This Just In: Franco is Dead (Repeat Tomorrow)

News writers are threatening to go on strike. Network executives are unfazed by these threats, stating they will instead air reruns of the news.

I saw a father look down at his son and say “I see a bit of myself in you” and the boy looked back up and replied “is that a good or bad?”

I have learned that one way to tell things about a date is how she treats wait servers. I admire people willing to work so hard with the ability to be pleasant to others for hourly wages and tips. That is a demanding job. If your date abuses wait servers, that is a serious warning sign. Yet, I recently discovered another strong warning sign: if your date gets jealous over your wait server, you may be dating a potential psychotic. If your date starts overhearing the wait server tell the next couple they made an excellent suggestion and complains “what, wasn’t my choice just as good?” and starts wondering on why the server is smiling at other tables and not just at her, my advice: make a notice of this, and then run.


If eternity could be one moment,
I’d have this moment frozen in time,
If I could be with you forever,
This is what I would always keep.

Of course, when I wrote the above, it turns out my clothing was entangled in my blender and it was shooting out food all over the room.