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Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Something Sour, Something Tweet

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Something Sour, Something Tweet



I am upset Yoda followed me and then un-followed me? What? Did sentence structure confuse him?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  2h
I see they are casting for a new cast member for "Snake Salvation".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  2h
If you don't believe in climate change but you believe the U,S, Communist Party is going to overthrow the U.S., I bet you didn't vote Obama.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  9h
If the jet streak has permanently shifted, how may we permanently shift it back?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  9h
Dear bigot who fears mixed racial marriages: How's that inbreeding working for you?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  10h
If our universe is designed by mathematical simulations, I fear we may be in the discounted shelf of a greater universal sore.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  10h
NASA explains the donut rock. Homer Simpson now lives on Mars. With Ted Kennedy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
My condolences to fans of Tina Turner whose stroke and death turned out not to be true. You have my deepest sympathies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
It is OK to come out as straight. People  someday won't judge you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
i'm amazed of journalists who claim offense at sex practice humor while defending their own alternate sex practices.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
Those "no big deal Ellen Page came out gay" are indeed a big deal. Hopefully we care about each other regardless of the chandelier we swing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 14
After 40 days of snow, do we  build an ark or a giant sled?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 14
@petridishes But if all women find men then who will take care of all the cats?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
Kansas may legalize the right not to serve gays. Dorothy and friends, you don't want to be in Kansas.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 12
NBC will award a group Gold Medal for Couch Potato Olympic Viewing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
If you think spending $3 billion on lobbyists is not designed to influence legislation, I have a swamp to sell you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
@MonicaHesse Just ordered "Burn" from AmazonUK. FYI, do NOT search "Burn Monica Hesse" on US Amazon.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
@MonicaHesse Putting on my fiberglass sweatsuit to ride my slutty unicorn to buy "Burn". Anyone know where unicorn parking is?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
Guys who overcharge Medicare for penis pumps have very serious self-esteem issues.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
A sonogram can tell the sex of a baby. Wow, even before they are born we can know if they will be straight, gay, or bi?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
@Thefinestbreeze Thank you for the new diet pills spam. That was the highlight of my year so far.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
My plan to smuggle Chobani yogurt in toothpaste tubes has failed. #Sochi #Olympics2014
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
I knew this new Jay guy wouldn't last.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 4
@MonicaHesse Men often knowingly risk their male bits playing sports. Amazing some would not allow women (falsely) to risk their "lady bits.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
I think i'll run for Henry Waxman's seat. It is a shame that absolutely no one is running for it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
It would have been interesting seeing a Super Bowl played in all this snow. "Review of the play: no one can see anything."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
So Mars defeated Chili in that bowl game?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
@MonicaHesse I have been wrong about every character I've written. They come and haunt me in my sleep.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
@MonicaHesse Announce you are going to have a public book BURN. Give 3 copies to people coming to protest the burning of a book.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
Fox Sports blames Broncos loss on Obama.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
The groundhog is wrong 63% of the time. He's a worse predictor than your local weather person.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
New rule: No more people younger than me are allowed to die.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
NBC News has projected that the Seattle Seahawks will win this year's Super Bowl.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
You mean that Bob Dylan ad was real and I didn't dream it?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
The city of the grunge creators beat the city of the legal pot smokers, Got it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
If you have a dependency, please get help. More proof today that it can kill you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
You can't trust scientists. They actually believe a groundhog can't predict the weather.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 1
@thebobbieoliver The 1% know the 99% can take them, so they get the 99% to blame each other within the 99% for being in the 99%."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
Justin Bieber is detained in New Jersey. He is stuck traffic where lanes have been closed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
@jifobivau Hey, Lalagaleo Jifobivau, are you related to Vivian Jifobivau?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
I am strangely impressed by someone who did 8 movies in a row where each went straight to video.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
I learned today if you tell a pollster your candidate for Governor is "Pee Wee Herman" they won't continue with the remaining questions.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
Wow, I really can learn French in 10 days, After 10 days of intensive French studying, I can count to 10. Drat, maybe 9.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
Every "what character you are in a movie" test results in telling me I am one of the background actors.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
I hate Super Bowl XLVIII. I am stuck thinking it is Super Bowl XLVII.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
@petridishes In and Out has a new burger with bacon pieces inside the burger. Would you eat one? Of course not. You'd eat two, three, four..
