shorts Are Showing" are now showing on http://amazon.com  for all you pervs you want to see my shorts.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
Darth Vader stopped following me. Even the Dark Side doesn't find me funny.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
"It is zero degrees outside? Does that mean there is no temperature outdoors?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
@petridishes You need to make multiple cards so we may play against each other and further divide America.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
Pope Francis is on the cover of "Rolling Stone". He is going to buy five copies for his mother.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
Tonight, every time President Obama says "Bob", everyone has to drink.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
The author of the brilliant song "Walking Down Death Row" has died.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 27
@TheFix I would apply for the job yet your employer discriminates against cats with propellors.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 27
OK, America, you want this Super Bowl thing? OK, first, you got to make Chris Christe President, got it?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 27
@Darth_VaderSW It is an honor to be followed by Darth Vader. All I need now to be complete is an IRS audit.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 27
The more connected the Internet brings us, the more disconnected I realize we all are.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
@LadyGrew I can't find where you are in the audience. #GRAMMYs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
Kanye West just ran on stage to state how good a drummer Pete Best is. #GRAMMYs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
I hope Sir Paul wins a Grammy so he receives enough funds so he doesn't lose his estate. #GRAMMYs #DowntonAbbey
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
I hope Lady Sybil wins a Grammy. #GRAMMYs #Grammys2014 #DowntonAbbey
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
Did Taylor Swift steal the pills from my vest pocket? #Grammys2014 #GRAMMYS #DowntonAbbey
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
I hope Chicago wins a Grammy tonight. #GRAMMYS
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
So I gather Pink has qualified for the Olympics? #GRAMMYS #Pink #DowntonAbbey (no idea why #DowntonAbbey applies here)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
Las Vegas is the leading city for the 2016 GOP Convention. It would be great seeing the party of self-defined morality in Sin City.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
To those in Congress who do not believe in climate change but believe that wind energy would cause temperatures to rise: You is stupid.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 25
To the Oklahoma legislator who wants to ban all marriages to avoid gay marriages: Why not ban all driving to avoid all speeders?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
@petridishes Great script. I laughed. I cried. I peed. I pooped. I tried to cut myself. Police has to taser me. Your script has everything.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
@Jacqulinelguh You saw my photo and thought I was hot? Did you see the photo? What weird fetish are you into?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
Anyone notice how large parts of US, then China, then US lose significant portions of their Internet? No one? Any one?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
@MonicaHesse The owl ate the mouse and the cricket. The End. (Or is that too truthful for children to read?)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
Bitcom initially autocorrected to "sitcom". You can't use sitcoms as currency. They are all worthless.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
There is a Bitcom ATM? May I just invent my own currency and start paying people with it?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
@thebobbieoliver Ignore anything that makes you feel bad. Unless you're a TV network programmer, but then you already know you're worthless.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
@petridishes I bet you are not so impaired that you could bite the head off a bat.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
What? Wendy Davis was married to Jefferson Davis?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
I am a Believer you can get arrested for speeding and driving while under the influence Oh, and for felony property destruction. I Believe!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
@MonicaHesse Congratulations on Best Debutante. No wait, that's not it. Best Debut Nove, that's it.. "Stray" deserves the nod and to win.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
Coed naked yoga: A room full of guys who will never come back for a second class.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
The Captain and Tennille are separating. He blames her for never being promoted to Major.
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