Gilmore in the Dumps, Seat Dumped, and Taking a Dump

I didn’t make it as a stand-up comic. My manager kept telling me, with the funny face I have, I could go onstage, take a dump, and people would pay to see me. So, I tried that. People wanted their money back.

I was amazed to see a bicycle race going by my place. True story: someone’s bike seat fell off. Now, I bet that was someone who ended up having a bad day.

Jim Gilmore became the first Presidential candidate to withdraw from the race. To show you had bad his campaign was going, the first question he got from the press was “you were running for President?” The second sign that his campaign was going poorly: you’re reading this asking yourself “who is Jim Gilmore