He's a conservative lumberjack and he's OK

I received a most unusual letter. It asked if I wish to sell any timber on my land. Now, I live in the center of a city. I don’t even have grass, much less timber. Maybe I should write them and tell them to come on over and cut all the trees they want from my property.

I don’t know why we liberal-types support gay rights, since it turns out that it would be primarily conservative-types that would benefit. All you people sending money to evangelists or Republican Senators, quit it. You really want to help them? Supporting gay rights instead is the best thing you can do to help them.

By the way, since we liberal-types are being asked why we hate America, I always try to explain: we don’t hate all America. We just think parts of northern Alaska are a little too cold for summer vacation. From that, there has developed all this misunderstanding…