Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny: Please Refrain from Exploding a Bomb in this Theater

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)? This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Please Refrain from Exploding a Bomb in this Theater

Why do they ask people to “please refrain from smoking” or “please refrain from talking”? What if you can’t refrain? At least you tried. “Sorry I talked all during the movie in this theater, but I did try to refrain from it. After all, they did say “please”’.

President Bush states that you can’t enjoy your freedom if you can’t read English. See, that’s the problem: if only terrorists could read English, then they could enjoy freedom. Which doesn't sense, as the September 11 terrorists could read English. Maybe they didn’t read enough. You know, I wonder if George Bush reads enough. Maybe George Bush is a terrorist.

It has been reported that the CIA has been hiring temporary employees. It seems most agents can read only English, so while they can enjoy freedom, they can’t spy on other countries that don’t speak English, which as George Bush will tell you, is a lot of countries out there not speaking English. Can you imagine the CIA hiring temps? One can apply for a job at a temp agency and the next thing you know you’re being parachuted into a foreign country to take photographs. Then, the following day the agency gets you a job changing linens in a motel.

I for one do not believe any of the conspiracy theories that President Bush knew in advance about September 11. In fact, I am certain records will show him stating “OK, now if today is the 10th, what day will it then be tomorrow?”

I wonder what humor is like in terrorist camps? Somehow I imagine them sitting around saying that “he was so stupid, he tried to hijack an Allegheny Airlines plane. The plane crashed before he could hijack it.”

I notice with travel that people put orange ribbons on their luggage to make their bags stand out. I can easily tell which bags are mine: they are the only ones without orange ribbons.


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