Maybe if Santa Lost Weight, Maine Would Leave Him Alone

The Surgeon General states he wants Santa Clause to lose weight. The White House determined it would be easier to have the Surgeon General issue this recommendation that it would be to explain to the President that Santa doesn’t exist.

Maine state officials are trying to ban the sale in Maine of Santa’s Butt Beer, claiming the beer appeals to underage buyers. I don’t know, I am sure the finest New England country clubs have Santa’s Butt Beer on their wine and spirits lists.

This time of year has got to be hard on Bin Laden. I just visualize him in a cave, sending out Christmas card lists, and shouting out to aides “does Rosenthal get a Christmas card or a Hanukkah card?”

I saw a toy for sale that had a tag that reads “Made in China. If this product is defective, please call our toll free line and we’ll have the plant manager immediately executed.”

I noticed at several restaurants that the wait server takes the order and then someone from the kitchen actually delivers the food. At the end of the meal, the wait server gets the tip. Yet, I am thinking, what did the wait server really do? The person in the kitchen did all the hard work. Shouldn’t the tip go to that person? In sum, does the tip go to the person who spits on your back or to the person who spits into your food?