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 31
Honesty in Faceboook would be "You would not believe what a waste of time it would be watching this link."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
The problem with frozen sharks is: They are dead. For a movie, we would need: ZOMBIE FROZEN SHARKS!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
Moments after I posted the last tweet, someone already posted an idea for a movie "Sharkicle" Let the creativity flow!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
150 frozen sharks wash ashore. Already at least ten screenwriters are writing screenplays about this.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
The Internet is too depressing to live through yet even more so to quit it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
The bus that hit the owl left skid marks. The bus that hit me did not. (Old joke, I know. But true.)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
@MonicaHesse I see "Stray". It deserve to win. You can't see it in that photo, but mine is being used to keep the bookcase steady.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
"I want to buy a toy": codeword for buying drugs at McDonald's. If you really went there to buy a toy, avoid the new condiment.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
There are 18,000 unsold Super Bowl ti. Imagine that. People in Jersey don't want to pay $2,000 to sit in the cold watching Broncos-Seahawks.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 30
Hillary 53, Christie 41. Now that must have been one interesting basketball game.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
"Alone Yet Not Alone" is now alone as the only song stripped of its Oscar nomination.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
Joking aside, I hope Justin Bieber receives help. Deporting him won't work: They have recording studios in Canada.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
My "My Shorts Are Showing" debuted in the Top 293,000! Take that those in 293,000 and below.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
WalMart is for Republicans, Costco is for Democrats.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
@petridishes The good news is: Canada will take back Justin Bieber. The bad news is: We have to keep Celine Dion.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
INSTANT GENERIC POLITICAL SPEECH: “Thank you, you fine residents. I am your humble but grateful politician
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
who deserves your support. No one will fight for your causes more than I. I want to join you in your struggles for your issues. It is
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
my desire to lead to way to achievement of our goals while in office. Thank you, and may the religious deity of this audience bless us all."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
Don't you hate the public reactions after every time you threaten to throw a reporter off the balcony?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 90 farting cows, one electric spark...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 29
My "My Shorts Are Showing" are now showing on http://amazon.com  for all you pervs you want to see my shorts.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
Darth Vader stopped following me. Even the Dark Side doesn't find me funny.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
"It is zero degrees outside? Does that mean there is no temperature outdoors?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
@petridishes You need to make multiple cards so we may play against each other and further divide America.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
Pope Francis is on the cover of "Rolling Stone". He is going to buy five copies for his mother.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
Tonight, every time President Obama says "Bob", everyone has to drink.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 28
The author of the brilliant song "Walking Down Death Row" has died.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 27
@TheFix I would apply for the job yet your employer discriminates against cats with propellors.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 27
OK, America, you want this Super Bowl thing? OK, first, you got to make Chris Christe President, got it?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 27
@Darth_VaderSW It is an honor to be followed by Darth Vader. All I need now to be complete is an IRS audit.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 27
The more connected the Internet brings us, the more disconnected I realize we all are.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
@LadyGrew I can't find where you are in the audience. #GRAMMYs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
Kanye West just ran on stage to state how good a drummer Pete Best is. #GRAMMYs
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
I hope Sir Paul wins a Grammy so he receives enough funds so he doesn't lose his estate. #GRAMMYs #DowntonAbbey
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
I hope Lady Sybil wins a Grammy. #GRAMMYs #Grammys2014 #DowntonAbbey
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
Did Taylor Swift steal the pills from my vest pocket? #Grammys2014 #GRAMMYS #DowntonAbbey
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10:16 PM - 26 Jan 2014 · Details
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
I hope Chicago wins a Grammy tonight. #GRAMMYS
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
So I gather Pink has qualified for the Olympics? #GRAMMYS #Pink #DowntonAbbey (no idea why #DowntonAbbey applies here)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
Las Vegas is the leading city for the 2016 GOP Convention. It would be great seeing the party of self-defined morality in Sin City.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 26
To those in Congress who do not believe in climate change but believe that wind energy would cause temperatures to rise: You is stupid.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 25
To the Oklahoma legislator who wants to ban all marriages to avoid gay marriages: Why not ban all driving to avoid all speeders?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
@petridishes Great script. I laughed. I cried. I peed. I pooped. I tried to cut myself. Police has to taser me. Your script has everything.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
@Jacqulinelguh You saw my photo and thought I was hot? Did you see the photo? What weird fetish are you into?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
Anyone notice how large parts of US, then China, then US lose significant portions of their Internet? No one? Any one?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
@MonicaHesse The owl ate the mouse and the cricket. The End. (Or is that too truthful for children to read?)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
Bitcom initially autocorrected to "sitcom". You can't use sitcoms as currency. They are all worthless.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
There is a Bitcom ATM? May I just invent my own currency and start paying people with it?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 24
@thebobbieoliver Ignore anything that makes you feel bad. Unless you're a TV network programmer, but then you already know you're worthless.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
@petridishes I bet you are not so impaired that you could bite the head off a bat.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
What? Wendy Davis was married to Jefferson Davis?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
I am a Believer you can get arrested for speeding and driving while under the influence Oh, and for felony property destruction. I Believe!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
@MonicaHesse Congratulations on Best Debutante. No wait, that's not it. Best Debut Nove, that's it.. "Stray" deserves the nod and to win.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
Coed naked yoga: A room full of guys who will never come back for a second class.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jan 23
The Captain and Tennille are separating. He blames her for never being promoted to Major.
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