Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Maybe Yellow Submarines Can Protect Our Borders

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Maybe Yellow Submarines Can Protect Our Borders

The good news is: this is not a spam bulletin offering you free ringtones, breast enhancement, or a home mortgage. Which makes me think America is full of homeless people insecure with their bodies who spend too much time on the telephone. I have to confess: I am 50 years old. I am not certain if I even know what a ringtone is. I don’t even own a cell phone, nor do I want one. Trust me, the harder it is for people to interrupt my phone with their insane yacking, the better. Why people spend top dollar to purposely subject themselves to tirades from friends who will explain problems in detail over which you can be of no assistance is beyond me.

So, if you were hoping this would give you a free ringtone: sorry.

Yet, I will give you my thoughts on immigration. I am of Welsh (among other ancestries) descent. My ancestors were traders who moved to Block Island and peacefully traded with the American natives. It is a little known fact in the British century history that we pass down that the Welsh were in America before the British came and ruined things with their settlement in Plymouth Rock. The Brits ended up slaughtering the natives, brought diseases to the continent, and were really oppressive with their religion even as they were escaping religious persecution.

We Welsh should have stopped immigration in 1619. That was probably a huge mistake that we did not do so.

Yet, seriously, it has been our long history that every generation comes to America for opportunity and then immediately wants the doors shut behind them so no one else can come in. To me, it is sad that most of our ancestors came to America to escape oppression, political and/or economic, and yet we don’t have the same consideration for others who might also want to come to the United States to improve their lives.

OK, so I have now revised my earlier opinion: no Brits allowed entrance, except the Beatles, Monty Python, and maybe Beckham. Let’s see if he can still play.

Speaking of ancestors, I have only one famous ancestor: my great great great great great uncle sailed in the first submarine in the American Revolution. To show you how little history they teach today, I once mentioned this fact when an intern then asked “did you ever get to meet him?” Yes, the American Revolution happened during my childhood. What did happen during my childhood was the British Invasion when the Beatles, Rolling Stones, and other British groups came to America. So, I gathered we Americans and the Brits have patched things up. I do fear, though, that interns believe that the first submarine was a yellow submarine designed to fight the blue meanies.


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